Chronicle of Nautilus

Chronicle of Nautilus

58.7K Reads 2.8K Votes 50 Part Story
m4nkind By m4nkind Completed

Nautilus was the last and the largest spaceship to leave dying Solar system. When mysterious terrorist starts wrecking havoc aboard, it is up for the first citizen and the head of security, Tom Landau, to untangle a web of lies and eliminate the threat. 

In time he learns, that a mission to colonize a distant planet and establish a point for further expansion has other, more sinister, objectives.

  • alien
  • betrayal
  • brainwash
  • future
  • genetics
  • journey
  • light
  • mental
  • planet
  • sciencefiction
  • sinister
  • space
  • spaceship
  • speed
  • suspense
  • technocracy
  • threat
  • time
  • travel
  • twist
- - Nov 24, 2014
... (continued from previous comment)... with hardly a flow of the story across each line. 
                              
                              I find the plot intriguing and am eager to explore this story.
- - Nov 24, 2014
It took me a while to finish reading this chapter. Instead of reading words I usually see the stories and their chapters being transformed into images. Not this time tough. For me  it seems as if each line represents a bullet line in a presentation, with hardly a flow
Icewolv Icewolv Nov 08, 2014
Just a small typo I believe, but did you mean "crossing his hands on his chest."? Or am I misinterpreting the sentence...?
JarredLannister JarredLannister Jul 02, 2014
Also, there are parts where you can show instead of tell to create drama and enhance the reader's experience. Hope I was helpful
JarredLannister JarredLannister Jul 02, 2014
The first lines aren't hooking, but for a patient reader, this is a good read. There are some dialogues where speak tags are lacking, and I was a bit confused. When you continue someone's speech in another paragraph, use an opening quotation mark.
TelferRose TelferRose May 28, 2014
love it. Exciting start, looking forward to reading more! Good job.