Ran Shaipur

Ran Shaipur

3.4K Reads 874 Votes 77 Part Story
Theresa Ryder By tlryder Updated Apr 30

When a near-death experience convinces Ran that it is his destiny to be savior of his planet, he's determined to get the other warlords to fall in line.  Just as he starts to get the fractious warlords under control, the General Union Space Corp comes calling. It's uncertain what they want from this forgotten colonial planet on the edge of colonized space. With a galactic-sized threat hanging over his head, Ran is going to need all the help he can get to keep Dobruja safe from enemies foreign and domestic.

Highest Rank to Date: #76

  • action
  • action-adventure
  • adventure
  • colonization
  • politics
  • sciencefiction
  • scifi-fantasy
  • scifi-romance
  • spaceopera
Hmm. Good with a gun and a machete. Hope we get to see some heads roll.
Hmm. Maybe change 'guys' to 'those?' 'Guys' reads as a bit too informal to me.
I like the hint at the end but I feel like the guy we just met is putting pieces together far too quickly for the story pacing to handle. We, the reader know from the prologue what his goals are so maybe hold off on that until we see all the key players first.
Maybe try single commas or ateriks if it's a different form of communication. It's more common and easy for people to recognise online. Maybe even italics could help.