LUNA (EDITING)

LUNA (EDITING)

1.1K Reads 67 Votes 17 Part Story
Jayden By _One_StrayHuman Updated Aug 12

"Chase!" Hannah called.
          
          "You know what I hate more than anything?" My voice was tinged with bitterness and spite. "When people tell me 'sorry', et cetera." My voice raised as I continued. "I'm sorry for your sister. Sorry about your mother," I said, mockingly. "You haven't done anything. And if you had, you wouldn't be able to change anything..."
        
          "...Okay"
        
          "And for future reference, don't ever talk to me about Luna. Ever."
        
        
        Two months ago, Luna Erotes Harper, a 14 years old girl, died. Her legacy lives on amongst her brother (Chase), father and her half-sister (Hannah). Hannah and Chase never truly got on, especially now after Luna's death. One day, when Hannah receives a necklace,  they have to suck up their hate for each other. Otherwise, their fate would be no better than Luna's.
        
        'Life is only at its worst when you succumb to it'.

You asked me to critique it so I thought I'd give it a go. Yeah, it's a great story so far, man. It builds suspense. If I may, perhaps in some particular situations to jump from one topic to the next with only brief description but, that's only minor. Really good so far.