Desire

Desire

803 Reads 17 Votes 6 Part Story
metal_mercies By metal_mercies Updated Apr 12, 2012

To be reborn, born into something else, a new skin; shedding away your old worn outer shell for a new sleek one. Such is the desire of your life: always seeking better, never happy with what you have, always without.

  • animal
  • bret
  • cellar
  • darkness
  • desire
  • easton
  • ellis
  • instincts
  • king
  • murder
  • short
  • stephen
  • story
  • thriller
metal_mercies metal_mercies Mar 15, 2012
@SomeGirl I'm glad you noticed that, Bret Easton Ellis is probably one of my favorite authors. I definitely agree that some of his style has seeped into mine. Thanks for reading, I appreciate your input!
Trisha16087 Trisha16087 Mar 14, 2012
This is AMAZING! I love the descriptions, and the fact that it's a little creepy. You have great vocab and stupendous grammar and spelling. I love the creepiness! Voted!!!
FriedaWrites FriedaWrites Mar 14, 2012
Amazingly descriptive! Rather spooky and dark undertone, really added to the mood! I was captivated throughout most of the piece. you have great wide range of vocabulary and good spelling/grammar. well done! Voted.
JustOnEmOrEgRl JustOnEmOrEgRl Mar 14, 2012
- I think you are missing a space here "Not yet, atleast."
                              - Really descriptive. Your main character has a very strong presence. At first I thought you were writing in the second person point of view, but the I realized the character was actually "talking" to someone else. Dark, but I liked it :)
Mit-Liebe Mit-Liebe Mar 14, 2012
Your writing is very descriptive and well done.  You had a nice hook and made keep reading on.  Good job, 2nd person POV, that's hard to pull off.
chillpenguin98 chillpenguin98 Mar 14, 2012
Oh my goodness! I really enjoyed your sensory details and your writing is totally eerie, which is awesome for this kind of story! Hmm, no errors that I've spotted. I would just use less "I" even thoguh it is in first person, but with your writing you can do so much!