Freelander - Celestial Children Trilogy Book 1 (Rewrite + Rough Draft)

38 Part Story 804K Reads 6.9K Votes
Queen of the Gummy Bears By Prisim Completed
Abby Freelander was insane. After all, it's not normal for animals to talk. However, that’s exactly what happens when a stray dog warns her to flee a harmless-looking fog. From animal telepathy to meeting the eccentric and gummy-bear obsessed Josh Ewah, Abby starts to realize there’s more to her life than she thought.
    Hunted by a shape shifting mad-man named Khail and guided by the mysteries surrounding the Ewah family, Abby is drawn into a world beyond her wildest imagination. She must come to grips with her new reality before it’s too late.
    Being insane would have been a lot less complicated.
If it was, in fact, an army we would exterminate them at the first sign of aggression. If they were just people with extraordinary abilities then the government would probably try to exploit them to the fullest extent possible.
omg that was so good never stop writing because I believe u have true talent.
Didn't finish the chapter yet, but I had to write a comment. This re_write is way better than the original. The original felt a little bit slow and boring and a lot of reading had to be done to get to the point, but the new one cuts a lot of things short.
I must say, this rewrite is far better than your original, good work! you were able to remove a lot of extraneous things that may have made the story progress slower in your original.  Not adding all that extra stuff you want to cram in there is a hard habit to get into, I commend your effort!
@JannaPervaiz Meant LOL, never heard of those cars. Sorry, stupid typos
It is really actually worth publishing!
                                    It starts off a little slow though,  and a reader could skim over some of the parts 
                                    BUT this is an ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC improvement from the first draft! 
                                    Someday you'll get to publish this.... bet you on it!