Don't Look Down

Don't Look Down

2 Part Story 77 Reads 8 Votes
Megan Christine By MeganChristine1 Updated Mar 04, 2012

Trey Is My Bestfriend And I Would Do Anything For Him. Even Go To Florida To Meet His Parents For The Whole Summer. While We're There, We Come Across An Adventure That Could Save The World. We Could Help Stop Sir Hamelton From Blowing Up Earth. But, It's Not Easy, Nor Is It A Short Trip. We Could Get Hurt Or Even Worse, Die.

@ObsessiveBookworm No offense, Or Anything. Please Don't Hate Me. By The Way, No One Else Seems To Find It Distracting.
@Xo_night-angel_oX Oh, Okay! Thanks for the feedback! I hope you can keep reading!
flightless95 flightless95 Mar 07, 2012 05:26PM
@MeganChristine1 Like when you said 'but, let's get back to the crash.' Just little things like that.  Try using other types of 'diversions' to keep the flow of the story.
flightless95 flightless95 Mar 07, 2012 04:32PM
So I liked this chapter *voted* but there is one thing that is a bit sketchy for me. The technique you use for flowing needs a little tweeking, but other than that, good job!
@angel-kiss I'm on my dads work computer and he doesnt have the new adobe thing, so it only lets me write in this font. Ahaa. And, ok for the grammar. And, I'll fix that as soon as I can!
JaimeNC JaimeNC Mar 02, 2012 11:16PM
Hmmm, interesting first chapter. You kept me interested and feeling sorry for how her family was. Just a little pet peeve that's nagging at me "ok" should either be "OK" or "okay" sorry :p But other than the minor grammatical things I think your story and writing style have good potential C: