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The Swimmer

The Swimmer

2.5K Reads 26 Votes 9 Part Story
Adeline15 By Adeline15 Updated May 14, 2011

Luna was perfectly fine in her little world all alone. What she was not ready for was falling in love with a hot guy from swim team in less then 24 hours her best friend announcing she was going to have a baby with the biggest jerk in town and Oh yeah someone is out to kill her and she has no clue who. Can Luna really survive all this? Or will she come crashing down.

bunbabestyles bunbabestyles Sep 02, 2012
I think it's a good story idea, I just wanted to ask, since I'm a swimmer, is swim TEAM like swim practice (competivie swimming) or swim lessons? And if it is competitive, why no cap?
ColorfulQuirks ColorfulQuirks Apr 14, 2011
Some grammar mistakes. Also, you should break up the paragraphs. It's easier to read that way. But otherwise, I think you have a good story on your hands here, so good luck. (:
karlamaye karlamaye Apr 14, 2011
this is good.  you need more practice with your grammar, though. But! You can always learn it. So goodluck! 
Adeline15 Adeline15 Mar 02, 2011
Yeah sorry I was going to make it "Luna" but changed it and tried to fix it but must hav missed a few things! Thanxs for commenting! Will vote 4 u!!
KelleBelle13 KelleBelle13 Mar 01, 2011
I think that this has a good story line.
                              It would help to break it up into separate paragraphs however. It's much easier to read that way.
                              It's a bit confusing how you change from third person "Luna" to first person "I".
                              But the plot seems promising. Keep it up! :)
Adeline15 Adeline15 Feb 28, 2011
@Bloodynewmoon @lucky97 Again until Chapter 4 I had no clue how to fix things lol. I will be more careful with future chapters of this book and others!