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Luna Brown- Ignored, Forgotten

Luna Brown- Ignored, Forgotten

3.3K Reads 195 Votes 7 Part Story
Alexis Worthing By EllieTyler562 Updated Jun 09, 2013

Luna Brown has been treated like an outcast by her parents for her whole life. Now they're gone and she is plunged into a world she never dared to dream about. Can her life become perfect? Or is that just too much to hope for?

EllieTyler562 EllieTyler562 Jun 27, 2013
@Dear_You_ Thank you for your advice. I'll change vile, and I'll think about whether I should change it. As for emotions, can you give me some suggestions?
Next_JK_Rowling Next_JK_Rowling Jun 17, 2013
The hook is very intriguing and your sentences are fairly complex. I really enjoyed the intensity of the situation and the matching tone. You paced things very well and I feel like I have a good understanding of what I can expect from the rest of the story.
EllieTyler562 EllieTyler562 Jun 15, 2013
@Know_Thyself Thank you! I'll definitely change the first one, and I'll have a think about how I'll change the second one.
Hopemore Hopemore Jun 14, 2013
This was so touching. I loved the detail and the heartbreaking scene. It well written and interesting and definitely holds my attention.I don't have anything to critique. Very well done:)
iheartcheese iheartcheese Jun 27, 2012
So far it started quite well, your sentences are a bit run-on but other than that I have nothing else to comment on. =)
h8lyfeee h8lyfeee Jun 27, 2012
I can't really comment much yet cause it's still the prologue and nothing much happened yet, but it was a nice chapter. Moving on~