Luna Brown has been treated like an outcast by her parents for her whole life. Now they're gone and she is plunged into a world she never dared to dream about. Can her life become perfect? Or is that just too much to hope for?
@Dear_You_ Thank you for your advice. I'll change vile, and I'll think about whether I should change it. As for emotions, can you give me some suggestions?
The hook is very intriguing and your sentences are fairly complex. I really enjoyed the intensity of the situation and the matching tone. You paced things very well and I feel like I have a good understanding of what I can expect from the rest of the story.
@Know_Thyself Thank you! I'll definitely change the first one, and I'll have a think about how I'll change the second one.
This was so touching. I loved the detail and the heartbreaking scene. It well written and interesting and definitely holds my attention.I don't have anything to critique. Very well done:)
So far it started quite well, your sentences are a bit run-on but other than that I have nothing else to comment on. =)
I can't really comment much yet cause it's still the prologue and nothing much happened yet, but it was a nice chapter. Moving on~