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The shadow of death

The shadow of death

114 Reads 4 Votes 1 Part Story
seg1234 By seg1234 Updated Jan 25, 2011

The shadow of death is about when a girl is celebrating the new year with her family in london there watching the firework display and all goes well untill she gets on the bus to go home...

BelleBurns BelleBurns Feb 27, 2011
I'm not really a fan of horror stories, though may take your story as an exception. *Voted*
purplegirl14 purplegirl14 Feb 21, 2011
Once again, very original idea! There are the same issues as your other story, and this one was a little confusing. I would proofread then go back and edit. Good job though!
cupcakevampire cupcakevampire Feb 17, 2011
I really like the whole story line, but it's a bit confusing..You should get more into detail (:
vantablack vantablack Feb 17, 2011
You should definitely be more descriptive here, because this could turn out to be a really, REALLY good story.
                              You also need to do some proofreading, there are spelling and grammar errors that you need to go in and fix.
WhatSheLivesFor WhatSheLivesFor Jan 28, 2011
It's a bit confusing in the beginning since I don't know why they're there, but I like that it's original and I would like for you to keep going since I wanna know more the purpose of this story! Anyway great start to keep us curious! :)
lj-allstar20 lj-allstar20 Jan 28, 2011
pretty good so far but it is a lil confuseing on the bus part and the parents crying but other than that i liked it