*T/W SUICIDE, please don't read if this will upset you or trigger you in any way! Just to remind that this is a made up story and you are safe and you are okay. Drink plenty of water and take time to yourself today :)*
I just kept going. All the time. I never stopped more than one night in the places I visited. Spending my first night in Tommy's exile camp, knowing that would be the last place everyone would come to look for me. The day after I sneaked my way through town to the badlands. Bad welcomed me happily as the news of recent events hadn't reached him yet. However, once I told him everything that occurred his tone quickly changed with me. He left me alone for a few hours saying he had to go and do some business but I knew he was going to discuss everything with Skeppy, Ant and Sam. Upon his return, he informed me that he wouldn't give me up to L'manburg because he cared about me but that I could only stay one night. I had done awful things and Bad didn't condone it, neither did the others. I understood. I left before they all woke up the next morning, the conversation we had before we went to sleep ringing through my ears.
"He was just a boy Dream..." Bad politely reminded me, a soft hand on my shoulder in comfort as the guilt washed over me.
"I know... I know. I did a terrible thing Bad and I can't fix it. I wish I could I really do but there's no way."
"You know you can turn yourself in." I shook my head.
"Something happened to me Bad, I don't know what it is but it's still happening. It's like I'm not me anymore, I'm not Dream, I'm... I'm nightmare."
"You're who?" He questioned, clearly puzzled.
"Nightmare. It's a dark side of me and it's taking over, I called him nightmare because he is a thing my nightmares would consist of. A hatred filled, angry and greedy guy. Unstoppable."
"He's not unstoppable if you fight him Dream. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." His words reassured me despite them being untrue.
"He will always win. You don't understand. He's too powerful for me." I looked down at my hands as they trembled. Bad's grip on my shoulder tightening. "There's only one way for me to defeat him..." He seemed to understand what I was hinting at, keeping silent. "I need to speak to George, tell him I'm sorry and I love him before I go, but I'm running out of time."
"Time?"
"Yes. He was so close to becoming the dominant force taking over my body and I'm afraid I don't have enough time left before that happens again and I lose myself. I'll be trapped. I'll be gone and it will just be him. George needs to know I love him before I leave, Bad. He has to know this wasn't me and I tried so hard." He nodded.
"He knows you love him." His voice a mere whisper but consoling all the same. The conversation died away after that, Bad leaving me to rest.
The next week and a half I spent navigating my way through the lands around L'manburg, close enough not to get lost but far away enough that they wouldn't find me. Each night I moved. It was exhausting but I couldn't go back yet and face what I had done. I knew the only person I was going to see was George.
Each day I thought about what I would say to him, my dreams at night were filled with soft touches from his hands and forgiving words from his mouth. I only hoped when I finally did come face to face with him that my dreams would stand a reality and he would forgive me after I explained.
The morning was bright and stung my tired eyes as I woke up, the tree's surrounding providing no shelter from the rays. I stretched out in the makeshift bed and sighed deeply. Once I decided to get up, I packed all my stuff quickly, knowing I had to continue moving and leave no trace of my presence.
After grabbing my axe and slipping it through the improvised holder I had wrapped around my waist to my shoulder, I held up my shield in front of me and prepared to move. Looking around I could make out the area from which I came from the morning before and was about to head in the opposite direction, in attempt to avoid going back to areas I had previously visited. But before I could even move my feet, I heard something in the distance. Crouching quickly behind a tree I peered round. I could make out some figures in the void of fields. Upon focusing my eyes, I noted that the figure in the front was Karl, holding a sword sloppily and skipping along, picking up flowers and showing them to the others. Behind him Sapnap followed, geared up in netherite armour and smiling at his partner. Next to Sapnap, Hbomb and Ponk sluggishly walked in sync while their eyes scoured the area. Hbomb halted mid step and the others halted a moment after, attempting to figure out what Hbomb was looking at, Karl still holding the flowers he had previously picked. Before I knew it Ponk was pointing directly in my direction and a wave of fear came over me. I hid quickly, my back pressed roughly against the tree. Once I controlled my breathing and turned back around, they were all slowly heading my way, eyes darting around in caution, each branding their weapons defensively while Karl fell behind slightly. I knew he was only there because Sapnap was as he was in no way a fighter.
You can kill them all, you know you're better than them. Easy.
No. Just run, don't hurt them more than you already have.
They're getting closer, just fight.
I don't want to fight.
I thought through my options before realising I had left my bed out in the open and that's what they spotted. They hadn't necessarily seen me which gave me time. I started running, darting through the tree's in any direction. I didn't stop to see if they had noticed my running or if they were following, I just kept running. I didn't want to hurt anyone else.
My legs eventually got tired and when I turned, they were nowhere to be seen, an feeling of uncertainty still loomed. I thought of where I could hide out and immediately thought of Tommy's exile camp.
I headed towards the community house, no one went there anymore so it would be safe to cross and get into the nether. Continuing to run to get to my destination, the tiredness in my legs ceased at the thought that I just wanted to be safe and away from here. Eventually I saw it in the distance and my running slowed to a slight creep, I had to be quiet and careful in case anyone was there. Luckily no one was, they were probably all at L'manburg and the group I encountered will have been heading back to tell everyone what they found. I quickly pushed through the exit of the community house, stopping for only a slight second to take in the presence of what was once our house.
I missed living here, with you.
The top of the portal was peaking out from above me and made my way up the stairs I had created many years ago. Taking one quick glance across the land around me before entering, just to make sure no one had saw me. The purple swirls and sparkles darted around me and the land in front phased before turning red. I turned hastily and stated making my way down the paths towards the exile camp. Maybe I should turn back and just speak to everyone? If I just explained to them all they would forgive me, wouldn't they? I'm sure they would. Or maybe they would punish me for my crimes, which I would understand too. I'm the bad guy now, not them.
Before I could continue my thought, I bumped into a wall, but the wall stumbled. Puzzled, I looked up from my feet and realised the wall was in fact not a wall. It was Tommy. My whole body froze, half expecting him to start swinging and screaming at me, half expecting Punz to appear from a corner and attack me but nothing happened. Nothing but a small glance to me out of the corner of his eye and a sigh. We stayed silent for a few moments, unsure of what to say. Looking around before speaking I noticed where he was, standing awkwardly at the start of some wooden path he had made out into the lava.
"Tommy... what are you doing?" I questioned taking a step towards him. He put his hand out to tell me to stop approaching as his feet took him a few steps further out.
"Don't," his voice a low whisper, I could hear the utter pain he was harbouring.
"Tommy, I can explain everything." I continued. He didn't turn to look at me. "You can shout at me, you can hit me, anything. Just come over here." I held out my hand to him with a genuine look of concern plastering itself across my face.
"I don't want to be angry anymore..." He sighed, a tear slowly falling from his eye, down his face and onto the front of his shoe as he reached the edge.
"Tommy, it's not your time to die." my legs taking a step closer to him. He looked up at me, tears now flowing down his red cheeks.
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time I always said." He muttered. A silence overcame us once again, I didn't want to take more steps and scare him into rushing something stupid but I also had no idea what to say to comfort him.
"Tommy. He wouldn't want you to do this." I said sternly. He smiled, a chuckle escaping his mouth before it formed into a loud bellowing laugh.
"What do you know about him Dream? You took everything from us. You took my Tubbo."
"Tommy I am so sorry; I can explain everything. It wasn't me." That earned me more laughs.
"It wasn't you? I must have been imagining things then." Once again silence surrounded us expect from his laughing. Eventually, he calmed down and stopped, looking at me once more.
"Where is my Tubbo?..." His voice barely a whisper. "I've searched for him everywhere Dream. Where is he? I need Tubbo. It was always me and him." He held his head in his hands for a few seconds before peering over his shoulder. "Maybe it was me who was always fucking up." He flashed me a sympathetic smile as if he was apologising for everything he had done.
"Tommy this is my fault, not yours..."
"It's you I welcome death with."
He wasn't talking to me anymore.
"As the world caves in."
With those words Tommy took a step back, his feet dangling over the edge as he faced me. Eyes piercing into mine. I ran forward, stretching my arms out to reach him.
"Tommy!" Someone screamed behind me. I went as quick as I could as Tommy's body leaned backwards. Everything happened in slow motion as the distance between me and him seemed to get larger and larger, his body fell gracefully. I reached the edge and looked down screaming his name while holding my hand out but he was too far. His eyes closed as his arms spread out as if waiting for a hug, a soft smile forming across his face. Just before he hit the lava the ghost of Tubbo appeared, holding onto Tommy's body in a tight embrace as Tommy's arms wrapped around him.
"I'm right here Tommy, I'm right here."
TommyInnit went up in flames.
My mouth hung open as I froze, watching the boys disappear into the molten below me. Philza rushed over, pushing me out of the way and leaning over the edge, belting out Tommy's name in pure agony. Before I could utter even a letter out of my mouth or move, Techno grabbed my arm and dragged me back onto the main path, pushing me down and holding a sword to my throat. His body was quivering in pure anger and violent rage. "You did this!" He screamed, pushing the sword down onto my bare skin. I winced in pain, but still ready for my fate. Loud sobs could be heard coming from Philza which seemed to snap Techno out of his attack as he rushed over to comfort him. I felt like my legs couldn't move but I forced them too, picking myself off the ground while stumbling slightly before running away. I just kept running once again, like I had been the weeks and days prior. This was all my fault. They were both just boys and I did killed them both.
It's all my fault.
It's all my fault.
It's all my fault.
Run away and never come back.