I coughed a little to try and change the subject. We were too shaken to start meditating anyway.
"So, how's the league going? You might need to play against the Shell again. The match wasn't over when the police barged in last Friday."
"Yes, we shall repeat the match. Will you come?" he asked with renewed interest in our conversation.
When I nodded, he smiled one of his lovely smiles again. I wished I could glue it to his face so it could never fade away.
"I hope the police don't come again this Friday, but it's all wishful thinking, I guess," he added.
"How so? You expect them to come again?" I asked frowning.
"Don't you know?" he asked frowning back at me. "There's been massive questionings. The police have been receiving tips from all over the city. Many traditional humans have turned against their neighbours, friends, co-workers, even family members. The police have interrogated and tortured many suspects these last few days. All of them innocent people, of course."
I was horrified by the news.
"Nobody has told on us – yet. The new portable devices you told Agape about are next-gen nanochip scanners. They're using them to get to us before the additional check-up. They've been using them on innocent people, but the clones are a bunch of sadists who've kept on torturing them nevertheless, even after checking they're innocent. They're using drugs even. Drugs that damage a person's brain permanently. Bastards!" he exclaimed with clenched fists. "There have also been many general beatings in the factories in the Tsu Community neighbourhood, and they're also checking whether there might be traitors in schools and high schools among children and teens."
"Can't they just wait for all of us to pass the additional check-up?" I asked getting paler and paler at that horrid tale.
"They're sadists, Daphne. Or they want to trigger us, to make us rush into a decision that might compromise us. And if they don't find us during the check-ups, expect something worse than what they've been doing these last few days. God knows what they might come up with."
His jaw was clenched like never before. It felt as if he would love to go on a clone-killing spree right then.
"But now it's not time to dwell on this. As you say, we'll cross that bridge when we get there." And then, he smiled at me warmly to go on: "Agape will think of something. Or you might. She's fascinated with your brilliant idea. She's been working non-stop on those mosquitoes."
His lovely chocolate-brown eyes threatened to melt my heart right then. They were casting all his hope on me.
"If we survive the android crisis, it shall be thanks to both of you," he added with pride. "You're both two of a kind."
The admiration in his eyes was second to nothing I had ever seen before. He was staring deeply into my eyes when he had said that, with a high level of devotion only matched by the kids' adorable staring at his hockey idol. My whole body was warming on account of that, especially my cheeks.
He was amazed at both Agape and me due to our talents, and I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't regretting having met me through that peephole by accident and hacking my nanochip as an emergency and hurried course of action.
"The rest of us rebels have got a more action-like kind of frame of mind," he added with a nice, confident smile while stuffing his hands in his black jeans' pockets as if he didn't know what to do with them. "None of us would've come up with that idea you had. It might mean the difference between winning or losing this war. It's admirable."
Did he value me more than his colleagues? Was I a feather in his cap? He was looking at me as if such was the case, with his eyes playing hide and seek every now and then behind that rebel fringe I loved. That was why I blushed. It shone in mesmerising, dark amber hues under the light whenever he moved.
From an ignorant, dirt-poor girl from Thalis' slum to the person Siegfried Thor admired the most. I couldn't believe it.
"You really think so?" I asked him whispering.
"Of course! Then, we will be able to proceed with Agape's plans to dethrone these genome-messing tyrants," he added with satisfaction.
That made me frown.
I had become an enabler. Even though I didn't approve of the rebels' ethos and means, I was sparing them from getting caught and killed so that they could proceed with their plans. On the one hand, I was glad to save their lives. On the other hand, I didn't feel good about it for as long as they gladly went on with their killing spree. I should've foreseen that, but would I have let the clones kill us all just because of my uneasiness about this issue?
"Siegfried, I can't come to terms with the fact that you want to murder as many clones as you can," I admitted, feeling uncomfortable. "I know they've acted in despicable ways, but haven't you ever considered a different outcome to this conflict? Why so much violence?"
And why was he prone to committing murder like that? Had something happened to him?
"Daphne, don't be naive," he replied softly, but not meaning any harm. I could tell by the sad look in his eyes. "What do you want me to answer? That I do believe in some utopian course of action? Of course not. Do you want me to try and convince them to be nice to us traditional humans? It wouldn't work."
"I know what you mean, but..." I sighed. "You don't believe there might be a peaceful way of dethroning the clones, do you? If there was one, would you consider it?" I knew I was pushing it.
"There isn't one," he replied seriously. "There can't be one. It's impossible. You should be grateful that Agape is willing to spare Eros and his mother on account of your attachment to them."
He was right, but I didn't like his serious tone of voice.
"Look, neither of them has committed any crime," I explained calmly. "They haven't received any transplant. They haven't treated any traditional human inhumanely. The others have – not them. Why can't you admit that they're good people even though they're clones?"
He got extremely tense after I had uttered those words. His eyes became feral on mine. Did I promise myself I wouldn't make him mad? Well, too bad.
"Your mission is getting too personal. I don't like it one bit," he whispered darkly then. It was threatening as much as he was also displaying his concern for my well-being.
Speaking of personal. His hatred against clones seemed personal.
"Nothing bad's gonna happen, Siegfried. Trust me," I replied calmly. "He's a good person."
"His nanochip is normal! Don't you get it?!" he insisted yelling at me. I hated that. "You're planning to see him often so that you can sneak into his father's office. How long do you think you can keep up this good-girl, friendly façade for him?!"
"I am being genuinely friendly, Siegfried. Besides that, he's offered me a new job because he cares about me. A much better one than the one I've got in Replica Ltd. or the one I had at his home as a cleaning maid."
"What?!" he exclaimed, unable to believe it.
"I've already accepted his offer. I'm gonna be one of Oyster's new shop assistants. Mrs Nevermore is still the boss there, and she loves me. In a year or so, Eros' gonna take over, and he shall become my boss. Now, don't complain about this decision. I know the pros and cons, and I'm willing to take on the challenge."
His eyes were fixed on mine with excessive worry.
"You're becoming a collaborator?!" he shouted in a chiding attitude. His veins were protruding dangerously. Then, he sighed deeply. He was trying to control his anger. "One day, he's gonna find out who you are. Then, what? You're putting us all at risk."
"No, he won't. I'm not gonna come to Amanita at night during the weekends, if necessary. That way he can never see me around here, he can never associate me with any of you guys. Besides, these are Agape's orders. Aren't I supposed to obey?"
"It's dangerous anyways! That's why I was begging you not to accept Agape's missions anymore. You're taking far too many risks! I can't help worrying about you!"
He took a deep breath, but it was obvious that he was not done losing his temper on account of me.
"And now you're becoming a collaborator just because he's offered you a much better job! How am I supposed to take this, huh?! You're gonna have trouble at home, at the Dam, here at Dawn, everywhere but in clone and collaborator environments!"
That comment made me shiver with dread, mainly because I was already anticipating the most ruthless forms of hatred from those who used to be my friends, my neighbours and fellow traditional humans.
"I know. But it's a chance for me to infiltrate into the high society of Thalis. Eros has promised he'd protect me. He's good."
"For the love of God, he's a clone, Daphne! It doesn't matter that he's a good person. If anything were to happen to you at Oyster, I can't do anything! It's a restricted area! I might be able to sneak in once or twice, but that takes time and resources I haven't got. You're killing me, Daphne!"
So, that was his deal-breaker!
He felt the need to protect me. He cared way too much. He saw Eros as a threat to my life as any other clone and traditional human who would hate my guts from that moment on. I might've noticed that he didn't like him, but I honestly thought that Siegfried might've hated Eros just because he thought he had a comfy home, lots of money, and privileges due to his status as clone prodigy – that and his gentle closeness to me, of course.
I admitted to myself that Eros' blinding smiles and friendliness might've blinded me to the extreme that I hadn't noticed Siegfried's jealousy.
And then it hit me. Agape's first angry words about me and about him "thinking with his dick". Gabi's mocking and insinuations. Momo's jealousy. None of that had been said just because. All the signs might've been camouflaged by the sudden revelation that rebels existed, by the fact that I had become one of them, by mourning Daniel, by my father's impending doom, by Eros and my espionage mission. I had a lot on my mind to pay attention to Siegfried.
"You're supposed to focus on retrieving classified information," he went on, enraged. "Being friends with him is only a means to an end! Accepting this job offer from this clone git is insane!" he yelled at me with badly contained ire while all his glorious muscles got tense under his tight black T-shirt. "Fuck!!!"
He turned around only to smash his right fist onto the bar. I couldn't help but let out one brief shriek. I stood where I was, frozen.
He remained just like that, breathing hard while giving me his back. Then, he put both hands on the wooden bar and started to breathe in and out. I stared at his biceps and triceps with fearful fascination. And then, I heard him sigh.
"Don't speak meanly of him," I dared to whisper at him then. "He would never hurt me, or let anyone ever hurt me. You just don't know him."
"You can't use the parrot on him," he whispered back at me defiantly while turning to face me once more. "Don't count on that. Agape would be furious."
"I wasn't counting on that."
"Don't lie to me, Daphne."
"I'm not lying to you. The problem here is a different one."
"Which is it?"
"You don't trust my judgement."
"I do! It's just that you're exposing yourself to unnecessary dangers!" he shouted at me with hopelessness as he came closer to me.
His eyes spoke volumes in worry and pity. I've never taken pity lightly. In my book, it hurt my pride beyond anything imaginable.
"Be honest with me, Siegfried," I went on with sadness and disappointment. "You don't think I can do this. Deep down, you're just like the rest of the rebels who hate my guts: you don't want me here, you hate that I'm here! You hate having met me! Admit it!"
That last bit had come out more aggressively than initially intended. I guess both of us had got anger issues. Siegfried's body language told me he feared me losing it. His eyes went wider and seemed to shiver a bit.
"No, no, no!" he replied in a hurry. "I would never think like that! You're getting ahead of yourself! Daphne, I..." He seemed desperate for me to calm down.
"I'm pissed off at those idiots you call your colleagues... or friends even," I went on with pride. "I see now that you're just like them, that your anger towards me comes from distrust. Well, suit yourself. I don't want or need your help. I'm gonna watch out for myself, as usual. I've been doing so ever since my mother died."
Mentioning my dead mother had a huge effect on him. All of a sudden, he seemed to be downcast like the last time we had been in Agape's office and everybody was holding onto the hope of meeting their lost beloved ones.
"Daphne," he said softly before I could say or do anything further that I would've regretted. He seemed to have got a better grip on his anger than I had. "You're too stubborn and independent sometimes. I was just... I worry about you. A lot. Do I hate that you're here? Yes. Immensely. Because I'd rather have you at your home, ignoring that I even exist, if that meant you'd be safe. You're not fit for this shit. You deserve better than this. I wish we had never met just because of that. I don't want you to feel distrust coming from me. It's not that. I want to keep you safe from this madness – but you don't let me. If anything happened to you, it would be my fault, because I was the one who dragged you into this."
Hearing that made me regret all my recent anger and distrust. He had never meant to hurt me. Actually, he understood me pretty well and wanted to protect me. It was me who didn't get his picture clearly.
Why was I so prone to judging him and what he felt for me? Was I the greatest fool in the universe? Probably.
I sighed with relief, even though that meditation session wasn't going as either of us had initially planned.
"Thank you," I whispered back at him softly. "I appreciate your concern. And I'm sorry. I got carried away."
"Me too." He smiled tenderly, and I couldn't help but stare at his lips. "We should control our anger issues better."
"It's sort of weird, but good weird, seeing you smile like this," I admitted to him all of a sudden. "So nice. Do this every time I go mad, and I promise I'll stop. You should try to smile like this more often."
"I-I smile j-just as often as any other person w-would." His reply was rushed and clumsy, but I took note of his blushing cheeks as a much clearer answer.
"You can be amazingly kind and open-hearted when you want to. Like around the kids the other day," I replied naturally, smiling back at him. I enjoyed telling him that. "You seem like a normal guy instead of a block of ice."
Having said that, I knew I had put my foot in it again. But that time, the outcome was completely different.
Hello, my sugar cubes!
I know, I know. They argue a lot. And then, they make amends... and put their feet in it again. I can't help it! ;P
Anyway, the next chapter is a very special one. Daphne's just triggered something in him that he won't be able to hide anymore.
Stay tuned to know more! 😊
XOXO
MS