A/N: This story is based on 7x02 Proof and the setting of this episode has been changed from rural Oklahoma to Hickory, NC but that's the only major change I've made in this story~
Title is based off of two songs used in this chapter
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CASE HAS A MENTION OF SEXUAL ABUSE (RAPE)
"Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle and best at the end."
― Robin Sharma
Crystal sat on her couch working on the last of the paperwork, she checked her watch.
11:03 PM
Crystal pushed her hair out of her face as she tried to focus on the paperwork, it had been 4 days since the team had been trialed. It had been 2 weeks, 4 days, 19 hours, and 23 minutes since she had last talked to Hotch...but she wasn't counting or anything. The entire Unit had been on edge, things didn't feel the same with Hotch and Crystal not laughing or smiling at each other.
Anderson had been delivering her half of Hotch's files, Crystal had felt guilty for adding extra work onto his busy schedule. "Are you sure I'm not bothering you?"
"Of course not Agent, and before you ask, the answer is no. Agent Hotchner has not ordered me to do this for you. I decided that maybe you two aren't ready to talk just yet."
"I'm still sorry, let me know if I can repay you for your kindness."
"You could talk to him...the Unit isn't the same without seeing you or him smile, I honestly forgot how Agent Hotchner frowned since I haven't seen it ever since you've joined." Anderson had told her honestly and Crystal didn't respond, she simply took the files from him and handed him the ones she had finished. Anderson sighed at this, but didn't push the subject further and Crystal looked down at her paperwork to start again.
A/N: Listen to this song as you read until the case is talked about~ (The Hardest Thing - Tyler Ward) The last 30 seconds is him talking about his patreon
Crystal knew the team was also worried, Crystal had started to go back to her old clothing she wore when she first arrived and didn't wear her glasses anymore. Morgan had pulled her aside to talk, "You know you're going to have to talk to him."
"There's nothing to talk about." Crystal shrugged and walked away from him, she knew everyone meant well but she didn't want to talk about it.
Crystal put her mug down when she heard the familiar sound of the elevator, she hated how she just knew it was him, how she was already up before she could stop herself, she hated how she silently walked over to the door, and she hated how she leaned against the door as Hotch stood on the other side.
Hotch had been doing this for the past 4 nights, he'd come over after he was done at the office and stand in front of her door. He'd never knocked, which Crystal was kinda glad that he didn't because she didn't know if she could open the door, and he'd stand there looking at the door.
Crystal would always walk over to the door and lean her back against the door, Hotch knew that she was on the other side of the door and he would rest his forehead against the door. Crystal knew that he knew she was there, they both had developed this sort of sixth sense of knowing when and where the other person was when they were close by.
Crystal hated how the butterflies would come, how she knew exactly when it was him in the elevator and not one of her neighbors, how deep down she wanted him to knock, how she wanted to have the courage to open the door, how she wanted him to hold her, but she knew that even if she had the courage to open the door she wouldn't...she wouldn't open the door no matter how much she wanted to.
They would both stay silent, they both knew that Crystal needed time to think and space to just accept reality. Hotch wouldn't stay long, but Crystal had to admit that these silent nights standing by the door just knowing that he was there was the highlight of her day...the highlight of her night because she missed him just as much as he missed her.
Crystal closed her eyes as she leaned her head back, she finally heard Hotch sigh on the other side of her door. "Goodnight Archer." Hotch moved his head away from her door and looked at the door longingly before walking back to the elevator, he knew he was a coward. He didn't have the courage to knock at the door and Hotch knew that even if he did...he wouldn't do it because things weren't the same and they both were to scared to confront everything that was happening.
Crystal hated how her heart fluttered, how she loved that those sweet words made her want to cave, and how the tears just naturally fell from her face. Crystal walked away from her door when she heard the elevator go down, Crystal wiped her tears and walked back over to her couch. Crystal closed the files and went to her bedroom, she walked over to her desk and gave a teary smile at the paper butterfly that she treasured dearly.
Crystal had tried to throw it away, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
You've screwed up Chris...you should've just kept things professional just like people warned you to be, because now you're here alone and hurt.
___
Crystal walked into the elevator and gave Reid a small smile, "Hey."
"Hi." He responded and frowned at her, "You're wearing makeup."
"Yeah..."
"You don't like makeup." Reid said while still frowning and Crystal gave him a sad smile, "It helps hid the puffy eyes..." Crystal wasn't really talking to anyone, but Reid was someone she knew that was struggling too. They didn't talk to in depth about their anger, but they found comfort in just letting each other know if the other was doing better or not.
Reid's face relaxed and he patted her head, "I'm sorry, do you want to talk later?"
"We both know we aren't ready to talk yet Doc." Crystal gave a light laugh and he smiled, "Yeah...I know." The elevator doors opened and Reid looked to see JJ, he quickly opened his file and looked down as he walked past her. JJ looked over at him, "Hey I've been trying to reach you for brunch-"
"I had to deal things with my mom, have you seen Garcia..." JJ watched as Reid walked away, she sighed as she looked over at Emily and Crystal. "He hates me." Emily coughed awkwardly, "I think he's just busy, let it go." JJ turned to Crystal, "How're things with..."
Crystal gave her a sad smile, "I think we've got a case." Crystal walked past them and after Reid and Emily sighed, "Why do I feel like I've ruined something between her and Hotch?"
"Don't worry...I feel it too."
___
Crystal and Reid were the last ones to make it to the conference room, the only seats left were next to Hotch and JJ. Before Crystal could even tense up or suspect that the team did this on purpose, Reid quickly walked over next to Hotch and sat down. Reid looked at the team as they stared at him, "What?"
Crystal bit back a small smile, she walked over to the seat in between JJ and Reid. "Thank you." Crystal whispered for him to hear and he nodded while looking down at his file, Garcia looked over at Crystal. "Will you convince Rossi to give me cooking lessons at his house?"
"I don't have a house, I have a mansion." Rossi stated proudly and Crystal looked over at him, "It would be nice."
"And we can have the whole team over," Garcia said excitedly and Rossi sighed, "Don't we have a case?" Hotch turned away from looking at Crystal, "Let's get started."
TRIGGER WARNING*
JJ smiled and handed the remote to Garcia who looked happy, "All right, mes amis. You're jetting to Hickory, North Carolina, because in the last 3 days two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with sulfuric acid solution."
TRIGGER WARNING END*
Garcia clicked the remote, "Abby Elcott is our first victim, 19 year old art student who was headed to campus for an advanced drawing class. She'd been missing for two days and same goes for our second victim, Beth Westerly who was 17. She'd just finished her coffee shop shift and was on her way to a bar method class."
"Both low-risk victims," Emily stated and Crystal looked at the pictures, "Both so young." Rossi nodded, "They both look physically similar, how close are the abduction sites?"
"5 miles apart at bus stops, Abby's cell was found near one and Beth's scarf near the other." Garcia answered, she pulled up a map on the screen. Reid looked up from his file, "Where are the dump sites?"
"One in an alley, the other in a field."
JJ frowned, "So he stapled their eyes open and then blinded them." Morgan sighed, "It's about power and control, maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt them."
"Or it could be about shame, perhaps the unsub is disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, totally dependent and it may be a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world." Reid stated and Crystal saw from the corner of her eye at how JJ tensed at his words, it didn't take a profiler to know that Reid was being a bit snappy.
Emily cleared her throat, "It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel."
"His face is the last they see before darkness." Rossi stated and Hotch gave a nod, "Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the unsub access to sulfuric acid. The rest of us, wheels up in 30." Hotch stood up and left with the team following suit.
Crystal turned to JJ who gently tapped her shoulder, "Hey...I know it's awkward between us-"
"It's not JJ, promise." Crystal gave her a small smile and JJ returned it, "Is Spence okay? Or, at least talking to you? I just...I just want to make sure he's okay..."
Crystal sighed, "I think this is going to take some time JJ...he's just not ready to talk about it yet, give him time." JJ nodded sadly, she gave her a smile. "It's been a rough 2 and a half weeks, are you doing okay?"
"It has been rough, but I'm fine JJ." Crystal went back to her desk, she sighed as she looked at the photo on her desk at the Halloween party from last year.
A lot has changed in one year...
___
On the jet Reid had immediately taken a seat next to Crystal, Rossi raised an eyebrow and Emily sat next to him. JJ sighed as she stood next to Emily's seat, Crystal felt Reid tense and she offered him a small smile which he returned.
The rest of the team crowded around them and Emily looked over at Crystal, "Doesn't your grandfather live close by Hickory?" Crystal hummed as she looked at her file, "Yeah, my parents and my brothers are visiting him at the moment."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just getting close to Thanksgiving and they're thinking of having it at his house this year." Crystal answered and Morgan looked over at her, "Are you going to visit?"
"We'll see." Crystal said and she looked up to turned on the laptop for Garcia to call them, Hotch gave a quick glance at Crystal, which she ignored, before looking at the team. "Victimology is very similar, blond haired, blue eyed teenage girls." JJ nodded, "We believe they were each abducted near public transportation stops."
Emily took a photo out of her file, "When was this taken?"
"Beth was caught on a bank surveillance camera 3 hours before she disappeared, that's a recent photo of Abby." Morgan answered and Emily frowned, "So she wasn't found in the same clothes she was abducted in."
Emily showed them the picture and Rossi shrugged, "Maybe he changed them because hers were burned with sulfuric acid." Reid nodded, "It's possible, sulfuric acid can turn human flesh into soap."
TRIGGER WARNING*
Hotch looked at the laptop, "Garcia, any recent similar cases in the surrounding area?"
"Actually yes, two months ago a prostitute and a runaway were both found raped and killed and they had stab wounds in their eyes
TRIGGER WARNING END*
"So he practiced on high-risk victims first and then advanced to chemical enucleation." Crystal stated and JJ tilted her head, "Isn't that a rare paraphilia?"
"Well the chemical part it is, it would exacerbate the pain." Emily answered and Rossi looked over at them, "Like Ed Kemper, he's probably practicing on surrogates before going after the real object of his anger."
Hotch gave a nod, "Dave, Archer, and I will talk to the parents, Morgan and Prentiss go to the disposal sites, and Reid and JJ will go to the abduction sites." The team nodded and JJ offered Reid a smile which he ignored, Crystal could feel Hotch staring at her and she turned to look at him. "Is there a problem sir?"
The team looked shocked, Crystal had never called Hotch that and Garcia hung up on the laptop when she felt the tensions rising. Hotch stared at her tensely before swallowing, "No, there's not."
Crystal turned back to look at the window as she tried to calm herself down, after 2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours, and 45 minutes the first words she said to him were snappy.
It's better this way Chris...It should've been like this way from the beginning, professional.
___
The jet landed and Crystal quickly walked to the SUV and opened her door to the back, Hotch watched this and sighed. When they arrived to the station Rossi made sure that there was enough space between them, Crystal knew that Rossi and Hotch had been talking about what happened and she was on guard around him just incase he tried to get her to talk.
Hotch and Rossi were going to talk to the families while Crystal grabbed the victims clothing from evidence, Crystal handed Beth's clothing to Rossi and he walked away. Crystal handed Abby's clothing to Hotch, she didn't look at him and he cleared his throat. "Archer-"
"I think the family is waiting for you sir, you shouldn't make them wait." Crystal cut him off as she walked back to the board to set it up, Hotch frowned at this before sighing and leaving her alone. Crystal gave a breath of relief, she placed her hand over her heart to try and calm it down.
You can say anything you want, but the heart doesn't lie.
___
Rossi and Hotch walked back into the rooms, Rossi sighed. "The victims weren't wearing their own clothing."
"He's trying to rob them of their identity even further than he already has with the blinding." Hotch stated and Crystal was thankful that he kept his distance, she continued putting things on the board. "Maybe he's keeping their clothing as trophy's."
Rossi shrugged, "Or he's doing it for a forensic countermeasure."
"Or they don't fit his fantasy and he makes it happen himself." Crystal stated as she pinned the crime scene photos to the board, "Morgan and Prentiss called, they think the unsub could potentially be homeless."
Rossi raised an eyebrow, "Well, where do homeless people get their clothes?" Hotch looked over at him, "Churches, thrift stores, and charities. We need to rule everything out."
Crystal didn't turn to look at them, she heard someone leave and she sighed when she heard someone stand beside of her. "I know what you're going to say Rossi."
"How'd you know it was me?"
"Because I didn't have the feeling of anxiety when I felt your presence next to me." Crystal shrugged and Rossi looked at her worriedly, "Are you doing okay?"
"I don't get why people keep asking that when they already know the answer."
"Because you're supposed to say what's wrong when someone asks Crystal, what's eating at you?" Rossi asked gently and she relaxed before turning to look at him, "Thank you for caring, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Promise I'll open up when I am, let's just focus on the case."
Crystal offered him a small smile and he nodded before patting her head, he left her alone and Crystal turned back to the board.
___
Crystal got off the phone with Reid, she walked down to the morgue to find Rossi and Hotch. "Reid and JJ went to the local thrift shop and found Abby's clothes, looks like he sold them."
Rossi shrugged, "Or traded them."
"Sales clerk said the clothes in the crime scene photos were from the eighties, he also confirmed that they were purchased from his store."
Hotch frowned, "So he's getting rid of his souvenirs, what's he using to remember his victims?" Crystal shrugged, "He's stuck with memories, I've experienced that those are impacting but horrible due to lies."
Hotch tensed at her words and before he could say anything the coroner walked in, "The brutality the victims experienced was immense with multiple stab wounds to the neck and chest, plus wounds to the genital area."
"Frustration and overkill." Hotch stated and Rossi looked closer at the body, "The same chemical damage on the skin is around her nostrils."
The coroner nodded, "He poured the sulfuric acid there as well." Crystal sighed, "That would destroy her sense of smell." Rossi frowned, "He didn't do that to the first victim."
"He's escalating, blinding isn't his only signature. He's trying to take away their senses." Hotch stated, they took a copy of the report before heading back up to station.
The team talked about their findings, it was now night time and the team decided to head to the hotel. Crystal looked over at Rossi suspiciously as he returned with only 4 keys, before Rossi could say anything she looked at the team. "I forgot to say this, but Tyler is actually coming to pick me up. I decided to stay with them while I'm here since it's rare that we're altogether, have a goodnight."
Crystal walked away and Hotch watched her leave, he looked back at the team who had worried faces. "Let's get some rest guys, we'll be back at the station in the morning."
Crystal took in a shaky breath as she took out her phone, she listened to the other end ring.
"Tyler speaking."
"Hey, I'm at the Hickory hotel. Come get me?"
"Oh, yeah okay. Everything okay?"
"Yeah I'm just here on a case and there's a tight fit at the hotel and-"
"I'll be there in 10."
Tyler hung up and Crystal smiled at her phone, Tyler was actually there in 5 minutes and she gave him a look. "Ty, I hope you weren't speeding."
Tyler shrugged, "You only ramble when you're upset, what's up?" Crystal didn't answer as she entered the car, "Can we not talk about it yet?" Tyler looked at her for a bit before nodding, "Okay."
Crystal was thankful he didn't push the subject, she sighed as she leaned against the window.
___
Her family was happy she decided to visit, "I'm not here for long, I'm on a case Pops."
"Then I'm even more happy that you were able to come here with your busy schedule." Her grandpa smiled at her as he hugged her again, Nick and Jason had been suspicious just like Tyler had but Crystal ignored their questioning stares.
Her grandpa was happy to have everyone around, Crystal hugged him tight before she went to sleep after talking with him for most of the night. Crystal heard a knock on her door and she opened it to see her mom, her mom smiled before hugging her.
"I'm not a profiler, but I know my daughter...your face looks like you're about to cry, scream, or crumble all at the same time." Crystal sighed as she hugged her mom, "I'm just tired."
"I know baby...I'm right here for you, come find me if you need anything." Crystal's mom let go before kissing her forehead, Crystal smiled at her mom before closing her door and heading to bed.
___
Crystal's grandpa insisted on driving her to the station, he parked the car and looked over at her. "I'm so happy you visited, bring the nice man your mom told me all about next time?"
"Pops, you and mom need to stop gossiping." Crystal gave a shaky laugh, her grandpa ruffled her hair. "Your dad told me you were wearing your glasses again, but I don't see them."
"Pops...I gotta go." Crystal stated softly and he sighed, "Make sure you eat something, you're to skinny." Crystal smiled at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, she waved goodbye to him before entering the station.
___
It was close to 2:00 PM when they got the call about another body being found so Rossi, Reid, and JJ had went to check it out. Crystal was trying to find connections with Emily when they returned, Rossi sighed. "He burnt her tongue this time, another one of the senses."
Reid walked over to them, "Most likely due to her rejection of him, he might be targeting women who look like the one who rejected him in the eighties." JJ walked next to Crystal, "And something triggered it and instead of dealing with it, he's acting out."
Reid looked at JJ and she was already staring at him, Crystal cleared her throat to cut the tension. "Why don't we go give the profile?" Rossi nodded and went to go find Hotch, Crystal lead Reid away from JJ and Emily so he could clear his head.
___
"We believe our unsub is a white male in his mid 40's, this is someone who's reacting to rejection by a woman when he was a teenager in the 1980's." Hotch stated, "He's punishing them by taking away their senses with sulfuric acid."
Rossi nodded, "We believe our unsub could possibly work part-time as a janitor or a mechanic which gives him access to this chemical."
Morgan looked at the officers, "And after studying the disposal site, we think it's likely that he is homeless. How do we typically react to the homeless? We judge them by their looks and smells, it's that negative reaction that we believe that a woman had toward the unsub."
Emily cleared her throat, "The unsub's fixation on this woman is now all-consuming, it's caused him to develop Obsessive Love Disorder. He most likely has tunnel vision and believes she hold his happiness, he'll stalk her in an attempt to win her heart."
"Her rejection will spiral him into a depression, hence the acts of violence." JJ stated, "He's using surrogates that represent her." Reid looked at the officers, "It's only a matter of time before he goes after her directly."
A/N: Listen to this song for the rest of the chapter, you're going to have to repeat it over and over (Keep It Together - Tyler Ward & The OC)
The officers nodded before leaving, Crystal and Emily were at the board when Hotch walked over. "Agent Archer, we need to talk."
"Later, I'm-"
"Now." Hotch walked over to an empty room and Crystal sighed, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Emily looked at her sadly, "Talk to him, please." Crystal didn't respond as she walked over to the room, she closed the door after herself and walked to stand by the table with him.
Crystal made sure there was some distance between them, "What do you need sir?" Hotch sighed, "I understand you're upset," Crystal scoffed and crossed her arms, "But I can't apologize enough for what I've put you through, I'm sorry-"
"Stop." Crystal held up her hand and Hotch frowned, "Excuse me?"
"Just stop. Y'know, for a profiler you're pretty stupid." Crystal let out a shaky laugh, "You think I don't understand that Prentiss was in danger? That she needed to be hidden for her safety? I understand that Hotch, I get that her life was at risk. Was I upset at first? Of course, I mourned her death, but I can understand that this was the only way to keep her safe even if I don't agree with how it was handled. I also understand that you couldn't tell the team because it was a sensitive subject, I get that."
Hotch narrowed his eyes, "Then what's this about?" Crystal glared at him with glazed eyes, "What's this about? This is about what you did for 8 months, for 8 months you mourned with me for a 'death' you knew wasn't real, for 8 months you helped me mourn, for 8 months you listened to me open up about things I've never told anyone, for 8 months you came over to open up to me, and you act like you did nothing wrong. Do you know how violating that feels?"
"I wanted to comfort you."
"You couldn't think of a better way? Or was this apart of your cover up to make sure that you wouldn't be caught? Was it to make your mourning seem more believable?" Crystal felt her eyes well up, "Hot-" Crystal stopped herself before she said his name and turned away from him, she felt like if she said his name she'd break. "Sir, I don't open up to people easily, you know this, and you are the one person who I've let in for the first time in a very long time. For the first time, I felt like I truly found who I was again..."
Crystal turned to look at him with teary eyes, "Now I'm questioning everything I knew. Did you come over to comfort me or because it made your job easier? Did you come so there'd be no suspicions about Emily being alive? Did you want me to open up for the grief assessment? Were you only doing your job?"
Crystal hadn't noticed Hotch slowly walking towards her, his stare had softened and his eyes were a bit glossy as he listened to her speak. Crystal let out a shaky breath, "Was any of it real? You opening up to me? You caring about me? You coming over to check up on me because I'm your friend? Are we really friends? Or were you just doing your job? Do you really care? Were your words real? About me? About you? I don't, I can't figure it out. Was what we-"
Crystal put a hand over her mouth before she let the words slip out, she felt a tear run down her face.
Was what we felt real?
Hotch stood in front of her now and Crystal closed her eyes, "I don't trust people easily, I have trust issues, I'm not emotional, but I let you see all of this ugly inside of me...I learned to trust you." Crystal's voice broke and she looked up at Hotch, "I feel like I've wasted my time trying to open myself back up again...and I hate you. I hate you for coming over for 8 months, I hate you for listening to me cry, for holding me when I broke down, for opening up to me, and I hate how I don't even know if you were genuine with me..."
Crystal sniffled, "But I hate myself even more because I still trust you, because I know you must've felt so guilty, so alone, how you felt like you betrayed the team, and how you wanted to desperately stop all the pain the team was feeling...but you couldn't say anything."
Crystal looked to see Hotch's glazed eyes show all the pain he'd been trying to hide the past two and a half weeks, Crystal felt more tears run down her face. "I hate how I still trust you because the last time I finally opened up about how I felt, I was left heartbroken by a man I spent 5 years with...I lost everything back then and I feel like I'm losing it all right now, I feel like I'm falling apart."
Hotch didn't say anything, he looked at her softly. Crystal looked away because she knew if she looked at his eyes any longer she'd fall into his arms, Hotch raised his hand to try and wipe her tears. "Archer-"
Hotch was interrupted before he could finish and before he could wipe away her tears, "Hey guys-" Morgan looked worried at the scene in front of him, "Everything alright?"
Crystal cleared her throat as she wiped her tears and Hotch lowered his hand, Crystal looked at Morgan. "Yeah, we'll be right out." Morgan didn't look convinced, but nodded before leaving. Crystal took a deep breath before walking to the door, Hotch didn't stop her and that hurt her heart more than she'd like to admit.
Crystal stood beside Emily and Rossi, they looked at her worriedly, which she ignored, before Hotch walked over to them. They heard heave footsteps, they turned to see walking away angrily.
"Spence!" JJ called after him, "I'm sorry..."
"It's to late Jennifer." Reid said angrily as he left the station and Emily called after him, Crystal looked to see JJ's eyes glossy. Crystal turned to the team, "I'll go after him."
"I'll go with you." Hotch stated and Crystal shook her head, "Sir, I think it's best if you leave me alone." Crystal tried to give him a smile, but they both knew it was fake. Crystal saw the hurt in his eyes, this was the first fake smile she had ever gave him and that hurt them both more than it should've.
___
Crystal walked over to Reid who was sitting on a bench outside, "Hey." Reid looked over at her, "Hi."
Crystal sat down next to him and sighed, "This sucks."
"It does."
"You talked to JJ?"
"Yeah...and you talked to Hotch?"
"I did, and I'm more upset than I was before." Crystal stated as she let out a tiny sniffle, Reid looked at her sadly. Crystal turned to give him a teary smile, "Two-minutes, just two minutes for us to let out all of our emotions."
Reid nodded and Crystal cleared her throat, "I'm gonna go first before I chicken out, I'm going to say it. I like Hotch." Reid listened to her words, he leaned his head against her shoulder for comfort and Crystal appreciated it.
"And I just don't mean that I have a crush on him, I really like Hotch. I've known for awhile, but I didn't say anything because the one person I really wanted to tell was dead...I wanted to tell Emily." Crystal sniffled and Reid put his hand over hers, Crystal took in a shaky breath.
"I knew I liked Hotch around New Year's, I had went over to his house and we tried to make ice cream with Jack...it was a disaster but I loved every second of it, he just looked at me so sweetly and my heart felt so safe and warm around him." Crystal smiled at the memory, she leaned her head against Reid's.
"Hotch scares me...in my last relationships, I gave them both all of my heart and they broke it. I've been cautious about giving away my heart again, so I gave Hotch only a piece of it. With that piece alone, he cared for it so much like I gave him my whole heart and he made that small piece I gave him into a new, completed heart. Hotch scares me because I never thought I looked pretty before, but he makes me feel beautiful. Others will say that I'm pretty, but that's all they see. They just see looks, but not Hotch. When he tells me I'm beautiful he isn't just talking about looks, he's talking about all of me....he's telling me everything about me is beautiful and he scares me with how much care he holds in his eyes hold for me...but now I don't know if he really meant it when he said that I'm beautiful. He scares me because I was willing to risk the heartbreak for him if it meant that he kept me close to him, and I don't regret being close to him even after he's hurt me." Crystal's voice broke and she let out a quiet sob, Reid rubbed her hand comfortingly.
"Have you talked about this with anyone?"
"You're the first person other than myself that I've confirmed it with." Crystal whispered and Reid picked up his head to look at her, he swallowed before taking in a shaky breath. "I've had a lot of people leave me...they chose to leave. My dad left me, Gideon left, and Emily-" Reid's voice broke and he cleared his throat, "Emily needed to leave, and I get that, but it hurts to know that all the people who've ever left my life chose to leave."
Crystal brought him into a hug, "Doc..." Reid sniffled as he held her, "I almost relapsed...I felt so alone."
"Why didn't you find me?"
"Because I knew how hard you were struggling too..." Reid said honestly, "I went to JJ and...she lied to me, she saw me struggling and she didn't tell me for 8 months about my friend still being alive even though she saw me hurting, I know that she probably couldn't tell me, but she listened to me cry and...it just hurts. It hurts to know that someone who I grew close to left...and I was left behind again."
Crystal pulled back to look at him, "I'm proud of you Doctor Spencer Reid, I am proud that you not only didn't relapse, but that you picked yourself back up even with the setbacks of losing people around you. I'm really proud of you Doc...you can always come to me because you're never a bother."
Reid let a tear fall and he hugged her again, "Thank you..." Reid let out a quiet sniffle and Crystal hugged him, they stayed outside for awhile to just let out all the emotions they had been holding in for so long.
___
Author's Note:
I am writing this from my grave...my heart is now completely shattered and I can't wait for all of this angst to be over already😭😭😭😭This will most likely be the last chapter with angst or the next one will (I made the angst short but please remember that the time line for Crystal ignoring Hotch has been 2 and a half weeks and I get that this isn't really a long time, but when you have emotions involved it felt like an eternity to them) This was a really long chapter and I tried to keep things focused on the case as much as I could, I hope you enjoyed it!
SUMMARY: Crystal was upset because of how Hotch came over to mourn and listen to her open up about things she's never really talked about with anyone, she understands that Hotch couldn't talk to her about Emily still being alive and she isn't mad about that. However, she's becoming insecure again because she doesn't know what to believe. Crystal is doubting that Hotch's feelings and actions were genuine since she now believes that Hotch was only putting on an act to make sure there was no suspicions about Emily still being alive. The reason that Crystal's feelings were not confirmed until now was because the first person she wanted to tell was Emily, but she had 'died'. Crystal's torn on how to feel because she feels like the person she's found as her true-self was found out of lies, so she's doubting herself and if Hotch really showed interest in her as a person or if he was just doing his job as Unit Chief. (Please let me know if you have any questions and I will try to answer them)
Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter~
See you in the next update!