Thursday, November 26, 2020
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So guess what the FUCK my parents DECIDED to DO?!
If your answer was "go to a cabin with no wifi for two and a half days" you're right!
And not only was I planning on writing, catching up on side projects, cleaning my room, and practicing some self care because this period is a bitch, but I also have a zoom meeting I'm supposed to have a sideshow for, that I haven't worked on because I thought I'd have time!
But noooooooooooooo, we want to go up north and do the same thing we've been doing for the past eight months, BUT IN A SMALLER SPACE WITHOUT WIFI AND PROPER HEAT
And yeah, I don't usually mind the time we spend up there normally, but now I have friends, I have updates, I have so much that I do with wifi and things I had planned.
I have this week to get my life together and rebuild enough mental health to make it until Christmas break, I need stability and I need to find peace in myself.
But how do I explain that to parents who don't get that writing is my release, my escape. And no, paper and pen isn't the same. With a doc, I get to change fonts, I can bold or italicize to emphasize my point, I can edit and spell check and go back three paragraphs and add more, I can cut out sentences and redo and redo until what comes out is what I want to come out.
I can't do that with paper.
But, this is what it is. I end up in a place that doesn't feel quite right to me for a couple days, mess up everything I've worked for since March when I started really getting into writing and Wattpad, suffer the stress and the pressure plus the fear of yet again not being able to be like my friends, all because of my parents.
It's.... whatever. I should be used to this, by now.
But I guess, I thought maybe it would change, maybe me marking up my arms and hands and shoulders with those pretty half moons would become a thing of the past. But what do you know, there they are, a lovely shock of white against worn book paper tan skin.
Just a couple more years, I numbly repeat. But honestly, can I even convince myself anymore?
I planned this week meaning for me to have time to distress so I won't have as many bad breakdowns as I have had. But who cares, let the pressure build. Tears mat the eyelashes no matter what, so what's a few more?
Stay safe kiddos, don't be like me.
Love you all <3<3<3
~Ink