I was walking slowly and slowly. My face was red and my body was numb. I had a big cut near my eye and my leg. My body was covered in blood. I slowly climbed the stairs. Many questions were popping in my mind. I was hearing the voices of people. I couldn't handle my mind. Then, I blacked out.
"Wow, Sucheta! You are so lucky. Big house, luxurious car, rich family. What can anyone ask for? You have hit a jackpot."
"The bridegroom is educated as well. So, handsome as well. I wish he was my man." "You are looking so beautiful. You two will look amazing together."
While I was decorating my hand with mehendi, my sahelis were taunting me. I was being shy and couldn't speak a word.
"Don't taunt me. It is an arranged marriage. My parents found him for me. Nothing of a jackpot!".
I finally opened my mouth. Despite my words, my sahelis didn't stop teasing me. And yes, I call my friends 'sahelis'. Not that I don't love Nepali language, I find the word saheli a bit fascinating.
Yes, it was my marriage. It was 26 of Mangsir, 2075. And yes, It was the special day of my life. It was not as great as my dream marriage, but it was good. The bridegroom was Mr. Rajat Puri. He was a bank manager at Civil Bank. I was getting married to a rich family. I was from a middle class family. Surely, adjusting to a new and rich family was going to be difficult for me.
Rajat, a tall, handsome boy. He was in a black suit in the wedding. Literally, any woman can fall for him. Black suit in his fair complex was making him more handsome. I was 5'6 and he was about 6. I was in red lehenga in my marriage. I was sure that we would be the best looking couple.
It was a great marriage. Many big people were attending the marriage. I always thought the higher class people had great manners. As I was being a part of a high class family, I started behaving like them. I was damn sure that I was getting married in a special family.
I opened my eyes. A police officer was standing in front of me. I had blacked out for 10 minutes outside the police station. Yes, I was heading towards the police station.
"What is the matter? Can you speak?"
"I want to file a complaint." "A complaint? What happened to you?"
"I have been raped."
"Raped? You look young. A guess you are in your mid twenties. Must have been to late parties", he complained.
"A marital rape Sir!", I replied.
WOW! I was excited. First night of my married life. Is it going to be good? Or awkward?
The marriage was over. It was the time we went to bed. I was nervous. How can I sleep with the man I have never met before? Isn't it a bit illogical? So, I told him I was not ready for sex. But he started to scold me and throw the glasses at every corner of that room. I never expected my husband to act like a mad boy. As I was afraid, I let him touch my body.
The moment was too cheap and vulgar and too unimpressive to be naked in front of a person I hardly knew. I closed my eyes the whole time to avoid looking at him as he was also naked.
When that person grabbed my hand too tightly, it hurt. When he pressed my thighs and chest, and did that awkward thing called 'sex', I was suffocating. I had my tears rolling down but my mouth was shut. My husband must have been noticing but he didn't stop.
"Do you really want to file a case against your husband?"
"Why are you asking if I wanted to? Its rape. No matter if it is done by my husband or any stranger? Besides, there is no difference between a stranger and my husband", I said fearlessly.
"Okay then, give me your introduction."
"My name is Sucheta Puri. I am married to Rajat Puri. I am his less of a wife but more of a sex toy. It was arranged marriage between me and him. Our marriage was never done for good as I think of it."
On the second day of my marriage, I was hoping that he would behave better than last night. But he was behaving good only in front of our family. At night he did the same again. Again, I started crying. I wanted to scream out of pain. My vaginas were bleeding but it didn't stop him. Before marriage I was picturing that he would be like lord Ram but he was a pure devil.
He raped me on a daily basis. If I would oppose him, he would slap me, hit me and kick me. He sometimes gave me medicine and did the things that can't be imagined. He also used to give me Mifepristone, so that the baby will not survive inside my body. He used to rape me even when I was at period. I used to be in pain a lot of the time. I would bleed on a daily basis. I was being powerless day by day. I was having different types of illness. My husband even convinced my family that I was going through a lot of health problems and hence I was weak.I couldn't tell my own parents because they thought I was in a nice place and I didn't want them to worry. In the eyes of family, he was a god. But in my eyes, he was a demon.
One day, I had enough of that bullshit. I hadn't done any bad things to them. Why was he treating me like that? Once, I really thought he was a good person and I even thought the rich men have high standards and manners. Since the past many months, I was being treated with their real standards. I think, how many more are there like me hiding pain in their tears?
"It's enough. You are abusing me. I am in a lot of pain."
"Shut up and lay in the bed."
"No, I had enough of it."
Then I tried to escape from that haunting house. But he grabbed my hands and was forcefully trying to tie me in the bed. But in the heat of the moment, I kicked him in his eyes with my foot.
"You bitch! How dare you kick me in the face motherfucker?"
"Say one more word and I will go to the police."
He slapped me and kicked me.
"Do, whatever you can do, cunt!" He slapped me once more. Because of the loud noise, all family members woke up and were coming to our room. I was very much frightened. I couldn't think of anything at all. Then, I suddenly ran to the garage and drove a suv.
While driving, I thought of many things. Firstly, the image of my mother and father were coming to my head. THen came the images of my wedding. God, I was so happy back then. Then I thought about going to the police. Then I drove toward the nearest police station. 'What would my family feel if I file a complaint against my husband? What would my mother and father think? They will be broken to pieces.' I was hearing the voices of people, seeing the images. But I have never been so courageous before. As my mind was in a different state, I couldn't control the car and crashed into an electric pole. I had two cuts. One near my eye and one in my leg. Blood was bleeding out of my body. Though flowing blood out of the body was not a new thing.
The officer called a lady constable so that I can talk openly about my problems. There I told her about all my problems. I showed her the scars in my body. The lady constable told the officer about my problems.
"Have you told this problem to your family?"
"Yes, I tried to. But my husband told them that I had some problems and was behaving like an abnormal person. Besides, if they knew all about this, they would still not do anything as they have to maintain their standard. This is not America. "
"Please help me sir! Help me! He will kill me! Get me justice!"
Then the officer immediately called my family and my mother and father. My mother and father were shocked seeing me like that. Rajat denied the fact that he tortured me mentally and physically. Rather he accused me of filing a case. My mother rushed to me and said, "Are you out of your mind? It is a small issue. You are married now. Don't be childish. You should be saviour of your family."
I couldn't believe that my own mother was not taking me seriously. There was nobody to support me. They couldn't see the pain and tears in me. They only saw a married woman running away from her responsibilities. I stood for myself. I stood for all the women who have been the victims of violence.
"Save whom mom? Save my husband who has been nothing but a demon? Save a hungry wild animal who has been eating me? Save my family who doesn't see my tears? You wouldn't understand my pain mom. You are not the victim of rape. Dad treats you with respect. But my husband doesn't. I am your daughter. Do you even care that I have been raped?"
Everyone was quiet. My mom couldn't help but weep. My dad sat in a chair. It was like he was soulless.
My voice was cracking as I was confronting my mom.
"Do you know mom I was pregnant? But this devil gave me drugs to stop me from giving birth. I was happy when I knew I was pregnant. You were going to be granny. I had some hope to live. But this devil.......this devil.......mom"
I couldn't stop my tears.
"This... this.... devil killed my child... What had the innocent life done to him? You are a murderer.. a murderer"
Neither my mom or my family could speak. My dad hugged me. I burst in tears. They took me to their home. Investigators did their job and kept my husband in the Jail. After some days, I was getting my divorse in court. I was finally getting out from that big haunted house. When I was done with the paperworks, my mom asked me,"What are you going to do now?"
I smiled back at mom and said,"I am going to live free."