[ 16th November, 2018, 4:12PM ]
kunhang looked aeri, and then laughed at the way she was trying on the coat. they were both shopping for winter clothes. well, technically, it's for kunhang because all his winter clothes got lost. yes, wong kunhang is a very careless boy. he loses out on his things all the time.
winter was coming soon in less than a month. and it excited aeri and her friends. it would be the first christmas that she would spend with a whole new friendgroup. her last time spending christmas was with mark lee. and now he's gone. but that's okay, right? aeri has better people now.
"kunhang please dont do this," aeri whined, trying to grab the phone out of his hands. yes, he was taking a picture of her in the coat that she was trying on. kunhang repeatedly shook his head, saying no he isnt going to delete it. she cling onto his hand, "at least let me see how i look," she said, trying to get him to show her the picture.
and when he did, she gasped. "oh my god i look good," was what she said. kunhang let out a small burst of laughter, "aeri please put that back, you look like a 12 year old with a huge coat like that," he put his phone at the back of his jeans. then he helped aeri in removing the coat and placed it back on the hanger and the rack before leaving the shop.
the two had been walking around aimlessly around the mall for two hours now and both their feet hurt. "okay, where to next?" aeri asked, then checking her phone to see what time it was. because she had errands to run on the way back home. her mother wanted her to be back by 8pm because she wanted to cook dinner.
at exactly, 5pm, they called it a day. although kunhang didnt get to buy a whole closet filled with winter clothes, he did at least buy two jackets. he wanted to go alone but he was lonely. plus, he really liked aeri. she was the first ever person to make kunhang feel like home. but he didnt want to tell her that.
she would expect kunhang to have other people making him feel like that you know? but she's wrong. when kunhang looks at aeri, she makes him comfortable and makes it seem like as if he's been home for the longest of time. and everyday, he thanked god for making him meet someone like her; and jungwoo of course.
—
[ 6:54PM ]
aeri was carefully skimming through the poultry aisle, looking up and down from her phone every five seconds because all the stuff that her mother wanted her to buy was all on her little screen. so far, she only had the eggs. and that's it. she was having trouble finding the frozen chicken.
the last time she went to the supermarket was probably when she had her first fight with jaehyun. was it, really? she swore she remembered them going to pick up some items at the supermarket and then making their way to jaehyun's apartment. then they ended up fighting over chungha, was it?
no, they ended up fighting because jaehyun kept repeating the same old thing like - we can never be together. it's weird if we kissed. we're just friends. i dont see you like that. it was all coming back to her now. that day still irritated aeri to the core because she felt so uncomfortable with everything jaehyun was saying.
but she brushed it off anyway. she swore she found the right place to find the frozen chicken but then she bumped into someone the moment she was about to stop. "sorry i didnt see you- aeri?" a familiar voice again. she hoped it wouldnt be anyone she hated. when she looked up, she saw it was soomin.
aeri's eyes widened, and then she stepped back one or few steps. she was confused as to why she was even in the area. she lived near the university. and the university wasnt even anywhere near the neighbourhood. but aeri did know what was around the neighbourhood.
"let me guess, you're here for jaehyun?" aeri asked, awkwardly standing because she didnt know what to do. soomin chuckled, "yeah, but dont worry! we're not doing anything like that anym-" she was about to finish her sentence but it made aeri uncomfortable so she stopped it for her.
"- uh can we not talk about that?" she tried to change the topic. then she tried to divert her gaze away from soomin and finally onto the frozen packs of chicken she took so bloody long to find. "aeri are you mad at us?" soomin tried to butt in again. aeri ignored her, she didnt want to talk about it.
"he wanted it too, okay? it's weird if you're mad about it," she just couldnt stop rambling on and on about the same old things. eventually, aeri finally found the correct pack of frozen chicken her mother asked for and quickly put it in the basket. "dude im not mad, please just leave me alone," she turned around, and walked away from her.
aeri was headed to the cashier, but then soomin just kept following her. "if it makes you feel any better, jaehyun hasnt texted me ever since," she kept trying to always talk about jaehyun. aeri finally placed her basket on the counter, and had the person behind the cash register help scanned her items. "soomin please i beg you to stop talking about it, it's making me very uncomfortable," her voice stern, but still putting on a smile to make it look like she wasnt being an asshole.
"is she making you uncomfortable?" another familiar voice crept up behind her. both aeri and soomin turned around to look at who it was. and when aeri saw the figure properly, she felt like killing herself. "what is this? bump into the people that you hate day?" she cursed under her breath quietly. the boy walked up next to aeri, carefully picking up the plastic bags that were filled with her groceries.
"um, okay wait. i need a moment right now because i will literally cry out of stress," aeri exclaimed, taking the receipt from the cashier, bowing at her and then walking over to the side while she threw the receipt into her bag. the two of them followed her. "soomin, please just go meet jaehyun. i really dont care about your sex life with him. im over it," she lied.
and then she looked over at the boy and snatched the bags away from him. "and you, what the fuck are you doing here? i can carry these myself, mark," she snarled at him, then rolled her eyes. soomin just sighed, and before leaving she said, "ill get going now. but i promise you, it's nothing serious. we're just gonna clear the air,"
aeri and mark stood there, seeing soomin walk out of the supermarket. she couldnt believe her eyes. it pissed her off that she had to listen to that girl ramble on and on about jaehyun. it made her uncomfortable and even upon admitting that to her, she still wouldnt stop talking. after she was nowhere in sight, it was finally her turn to walk out.
mark was following her. "before i scream out harassment, please go away," aeri loudly said, so mark could hear her from behind. they were walking three meters apart. he was trailing behind her. she could hear mark chuckle from behind. "no, im here to actually apologize," he spoke, then he ran just to catch up with her and walk next to her.
she looked at him, and scoffed. yeah right. was what she said. "no its true. i mean, i wanted to say that im sorry for treating you like that at the night of the party," he apologized. the truth this time. remember how aeri said she always knew when mark was lying or not? she just had a special talent when it comes to mark lee.
"um okay apology accepted i guess," she mumbled under her breath. with hands in his pocket, he sighed. "i hope you're doing fine, aeri," he blurted out of the blue. aeri stopped in her tracks and turned over to face the boy walking next to her. "what is this all about, mark?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. she just wanted to have a nice dinner back home but people like mark and soomin were stopping her from that.
"i just said i hope you're doing fine. i know it was hard for you to move on from me but it was hard for me too, okay?" he exclaimed. aeri just laughed, then rubbing her temples because she was really confused at this sudden confession time in the middle of the road in the evening. "come again?" she said.
mark rubbed the back of his neck, he didnt want to say it. "you were my first love, that's what im trying to say," he said it like it wasnt even a serious thing. his tone so monotonous, it felt like it was fake. "and subconsciously, i realized i'm looking for you in every girl i bump into now and-" aeri just stopped him right there.
"mark, you have a girlfriend now. you shouldnt be saying things like this. not especially after bumping into me on a random day at the supermarket," she tried to make things less awkward than it already was. "and dont get me wrong, i'm very happy with her!" he justified himself.
"and i swear im over you, aeri. i really am. but i guess i was purposely around the neighbourhood, hoping that i could bump into you and apologize for the way i acted to you that night," he continued his sentence. "because i never really knew how bad of a boyfriend i was until you called me out for it," he added on.
aeri just stood there, with the plastic bags swinging from her hands. she looked at the boy who was trying to explain himself very firmly. "and i didnt want to apologize through text so i came here to meet you and just tell you that holy fuck— i loved you just as much as you loved me,"
"i loved you with every last bit of blood in me. but we were just wrong for each other. and i want to apologize for making you feel like shit. for making you feel like you werent enough for me. because you were more than enough. i was just too blind to realize that. and also for the things i did, throughout our relationship. i never really got to apologize about that properly, have i?"
mark wasnt even close to finishing his sentence but aeri just decided to cut him off. "if you loved me with every last bit of blood in you, you wouldnt have cheated on me. you wouldnt have lied to me. i wasnt wrong for you, but you were wrong for me," she blurted out, she could feel her heart aching because she was reminded of all the times he hurt her.
"and im so sorry for all the wrongs i did! i'm sorry for giving up on us before. i was immature, and selfish back then. and i took the people who loved me for granted. but now i've changed, i promise. if i could take back all the times i did you wrong, i would. and i hope you get to forgive me one day," he pursed his lips into a straight line. "despite all the wrongs i did, there was no denying that i still loved you very much. so much. i still loved you," he reassured her.
aeri sniffled, trying to gain back her composure. she didnt want to cry in front of her ex boyfriend. "i never knew the way you felt about us. at one point we just kept stuff to ourselves, huh? but i guess whatever you said somehow made me feel better. because i really thought that you hated me throughout our relationship," aeri confessed her side too.
"and i forgive you, mark. in fact, i have forgiven you a long time ago. you made me a stronger person somehow. and i've come to terms that yeah although we bloomed, we were still meant to wither, you know? just like you said, we were wrong for each other, right? i guess some flowers were just not meant to blossom; but all that matters is that we tried till the very end; at least i tried. and i think thats beautiful,"
"people grow out of each other, mark. and unfortunately it happened to us. and damn we were doing so well, werent we? or so i thought," aeri let out a soft chuckle, reminiscing of all the times again for a short while. then she wiped her eyes, quickly, she could feel tears coming out.
"well, if that's all you have got for me today, then can i leave? cause my mom really needs me home soon," she sheepishly smiled. mark apologized for holding her back, and told her it was okay to go now.
but before aeri turned around to leave, he pulled her in for a hug. and suddenly, it brought back very distant memories. even the ones that she totally forgot existed. and ones she didnt even know existed in the first place. it was like a time lapse of all the times they've been together in 1 second.
and for a second there, she really did miss mark lee.
and she meant everything she said. as much as she loved mark back then, some people were just made to grow out of each other. and at some point, mark grew out of her. he woke up and realized that he didnt need her anymore. and that was fine, right?
people fall out of love all the time. but love with mark felt like one hell of a ride. and she liked that ride. the thrill. the adrenaline rush. she closed her eyes the entire time throughout the ride, to embrace the feeling. she just didnt think that she would experience the great drop that quick. and by the time she opened her eyes, the ride ended and mark fell out of love.
so she was forced to fall out of love too.
but i guess he's all grown up now, holding himself accountable for the things he had done. and it was nice to see him change for the better. aeri still couldnt process the whole 'you were my first love' thing that mark said to her because it came out of nowhere and she didnt know how to react to that.
maybe that explained all the times, mark would crawl back to her at the most random places. and aeri thought that he was just being indecisive. but he was hurting just as much as she did. and when she looked at the boy one last time, she just smiled. this time, with no anger or sadness. just pure happiness and relief. it was like this weight holding her down has been lifted.
the boy standing in front of her that she once loved so dearly. it's crazy to think about how two strangers could have so many fond memories of each other still laying at the back of their heads. in this case, the strangers were them. they loved and lost. and now they're moving on. this whole idea of 'love' is still so new and complicated to aeri. after all, she was only eighteen anyway. she never knew she would feel this much of an emotion for one boy.
"i'll see you when i see you, aeri," mark smiled, his voice raspy, he ruffled her hair. aeri just chuckled before jokingly pushing his hand away. it reminded her of a time where he would always do that when they were dating. she felt like she was indeed reliving a dead moment. "take care of yourself, mark," was the last thing she said to him.
and then they parted ways.
—
[ a/n: i wont even lie i cried while writing this. it's just so sad because mark was the kind of love that aeri couldnt explain properly about :( i have a video edit about their love but for some reason i can input a video here unless its a youtube video so ig no one can see a video explaining their love ]