July went by very quickly. Seán ended his break on the internet and finally went back to streaming. He slowed down how often he was streaming and he just seemed more happy. The travel ban was still in place, much to my mother's wishes. The university was keeping in contact so they could monitor my health. They were all determined to get me back home. I was ok with my current situation.
Seán and I were pretty much a couple without the title. Cuddling was a daily occurrence. Groceries were delivered to us, so neither of us ever left the house unless it was for a walk or jog. Seán was still leading his happy, healthy lifestyle. I went along with it since I was living with him for free.
August did bring rumors of the virus. Some rumors were that the travel ban would be lifted. My university was offering classes online so I wasn't paying much attention to it. Then there were predictions of whether the virus would pick up speed again. America is arguing amongst itself on whether wearing a mask was affecting the people's rights. I don't want to go back if the country couldn't do something to protect others. The UK was almost the same but it was more people just didn't want to wear a mask, so they didnt. I felt protected in my little sanctuary with Seán.
It was the second week of August now. I was in the bedroom trying to button my jeans. Seán was brushing his teeth. I plop onto the bed and suck in my stomach as much as I could. I pull the pants over and try to button. I put my hands above my head. I give up.
"Having trouble?" Seán comes over and sits next to my body.
I sigh. "Why couldn't I gain weight this easily when I needed it?"
Seán gets up and starts pulling his hair back. "Nalia, we can buy you new clothes."
I sit up and shake my head. "I feel off. There has to be something going on. I have never been over 110 pounds."
Seán turns and looks at me. "Don't get mad at me, but, could this be you know, water weight? Doesn't a female body swell everywhere on their period?"
Period. My eyes go wide. I look at my phone calendar. "Seán…" he looks up at me. " Can I order something?"
Seán hands me his phone. "What do you have in mind?"
I scroll through his phone and order some pads, naproxen, and a pregnancy test. "You said period and I just remembered I'm out of pads. I also ordered something else, but I don't want you to freak out."
Seán rolls his eyes. "Nalia you can order whatever you want. You just have to ask."
I stand up and shake my jeans off. I go over to Seán and embrace him. I go on my tip toes and whisper in his ear. "I ordered a pregnancy test."
I could feel Seán tense. He wraps his arms around me tightly. "I don't know for sure, I just want to cover our bases."
Seán pulls away and walks towards the door. He brings a hand up to his beard and traces the lines of it. I know this involves both of us and this means he is allowed to be a little freaked out. I just don't want him to hate me. I didn't even think it was a possibility. I didn't think I could be pregnant, but I have had body changes lately. I gained weight, my breasts seem more swollen, and Seán still believes my nipples have changed.
"Nalia." Seán breaks me out of my train of thought. "The morning you went to the airport, did you remember to get that pill?"
I stare off to the side, trying to remember that morning. I remember waking up, leaving, and a pharmacy…."Seán I remember buying it, but I don't remember taking it." I put my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry Seán. I messed up again. That entire morning was just screwed up."
Seán puts a hand on my back. "Nalia, we don't know anything yet. Just take the test, and go from there. I will be here every step of the way, if you need me."
I hug him again. "This stays between us. I don't want this to get out at all."
Seán nods. "Trust me I understand. Fans would go crazy, and I know you don't want your family finding out."
"I don't even want to think about that." My mother is one thing that I don't want to picture. On the one side, I've only been with Seán so I know who the father is, on the other side I am definitely not ready for a child.
Seán takes his phone from me. He presses a few things and puts the phone in his pocket. "They should be delivered in the next couple hours."
I release a breath I didnt realize I was holding. "Yay. Now I just have to wait for it."
Seán chuckles. "Let's go play some Fall Guys to keep your mind off of it."
~~~~
The sound of a knock on the door was terrifying. I don't even get up to get the door. Seán gets up off the couch and gets the door. He brings the bag over to me and holds it out for me. I look up at him and he gives me a reassuring look. I could still see a hint of nervousness. I take the bag from him and head off to the bathroom.
Ten minutes pass and I look at my test. My eyes go wide. I do a little happy dance. I open the door and Seán looks at me. "It's negative." Seán releases a deep breath and falls back onto the bed. I go over and sit next to him. "Now let's just keep our fingers crossed that my period comes in the next couple days. If not I'll probably take another one."
Seán takes one of my hands. "I hope my reaction doesn't disappoint you. A kid just isn't in the plan right now."
I squeeze his hand. "No. I'm the same way. I want it to be negative. I mean, I still feel like a child myself. I don't think I'm ready to have one."
I lay back on the bed next to Seán. He takes me in his arms and we fall asleep, now that the stress has passed.