Chapter 20: 'I don't know'
"The wedding reception was amazing and superb"
"It was like a fairy tale"
"The groom and bride was perfect for each other"
"I wish them both all the happiness"
"Both their children will be beautiful"
"It's so romantic, they both loved each other"
I know it already and no need to repeat it again but the only thing that keeps repeating it was in my head.
I stared from the distant at the beautiful couple smiling together at each other, along with their families and friends.
What a perfect picture indeed but sadly there's this heartbroken girl who was crying from behind,a few feet away from the happy ending fairy tale. Of course she was sad and alone and so so heartbroken that she can hear her heart breaks into pieces not because a plate had just shattered into the ground because of a careless man. No.
What did she ever do to deserved this kind of punishment, she was just a normal girl who was in love for the first time. It was pure cruelty.
'Why universe'
I was smiling and greeting the other guests like me while I wipes my tears away from my cheeks.
The people and other guests had already looked at me funnily since I was laughing and crying at the same. I don't know what to do anymore but to caved in a dark place where I can mend my broken heart for a very long long time.
The laughter around was getting loud and joyous for a broken hearted girl's taste so I strutted away from the venue.
I trusted Cassandra Collins words about 'handling' the situation but maybe I got it all wrong and twisted. Maybe I misunderstood her words. But the way she kissed me yesterday and how she hugged and comfort me while I was crying plus the sincerity in her voice when she said those 'I like you' words and how her stunningly beautiful eyes sparkled. I'm so conflicted!
Did I just imagined it all and was just hallucinating this whole time, probably. I know it was too good to be true but it still hurts a lot. It was an indescribable pain and I don't know how to handle and mend it for now.
I nodded and waved back at the other guests who unfortunately noticed me on my way out of here. I barely able to see the double wood doors. Finally Lillian.
But sadly I was greeted by granny in her wheelchair because sadly her health had gotten worst yesterday and James, the good butler was beside her.
They had a solemnly sad look on their face and I swear I saw a look of pure regret and disappointment on granny's already sad face.
Thankfully I had managed to wiped away the tears and had managed not to break lose the tears again that was slowly coming to pour. Just a few while.
"Oh granny and James..."
I waved and smiled to them as I slowly walked towards them while trying to calmed and composed my cracky voiced and at least polished a little bit more my forced smile.
I can't let them see how hurt and sad and heartbroken I am because they're Cassandra Collins's family after all. I simply don't want to guilt them and especially don't want their pity because they'll just be worried about me.
I don't want to bothered and burden them either with my issue because lets face it I'm not the only one with problems here.
"What happened last night Lillian..."
That caught my attention.
"W—what?..."
Granny had a serious look on her wrinkly face that made me gulped for a second. I just nodded my head at them before sighing inwardly to myself.
"I—Last night I—"
"Lillian!"
The three of us glanced at Cassandra Collins who interrupted me just now.
She was in her beautiful white long gown and she looked so so beautiful that my eyes hurts and others envied, I probably would if it isn't for the fact that I loved her.
Her hair was into a neatly tuck bun with other beautiful hair garments like flowers and all. She was simply the beautiful goddess princess that came out from a beautiful fairy tale dream that I had once and always have. But like I said, It was just a dream.
I can't be mad at Cassandra Collins for long and just let her grabbed me by the hand after excusing both of us from granny and James.
Though my heart can't helped but galloped inside me like it always did when I'm with her, my skin burned when she touches me and my breathe hitched when she simply stared at me. It was purely pure bliss and happiness but right now it had sadness and bittersweet added in it.
We greeted some guests who notices us, but who wouldn't be, the stunningly beautiful bride Cassandra Collins was still tugging and dragging me with a serious expression on her face as she ignored and stayed silent.
I can only waved and forced a smile at the other guests on behalf of the love of my life Cassandra Collins who was now married to a rich gorgeous guy with gold Lamborghini as his sports car.
I'm so furiously envious and jealous and sad and heartbroken that I can't helped but sniffed and wiped a lone tear that escape from my left eye. I felt Cassandra Collins gripped on my hand tightened, the same as my conflicted heart.
I now looked like a child caught swimming in the river by her mom and got scolded pretty hard while her mom was dragging her back home. But I simply was a teenager whose madly inloved and was caught in this conflict field of love and the one's whose dragging me was the love of my life probably to a place where we could talk. That's what I thought.
I don't know what to expect from Cassandra Collins anymore but I know for sure that I don't want the feeling when I'm with her would vanished and wished that we could stay like this forever, frozen in time. Just the two of us alone.
But sad to say that's impossible, especially right now. We stopped at the beautiful maze garden outside the reception. The flowers were exotic and beautiful while the bushes and tress were trimmed neatly and to perfection.
This was Cassandra Collins world, far from my normal and ordinary one.
I just stayed silent while avoiding looking at her direction because partly I would just gawked and drooled at her gorgeousness and because I'm conflicted at her action right now.
"Lillian..."
I really wanted to ignore her but I simply can't do that and so I glanced directly at her eyes. She looked so stunningly beautiful as always and before I knew it the water break lose and I openly cried in front of her.
Why would she say she will handle it when in the other day she would be married. Did she mean she like me or she was just playing with me and lied till she got married. Is she playing my feelings because she know, I know, everyone knows I am deeply,madly and hopelessly in love with her!? I don't know anymore. I would be less conflicted if it was simply a dream but her right now standing infront of me said it wasn't. It was the truth and it hurts.
Was it a prank or an act, is she auditioning now into the showbiz industry? But why would she do that?
"W—why...?"
I asked her after I found my voice eventhough it was crack and full of hurt. I simply can't hide it anymore.
Was it a bet or a game? Was it all for fun or she just want me to be happy by saying those words to me?
"I—I had..."
She stayed quite after that and no one between us wanted to speak our pieces in the moment and right all I want to do was to hugged Cassandra Collins and tell her how I loved her. I don't know if I would begged her to divorce Kendrick and tell her that I would do anything she would say because let's face it I would do anything for her or walked away and just be enough at staring at her from a distance being happy because I had been doing it for years now.
Its like I will eventually let her go with someone else but never stop loving her. I don't know. I'm conflicted especially when all of the sudden she was now hugging me tightly like she don't want to let go of me ever.
My eyes had started to teared up again as she tightened her hugged on me but I did nothing. I didn't hugged her back and just cried.
I want to be selfish so bad and dragged her away from here so we could eloped together but she probably doesn't want that.
If she meant what she said yesterday and had marry Kendrick today then I only got one conclusion forming in my mind. She like me but she loved Kendrick more and it was clearly no comparison to it.
'No wonder...'
I already lost though a small part of me was already happy and contented and honored that she had time to like me, either it was just friendship or something more.
I tried to break free from her tight embraced but she tightened it more.
"Lillian... I'm conflicted..."
My breathe hitched as my heart galloped more than ever before nodding my head while still crying.
"Me too..."
On cue we slowly backed away and just stared at each others eyes while being still approximately closed.
Mine was with adoration and longing just for her while she had this conflicted one and another thing I can't read but nevertheless her grey eyes never look so stunningly beautiful and mystic than ever.
And before I can contemplate we were both leaning closer into each other. My heart is in this beautiful exotic rendezvous that only Cassandra Collins could had an effect on me and no one else.
Our lips were inches away that I could feel her warm lavender minty breathe when all of a sudden someone pushed us away from each other and it was no other than Kate Foster herself.
She had a very angered look on her face, because who wouldn't, her sister in-law that supposedly her brother's wife was hugging and almost kissing someone and that someone was me. It was treachery, punishment with death.
"Foster..."
I heard the venom in Cassandra Collins's tone as she glared hard at Kate Foster like she hasn't just been caught kissing someone else. She was angrier.
Of course it made Kate more mad than ever as she showed us a small blue notebook she was holding, it looks like a diary to me.
I heard Cassandra Collins gasped.
"How did you get that!?"
"It was easy considering were friends since toddlers..."
Kate had managed to smirk at Cassandra Collins direction before her face had gotten serious again as she glanced at me.
"I think pining to a married person was a bad mistake Maurer..."
My head hung low at her words and just stayed still and quite because she was right but I just can't and don't know how to unloved Cassandra Collins whose the loved of my life like forever now. It was impossible to do so.
I heard Kate laughed sarcastically at my action before she walked towards me and grabbed both my shoulders like she did just earlier this morning.
"Get a grip will you!"
I stared at her angered baby blue eyes that had hint of sympathy and other more.
"Lay your hands off of her Foster!"
Kate ignored her as she continued to approached me but unfortunately for her my heart can't bare to not love Cassandra Collins.
"I—I heard your heart felt confession with grandma a month ago..."
This caught my attention. She what?!?
"And I'm not the only one caused she did too..."
She glanced at Cassandra Collins's direction.
I can't make myself glance at Cassandra Collins simply because I'm embarrassed about it and would probably be more if she indeed heard it.
"But do you think this is the right decision...she's already married and she will be away for MIT..."
"M—MIT?"
I was shocked. I glanced immediately at Cassandra Collin's direction but she was simply avoiding my gaze.
Kate laughed sarcastically again this time.
"I see... She had lied to you again and you just let her and believed every word that she said..."
I didn't answered her and remained quite and still.
"Do you think you knew her...well think again Lillia—"
"Stop it Foster!"
Kate ignored her again as she squeezes my shoulder and made me look at her baby blue eyes that was telling me to believed it. She was telling the truth.
But maybe I don't want the truth.
"She's already in love with my brother..."
I glanced at Cassandra Collins again this time looking with all mixed emotions. I don't know anymore what to do.
I want to listen to my heart but my mind was telling me to now back off along with my loved because was not needed anymore.
"Cassandra..."
Kendrick called and saw the little conflict we had and swiftly walked towards us.
He looked at Kate then at me and lastly at Cassandra Collins looking concerned and worried as he snaked his arms around her waist.
I'm super jealous and hurt but also had no right.
"What's wrong?"
Kate beside me was about to say something but Cassandra Collins immediately interrupted her.
"I—It's nothing to worry about..."
Kendrick glanced at me once again with a serious look on his face before glancing back at Cassandra Collins that made her flinch and tense.
They stared at each other and as if they had shared at telepathic conversation because Kendrick nodded his head at Cassandra Collins, as if expecting her to do something.
Cassandra Collins fumbled and gulped before she faced me, looking directly in my eyes.
"L—Lillian...Don't come near us ever again...please..."
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