Matty
"Max?" Jem asked half asleep "my head hurts, it feels like it's being squished"
"You hit your head Emmy, remember?"
She shook her head at him "I don't remember max" she sat up "can you hear ringing?"
"No that's just from where you hit your head"
"Oh hello" she said to Laura who laughed
"Hello Em, how you feeling?"
"I'm Max's girlfriend"
"That's right Emmy!" Max said grinning ear to ear "you remember"
"But Matty doesn't know so Laura has to keep it a secret"
"I know Jem" she screwed her eyes up at me looking me over then shuffled closer to max nervously.
"Max? What's my dad doing here?"
"No thats matty" Max looked as confused as me, she looked at me closer examining me
"Are you sure?" She asked, Max nodded "I don't like my dad, he shouts and breaks the furniture. He hits my matty! He broke his arm and locked him in garden in his underpants, in the snow!"
"Jem it's me look, I don't even look anything like dad I look like grandad on mums side if anything." I moved closer taking her hands and putting them in my face, I don't know why, she could clearly see it was me, touching my face wasn't going to help. "I didn't know you remembered that winter." I sighed, that was a tough winter before dad finally left, I had hoped she'd forgotten it.
"Matty you came back for me" she smiled and gave me a hug, I squeezed her tight, she looked at Laura again "hello" we all laughed and Jem looked confused, her bruising looked worse and was now multicoloured. She sat snuggled up to max while he fussed over her telling her bits and pieces trying to jog her memory. Her phone rang and max passed it to her looking over at me smugly, I cocked my head at him. "Oh this is going to be interesting" he said to me.
"It's peter, Petey's my bestest friend" she told Laura who nodded wide eyed and smiled, talking to Jem right now was like talking to an over excited forgetful toddler. When I realised it was a FaceTime call and I rubbed my face worriedly, max continuing to smirk at me, knowing full well peter was going to kick off. Jem lay back on max and he held the phone up for her.
"Hola doodlebug, William just rang me, he's really upset, he was crying and ranting about...Wait it's true! what the fuck!"
"Hola petey" Jem waved down the phone happily
"She's very confused and all over the place at the moment mate, hi" max explained from behind Jem, giving him a wave
"Am I?"
"Yes baby, you hit your head remember"
"Hit her head! That's not What William said! He said..."
"She can't remember and we haven't told her yet"I called out stopping him
"Max hit me" Jem said to peter "no wait that's not right" she shook her head "William hit me?" She turned asking max
"No baby"
"My head hurts peter!" She whined at him "and they won't turn off the the ringing noise, I asked them but they won't switch it off! They're being really mean to me Petey! can you make them switch it off Petey?"
"What?"
"She has ringing in her ear, part of the concussion but she thinks it's...I'm not sure what she thinks it is" max giggled kissing her head
"Hello" Jem said to Laura for umpteenth time, Laura waved, she seemed to actually quite like the sweet interaction however repetitive it was becoming, Jem hadn't spoken more than a few words to the poor girl in months unless it was in an argument or rant, every time Ed bought her round to try she'd retreat away to her room, leave the house or just stare and nod. "That's laura" she told peter pointing at her, max turned the phone so Laura could wave to peter.
"Ummm hola Laura" peter waved unsurely
"She's fucking Ed"
peter burst out laughing at Jem's matter of fact statement "oh my god Jemima! Oh boys sounds like you've got drunk Em on your hands, Oh Laura I hope you're prepared love! She's taken a liking to you clearly."
Laura laughed, her and Ed exchanging smiles. "I don't mind honestly I think she's cute"
"What are you all talking about?" Jem asked confused again making us laugh "Max why is Petey inside my phone? Is he stuck? help him get out max! Petey get out of the phone! Peter can you hear me! GET.OUT.OF.THE.PHONE!" Max laughed at her kissing her head again explaining that Peter was in a different country and we were FaceTiming. Peter said goodbye and yelled that he wasn't done with me and would call me later, telling max he needed a man to man with him as well now he was dating his girl.
Milo made Jem some pasta and she sat eating it still very disoriented. The rest of us had pigged out on barbecue food so weren't hungry. I enjoyed watching her suck up her spaghetti like she used when she was six, getting it all over her face. Max got her meds and a nutritional juice, Jem refused at first confused as to why she had to take them until max explained everything to her then she took them, instantly snuggling back into max while he rubbed her stomach.
"Max I need heartbeat cuddles" she whined
"I'm all yours Emmy help yourself" he smiled happily opening his arms laying back on the sofa
"Nooooo" she whined "take it offffff I want a proper one." she tugged at his shirt. Max looked around the room where all eyes were on him looking a little unsure of himself. "Ah sod it, it's for Emmy." he exclaimed tugging his shirt off over his head throwing it on the floor. Jem lay on top of him resting her head on his bare chest falling asleep again listening to his heartbeat.
"What?" Max snapped looking at me
"dude! are you being serious right now!"
"She says she hears it better without a shirt! She likes touching my arthur tattoo! sorry Laura" he smiled down at Jem rubbing her fingers lightly that were resting on his tattoo.
"You're ok max, I've seen you in the pool and on the beach in just your shorts remember!"
"It's not the same" I muttered
"Is it making her happy, yes. Is it doing her any harm, no. Is she asleep, yes. Is it sexual, no! So what's the fucking problem!" Max argued at me.
"You do this all the time do you?"
"Yeah always have actually, she asks, I comply, because it makes her feel better! Even before I got the tattoo!"
"Whatever max, just looks like an excuse to get your kit off in front of my sister! You creep."
"you're such an asshole sometimes you know that!"
"Boys come on, you're going to have to work this out somehow, for all our sakes, but especially for Em's, once she's better and realises you're at each other's throats it's going to break her little heart and I know neither of you want that do you!" Ed lectured us.
"Well family therapies going to be fun boys" Milo rubbed his hands together sarcastically
"He's not family though is he" I hit max where I knew it would hurt, when we went serious with the band we'd said we'd be brothers forever however it panned out, if we were successful or flopped we'd always have each other's backs as brothers, as family. That we'd look after Tom and max who were still so young, who we worried about constantly, who we tried to steer away from trouble, they were introduced to the party scene and alcohol way too young much like Jem was. We were all young but they were exceptionally young and vulnerable at the time. Management wanted us to replace them with older musicians but we refused, it was all in or none of us.
"Matty come on! he's still our brother!" Tom said annoyed
"Well max, are you her brother? All the other boys call her little sis, what about you huh, do you call her your little sister while you're fucking her?"
"You're sick Matty you know that, of course I don't, I've never called her little sis apart from maybe when she first got here and you know it!"
"Apparently I'm oblivious to a lot of things max! How do I know you've not got some wierd fetish about fucking your little sister!"
"Ok Matty you're just making yourself sound like an idiot now!" Ed scoffed at me "and he's right he doesn't call her little sis, I don't know why I didn't notice it at the time, he always calls her little Emmy, or my Emmy."
"It's true, I noticed it when I first met her. I thought it was a little odd but didn't like to ask." Laura chimed in.
"Really! I'm your brother right? I'm supposed to be your brother!" I argued at max
"You are Matty! you're my big brother you know that! I look up to you, you looked after me. I love you like you're my blood brother, you know that Matty. Don't ever say you don't know that because I know you do!"
"Exactly! I'm your brother that makes her your little sister! You're fucking your little sister you sick fuck!"
"Matty! Stop! Don't say that!" Ed snapped "max don't listen to him, he's just wound up! Understandably. You're still our brother dude."
"She's not my sister" max mumbled sadly
"You're just the same as all the other sick fucks that have abused and taken advantage of her! You know that right?"
"Matty please, don't say that" max sniffled out "please don't think that, I love her"
"You're fucking my vulnerable traumatised little baby sister! End of story, sugar coat it however you like but you're still sticking your dick in my damaged little sister you sick mother fucker!" I rolled my eyes and flopped into my chair, I knew I couldn't ban him from the sessions, Jem was going to ask him to be there, I had no doubt about that.
"I love her Matty, boys I love her, I'm not taking advantage I swear I'm not, I'm not abusing her!"
"We know mate" milo patted Max's knee
"Oi! Pick a damn side!" I snapped at milo
"Shut up you idiot" milo snapped back
"You didn't even ask me about my tattoo, why I got it where I did" max looked at me teary eyed, holding Jem's hand over is butterfly "she was sad about leaving him behind, so so sad. So I put him over my heart so we could take him home with us, he belongs with his mum, I put it over my heart so when we have heartbeat cuddles it's like she's giving Arthur one too. I love his mum, he belongs close to my heart, right next to her. every time she has a heartbeat cuddle she gives him one too." He kissed her head.
"Awww Max" Laura cooed wiping her eyes "that's so sweet"
"No it's not" I tutted "you know that's low, using her dead son to manipulate her into your bed. You're sick in the head mate. You stay the fuck away from my nephew! He has sod all to do with you!"
"Matt! Stop! I know you're angry but you should hear yourself, you know max, you know he wouldn't do that."
"I thought I knew him. Apparently I haven't got a clue. I can't even look at you, you're not the boy I thought I knew. You disgust me you maggot. Stop twitching you....."
"Oi! Don't go there!" Tom warned me "I'm on your side here Matt but don't you dare go there with him."
Jem woke again and was dazed like she was half asleep, her hair was messy and all over the place so Laura offered to braid it for her which she accepted, crawling off max while he put his shirt back on. Ed could not take the smile of his face watching his girlfriend looking after Jem. I hoped for his sake this continued once she was over the concussion. Jem kept dozing off then waking straight back up again like she couldn't keep her eyes open but didn't want to go to sleep.
"You wanna go to bed Emmy?" She shook her head "why not?"
"Can't go to sleep max" she said her eyes half open half closed.
"But you're already falling asleep my little fruit loop" max rubbed her cheeks softly
"No max!" She said more sternly "you can't go to sleep, if you go to sleep that's when he comes"
"Emmy What are we talking about baby?"
"Steve" she said sleepily her heading nodding then whipping straight back up again.
"Steve's not coming Emmy, Steve is in prison remember"
"No" she shook her head "can't go to sleep cos that's when he comes" she repeated. I watched max cup my sisters sleepy bruised head in his hands trying to focus her. I noticed the other boys sitting forward listening in as well, we were finding out lots of missing details that Jem had kept to herself, in her disoriented state she was coming out with all sorts, some pure gobbledygook, some obviously were snippets from her past, clearly Sandra was correct in thinking this is what Jem usually woke up in the night having nightmares about.
"Tell me Emmy"
"That's when he comes Max, when you go to sleep, you have to be quiet max, you can't wake Matty up, he gets mad if you wake Matty up, promise me max, don't wake matty up." Max shot me a sympathetic look knowing she was talking about before I had left England when I was oblivious to what Steve was doing to my little sister in the room right next to mine.
"I promise Emmy I won't wake him up."
"Be a good girl and then he'll leave Matty alone, you have to keep Matty safe! don't let him hurt my Matty! Matty's bike is all broken because I was a bad girl, he is very sad, I don't like my Matty being sad. I love my Matty." Max pulled her into him kissing her forehead then looked at me.
"Sorry Matty" He sighed softly, I nodded wiping the tears from my face, Tom coming over and hugging me tight while I tried to cry quietly on his shoulder so not to upset Jem.
After making Jem drink a large glass of water, part of her new regime, she fell back asleep, max lifted her on to the sofa covering her with a blanket.
"I'll try and take her up later, I think it's a two man job tonight if there are any volunteers, just in case she wakes and forgets that we're...sorry Matty, but I don't want to freak her out if she wakes up asleep on me thinking I'm William or something" max nervously ruffled his scruffy hair.
"I'll do it mate" Tom offered "I don't think it's a good idea you and Matty tag teaming at the moment." Everyone nodded in agreement, Tom Looked at me sadly "sorry Matty it's probably better if you sit this one out in case she wakes up and remembers you hit her."
"Yeah yeah that's fine, promise me you'll look after her though max. Don't touch her when she's like this, please for me just don't go there. I won't be able to control my anger if you do."
"You don't have to ask Matty! You know me dude, you don't have to ask me that!" I nodded at max, I had no intention of sleeping tonight anyway but I could see why me being in the room would make things worse if her memory came back, I was dreading her remembering, she'd been forgiving at the time but would she now that I'd caused all this and when she sees I'm at war with max!
"Matty, You didn't know about any of what she said did you?" Ed asked kindly I shook my head sadly.
"she'd mentioned it briefly when we visited the house, but no details, How could I have not known, how could I have not heard that creep doing god knows what to her in the room right next to me! She'd tell me she wanted to be big girl and sleep on her own. Not all the time, but before, because of dad, we used to kip in together, since she was out of a cot, if I'm honest I used to take her out of the cot and bring her in with me, it was just the way it was. Then all of a sudden it was I wanna be a big girl Matty. She still made me check for monsters and ninja move my way round her room to fight away the scaries. I should of just climbed in with her, I still did, she'd cry at night and I'd go and fetch her to bring her into my bed. How did I miss it."
"You were only a kid Matty, you can't blame yourself."
"Doesn't make me feel any less guilty though! She thought she was keeping me safe, I didn't know that. I didn't know that's why she never told me or anyone what he was doing. I thought she just didn't understand what he was doing to her. It makes so much sense, she was always tired and falling asleep at nursery. He ran over my bike with his car by accident. We got in a huge fight over it, Jem kept trying to give me her pink one with tinsel tassels on the handle bars and training wheels. She thought it was her fault. He told her it was her fault. She wasn't a bad kid! I don't understand, I don't think she ever had a temper tantrum before I left, cry yeah, but she was a well behaved kid."
"I don't think that's what she means by bad girl matt." Ed patted my back "sorry mate."
"When she had that break down on tour she told me she was bad. That that's why these so called men do these things to her, because she was born bad." Max nodded sadly
"I'm sorry Laura, you've been thrown in the deep end this week." I shook my head, hoping this wasn't scaring off the only girl Ed had even vaguely entertained since getting his heart broken.
"Don't worry about me honestly, and don't worry I'm not one of those fame hungry girls who sells stories to the papers, I know thats partly why Em is worried about me being here. I've told Ed I'm happy to sign the gag order, I'm not offended honestly, I understand why she doesn't trust me. I really admire your sister Matty, she's been through so much and she's just amazing! I mean I know you didn't appreciate the song she wrote for max, but did you know she only came up with that last minute at breakfast this morning!"
"Really!" I said shocked, max nodded at me
"She's written some others about me, but that one she came up with this morning, she was super excited, she thought you'd like it, said she always tells you the hard stuff though her music."
"I guess she does"
"Hellooo" Jem's chirpy child like voice greeted Laura suddenly, we were deep in conversation making us all jump out of our skins, we turned to face Jem who was sitting bolt up right just staring at Laura smiling.
"Hey Em" Laura belly chuckled
"bloody Hell Em you gave us all a heart attack" milo said in between laughs
"Fucking hell I forgot you were there for a moment" Tom held his heart "I thought you were a bloody poltergeist Em!"
"Am I dead Matty" Jem gasped at Tom's statement
"No, you're in Australia Jem"
"Australia!" She gasped shocked, I nodded at her, she looked around and clocked max "hello" she greeted him like a stranger
"Hey Emmy, you alright my little lemon?"
"Matty he sounds funny! Wait Matty you sound funny!"
"Max is Australian Jem, I've lived here so long I've got the accent now, we're half Australian aren't we Sis."
"Max is Australian!" she gasped in shock, Max nodded eagerly, trying not to laugh at her
"I think you really shook that little brain of hers up Matty!" Milo laughed, I shot him an angry look and the room went eerily quiet.
I turned to see Jem looking at me confused as if trying to piece together the information but not quite being able to reach it, she suddenly gasped again and pointed at me shooting out of the living room. Max chased after her and we stood watching from the doorway letting max handle it so not to crowd her, she was stripping off her clothes in front of the mirror inspecting herself closely, looking at the bruising on her face then spinning around looking at her scars. Ed shuffled Laura back in knowing Jem wouldn't be showing her in normal circumstances.
"Emmy?" Max cautiously approached her "what you doing now baby?" Max asked picking up her clothes helping her put them back on.
"Did Matty hit me max?"
He looked at me before answering "Yes, but it was an accident Emmy" she pushed up her sleeves frantically inspecting herself, I realised she was checking for other bruises to see if I had just hit her or given her a beating like Steve used to. I walked over to her and she backed away, until her back hit the front door, she looked at me in utter fear. Now I knew how max felt.
"Emmy its ok, it's just Matty" max tried to comfort her, she slid over to him not taking her eyes off me, keeping her body flat against the wall until she reached him and flung herself into his arms wrapping her legs around him.
"He hit me?" She asked again peeking over at me
"It was an accident Jemima" I pleaded desperately
Max carried her back into the living room, she clung to him like a baby koala. We all sat back down and I sat next to max and Jem on the sofa, she hid away from me scurrying behind max, max shrugged at me. He'd tried and wasn't sure what else to do. I reached out to touch her to try and reassure her.
"No don't touch me! Max help me! DON'T TOUCH MEEEEE!"
"I've got you Emmy, nothings going to happen, Matty's not going to hurt you"
"I'm sorry Jem it really was an accident."
"Max" she whispered loudly
"Yeah" he whispered loudly back playing along with her current confusion.
"Did Matty hit me?" She whispered asking the same question
"Yeah we said that already Emmy"
"Did we?"
"Yeah, remember it was an accident" she peeked at me from behind max and then hid away again, Tom came and perched on the table in front of me, putting a comforting hand on my knee, helping me to keep it together, I shot him a half smile in thanks of the gesture, we all continued to listen in on the loud whispered conversation between max and Jem. We were sure Jem thought we couldn't hear her even though we clearly all could.
"Max?"
"Emmy Why are we whispering?"
"Shush he might hear you"
"Who Matty, he's right here Emmy!" She peeked again then continued hiding from me
"Did he touch me max?" She squirmed squeezing her legs together
"Emmy no!" Max said at his normal volume
"Are you sure?" She continued her loud whispering.
"Yes I'm sure! it's Matty he wouldn't touch you like that Emmy I promise!" She peeked out at me again looking me over. Did she really think I would do that to her!
"Jemima, I would NEVER touch you like that"
"Max" she ignored me continuing her whispering "my head hurts, why does my head hurt max?" We all sighed it was definitely going to be a very long night!