Kabanata 11
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Tinulak ko ang dibdib ni Sextus bago siya matalim na tinignan. His jaw dropped as what happened sank into his senses. Parehong namimilog na ngayon ang mga mata namin. Marahas kong pinunasan ang labi ko at bigong-bigo siyang inilingan.
"S-sunny—"
"It's best if we don't see each other anytime soon." Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko't hinilot ang noo ko. With eyes gleaming with disappointment, I said, "Excuse me. I need to find my boyfriend."
Akmang aabutin pa niya ang kamay ko pero nakatalikod na ako't nagsimula nang maglakad papasok sa country club. Wala akong kasalanan sa nangyaring 'yon pero nababagabag pa rin ang isipan ko para sa maaaring sabihin ni Ico. I couldn't keep this a secret and whether or not he'd hate me for this, he needed to know. He deserved to.
Una kong hinanap si Ico sa club pero bukod sa mga usual party goers na nando'n ay hindi ko siya namataan. Sunod ko siyang hinanap sa pool area pero 'di ko siya nakita. Panghuli akong tumungo sa casino. Bago pa ako makapasok sa loob ay napatigil na 'ko dahil tumambad sa harap ko si Levi.
He crooked a smile. "Look who we have here! If it isn't my favorite Sunny girl!"
Iniwas ko ang sarili ko sa kaniya pero dahil sa kalasinga'y napapasubsob siya sa 'kin. We were in the corridor and he was leaning on the door totally wasted. Tangina naman. Ba't kasi 'to umiinom kung ang weak naman pala? Hassle, amputa.
Ngumiwi ako. "You're drunk, Lev."
"I'm not drunk!" he protested, wiggling the can of beer on his hand. Napairap ako nang senyasan niya akong pumasok. "Com'on, come inside! Everyone's having fun! Libre ko alak mo!"
Bumuntong-hininga ako at pagod siyang tinignan. "Hindi ako nandito para makipag-inuman. May hinahanap ako."
"Woah! At sino naman 'yan?"
"My boyfriend..."
His face distorted in confusion before he let out a loud bark of laughter. "Boyfriend? Sunny Vega has a boyfriend?" 'Di makapaniwala siyang umiling-iling. I was starting to get pissed by the inconvenience he was causing. "Dude, for real? Second coming na ba?"
"Shut up. I do have a boyfriend, okay?" Napaiwas ako ng tingin. "Kailangan ko siyang makausap kaya please, padaanin mo na ako."
Ngunit imbes na pagbigyan ako'y mas hinarangan niya pa ang pintuan. He was spreading his arms and spanning the width of the doorway with them. Bahagya nang nakayuko ang ulo niya pero pilit niya 'yong inaangat upang magtama ang mga mata namin.
Ngumisi siya't itinaas ang beer can niya. "I can help you! Sino ba 'yang boyfriend mo at nang matulungan kitang maghanap?"
"Levi..." He was seriously getting on my nerves now!
"What? Com'on, Sunny, don't be shy!" sulsol niya pa. "I've been hanging out with some guys in the poker area for a while now. Baka naman nakausap ko na 'yang boyfriend mo?"
I let out a sigh of defeat. "His name's Ico Benavidos. Nakita mo ba siya?"
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang bigla siyang natahimik. He closed his slightly-opened mouth like he was thinking about what I said. Irritation and impatience prickled across my shoulders as I tapped my feet on the carpeted floor repeatedly. Ang walang silbi naman ng lalaking 'to!
"Ano? Ba't parang nakakita ka ng multo diyan?"
Napakurap-kurap siya. "Oh! I just can't, uh, believe that he's your boyfriend."
"Why? Because he's too good for me? Too rich?"
"No... I mean, seriously?" A line formed between his eyebrows. "You'd date an asshole like that and refuse to date me?"
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
He lifted a sarcastic smile and shook his head. "Woah, woah... Wait, I'm still shocked. Talagang gano'n 'yong taste mo?"
"Bakit?" tumaas ang boses ko. "What the hell happened?"
"He called you a slut, Sunny."
"No..." It was my turn to shake my head. "No. Why would he do that?"
Nagkibit-balikat siya. "I don't know. Kasama ko si Ico kanina sa poker table at napag-usapan ka ng ilang lalaki roon. They were badmouthing you and then suddenly, he cut in and said, 'Stop talking about her. She's just a slut.' or some shit like that. I wish I'm lying but," he curved an apologetic smile, "I'm really not. Your boyfriend said that."
A slut? Umawang ang labi ko sa parehong gulat at 'di paniniwala. Ico would never say that and I could bet my fucking life on it. Lasing lang si Levi. He must've misheard or something. Besides, Ico wasn't the type to hang around his crowd. They're too much for him to handle.
Pumasok sa utak ko ang sinabi kanina ni Sextus. Totoo kaya 'yon? Talaga bang sinabi sa kaniya ni Ico na nagpapanggap lang kami at binabayaran niya lang ako? There wasn't a confidentiality rule that we couldn't say the truth to anyone but I thought it was common decency not to do so. I could deal with the shame, but the betrayal? Wow. Unbelievable.
Guess I did patronize him too much, huh? Because hell, how could I not see this coming? Mukha siyang laging may baong plano sa bulsa niya. Ico was a sly bastard who had his plans laid out before his eyes. He had it all figured out. He needed freedom. And I was nothing but a slut he's hell-bent to use to get it.
"Kung ayaw mong maniwala, puntahan mo siya."
Kumuyom ang panga ko. "Nasa poker table pa rin ba siya?"
"He is," wika niya at saka tipid na ngumiti. "'Di ko 'to sinasabi sa 'yo dahil gusto ko kayong sirain. It's just a damn red flag. He's your boyfriend, not your fling. He should've respected you whether or not you were watching."
Despite what I heard from Levi and Sextus, I still gave Ico the benefit of the doubt because I knew he was a good person. Niligtas niya ako kanina sa pool area tapos biglang pagsasalitaan niya 'ko ng masama sa likod ko? He wouldn't stoop that low!
'Di nagtagal bago ko siya namataan sa gitna ng ilang taong nagkukumpulan sa poker table. Nakangiti siya at mukhang kumportable sa mga kasama niya taliwas sa inaasahan ko. It was the first time I saw him have fun and be a laid-back person unlike his usual uptight self. I marched toward him and with the long strides of my feet, it only took a few steps before I was facing him.
Agad na nagtama ang mga mata namin. Napatuwid siya ng upo at saka tinaasan ako ng kilay. Nakangisi siya. May isang bote ng alak sa harap niya pero kalahati lang ang bawas doon. Different colors of lights were dancing on his face so I wasn't sure about his true expression. I knew he was in his asshole mode though. He was smirking for God's sake. He didn't usually do that.
"We need to talk."
He shrugged. "Alright. Dito o sa labas?"
"Sa labas," mariing sambit ko.
Tumayo siya't tinapik ang likod no'ng katabi niyang lalaki. I bet he didn't even know who that guy was! Iritang-irita na 'ko at mas lalo lang 'yong nadagdagan nang nilampasan niya 'ko habang naglalakad siya palabas. He bumped into my shoulder but he remained unfazed like I was just air or something. Ano ba talagang problema niya?
Nang nasa portiko na ng country club ay tumigil siya. Maliban sa iilang valet 'di kalayuan sa 'min ay kaming dalawa lang ang tao roon. It was the place's happy hour and everyone was inside doing their own stuff.
Malamig ang simoy ng hangin at kulang ang jacket na pinatong ni Sextus kanina para 'di magsitayuan ang mga balahibo ko. Despite that, I firmly stood in my place as I darted a scathing gaze at Ico whose eyes were colder than the wind.
"Totoo ba?" prangka ko.
He inserted his hands in his pockets and stared at me blankly. Walang ekspresyon sa mukha niya maliban sa bahagyang galit na ramdam ko rin sa ere niya. Gano'n siya palagi pero iba ngayon. This one screamed all the bad things combined.
"Anong totoo?"
"You said that I was a slut, Ico!" I snapped.
"Why?" He took a step forward and gave me his most judgmental stare yet. "Aren't you?"
Parang bumaliktad ang sikmura ko. My heart dropped to my stomach and although I was supposed to see his words coming, I realized that I wasn't ready because I chose not to be. Kasi pinagkatiwalaan ko siya. Kasi mataas ang tingin ko sa kaniya. God, Sunny. How could I forget that he's like this? O baka naman 'di ko nakalimutan? Maybe... I overlooked it because I patronized him too much. Too much.
Nangilid ang mga luha ko sa 'di malamang dahilan. Buong buhay ko'y nanatili akong parang batong hindi natatablan ng anumang opinyon ng ibang tao. I had made peace with who I was and for the longest time in my life, I was honestly content. Kasi anuman ang sabihin nila, alam kong totoo ako at wala akong naaapakang kapwa ko.
But how was it that Ico's words affected me so much? It always had. Ayoko mang aminin pero sa tuwing nararamdaman kong nadidismaya ko siya, nanghihinayang ako. It made me feel like an utter failure every time. Somehow, somewhere, I wanted to please him. That's the truth. But that truth ends now.
"Listen, Ico. And you listen well." Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at nahahapo siyang tinignan. "Hindi ikaw ang magsasabi kung ano ako, kung sino ako. Buhay ko 'to. And I'm the only one who can say who I am and who I can be."
A sarcastic smile rose on his lips. "But you broke the rule, Sunny. You kissed Sextus."
"That's it?" Disbelief washed over my face. "'Yan ang pinuputok ng butchi mo? Is that why you called me a slut?"
"Everyone calls you a slut."
Before I could help it, my palm already flew to his face. He was right. Everyone called me a slut. At kung bakit nasasaktan ako kapag siya ang tumatawag sa 'king gano'n ay labas na sa 'kin. But his words hurt and they hurt a lot. Only a slap could compensate for it.
"Ayoko na sa putanginang set-up mong 'to. I want out."
He turned to me, still with his blank face. "You can't do that. The dinner's a day away."
"You're not the God of me. I say what I can and can't do."
Naglabanan kami ng tingin bago siya simpleng umiling at bumuntong-hininga. He took out his wallet and slipped out a blank check from it. Nilahad niya 'yon sa 'kin. Umawang ang labi ko.
My heart was aching by how low he thought of me after all this time. Akala ko, noong nag-usap kami sa tabing-dagat, napagtanto niyang iba ako sa inaakala niya. He made me feel like I was different. But now here he was taking everything back.
"That's a blank check," he said icily. "Write whatever amount you want. It's nothing to me."
I smiled without humor. "Alam mo, akala ko iba ka... Pero pare-pareho lang pala kayo."
Tinanggap ko ang tseke at saka 'yon pinunit sa harap niya mismo. His eyes widened but I was fucking done with his insulting actions toward me to care. Ang problema kasi sa kaniya ay pinaparamdam niya sa 'king mahalaga ako at pagkatapos ay gagawin niya ang mga bagay tulad nito.
But I guess that worked both as a curse and a blessing. He instilled so much self-love into me and now I couldn't watch him ruin my hard-earned peace. Not today and not ever.
"Why did—"
"Leave, Ico." Umiling ako't matalim siyang tinignan. "Leave and never come back into my life."
Naisara niya ang nakabuka niyang labi. He stared at me for a few more seconds before he nodded and walked back inside the country club. It was as simple as that and he was gone. Nang wala na siya sa paningin ko ay tumulo ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Fucking great. Now I lost my ticket to a comfortable life! Paano ko na mababayaran ang hospital bills ni Sabby nito?
Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko't mapait na ngumisi. Who was I kidding? I was crying not because of the money I lost but because of the person I did. What occurred between me and Ico was good... until it lasted. Kahit ibalik man ang oras ay sasabihin ko pa rin 'yon sa kaniya. I didn't want him in my life again. I didn't need someone who'd give me hope then shatter it afterward. Tama nga siya. False hopes are fucking cruel.
While I was trying to calm myself on the porch, my phone rang for a call. Nang makitang si Minerva 'yon ay mabilis ko 'yong sinagot.
"Sunny!"
"H-hello? Anong nangyari?"
"Pwede ka bang pumunta rito sa ospital? Isinugod ulit si Sabby at..."
"At?" My heart hammered against my chest.
"At may kailangan ka ring malaman."
Nang makarating ang taxi sa harap ng ospital ay halos tumakbo na 'ko papasok upang makausap si Minerva. Nakita ko siya sa lobby na naglalakad paikot-ikot. Nilapitan ko siya at nang magtama ang mga mata namin ay sinunggaban niya 'ko agad ng yakap. She was crying. She never cried.
Kumalas siya't pinunasan ang mga luha niya. "I'm sorry. Ayaw 'tong ipasabi sa 'yo ni Laurel kaya nilihim namin sa 'yo."
"Ano ang nilihim?"
Kumunot ang noo ko lalo na no'ng maalala ang kakaibang kilos nilang dalawa noon sa Cavura. My gut was telling me that something was up with them. Hindi lang balisa noon si Minerva dahil kay Katie Valderrama. That was petty of her.
Tears strolled down her cheeks. "Si Sabby... Binigyan siya ng taning ng doktor. Isang taon na lang ang natitira sa kaniya."
***
life's kicking in as well as our research. won't be able to update as much as i can but will try to do so. lots of love. <3