CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Hatred is the madness of the heart.
- Lord Byron
Juliette
Adelaide is my best friend.
It's not uncommon for Bloods to be best friends. My dad has two best friends; his brother, Felix, and someone he's known longer than he knew my mom, Rich Cross. Rich is my godfather, and he's Perry's godfather, and he's all of our godfathers. My uncles are my uncles, and considering Dad feels like Rich is his brother, he made him part of our family as best he could.
We don't see much of Rich now, he lived in the South with my dad and then moved East when my dad did. Now he's kind of all over the place. He's one of the really Traditional Bloods. He and his Blood Bound and they're daughter go to any and every Blood event they can, they're those Bloods.
He and my dad are still close, of course, which I hope will be the same for Addy and I. I can't imagine not being able to message her anytime I want with a problem or a joke or a plan to see each other. I don't talk to my friends back home anymore, but I could move anywhere and still talk to Addy. I love her, we'd make it work.
That being said, if her surname was "Hayes" I wouldn't love her, because I wouldn't have been given the chance to know her. That really makes me think sometimes, especially now, because she'd still have the same personality and she'd still be the same person but I wouldn't get to be her best friend because we're not supposed to like each other.
If Heath wasn't a Hayes would I be his best friend?
But then I start thinking about childhood conditioning – if Adelaide grew up as a Hayes, in that family, that Clann, she'd be a different person. She's what she is because of what happened to her parents and her twin brother and the way she's grown up.
And I start to think of our Clann's traits. Adelaide is supposed to be crazy and Heath is supposed to be bad and I'm supposed to be good. That is how it works.
So, no, when I begin to think about things like that I get rid of the thoughts because it's pointless. If I grew up a Cross girl I would be a completely different person. I'd think differently, value differently. That's just it.
I start rapidly blinking, trying to bring myself back down to Earth.
The reason I am thinking all this is because one of Addy and Adrian's cousins is getting married. He's about forty-something and has recently found his soul mate. I don't personally know either of them, and the only reason I'm in this old, Catholic church is because Nana Warren is announcing who the next head of the main Warren family is.
Usually when a head knows who they're going to choose they write it in their will immediately, some even do what Nana Warren does, the Traditional thing. Have a huge ceremony to announce it. It's like a new president except there's no election, just who the current head thinks it should go to, and it has to go to someone in the main family. Their wife or husband or one of their children, that's it.
The church is packed, full up with Warrens from around the world. A lot of others are here as well, but not to see this lucky man with his lucky soul mate. No, we're all here to find out who the heir is when Nana Warren dies.
Addy, or Adrian?
I cut a glance to my left and see the Hayes Clann. Olivia sits poised and proper as ever, with only Jakub and Heath beside her. It's not compulsory for any Blood to go to any Blood event, it's just courtesy to do so. Manners.
My family, on the other hand, are crammed onto the pew considering even Sebastian has dragged his sorry-ass all the way out to Michigan for this ceremony. Perry sits in-between us, squirming with emotion at the displays of affection between the two soul mates and soon-to-be Blood Bounds.
"Bruce is really doing a great job up there," Perry compliments our uncle. "He was born to be an Old Blood."
He stands in the sacred garment of the Old Blood who conducts the wedding, saying what needs to be said from this grand book he uses two hands to hold. His voice is deep and booming throughout the church, and Perry is right. He was born to be an Old Blood.
Sebastian has tried to get my attention a few times, but I've ignored every attempt. The last time I saw him was the night of Ben Hayes' wedding, when we all got home and he told me that I had let the whole family down for kissing Heath. Then he packed up and went to college. I haven't heard anything from him and Perry hasn't mentioned anything to me, which is why I assume he's only been talking to Cas.
Law's soul mate died and I went missing for four days in the woods with a Hayes... And he's been silent.
I don't know why it took me so long to realise what a selfish man Sebastian is.
Perry leaps up and cheers as the congregation goes wild. The couple have now been married and are now following Bruce and a few other Old Bloods into the back of the church, where they will conduct the oh so secret Binding Ceremony. I stand up and scream and clap for the couple, happy they're happy. Ecstatic they're ecstatic. Bitter and resenting the fact they can be so public about it. I'm not admitting to any romantic feelings towards Heath but, wow, it would be easy if we didn't have to sneak around to talk.
Nana Warren then walks up the aisle, and I realise how much of an icon she is. She is the oldest Blood alive. She strides down with nothing but confidence. Her body is fragile with age, but she is sharp. She has not let her not finding her soul mate define her. She has had children, grandchildren, she's unstoppable.
If you're a Blood you can always rely on one thing.
And that's Nana Warren.
"I want to thank you all for coming to this beautiful church for these beautiful people!" Her accent isn't jumbled up like Adrian and Addy's, it's just... Nothing. It's completely neutral. I have no idea where she's from.
"Now, for the messy part," I like Nana Warren because she doesn't bullshit. Yes, she told me I couldn't be with her son because I wan't made for him, but at least she's honest. She's an admirable, scary person and I kind of feel a little starstruck thinking back to when she talked to me. She's nuts, but I'm a little bit in love.
I throw a glance behind me at a – of course – grinning Adrian who has his arms encircled around Addy, squishing her to his chest and he doesn't seem to be releasing her anytime soon. He winks at me and I wink right back while Addy pretends to get sick.
"A Clann's main family is their centre-piece. They're both a combination of the king and the queen in chess. Powerful but need to be protected." She casts a look behind Heath's family, to the pew that's always kept empty for the memory of the main Cross family. "Not just by their Clann, by their own family, but by the other Clanns," She looks around to us all, stressing every word. "It was easier in the Beginning, family meant so much more but we can still keep that meaning alive. Maybe humans have lost it, but we haven't. And we are all each other's family, and we will protect everyone." People are cheering in the church, letting their agreement be known. Law and Cas cheer with them, calling up to Nana Warren how right they think she is.
"Main families protect their Clann and their Clann protect main families. But the heart of the main family is their leader, and that's what we're here for." I think she's looking to me until I realise Addy and Adrian are behind me. "A Clann needs a leader that is strong, that can lead. Someone who will follow our laws," And then she smiles, like she herself invented every Blood rule there is. Maybe she did. "And will know when they need to be broken."
New Age Bloods jump up with heckles of agreement, Law is now up on his feet too, punching his fist in the air and Perry and I cover our faces with embarrassment
"They're acting like groupies." I mutter to Perry who laughs as Nana Warren carries on.
"I have watched these two beautiful children grow up. I thought I had already made this tough decision of deciding who should lead the Warrens into a new era," Her smile falters a little, and the shouts of joy quieten. "I chose Gabrielle, my daughter, twenty years ago to lead us." Gabrielle Warren. Addy and Adrian's mother. "She did for almost a decade." I think she may cry. I hear members of the Warren Clann begin to weep all around the church, even my father begins to choke up a bit. "But there was another plan in play by Fate, by Our Creator, and I was needed to lead us again, waiting for two very special people to become old enough."
"Who do you think she'll pick," Perry whispers, as Nana Warren talks about former heads of the Warren Clann. "I mean, I know everyone has bets going and you said you didn't want to say because you're best friends with both of them but, really, Runt, who do you think she'll pick?"
In unison, Nana Warren and I say, "Adrian."
"You, Adrian Theseus Warren. I choose you to lead our Clann."
The crowd goes insane. I've never felt an energy like this before but everyone is feeling alive. Women in their gowns are going nuts and I'm with my brothers, arms around each other and standing on the pews screaming my lungs out and feeling incredible as we throw our arms around Adrian and Addy and I have never loved the two more as Adrian rips himself away from us and sprints to his grandmother, full throttle and grabs on to her, hugging her with everything that happy boy has.
"He deserved it, he deserved it so fucking much." Addy wraps her arms around my neck as people stamp their feet on the ground and on the pews. I never knew Adrian was loved, but he is. He's just like his grandmother.
Iconic.
____________________
"Your dad is making it really hard to sneak up and puke on you."
I jump at the voice, whipping around to see Heath, doing this terrifying smile.
"Wow, you look... Happy?"
His terrifyingly wide smile becomes increasingly wider. "I went through a lot of pain to get these teeth this straight, I'm going to show them off."
I give a little laugh, doing a quick search of my surroundings for any prying eyes, but I'm outside an emergency exit with a cigarette in my hand and a plastic tarp covering me from the rain.
"Don't worry, we're clear. Your dad is talking to some Soren guy-"
"Bruce, my uncle."
"-And if they're not doing shots at the open bar, your brothers are off having a ball with people in other Clanns." Heath drops his smile in favour of a small smirk. It's not a harsh one, it's kind of endearing, actually. "It's a night full of Clann mingling, friends being jolly, people seeing lost relatives." He moves towards me. "I intend to do the same."
I laugh, a little nervously and take a quick go at the cigarette. "Have you been drinking?"
Then he laughs and takes a few steps back. "Nah, I was just messing with you, tryin' to see if you'd go along with it."
He nods to my hand, "I didn't know you smoked." He says, no judgement in his voice.
I shrug, taking another puff and noticing how much I'm shaking. It could be from the cold, but I know it's from something else. Heath makes me jittery. "I don't, not really. I'd say I'm a social smoker but this isn't very... Social."
He leans against a red brick wall that's slimey with moss, but he doesn't seem to care. It's freezing and the sound of the heavy rain hitting the plastic tarp above us is harsh, but I don't really mind. I can hear car horns off in the distance and people chatting, yet I feel completely isolated from everyone.
"My brother, Eric, smokes as well. Not like Jake does, not a pack or two a day, just every now and then when he gets stressed. Seriously stressed."
I blow out a breath that's made visible with smoke. It always hurts my lungs, it makes them feel too full and sore. "I started last year during an exam time. I tell myself I'm not addicted but when I get too..." I move my hands, trying to tell Heath using gestures but it's useless. Frustrated, I exclaim, "It's like it all builds up! One minute I'm fine and the next I can't breathe because I'm panicking and then I need one of these." I lift up the offending cigarette and then finally shrug. "If I'm addicted, I'm addicted. Dad and Law are, it's no big deal."
Heath nods, "It's a bit of health risk, of course," He goes silent for a minute before pointing to himself, "Take it from someone whose dad died from lung cancer, mostly because of his smoking habit."
My eyes widen and then I'm dropping the cigarette and smushing it into the cement with my high heel. "Heath, shit! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean t-"
He doesn't laugh it off but he shrugs. "It's okay, it doesn't affect me and if it helps you keep calm I'm all for it. As we saw on Friday, I'm not the best at keeping calm and when I don't my body decides to get rid of the panic for me," He gives me a tight smile, not asking for pity. I remember him in the midst of his panic attack. "I just want to make sure you know about the health risks."
"I do," I clear my throat. "And I'm all for looking for substitutes to relax me but I've been kind of busy being," I motion between us. "Stressed. This isn't easy."
His expression softens. Now I see no smirk or attitude or look of resentment, I see someone who is genuine. Someone who is a someone and not just someone who is an asshole.
"For either of us."
I wrap my arms around myself, discovering that I had never empathised with Heath before. I hadn't put myself in his position. He's hated me just as long as I've hated him, maybe even longer... Has he hated me more? He began all this, he began the deep rooted anger I have towards him when we were little and he was hurting only me and not the others. He always had it out for me even before I was supposed to know what hate was.
It can't be easy for a boy who hated someone so much to then be told he was designed to love her.
That's what really pisses me off. It's what starts my rant, I think. It gets my mind going and finally the penny drops and I piece together the problem that lies in my culture. It's what makes me go crazy. Not that he hated me from the beginning, but that he has to love me.
"This is so forced." I shake my head glaring at the shining "emergency exit" sign above the door. "I don't deserve this and, Hayes or not, neither do you. We deserve so much more than a person who is being forced to love us. Coerced and bullied into it by their blood. I deserve someone who has a choice," My eyes snap to his like I've just figured my whole life out. "I deserve a choice. I deserve to choose whether or not I ever love anybody. Maybe I don't want you, and not because you're you but just because I don't want anyone. Maybe I'd rather be alone than with someone."
Heath nods, like he's thought it all before. "You do. I do."
"This sucks!" And I want to rip off the jewel encrusted shards that seem to be covering my boobs, this dress is a work of art but nothing someone should wear. "I have no choice. You have no choice." I stare at the brick walls on either side of us, like they're fencing me in. "We're trapped."
Heath nods, because I know he's thought it all before. "We are."
My shoulders sag as I stare at him. Breathless and hopeless. "But... Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you going to fight it? Fight the Bond?!"
He stares at me and pushes himself off the wall and walks towards me. I begin to feel worried, where's the Heath I've seen so far on this journey? Where's the passion, the fire?
"I thought about that, we both did it for a while," I think he might come over to kiss me, to tell me how pointless that all is but instead he just takes my hand and holds it, right in front of me. "But we realised how pointless it was. Hating each other wasn't helping because we were both alone and miserable. Now we're still miserable," He smiles a bit. "But we're not alone."
The indignation does not leave me. I am still furious with the unfairness of it all.
"And now you say you're angry, not because I'm the one you're made for, but because you're made for anyone at all?"
I nod quickly, relieved he understands me. "I want a choice. I always thought the pinnacle of my existence was based on me falling in love with some hot guy who would whisk me off to some beautiful country and I'd find out what it's like to have a soul mate. But that's not fair, my life shouldn't be focused on someone else," I don't start to cry because I don't feel like it, I start to want to pummel my fists against the wall. "Humans get to choose. Why can't we?"
Heath's brows furrow and he thinks for a moment, trying to come up with something to say.
"Some humans – Catholics, I'm pretty sure – believe that God threw some angels out of Heaven because they wanted to be like humans. They didn't think it was fair these humans had this thing that angels - who were so much better than them - had; free will. Angels didn't have free will, they had to follow God or something like that and couldn't decide things for themselves, they were slaves. They wanted the ability to choose," He draws me a little closer, adding effect to his words. "We're like angels, Soren. We want to be like humans because they have free will and we don't. We're tied down by being Bloods in so many ways." He's making my head hurt, telling me things that, somehow, I never considered before. Never pieced together. "By our Clanns and our curses and our blood and our soul mates."
We hear a sound close by that makes him drop my hands like they're hot coals. The sound soon fades and my heart soon starts beating again and his terrified eyes flick to mine.
"We're not humans, Soren. But we're not real Blood Bounds either. Right now, you think we're being forced to be together but, we're not." I grab on to his hand this time, huddling to him. His expression is one of shock as I shift closer to him, but he powers on. I can see how much he needs me to understand his point. "We don't have a choice, you're right, but we're not being forced to be together, we're being forced not to be together."
I open my mouth, but I have nothing to say.
"All the other Lovers have been forced apart by the Old Bloods and the Clanns, why would we be any different?"
"We're not." I say, weakly.
He nods, almost looking a little spiteful. "Right, we're not. So, shut up saying you want the ability not to choose me and start talking about how you're going to fight for the ability to choose me."
My breath catches and I pull away a little bit, shocked.
"But... We don't like each other, why... Why would we go through all of the trouble to try to be together if we might not even want to be a couple in the end? We split our Clanns apart and fight the Old Bloods all for... What? For each other?"
"The last time there were Lovers, there were a few of them. And, now it's started again and it's started with us," He stares at me, hard. "We need to fight this for whoever is next. Right now, our odds are impossible. Let's make their odds improbable, let's make each Lover's time a little easier."
My breathing is heavy and it feels like the air and the rain is getting heavier. Heath is looking at me so intensely, like the answers to all his problems lie in my head.
"Why? Why should we do that for them? Why should we risk destroying our lives for theirs?!" It's selfish and it's awful but it's the truth. I could die, be exiled, end up Boundless. Why should I do this for strangers?
He explodes, there is no other way to describe it. "Because we're us!" He slams his hands against his chest. "I am Heath Hayes and you ar-" He breaks off. He can't say my name. He can't say my goddamn name. "You're the first. Soren. Princess." He shakes his head with disbelief. "Your father adores you and I am the only one with a brain in my family. Your cousins may resent you but people from other Clanns – especially women – worship you and my Clann like me about as much as a Hayes can like anyone. If anyone in any Clann can survive this it's us," He looks up at the dark tarp like he's calling for Our Creator. "And what if the next Lovers are some kids who are so distant from the main families they could be humans?" Heath looks at me beseechingly. "You're supposed to be the good, compassionate one here, Princess. I'm not going to sit back and watch the Old Bloods of my Clann torch cousins or friends of mine because they hold no sway in our world because they are not the right relatives. I'm not going to watch people be exiled for having soul mates they can't control. I can't," He takes a few steps away from me, retreating. "I won't."
That's when my eyes begin to tear up a bit, because the indignation will not leave my chest and I have a feeling it won't for a while. That I will have a hard life trying to make it leave, finding the time when I decide that everything is fair.
"So... We're going to fight for other people? Other Lovers in the future? To make their life easier?"
Heath looks like he'd rather do everything else other than agree, but after a few moments of hesitation, he says, "We're going to fight to be Bound."
I glare at the ground, moving from it to the tip of my black heel that pokes out beneath the lavish and achingly uncomfortable dark blue and green dress I'm wearing. It hurts, but maybe not as much as what I say next will hurt;
"And if I don't want to be Bound to you? What do I fight for then?"
He gets this look of a wounded puppy. His pride and feelings have been hurt.
"The choice."
I nod and he slips his rain jacket it off. It's light but keeps me a little bit warmer as he slides it over my shoulders. He steps away, giving me space and I look up to him.
"Can we be... Friends, do you think?"
His face smoothes out as he stares straight ahead. "Check my jacket pocket. Then you can decide."
I watch the exit door close quietly behind him before I tentatively reach inside the pocket and produce a small ring.
I bite my lip to stop from smiling, sliding it carefully onto my finger with shaking hands.
I don't forgive him for what he did - taking it, locking me up like some lunatic - in fact, I'd press charges with an Old Blood if we weren't in this mess together. I don't forgive him for what he did when we were kids, either.
But Heath is definitely trying to deserve my forgiveness.
___________________
Ingrid Warren pulls me into an embrace, holding me tightly.
"You here to tell me how much of a good person I am again?" I joke as she releases me, both of us a little winded from the exertion. She's wearing a dress just as painful as the rest of us this time. It's magnificent and silver – many Warren girls seem to be wearing silver today, Addy's started a trend – and she looks great, but our bodies are mangled inside of these flesh cages.
She laughs and leans on the table behind her. "Nah," Her accent is Australian. "It made you uncomfortable last time. I just wanted to come over and say "hiya", see how you're doing."
I grin at the girl in front of me, balance a bit off because of the heels. "I'm good, you?"
She gives a little sigh and smiles. "School is stressful and boys are annoying but I'm doing well, heard the latest news from Bright?"
"Bright Academy?" She piques my interest when she talks about the Blood boarding school. "No, oh my God, tell me."
There are a few things I need to talk to Ingrid about. Actually, one thing, and that's about why the last time I saw her she was vomiting blood.
Now, after Heath, I know what that means, especially when she knew her soul mate wasn't dead.
She grins, grey eyes glinting before she catches sight of someone behind me.
Suddenly her mood changes and she straightens up from our huddle to roll her eyes, looking exactly like her cousin, Addy, in this moment.
"Stellen Soren, what is the occasion that lets you grace us with your presence?"
I turn to see my cousin who is smiling politely at Ingrid.
"Just here for Jules," He links me without actually looking at me. "Problem?"
She looks him up and down. "No one ever has a problem with anything you do." Though the words seem to carry less heat than she intends. Her eyes flicker to mine, "I'm off to congratulate my future King."
"Adrian's gone to a dinner." I blurt out, before I can help myself. "With the main Hayes family."
Ingrid smiles at me while Stellen laughs, "Still keeping tabs on Heath, are we?" She comes over and kisses me on the cheek, ignoring my cousin. "Ever find out why the kid hated you so much?"
I shake my head, heart in my throat.
She snorts, "Well, I can't say I feel bad for you. I'd kill for him to pay me some attention," She looks up at Stellen, eyes sparkling. "Heath Hayes has got to be the best looking Clann boy out there, right?"
I don't know who she's asking, but I still reply with, "No."
She looks back at me and laughs. I don't know how she does it, but it sounds pretty patronising. "Okay, Jules, whatever you say." Then she picks up her skirts and glides away, dress glimmering in the light.
I turn to my cousin, narrowing my eyes. "What did you do to her?"
His eyes stay on her as she moves away and he's frowning. "Nothing," He mutters, under his breath. "I did nothing to her."
Stellen and Ingrid go to school together and I'm fairly sure they're in the same grade, I even thought they were friends... Apparently not.
"Sorens don't hate anyone except Hayes', Stel," I remind him as I tug our linked arms and lead him over to one of the buffet tables. "Don't start things between Warrens, they're good people."
He just shrugs as an answer as we both start loading plates full of food.
This wedding is a lot more low key than the last one I went to. The decor isn't as wild and it isn't as large which leads to a lot of bumping into people, but it's manageable. Stellen and I wander over to where my family are sitting with two of my uncle's, Leo and Felix. Leo is Stellen's dad and Felix is the uncle we are all the most fond of. He's a kind man with a copper coloured beard and tanned, leather skin. His face is creased with fine lines and his hair is a shaggy mop of blonde curls. He has the same deep lull of the Southern drawl my dad has, even though he's lived in England for years now.
Felix and Leo sit either side of my dad at the large, round table. All with empty plates in front of them. They lean back in their chairs all chatting languidly to each other and their resemblance is uncanny. Leo is the most clean shaven of the three with a buzz cut and a clean jaw while my father has hair that hits his eyes and Felix is just a bit of a mess. I haven't seen Felix in months as he comes to few Blood events.
When he catches sight of Stel and I he starts grinning. He flings his arms out, narrowly missing his brothers' heads. "Stellen! Juliette! It's been too long," He starts laughing and motions us over. "Get over here and give your favourite uncle a hug."
As we put our food down and smile we both know why we love Felix. He's the nicest of our family, the one who cares the least about anything Blood related. He is uncaring and perhaps irresponsible but everyone needs that uncle who doesn't care about anything. The fun relative who gives you alcohol when you're fourteen and maybe buys you condoms every now and then.
He releases us from our group hug, grinning like a mad man.
"Damn, kids, you've gone and grown on me. Soon you're gonna be taller than Granny over here," He motions to my dad, playing on the fact his name is "Grant".
Stellen grins, puffing up his chest. "That's the plan."
"That was my plan too, Stel." Perry calls from across the table, balancing a spoon on his nose. "As you can see, didn't work out too well."
"Come, sit, sit," Leo motions to the seats beside him and Stellen and I sit down. "How's school, Jules? I didn't talk to you much last time we saw each other."
"Good," I nod, even though school is never good, especially now when I've missed over a week of it. If there was any chance of me going to college before, it's been ruined this year.
"You know," Leo shakes his head, looking to my dad. "Bright Academy is just getting better and better. I don't know why Jules and the boys aren't attending it like Stellen and Alex are."
Dad laughs good-naturedly. "You're forgetting that massacre it had back in the 1800's when every main Clann was almost wiped out because all their kids were murdered," I trade a look with Law. "Not exactly what I want to risk happening to Cupcake and Peregrine over here," He looks to me and Per with a fond smile.
Leo shifts uncomfortably while Felix laughs.
It's true that people target the children in main families especially. It's smart. You kill the heirs so that there's no one to give the title to. It's been a rule for millennia that you have to be in the main family to become the head, and we will break that rule for no reason. It's why main families are so big all the time. So that there's more chance of survival, basically.
It's why, when the Cross royalty were butchered, there was shock and devastation, of course. But not as much shock as there could've been.
"You're eighteen soon, right, Jules?" Felix asks as I start chewing some food.
I nod, swallowing quickly. "Seventeenth of December."
Felix's blue eyes twinkle with mischief as he leans over Leo to speak to me. "And what do you want? You know I always get good gifts when my nieces and nephews become adults," He looks to his brothers. "It's become a rite of passage."
All I can think of is the car he got Per for his birthday and I get excited.
"I-I'm not sure yet, Felix. A surprise?" Do I want a car? Would I get myself killed in it? Probably.
But... If I had a car, it would make sneaking around with Heath a lot easier.
Then I mentally scold myself. I phrased it wrong. Heath and I do not sneak around like that. If we're going to sneak around in the future it will be to figure out how to solve this mess. How to be a successful Lover story, where neither of us die for the other, where we don't fall in love.
While Felix starts speaking of the things he's bought his nephews in the past for their eighteenth birthdays, I zone out and start imagining what it would be like to be friends with Heath. He has a lot of them, so I know it's not impossible, and Brody's sister, Marissa, seems to think he's a good guy and she seems like a nice girl so, maybe he is okay.
Being friends with your Blood Bound wouldn't be the worst thing, would it? Just because there was no sexual aspect of the relationship wouldn't mean we wouldn't care for each other and, that way we can deal with the Side Effects together, and there would probably be less of them, too. Maybe Heath and I will just end up with human partners. We'll have families with them and we'll be friends with each other.
That doesn't sound awful, does it?
"Juliette?" Dad's face creases with concern. "You've got your mopey face on, what's wrong, Cupcake?"
That is awful. I've been promised a person who I will be in love with. A Blood boy who I will be more than friends with. I don't need it, yes. But I want it. I want that happiness, the full one that soul mates experience together. Not the half kind that my dad felt before Mom left him.
"I'm good," I force a smile. "Just can't believe I'm going to be eighteen soon."
Dad shoots me a sad smile. "Me neither, eighteen is old."
"Wait until you're seventy-five," Felix leans back in his chair, patting his bloated stomach. "That's old."
"Felix," I frown. "You're sixty-three."
"Oh, I know," He shrugs. "Was just sayin'."
Dad leans towards me as I start eating again, keeping his voice hushed. "I know you're ignoring Sebastian, Cupcake, but this is a wedding. We're celebrating and you guys haven't seen each other in a while and you won't see each other again until Thanksgiving." Dad scoots his chair closer to me as Leo and Stellen leave in search of the rest of their family. "With us all being so worried about you and Lawrence, we can't afford to ignore anybody in the family, 'kay?"
I pull away from him, affronted. "Sebastian thinks the worst of me, especially after Ben Hayes' wedding. I don't want to put up with him being an asshol-"
"Language."
"Sorry."
Dad pulls away from me, lips pursed. "I'm not asking, Juliette, I'm telling you. Sort it out, you're both too old to be fighting."
I scoff, becoming bold. "That's a laugh, Dad. You hate Sebastian."
"I don't!"
Now it's my turn to pull away with pursed lips.
He stares at me for a few moments before shaking his head. "I'm the adult and I get to tell the kid what to do. That's you, so go over there and accept your brother's apology."
"No."
His nostrils flare. "That's it, you're grounded until next year."
I just shrug, having been grounded for much longer before.
That's only two months away.
"I'm on the school council now, I can't just quit for two months."
My father, being the surprisingly trustworthy man he is, even in his anger, sighs and says, "When are your meetings?"
"Three times a week after school, we have to stay in later because we're helping the drama club with their set design for Grease and we're trying to get a committee together for the Winter Formal next month, plus they're having some kind of elections soon, I'm not really sure what they're for but I know it'll take some time and Parker needs me to help him write up some articles for the school paper an-"
He rolls his eyes, cutting off my lies. "I get it, I get it. Just tell me when you'll get home, but apart from school and council meetings, you're not stepping outside. Not even for grocery shopping or church."
I try my hardest to look distraught, but as I don't leave the house much anyway and the fact that I'm not even on the Student Council and have just secured, like, three random outings a week for a few hours, my two grounded months will sail by.
Usually I'd take the grounding and serve my time for my punishment. I originally got four weeks for the whole Halloween thing of being missing for four days, but somehow I managed to convince him it wasn't really my fault, even though Law told him about the "drugs". So I got four weeks which I was okay with seeing as he works a lot so I'd only really have to stay home for Saturdays and Sundays. But now that I won't speak to my brother he's added on an extra month.
Grant Soren is very strict when it comes to the relationship of his children. He's the King of the Sorens and has taken that as meaning "I need to make sure we all love each other and are just one big family", so I'm not allowed to fight with my brothers or cousins or any relatives. He organises big Soren reunions every now and then, too, which is adorable but also a pain in the ass. Most of my relatives don't like me, or I make them paranoid. To other Clanns I may be fascinating - it's why I've been kept alive, I'd say, and the fact that Bloods are a little less okay with killing each other like we would've been with in the past (you break a rule now and you're exiled, not hanged) - but to my own Clann I'm a bit of an abomination. I don't know. I'm over it.
So, I understand his need for me to reconcile with Sebastian as it's what he believes. Even when we were younger he wouldn't stand for disputes. Other families are more relaxed when kids fight but it just tore my dad up. The older we get the more guilty we feel for fighting, but today, I just can't look Sebastian in the eyes.
I'm losing respect for a brother I once thought of so highly.
Dad turns to talk to Felix and I move to finish my dinner beside Law who is texting as he eats. I can't really look at Law either, strangely. It's not because I hate him - because I don't, I could never hate any of my brothers, really - it's just because he's so hard to look at. He always looks half-dead. He's grown out a patchy beard that makes him look like Dad, kind of old and haggard. He has dark, pronounced bags under his eyes and big, puffy lips that are rubbed raw by his teeth constantly gnawing into them. He even has little indentations from his two front teeth always pressing down on his bottom lip. He's the poster boy for sadness, which makes me sad.
"'Sup, sis?" He looks at me weirdly, he's caught me staring.
"Dad grounded me for another month," I clear my throat, shifting uncomfortably under his blood-shot gaze. My perfect brother hasn't been sleeping. "I won't talk to Sebastian so he's made me Public Enemy Number One."
"You were wasted and high off your face for four days, Juliette," He picks up a chicken wing coated at sauce and points it in my direction. "If you were my kid you'd be in a convent in Switzerland, swearing your celibacy and marrying God as we speak."
"Well," I say absent-mindedly as I quickly snatch a handful of fries out of Alex - my cousin's - plate as he passes by. "Thank God I'm your little sister and you have no power over me."
He makes a funny face that causes me to snort before he starts eating his chicken wings, getting his new beard coated in sauce.
I gag, Perry exclaiming, "What the hell are you? A Viking barbarian feasting on the meat of his fallen enemies or something, you hairy hobo?" Law sends him a silencing look, attempting to wipe up his beard with a napkin.
Napkin.
I push myself up and away from my sauce-covered brother and start striding across the room, pressing my hands on my waist to hold myself together in this muscle ripping dress. I keep my chin up, a woman on a mission as I hunt through the huge room where the reception is in search of one stupid, selfish brother.
I spot the freakishly pale Soren with his white-blonde hair slicked back and face in a charming grin talking to some Old Bloods, buttering them up. I march right up to him, ignoring our Superior elders as I latch on to his elbow, digging my nails into his skin and growling, through gritted teeth, "I need to talk to you."
He looks from me to the beloved Old Bloods beside me, face showing signs of strain as he laughs - a light sound - and says smoothly, "I'm a little busy here, Juliette, how ab-"
"Now."
He swings his head to the Old Bloods, I turn to see that they're both Warrens and mentally face-palm. They are the elitists, the snobbish, holier-than-thou Clann. I've definitely just made myself look like a petulant little brat to them.
"Excuse us, sir," He nods to the man then to the woman, "Ma'am," He says, with almost a Southern twang, just like our father, and I roll my eyes as he lets me roughly lead him to a private corner, free from prying eyes or listening ears. Though, as a Blood, I'm not sure if we're ever free from that.
"What," He hisses, all pretences of a polite young man vanishing quickly before my eyes. "The hell was that?!" He tears his arm from my grip and my boldness falters. "They were Old Bloods, you lunatic, are you trying to get yourself killed?"
"Old Bloods hate me anyway, I can't mess it up anymore."
He snorts in derision. "Oh, you'd be surprised."
I press my hands to my face (careful not to touch my false eyelashes, even though I think I used industrial glue to stick them on I feel like blinking too hard will cause them to melt down my face) and suck in a quick, irritated breath.
"Do you remember what you said to me at Ben Hayes' wedding?"
He leans against the white wall, surveying the couples dancing behind me to a catchy pop song. "I said a lot of things to you that day, be a bit more specific."
I can't help but pause in disbelief and say, "You're an asshole."
He looks to me, almost like he's a little shocked, before his expression smoothes out and he folds his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry about what I said after Heath..." He can't say it. I can't remember the last time I saw him at a loss for words. Heath kissed me. He's kissed me a lot of times and I've kissed him too. Say it. Go on, Sebastian, say it. "I've apologised, what else do you want?"
"You've ignored me for weeks. I'm your sister, Sebastian, not some friend you're having a fight with!" I push his chest, unable to form my upset and anger into proper words. They always fail me when I need them. "Law's soul mate di-" My eyes fill up with tears and my voice breaks. Sebastian's face becomes pained, his breathing shallowing. "I didn't come home for four days, Dad almost called the police and you didn't even text me asking if I was okay. You didn't ask anyone." I throw my arms up. "Zak is lost and Perry has his soul mate, do you not care," I corner him, tone acidic. "Do we not matter to you anymore, now that you're going to some shitty college with a bunch of stoners?!"
He stays calm. It's Sebastian, of course he does. "You're my family, Jules, of course I care. I love you."
My breath almost catches a little. He hasn't said that for a long time, which is strange for my family as Dad makes us say it almost every night to each other.
"Well," And I'd regret my little outburst if I didn't know he needed the kick up the ass. "You should show it sometime. I'm not saying live with us on the weekend or anything but, Jesus, I want to know how you're doing. I have no idea how life in your college is, if you're dating anyone or who your friends are or-" My shoulders sag with fatigue. "We all used to be best friends and now you're a stranger to us, Sebastian."
He pulls me in for a hug, crushing me to his chest. I want to squeal in pain from the pointy shards of fabric, diamonds and sequins digging into me but I squash it down. Sebastian is like a scared baby animal, you have to let him show the affection he wants to in his own time.
I pull away after a few moments, realising that I needed to talk to him for another reason other than my five seconds of hating him.
"Last time, at Ben's wedding, you drew me some pictures on a napkin."
He rolls his eyes, straightening his white shirt that all Blood men who are guests at a wedding are compelled to wear. It's horrifically unfair. They wear airy white shirts and black slacks and we wear beautifully designed torture chambers.
"And you gave out shit to me and I realised I was being a paranoid dick. Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don't." He shrugs. "A few years ago I had one where I went to college abroad and now look at me. They're not guaranteed. I should not have shown you that," He purses his lips, finding it difficult to say, "I'm sorry."
My mouth becomes dry as I toss my hair over my shoulders, tipping my chin back and trying to look convincing and not like he is completely right. "Yeah, wel-"
He sighs, bored. "I get it already. You'd never do that, you hate him more than anyone else in the world, you wouldn't betray your Clann because you love us all so much and you'd be exiled blah, blah, blah," He rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in his pockets. "You've hated him more than I've ever seen anyone hate anything. I'm not sure what my crazy, ice-boy psychic powers were thinking saying you two would get hot and heavy together, now," He graces me with a bow and a slight upwards tilt of his lips. "Can I make my exit or are you going to give out to me some more, my beloved little sister," His eyes sparkle, Sebastian is happy. "Kindest person in the world," He grabs my hands and swings me around so we've swapped places. "The most important woman in my life."
It's like the universe is fucking with me. I mean, why in the world would Sebastian say all that stuff if not because Our Creator wishes to make me feel sick with guilt? Our Creator wants me to hate myself far more than I ever hated Heath.
______________________
The dance is about to begin.
Everyone stands up as beats begin to chime, reverberating through the room that is awash with the colour of beautiful women in beautiful dresses. We begin to set up. The dance is usually done in one huge circle. Sometimes, if the room is very small, we do it with multiple circles inside of a big circle. Today we're doing the dance in a figure of eight, the middle part where partners swirl and move on to the next circle. From a bird's eye view you'll see an eight, or an infinity sign.
I lean against a wall, messaging Brody over Facebook and reassuring him I'll be in on Monday. He, Parker and Audrey have been worried about my poor attendance. I had a few missed calls and about a million Snapchats and messages from them asking where I was which, after my ordeal with Heath, was unbelievably comforting.
Who knew I had such nice human friends?
Hey.
My heart leaps at the text and I look up, scanning the room for a familiar tall, dark boy.
My phone pings! and vibrates with a new incoming message.
Act natural. I'm, like, five steps away from you.
My neck snaps to him, his face blocked as he sits hunched in a chair on his phone.
Don't look at me, moron.
I frown at my phone but keep my eyes down.
Why are you texting me? - Soren.
Why are you signing your texts "Soren"? - Hayes.
You don't call me Juliette, why would I sign it anything else? - SOREN
We both look up then, catching each other's eyes and he's frowning.
Why do you make everything into such a big deal?
I'm about to reply before another text pops up.
Back from my awkward dinner with the palest ppl in the world. We can't talk face-to-face here bc ppl are watching so I think this is a lot better, yeah?
I purse my lips, looking up as everyone moves into the figure of eight, lining up with partners and I speedily reply; Yep. We gotta go dance now.
I switch my phone on silent and move over to my table, slipping it into my clutch before moving with everyone to the dance. I feel Heath behind me, waiting for people to spread out. I look around for my brothers but spot them all with random Clann girls, even my dad has some old woman on his arm so I nervously search for another friend and come up short. I turn to my right and left, searching for someone to dance with but I see no one. How embarrassing.
Someone clears their throat behind me and I shut my eyes in pain, knowing exactly who it is.
"We have the worst luck." Then Heath sighs and shuffles me over to the line, standing in front of me as we stand in-between two random Warren couples. Both staring at us haughtily like we have three heads each.
The drums begin, deep, dark sounds that stir deep, dark emotions within every Blood. Heath and I begin to dance and it is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It's not hot or sexy or whatever, we don't touch each other anywhere inappropriate and there's no romance in it. He's not dipping me and staring into my eyes and I'm not cupping his cheek with lust, but it's... Lovely. I know the word is inadequate as soon as I think it, but dancing with him has me trying my hardest not to smile. We both know it and we both press down hard on our lips to keep them in a straight line as the chorus takes off and we're swiftly in each other's arms and the full contact dip goes down, my hair in my mouth and his and he's laughing before we both even know what's happening. He keeps it quiet and under control so no one hears, but it's a sound I really enjoy. Something I hope I hear a lot of in the future.
As we continue to dance and spin and then eventually move on to new partners who don't share the same magic we did together, I can't help but realise the mistake I made earlier.
I thought being friends with my Blood Bound would be awful because I was promised so much more. I was promised love and sex and that all-around happiness that everyone wants. That stupid, all encompassing passion you get when you really like someone. I thought it would be awful just being friends with my soul mate.
But my soul mate is Heath, and I'm not sure it will be too awful at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure it will be great. I'm pretty sure we'll have fun being friends. A whole lot more fun than we ever had when we hated each other.
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