EZRAS POV
"Everyone ready!?" Jack questions everyone excitedly. The chorus chimes in with an excited "Yeah!".
"I'm gonna win!" JJ brags.
"No you're not! I am!" Jack and JJ go back and forth like two little kids arguing over a toy. We eventually get to the place of wonder. The go-kart track. We have a day off from tour, so we decide to go go-karting. We went through all the boring safety stuff impatiently, itching to get on the track. We put on our helmets and get in the go-karts. It's go time baby.
"On your mark, get set, GO!" We race around the track competitively, Jack winning first, JJ in second, and Rob in third. I got second last, just behind Ryan, with Austin behind me. They did another race for top three with the top five, leaving the rest of us to watch. The five racing are Jack, JJ, Rob, Dane and Drew. They start their race, me watching at first, but then I notice Ryan beside me. He seems like he's shaking, but before I get the chance to ask him about it, I hear laughing from beside me, and I turn back to see Drew going backwards on the track. I laugh along with everybody before turning back to Ryan, but he disappeared. I look around for a moment before I see him hiding behind a wall. I watch him for a moment and realize he's pacing back and forth. I leave my position in the watch area to go over to him.
"Hey Ryan, you ok?" He doesn't answer me. He doesn't even look up at me. Does he even know I'm here?
"Hey Ryan?" I ask again. I move closer to him, grabbing his elbow. He jerks up to look at me, retracting his arm from my grasp.
"You ok?" I ask again. It's like I'm looking at a deer caught in headlights. Ryan's eyes are wide and full of panic. As I stare at him, I notice his already quick breathing gaining speed, and his chest is rising and falling rather quickly. As we stare at each other in silence, Ryan's breathing continues to gain speed, up to a point that he's hyperventilating. He reaches a hand up to his chest, feeling his heartbeat, which I know is beating a million times a minute.
"Ry, can I help you?" I ask concerned, trying to figure out something to do. He doesn't answer as I notice he's swaying back and forth shakily, loosing his balance, in turn almost falling over.
"Ok, Ryan, how about you sit down." I suggest, starting to get some ideas together. Ryan falls to the floor, one hand catching him, the other still over his racing heart. I crouch down in front of him, asking,
"Can you sit up against the wall?" He adjusts his body for his back to be against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest.
"What's wrong Ry, how can I help?" I ask.
"I.. I don't know." He mumbles. He folds his arms, resting them on his knees, burying his head in his arms.
"Ryan, hey, what do you want me to do? Want me to get Adam?" I ask, still not knowing what I can do to help. He shakes his head furiously.
"I... I just n-need to c-calm down." He mumbles out, still hyperventilating a lot.
"Ok. How can I help?" I ask. Ryan curls up into a tighter ball and starts crying. I see his fingernails digging into his knees.
"Would you like to hold my hand Ry?" I offer. Ryan lifts his right hand cautiously, and I wrap my hand around it gently. I slowly move closer to him, careful not to startle him. I gently place my other hand on his shoulder, motioning up and down smoothly on his arm.
"You're ok Ryan, you're alright. Focus on slowing your breathing down, ok?"
"I'm sorry!" Ryan says.
"Don't be sorry Ryan! I just want to help. Just take some deep breaths. In for five, out for five. Slow it down, you're ok." After a moment, Ryan starts to calm down. He was starting to control his breathing and it was slowing down, his heart rate was slowing down, and he starts trying to relax. As Ryan continues calming down, I hear Adam on the phone from around the corner. I notice Ryan get more nervous as he picks up on Adams presence as well.
"You ok?" I ask Ryan.
"I don't want him to know." Ryan mumbles.
"Alright. Just close your eyes and try to calm down, ok? I can tell you're still kinda panicky. You've got me Ry, you're ok." I squeeze his hand and sit down crisscross beside him. Ryan closes his eyes and buries his head in his knees again, trying to hide from the world. I hear Adam end the phone call, then silence. Not even a moment later, I hear Austin asking,
"Where's Ryan and Ezra?" I hear our names being called repeatedly, Ryan tensing up when he hears it. I hear footsteps getting closer, then Adam peers around the corner.
"Woah, what happened?" He asks. Ryan starts crying again. "What's wrong??" Adam asks concerned. Adam crouches down and rests a hand on Ryans shoulder.
"Ryan is having a panic attack I think." I explain.
"Ry! Are you ok?" Ryan doesn't answer.
"I don't think he is." I respond quietly.
"Here, let's calm you down." Adam sits down beside Ry, sitting criss-cross like me. "Ry, settle down and stop crying, you're ok."
"Did you find them?" I hear Austin asking, getting closer.
"Yeah." Adam responds. Austin, Chris and Keith come around the corner to find the rest of us.
"What's wrong?" One of them asks. I don't even know who it was because Ryan started freaking out. He tries to hide more in a ball, pushing himself further into the wall. He tries to pull his hand away from mine, but I don't let him.
"No.." he mumbles out. "Make them go away." He adds quietly, me being the only one to hear it.
"Hey guys, can you give us a second?" I ask. The other guys understand and leave silently.
"Ry, hey, you're ok." Adam says. "Here, turn around and let me give you a hug." Adam adds. Ryan starts to lean back towards him, Adam catching him and wrapping his arms around him gently as Ryan is now facing me.
"Ry, do you feel your feet on the floor?" Adam asks. Ryan shakes his head rapidly and bounces his foot up and down as the jitters get the best of him.
"Ry, settle down, you're ok." I add, resting my free hand on his bouncing knee.
"He's not gonna calm down is he.." Adam asks me quietly. I shake my head in sadness, wanting so bad to help Ryan.
"What if we call Cat?" I suggest.
"Great idea." Adam responds. "Would you like that Ry?" He nods in defeat, covering his face with his free hand. Adam pulls his phone out of his pocket, setting up the phone call as I rub Ryans knee with my thumb. Adam's phone rings away, waiting for Cat to pick up. He right away puts it on speaker mode as she picks up.
"Hey Adam!" She answers.
"Hey Cat." He replies.
"How's it going?" She asks.
"Not good. Ryan's freaking out and we were hoping you might be able to calm him down." Adam explains.
"Oh no! Yeah of course! Can he hear me?" Cat asks.
"Yeah. Here Ry." Adam hands his phone to Ryan, the phone falling into Ryans lap. I didn't hear much of their conversation, but based on Ryan's reactions and motions of settling down, I know Cat is helping.
"Woah, what happened?" Jack asks as he comes around the corner to see us.
"Ryan started freaking out and is calming down from a panic attack. Cat's on the phone talking to him." Adam explains. Ryan's grip eases up on my hand, and his jitters practically disappeared. Jack sat down facing Ryan, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"O-ok." We hear Ryan mumble out, as he talks with Cat. "Love you too." The call ends, Ryan looking up and meeting my eyes.
"You ok?" Adam asks. Ryan nods, meeting eyes with Jack.
"What happened Ry?" Jack asks. Ryan moves his legs to sit crossed legged.
"I honestly have no idea." Ryan starts his explanation. "I was watching you guys racing and then I couldn't breathe and couldn't focus so I ran away. Ezra found me not long after. Then I tried to calm down with Ezra but I got scared cause I heard Adam."
"Why were you scared of me?" Adam asks curiously.
"I didn't want you to know what was happening with me." Ryan mumbles.
"Ry! Why did you not want me to know?" Adam questions.
"It's embarrassing!" Ryan explains.
"Regardless, I'm just glad you calmed down." Jack states.
"Me too." I add.
"Me three." Adam adds.
"Based on your reactions, I'm assuming Cat really helped you calm down?" I ask. Ryan smiles.
"Yeah."
"It was amazing watching you when she was on the phone. It's like every bad thought you had that was causing you to freak out went away as soon as Cat started talking to you." Adam mentions.
"What can I say, I love my girlfriend." He smiles. "She had to go back to work, so she had to hang up, but she told me to text her whenever I calm down." He explains.
"Well, you good to go back to the bus?" Adam asks. Ryan nods.
"Thank you guys for helping." Ryan adds before we all stand up.
"Of course Ry!" We all say in one form or another. We stand up and walk over to the rest of the group, them all questioning Ryan to make sure he's ok. Adam answers for him, noticing Ryan went quiet and reserved, staying a few feet away from the majority of the group. We file back out the door, eventually getting back to the tour bus. Ryan heads straight to the back lounge, me assuming to go text Cat. Adam and Jack follow him back, the rest of us staying in the front lounge.