Anna
It's been a week since I poured my heart out in front of Cath. A week since she's keeping my secret. A week since she's keeping my Sebastian from me .
Today I have a small hope that I will be getting to talk to Sebastian like the first few days of school . Because Ian is back to school today. He's angry at Cath for some reason . It's evident in the fire in his hazel eyes and the ferocious scowl of his face.
He asks Cath to follow him . Cath denies. He grows more impatient .
" I swear Catherine , you won't like to do it in front of the whole class ." He whispers yells at her. Catherine shoves him in the chest with a force I never thought her vaguely skeletal body has. Ian stumbles back . Catherine walks out of the class . Ian storms after her.
Ian is wrong though . The whole class is not here yet. Sebastian is not here yet. I wonder would he have allowed Ian to treat Catherine like that ?
If it this would have happened a few weeks ago , I would not let Ian treat Cath like this . But if Ian is upset about Cath's flirting behind his back , then I can understand his anger. Or maybe it's my way of making Cath suffer.
I don't want to take revenge on Cath. I don't want to hurt her. But also I don't want to stop Ian from hurting her. Ian's facial expression promised pain . And I am as reluctant as ever to stop him .
Why do I feel that Cath deserves it ? Because Sebastian likes him ? Because she didn't do anything about his frowning liking ? Even after I confessed to her ?
I didn't expect her to preach my love for Sebastian. Then why ? I am jealous . I am angry at Cath . At her beauty and easy flirting and boy wooing qualities that I lack .
I want her to suffer. Because I am suffering.
I shudder at the realisation. If it's true -- it is true -- then what does it make me ?
Sebastian walks in with a visible smile on his lips putting an end to my thoughts. It's beyond my comprehension , how he manages to put an end to my every thought and emption with just one appearance .
He has have a new haircut . My jaw clenches. He has have a new haircut exactly the way Cath likes. Bigger at the front and chopped short at the back . No doubt he looks dashing . Beautiful . But it's how Cath wants to see him. Not how he wants he present him .
He walks towards my bench . His eyes searching for someone . His eyes are searching for Cath. And he's walking towards Cath's bench , not mine .
" Hey Anna ."
" Sebastian. " This one word. This one name. Everyday I repeat it in my mind uncountable times. And yet Everytime I call out his name loudly only deepens the satisfaction I receive from it.
His name is a source of infinite pleasure.
" Where's Cath ?" I smile . I was expecting this question sooner or later .
" Ian is back. She's with him ." Sebastian's face falls a little. I hate myself to be the bearer of this information . Sebastian likes somebody else's girlfriend . That's not fine . He needs to know Cath is with Ian and he's got no chance with her .
" Right. I forgot his suspension is ending today. " He says with a visible taint of sadness in his eyes .
What's there to be so sad ? He knows he's her boyfriend . They have been together for more than a year . Why is he behaving like this ?
" Why do you appear so sad ?" Sebastian looks surprised by my question . He blinks a few times . " I am not ."
I stand up from my seat. " Ian and Cath has been together for more than a year now Sebastian. "
" I know " he snaps at me . He looks agitated.
" They are in a relationship ."
" I know that to Anna. Why are you saying all these things to me now ?" He almost yells . He is breathing hard. I wonder is his heart also racing like me ? Can he see the pain in my eyes like I can in his ?
" Because I need to remind you ."
I walk out of the class leaving Sebastian confused and agitated.
°°°
Cath and Ian has returned only half a second before the arrival of teacher. This time both me and Sebastian is looking at the same person . Catherine .
The tip of her nose is red. Her eyes glossy and slightly red. Her lips swollen . She has been crying . She has had a fight with Ian .
I look at Ian , sitting behind Cath , at his usual spot. He's doodling something over the diagram of heart on biology text book as Mr Crammer , our biology teacher pours his innate talent in sketching the human heart on board.
Ian looks up from his textbook and our eyes meet. His face devoid of any emotion. But the usual happiness and carefree look , that suits so we'll , is nowhere to be found in the firm set of his lips and the emptiness of his eyes .
I immediately look away from him . Sebastian is still looking at Cath . The concern in his eyes for Cath is breaking my heart . And here Mr Crammer is busy making one.
When I was a kid , I used to imagine that our must look like the heart shape that appears on every greeting card . As I grow up , I realise the heart is way more complex than that .
And as I see Sebastian now , I see it now . My heart. My Sebastian.
As the class ends , Sebastian doesn't wait for Mr Crammer to leave . He makes his way straight to Cath and kneels at her side . Cath stares at her hands in her lap . I stare at Sebastian and the vanishing gap between him and Cath .
" What Happened Catherine ?" Sebastian's voice is strained with pain and it's my heart that aches .
Catherine sniffs. The answer came from behind , Loud and clear " I dumped her ."
There are a couples of gasps from some girls and even boys. I wince at the " what ?" That's been said in chorus .
" Why ?" I ask Ian . He shifts his gaze from his book to me.
" You know why Anna. Don't you ?" Ian is full poison today. The way he utters every words , it makes me wince. There is a jabbing sharpness in his tone . Each word like a pointed needle , designed to make you bleed silently .
" You happy now Cath ? You didn't have to deal with the humiliation of telling everyone what happened. I informed them already . We broke up . Oh , no " he stands up " I dumped Catherine Hawk. "
Catherine bursts out in tears . I should hug her or provide her a handkerchief first. Between deciding whether to console her first or provide her with a handkerchief , Sebastian's fist makes contact with Ian's face.
I yelp " Sebastian !"
" You ... " Ian begins but couldn't finish because Sebastian's fist contacts with his jaw. I leap out of my seat and run to Sebastian.
I grab his hand and try to pull him back . Luckily others have started to intervene and is helping me in separating Sebastian from Ian .
" Will you please stop Sebastian ?" I yell at him . He frees his arm from my hold with one sharp jerk of his hand. I stumble back . Someone steadies me . Alec.
" He has hurt Catherine . I won't let him leave in one piece. " He roars.
My heart snaps in two . Don't know about Ian. But my heart is not going to make it out of here in one piece.
" Sebastian please ." Catherine sobs . " Please Sebastian. " He actually stops. He doesn't need half a dozen boys pulling him back or blocking his way. He only needs one ' please ' from Catherine to stop .
He wears Cath in his arms. " Please take me out of here. " Cath cries in his chest . My chest constricts .
" Stop crying Cath . Please. You don't know how much it pains me to see you like this. " He consoles her. He smoothes her hair . He releases her enough so that he can rub her tears away.
More tears make it's way down Cath's cheeks as Sebastian chases each one of them. Uncontrollable sobs wracks her body as she tries to form words but fails.
" Look at you ! You are barely out of a relationship yet. But already in another guy's arms. Amazing !"
Another guy's arms. And that guy is Sebastian .
I am crying too Sebastian. But will you ever chase my tears like that ?
°°°
Sebastian is walking alongside Catherine . I am following them to the cafeteria. I don't have anywhere else to go. Before Sebastian , I have always stick around with Cath. Now I want her gone.
That's not a good feeling. It makes me feel selfish and evil. I don't want to be one of those two faced manipulative people whose words and actions don't match. I don't want to say nice things to people when I am feeling so hurt and sad , furious and betrayed. I don't think there are enough words that can describe how I am feeling right now or have felt in the last few days. It's overwhelming. It's an all consuming .
Sebastian turns left. He's not going to cafeteria. The way to cafeteria is through right. Though our destination doesn't match , I still follow him . He's unaware of that. Catherine is also unaware of that.
They walk out of the school building . I stop at the door and look ahead at both of them . Sitting under the shed of a tree at the far end of the large stairs that serve as our basketball gallery.
Catherine places her head on Sebastian's shoulder . She looks sad and pained.
" I didn't expect you to stop here. " Ian. He's standing right behind me. His voice comes from a point right above my ears. " I expected you to be the one in Sebastian's place. But I guess he stole that from you too . Like he stole Cath from me. Bloody thief ." If poisons ever had a sound or voice , that would exactly sound like Ian now. Dangerously furious and raspy.
I clench my hands into a fist. My nails digging and biting into my own flesh. " He didn't steal Catherine from you ." Catherine stole him from me . " Because for stealing Cath from you , she first had to belong to you. But she never belonged to you Ian ."
I refuse to look at him. His ugly face will only remind me how I depended on him to keep Cath away from Sebastian . And he turned out to be the reason they are together now. As close as two bodies can be .
" Cath is my ... Was my girlfriend !" He whispers yells in my ears . His hot uneven breath fanning my ear. I scoot away from him and my left side get pressed to the wall beside the door .
" That's the thing Ian. She was just your girlfriend. Nothing more . You two are not friends , not lovers . You two don't even respect and care for each other. The only thing you guys did , was dating and flirting. Even strangers meeting in clubs do it more convincingly than you two. "
My words weren't the sweetest of all compliments. So Ian's reaction to it isn't surprising. But what surprising , my reaction to it. He takes a threatening step towards me. His face scrunching up in anger . He bares his teeth at me. I swiftly shift against the wall , my back now pressing against it and I grab Ian's shoulders. " You just let Sebastian have her. Because of you they are together now. You just destroyed all my hopes Ian. "
I break down . All the pent up tears now coming in wracking sobs. My entire body gave up as I start to slide down against the wall .
Ian grabs me by my shoulders and holds me up. His fingers digging painfully into my shoulders. But I don't blame him . He needs to apply that much force to keep me up .
" Anna ! Anna !" Ian shakes me by my shoulders . " Are you listening to me ? Let's get you out of here . Students are starting . It's not the right place to loose your shit. " He guides me through the corridors. He's not talking me to the cafeteria . He turns right instead of going straight . A minute later we end up in front of our class.
All these time I just keep thinking Do people loose their shit after finalising the right place and right time ? My mind goes back to Catherine in Sebastian's arm. Did she break down knowing that it's the right place and right time and that it will land her straight into Sebastian's arms.
Ian keeps his one arm wrapped around my elbow and opens the door with the other. He lets me in first and closes the door behind him once he's inside the room . I sit down at the edge of the first bench closest to the door .
Ian gives me several undisturbed minutes to collect myself. The sobs has sided and has made way for endless streams of tears . I manage to maintain a stoic face but the tears don't stop.
I might have worried about how pathetic I must look right now. But I don't give a damn about what Ian thinks about how I look . And there's no one else without him in the classroom now. Besides , Ian doesn't look like an ideal student either . His shirt is crunched up and the first two buttons of his shirt is missing . That's my doing. His hair is dishelved and is all over the place. His looks terrified for some reason.
He's eyeing me like I am some alien from a planetary system he has never heard before and if he takes his eyes of me I'll attack him again .
When I look up at him , he visibly flinches , as if I have made an attempt to pounce on him . " Are you feeling fine now ?" He asks way too carefully that if it was in any other situation I would have laughed. It's so not like the Ian I know.
" Stop acting so weirdly . I just ... " I trail off , not knowing how to explain it to Ian that I feel like my heart just bursted in my chest . How do you explain that kind of pain in words?
" That outburst . It's definitely not the doing of my break up with Catherine . You look even more disastrous than Catherine actually . " He says the last sentence with a hesitation . I have seen Ian hesitated before. But now I know how he looks when he hesitates.
" What was that about ?" I purse my lips and look down at the floor. Ian waits patiently for my answer. Another thing I never expected out of him.
I finally force myself to look at him . He's sitting on top of the desk of the bench opposite from me on the second row. His legs are dangling down and apart from the stiffness in his upper body and the visible tension in his face , he's the same guy I despise .
" Why did you actually break up with Cath ?" My voice is hoarse from the crying . It has a rough texture to it that actually doesn't sound that awful .
" That's not the answer of my question . But I'll answer anyway. " He pauses only to readjust himself and once he sits more comfortably he says" Your friend cheated on me ."
I sit up straight as if all the cells in my body has got a new life " Really ? When does that happen ?"
" When I was in suspension . Rylan saw her kissing Sebastian in the terrace . " My world shatters. " It's more like Sebastian kissed her , I guess. " My heart shatters too .
Ian frowns . " What now ? Why are you ...." He stops as his eyes widen and he jumps out of the desk . " It's about Sebastian , isn't it ?"
I rub my hands all over my face and release a shaky breath that makes my whole body shiver . " I told Catherine everything the day your suspension began. She knows that I like Sebastian. "
Ian's brows shoot up . " Some kind of friend Catherine is . "
I wrap my arms around myself suddenly feeling too fragile and broken . My mind is on replay. It's continuously playing the image of their lips connecting. I want to burn down Catherine's lips. This violent thought is as much welcoming to my pain as it is frightening to my soul .
" What now ? You are going to sit here and watch them making out ?" Ian asks resting his hip against the desk and folding his arms against his chest .
I shake my head " I don't want to talk about it anymore ." Another tear escapes . " You not talking about it won't make the pain and betrayal vanish ."
I scowl at him " will you please just leave me alone !"
He shrugs. " I will . Once I finish what I have to say. "
I stare at him with pure hatred in my eyes. The least this guy can do is to give me a few peaceful minutes before lunch period ends. But he has no respect for other people's wishes.
" You have two choices now Anna. One keep suffering and wallowing in your pain as Catherine parades around with her new boyfriend all over you . See them making out and cry. Or two , help me in separating them and get back with Sebastian ."
My mouth falls open. How Ian even managed to say that ? " But before you make any decision , just know that I'll make their life hell anyway. But if you help me , I will help you to get him back . "
Ian opens the door and looks back at me " Take your time and make your decision carefully ." He walks out of the door and closes the door softly .
I stare at the back of the door as it closes . Now that I am alone , it hits me hard . Everything that Ian said. They kissed . He's going to make their life hell . But where do I stand in all of these ?
Ian wants revenge . Sebastian wants Catherine . Catherine probably wants Sebastian too . What do I want ? Sebastian ? Revenge ? Something else or both ?