Chapter 6: Citations
Malia’s POV
I feel like I’m sleeping on a cloud in heaven. I open my eyes and look around. Everything is white, I AM SLEEPING ON A CLOUD IN HEAVEN! Wait, so did I die?
“Mom?” I shout out to see if she will answer.
“Mals?” I turn to my right and I see a sleepy Cam. I guess I’m not dead unless he died too.
“Yeah?”
“Mom’s not here,” He said. So we aren’t dead. My face drops a bit and I snuggle back under the blankets for warmth. I feel Cameron come up and hug me.
“It’s okay, did you want a shower?” He asks comfortingly.
“YES PLEASE,” I say while nodding my head vigorously causing him to laugh.
“Okay the bathroom is the second door on your left when you come out of here,” He says pointing to the left.
“I need clothes.”
“Don’t worry I will get you some before you get out of the shower,” He said reassuringly. I nod my head and get up. I make my way over to the door and open it peering out. Huh this is weird.
“Mals, that’s the closet,” Cam said amusingly. That would make sense.
“It was the first door I saw so don’t judge me,” I say as I turn and look for the actual door. I find it and walk out into the hallway to the second door on the left and walk in. I then lock the door. I go to the shower and turn it on adjusting the temperature. I strip my clothes and get in and begin to scrub myself of all the dirt and grime from Disneyland.
20 minutes later
I step out of the shower and grab one of the white towels from the rack. Man everything in this house is white. I dry myself off and look in the mirror. Cam said he would have clothes for me by the time I was done. I crack the door open and I see a pile of clothes at the door and I quickly grab them and shut the door, locking it again. I put on the boxers and then the shirt but the shirt practically covers the boxers. I then wrap my hair in the towel to dry it off. I pick up my clothes and walk back into the room that Cameron and I were in.
“Hey Cam? Do you have some socks I could wear, my feet are cold?” I ask as I come in, but he isn’t in the room. I set my clothes from yesterday on the bed and walk over to the closet that I had originally thought was the way out. I looked for socks but this closet wasn’t a closet, there weren’t any clothes in it. However I did find a blanket so I grabbed it and wrapped myself up in it. I took the towel out of my hair and hung it up in the bathroom to dry. I then walked downstairs.
Guess what color the blanket was? WHITE!
I came downstairs and found my way into the kitchen hoping to find Cam, but he wasn’t there. I looked up at the clock on the oven and it was 10:39am. Suddenly Carter stumbles into the kitchen.
“Oh hey Malia,” He said in his morning voice. Doesn’t look like he is happy to be up early. Or he is still waking up.
“Are those my clothes?” He asks. I look down and blush. The blanket wasn’t really covering my whole body just my shoulders and back area.
“Umm, I don’t know Cameron gave them to me after I took a shower, I hope it’s all right with you,” I hurry out.
“Nah, its fine,” He says.
“Oh, do you by any chance have socks I could borrow? My feet are really cold,” I ask.
“Sure, here follow me,” I follow him back up the stairs and into what I am guessing is his room. When I walked in all the guys were in there sprawled out on the floor or on the bed.
“Oh sorry Mals I forgot to let you know I would be in here,” Cam says.
“Its fine, Carter is just getting me socks,” I said. Carter was now handing me a pair of black huff socks. Huh something that isn’t white. I thought to myself. I sit down on the floor next to where Cam was sprawled out and put the socks on, they reached up to where my calf started keeping me warmer. I take the blanket off my shoulders and then lay it on top of me as I myself lay down on the soft plush WHITE carpet. I am still pretty exhausted from walking around almost all day yesterday, I hope today is a relaxing day.
“Hey Cam,” I whisper. He looks over at me.
“Yeah?”
“Can we watch a movie or something? My phone is dead,” I ask quietly.
“Sure, hey you guys Mals and I are going downstairs to watch a movie so if any of you want to come we will be down there,” He says and we get up to go downstairs. Surprisingly the rest of the guys follow as well. Their lives aren’t as interesting as they let on. We head down to the theatre room and I sit down on the couch.
“What did you want to watch?” Cam asks me.
“I do not want to watch a chick flick!” I hear Taylor shout out. I laugh.
“Don’t worry I don’t either,” I say back. “I could go for some action,” I said. “Oh do you have 22 jump street?” I ask.
“Yeah I got it a few days ago,” Carter said.
“Do you care if we watch it?”
“Nah, I haven’t seen it yet so let’s check it out,” He says.
“I feel like it is going to suck because 21 Jump Street was well, 21 Jump Street and you can’t really beat it. If it does we can just watch the first one to rid our minds of the awfulness,” I say.
1 hour and 52 minutes later
“That was actually pretty good,” Aaron said.
“Yeah and it was funny,” I said.
“Hey what time is it?” Hayes asked out loud.
“12:20!” Nash shouted back.
“Hey Cam can we head home because I want to get changed and stuff?” I ask, hoping he will go because I don’t know my way back home from here.
“Yeah, we should probably head back. I will see you guys soon okay?” He shouts as we go back upstairs and gather all of our stuff. Cam gets in his car and I get in mine. The boys all come out and wave goodbye, then Matt comes up to my car window and knocks on it so I roll it down.
“Don’t forget to ask him about coming to Magcon,” He says.
“I won’t,” I say with a smile. Then he goes back to the other guys.
I follow Cameron all the way home with the radio on and I sing along because no one is in the car so they can’t hear it, and I am not singing loudly.
“We don’t have to be ordinary, make your best mistakes. Cause we don’t have the time to be sorry, so baby be the life of the party. I’m telling you take your shot it might be scary, hearts are gonna break. We don’t have the time to be sorry so baby be the life of the party,” I sang Shawn’s single as we drove home. I started to think about his words and how they were right. That putting yourself out there can be scary and that hearts will break but we live in a world that gives you chances so take them and have no regrets. Live the life of the party.
We both pull into the driveway and park our cars and get out. Cam and I get out of the car and get into the house. He goes to the kitchen and I go to my room. I quickly change out of Carter’s clothes and put on black leggings and a large shirt that said “My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” –John Green. I got it from the perks shop, they have the best stuff. I have all of their stuff. They have Harry Potter stuff and a lot of John Green stuff. My hair had dried at this point so I brushed it and just put it in a messy bun, I’m not going anywhere. I put on some grey Huf socks so my feet would be warm and folded all of Carter’s clothes. I walked back downstairs and put them in a bag so I would remember to give them back to him the next time I saw him. It was 1:19pm so I went back upstairs and plugged my phone in because it was at 3%. I don’t know how it made it through the day I am just happy it did. I opened my laptop and went on twitter and I now had 204,829 followers. I might as well start to check my notifications because now I actually have a reason to have twitter.
@cameronsbaeee: @MaliaIDallas are you Cameron’s wife?? Did he get married and not tell us? OMG!
I laughed so hard and loud tears started streaming down my face. Cameron came into my room with a worried look on his face, while I am sprawled on my bed having a laugh attack.
“Are you okay?” he asks slowly. I nod because I can’t speak and I gesture for him to come over here. He walks over and I show him the tweet and he laughs along with me. He then goes on his phone.
@CameronDallas: @cameronsbaeee because I totally got married without telling you guys haha lol.
I laughed at the tweet and favorited it. Then I replied to the fan’s tweet.
@MaliaIDallas: @cameronsbaeee no I am not his wife, haha. JJJ
I look through a few more tweets and send back some responses and follow some people who look sweet and adorable. I then go to my profile and change my profile a bit. I change my header to the picture of me with all the Disney characters when Goofy and Mickey are kissing my cheeks. I also changed my profile picture to me kissing Winnie the Pooh. I changed my description to,
Life is in no way a movie, but that doesn’t mean you can’t play pretend
I then tweeted out some things.
@MaliaIDallas: I used to hide behind books and frying pans… and disguise my footprints in old Chuck Taylor’s… I still do a bit, but I am getting there.
I was feeling slightly sentimental at the thought of how I had hid myself from the world after my mom died and I didn’t want anyone to feel that way and shut themselves off from the world.
@MaliaIDallas: Sometimes the only person you want to talk to about the death of someone is that someone… but you need to realize that they are still with you and you don’t need to shut yourself out from the world. I’ll be here for you guys.
I ended up taking a picture of the tweet because it didn’t fit in 160 characters, come on what can I say in 160 characters. I then closed my laptop and checked to see how much my phone had charged. It was now at 15%. Well we are making progress.
I got onto my floor and grabbed the bag filled with the pieces of the little teddy bear closet my mom gave me. I went and found some glue and came back.
Time to try and fix this. The entire time I was trying to figure out what went where on the little contraption the quote by John Green, “When things break, it’s not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It’s because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn’t fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed,” I was praying in my mind that, that wasn’t the case for this.
I was beginning to get frustrated because I couldn’t fit the pieces back together and I needed to remain calm.
“UGH!!!” I let out a frustrated scream, I had to let out my emotions somehow before I exploded and they were unable to put me back together like humpty dumpty. Cameron came running into my room.
“What’s wrong?” He asked as he came in. He looked down at the broken pieces and his face dropped.
“I can’t put it back together, and I—need to fix it, I just—need to fix it,” I said trying to explain. I was breathing heavily but I was maintaining control, for now. He sits down next to me and rubs my back comfortingly. He picks up the pieces and starts putting them back into the bag.
“Why don’t you let me handle this? Okay?” He says.
“Okay,” I say quietly. He picks up the bag and leaves my room. I lay on my ground for a while just staring at the ceiling….
“Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.” –John Green.
That was my life for the longest time. Not letting anybody see my emotions, cutting myself out of the world and faking a smile.
I know this chapter wasn’t that interesting. I didn’t write about anything that interesting. This chapter at first I wasn’t exactly sure what to write but I want this to be as realistic as possible and in everyday life you are not constantly doing something. Malia has lived the past 3 years of her life in depression, and the 13 years before that her life was pretty much a secret that only her mom knew about it. I know I put a lot of John Green quotes in here but Malia is someone who hides herself behind books. She reads to escape, and these things relate to her. I cannot agree more with the John Green quote about not crying, because so many people do that. Malia feels like a burden to the people around her and she doesn’t want them to go through pain so she puts on a fake smile.
You may be wondering then if she has to fake a smile was she faking her emotions during her time at Disneyland with the guys. Well that is for you to figure out.
Citations in French means quotes.