The reality and severeness of Midoriya's situation quickly sunk in. This wasn't a pure accident, Midoriya had subconsciously decided to erase his painful past in hopes of starting fresh.
That meant, he didn't want to remember.
All the hope Todoroki had for Midoriya to eventually rediscover his past memories was shattered in an instant. Because even if Midoriya did manage to remember, it was completely unpredictable just how it would affect him mentally. Therefore, Midoriya was safer to remain clueless about his past life.
All Might felt his nerves kick in and his stomach churn. Just earlier today he considered that Midoriya didn't remember the secret of one for all. So, how was he meant to know how to use his quirk safely or pass it on in the future? It was basically a dead end street.
Originally, All Might had considered speaking with Midoriya alone and explaining their relationship and the bond they shared. But, with now witnessing just how painful his memories were and hearing about how desperately Midoriya had wished to erase them, how could he then force everything onto the boy and possibly rekindle yet another memory?
It was almost as thought every time the grass became greener, it'd begin to snow - killing the beauty under its freezing pressure and turning the once beautiful field into sharp blades of dead nothingness. Nothing good could ever happen without a drastic consequence. Midoriya's case was just developing and developing, never once ceasing or improving.
Still unknowing of the situation, Bakugou sat in his room, perched on his bed whilst overthinking the past few months. After everything that had occurred, Kirishima demanded that he took the rest of the day off to 'relax his mental state'. In which, Bakugou couldn't argue because if he was being honest - his mind was all kinds of fucked up right now.
Not only with Midoriya, but Kirishima and Todoroki too. Bakugou's mind was overflowing with anxiety over everything.
He'd never seen Midoriya in so much pain. Just the way he was quivering and clenching his eyes shut, nails digging into his scalp. It was terrifying. Even during their battle with Stain Midoriya didn't let out a howl of pain like he did earlier in the library. Just remembering the scene makes Bakugou want to curl up and agonise over every tiny detail.
Then there was Kirishima who had been hurting for so long, blaming himself whenever Bakugou found himself in a mess. For months now Bakugou has subconsciously ignored his best friend's suffering and instead focused on himself. But even so, Kirishima never gave up on Bakugou and stuck by his side. There was no way Bakugou could ever look at Kirishima now without feeling a pang of guilt.
And finally Todoroki, where could he even begin. There'd just been so much tension between Bakugou and Todoroki as of late due to Midoriya. Both were constantly at each other's throats, arguing over tiny details of Midoriya's condition.
What Bakugou hated the most was that he couldn't fault the bastard. Even with his twisted ways, Todoroki had a point in every argument and had a reason to protect Midoriya from him. There was no doubt in Bakugou's mind that Todoroki knew everything about his and Midoriya's past. It be absurd if Todoroki wasn't cautious of Bakugou getting close to his healing friend.
Besides, even with all the regret, Bakugou could never erase all the torture he put Midoriya through. Years of bullying, tormenting and kicking him to the ground; destroying every single bit of Midoriya's stupid dream just for Bakugou's own sanity.
Bakugou had no doubt in his mind that his teenage stupidity would end up haunting him for the rest of his life. He'd never be able to look at Midoriya again without remembering his lifeless body crushing him from above or the cold touch of his skin.
There would always be a part of him that yearned for his childhood friend that mentally died at the age of sixteen.
• • •
Kirishima was seated at his desk in the classroom, fiddling with the ball point pen before him. It felt like his nerves were completely shot after these past few weeks and he couldn't help but wonder as to whether he should've stayed with Bakugou or not.
A lot had been said between the two. Bakugou discovered Kirishima's pent up emotions and Kirishima learnt of Bakugou's soft side. He never denied that Bakugou had one, but to see it personally - that was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Even so, Kirishima still couldn't shake off all the stress. His eyes had developed large bags and his lips were chapped. The difference in his appearance could write a thousand word essay on how stressed he's truely been.
Kaminari poked his head inside the classroom door, sighing in relief once he found his red-haired friend. 'Dude we've been searching for you everywhere! We were so worried!'
Kirishima looked up and smiled softly. 'Sorry bro, I just needed some time.' He returns his attention to the pen, twisting it around with his fingers. The nib brushed his hand a few times, decorating his scarred hands with small streaks of blue.
Kaminari nods in response and pulls a chair in front of Kirishima's desk, sitting on it backwards and leaning his head on the backrest. 'That's fair. I bet Bakugou would've been a sight to see.'
Kirishima shakes his head, thinking back to earlier events. 'No not really.' He answers, 'he was obviously upset. But honestly, I'm the one that was over emotional. He was calming me down.' Kirishima sighs and slams his head against the table in frustration. 'I'm such an idiot! I can believe that I just broke down in front of Bakugou when he needed me!'
Kaminari sighs. 'You do realise that you matter, right? Bakugou really cares about you.'
'Yeah, I know. But he's the one going through things right now. I need to look after him. I'm his be-.'
'Are you even hearing yourself?' Kaminari asks, 'you've been through a lot too. You're just as traumatised as he is!' Kaminari yells, clenching his fists. 'Do you know how hard it's been to see you slowly break these past few months but still smile? Do you think we didn't realise? Hell Kiri! We were terrified for you!'
Kirishima's eyes go wide at Kaminari's outburst. It was very rare to hear him yell, but Kirishima knew it was only because he cared. Now he felt even worse knowing that he's friends had been just as stressed as he was these past few months.
'I just...' Kirishima's voice trails off as he casts his eyes down at the table. 'I just don't know how much more I can give. I feel like my soul is empty now, there's nothing left.'
'I can't cry anymore, I can't scream. I feel like everything is just gone, like I'm so detached from the world. The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that Bakugou needs me.' Kirishima looks up at Kaminari through bloodshot eyes and tears slipping down his cheeks.
'If I stop helping him, will I have anything left?'
• • •
A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for 30K! I seriously can't believe this and I'm so so grateful. You all are so amazing!