Seokjin's Pov:
"her fever is going down," Jungkook mutters as he presses the back of his hand against our daughter's forehead.
"thank goodness; I was so scared earlier. She had a fever early in the day, but it wasn't bad, and I gave her some medicine, but then as we were getting ready to go to bed, she started fussing, and that's when I realize she was burning up."
Jungkook walked around to me, as I was sitting up on the other side of the bed where our daughter laid. Taking his hand he started massaging my shoulder, "she is going to be okay, our baby girl is a fighter, and she is strong like her Appa, so nothing for us to worry about. Just try to get some sleep, I will keep an eye on her." he releases his hold on me and walks towards the recliner they had brought into the room for him.
Immediately missing the feeling of him massaging my shoulder, I rotate them, releasing the knots that were in them, I hadn't realized how tense my body had become. Turning to face him, I got down from the bed, "I am not sleepy right now. Somewhat hungry." I muttered and took a seat next to Jungkook in one of the wooden chairs that were in the room.
I figured since he was being kind, if I told him I was hungry, he would get me something to eat. Namjoon was nice enough to bring us something to drink and snacks, but I wasn't someone who enjoyed snacks, so I had the tea and bottled water.
"I think the cafeteria might still be open; I can go get you something. Do you want another cup of tea?" Jungkook questions as he got up from the recliner.
I nod my head, letting him know I needed another cup of tea. I was impressed by how he remembered earlier that I prefer tea over coffee.
Watching him leave the room, I got out of the uncomfortable chair I was sitting on and walked over to check on Mia, she was sleeping and sweating a lot. Taking one of the towels, I wiped up the sweat and kissed her.
I couldn't believe how much I had panicked earlier, when I checked her temperature, I freaked out, and Jungkook was the first person that came to my mind. Tonight was the only time since he had moved next door that I had been thankful, he was always a lot better in stressful situations than I was.
That's why I was happy when he agreed to stay with Mia and me. He and I had spent a lot of nights in the hospital as well when our son was younger. I remember he used to get ear infections often, and then eventually, he had to get surgery to put tubes in his ears.
Jungkook was always a pro at being in these places; he knew his way around the doctors and getting what he wanted. Our son always received the best care, but with me, I spend more time panicking than being of much help. When my kids are in pain, I lose it; I lose myself too, I don't know how to deal with it.
I know I am supposed to be strong for them, but it's tough, especially when they are my weakness.
Leaving Mia to sleep, I headed towards the recliner and got into it, taking the blanket and wrapping it around me as I waited for Jungkook to come back with the food.
Which felt like forever when he returned, I think he could immediately tell I wasn't happy.
"The cafe didn't have anything you would've eaten, so I had to go outside. As you know, I don't have my car, so the walk was a bit much. Anyway, I got kimchi stew, stuffed chicken soup, bibimbap, mandu, and bulgogi with extra kimchi and rice to the side."
Who was he feeding the entire hospital? "Thanks, are you eating as well?"
"Of course, why did you think I ordered so much food. I will go ask for them to bring an extra tray in here-"
"No, it's fine, we can share the one that's here."
He looked at me surprised but didn't say anything. Instead, he went for the stranding tray and rolled it over to where I was. Placing the meals on it, he went and got a chair for himself and brought it over to where I was.
"This is really good!" he exclaimed while eating. He seemed like he hadn't eaten for days, but I wasn't exactly surprised, he always had a big appetite.
And I had to agree the food was good, wherever he walked to get it, it was worth it.
I ate until I was full, then I relaxed into the chair and watched him finish up everything. "this tasted a lot like a homecooked meal."
"You don't cook at home?"
He laughs out loud, "Jin, you know me, what much do I know how to make besides the basics."
That was true; I was mainly the cook when we were married.
"This is why you need to find someone to marry so they can take care of you," I told him jokingly, but of course, I didn't mean that, but I also wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Too bad, I am not looking for anyone to marry. However, I do have someone in mind that I would be open to remarrying, but I know he hates my guts."
I quickly tried to compose myself not wanting to feed into his words, "I don't hate you. Have I been angry with you? Yes, I have been. I didn't want to get a divorce, but you were adamant about us getting one."
"I wanted to work on our marriage Seokjin, but you didn't want to. You wanted us to act as if everything was fine, but we both knew they weren't. You had built up anger within you against me, which now thinking back, I can't blame you. We had a lot of shit just out there, but we spoke about none of it. I didn't see us making progress, so a divorce made sense to me, and I thought you were happy after you moved on with that guy."
I pushed the tray away from between us and sat up so I could face him correctly, I wanted us to talk, not yell at one another, but talk.
"I don't know if it's because when we got married, I was young, but I felt pretty insecure a lot of the time. Being a young parent, with people always judging me, didn't make me feel any better either. But you did an excellent job of reassuring me, reminding me that I was it for you. Our family meant something. It gave me the power I needed to fight against the odds. When everyone told me you would eventually leave me, I took them on, letting them know that would never be the case, and it wasn't until the miscarriage.
I know I shut down after that happened, and I neglected my role as your husband and as a parent, and I am sorry I did that. I felt guilty before dad died, I had gotten into a heated argument with him, and I never got the chance to apologize to him. Upon hearing he died, it did something to me, but not only me, our daughter, which caused the miscarriage. I felt guilty towards you and our marriage.
I didn't know how to grieve two losses at the same time and be a husband and a parent. I get you wanted us to go to counseling, but I wasn't ready for that step. Although what I realize later on is that you needed that so you could've healed, but I was so focused on my hurt and what I was going through that I never once took you or Jae into consideration.
Me shutting down wasn't intentional, it was because I was hurting a lot, and I didn't know how to deal with the pain. You wanted to talk about our daughter, and I didn't, I couldn't talk about it. You thought we needed help, I didn't know we did, but long after I realize we did. I had shut down, and it wasn't helping our marriage, but destroying it.
I now understand a lot of this, but what I never did then, and I get it, I wasn't the husband you were used to I had fallen into depression, I wasn't a parent anymore, I get it, but was it necessary for you to cheat? You wanted to fix our brokenness, yet you broke me more than you fixed the brokenness that was already within.
It all made me numb Jungkook. I waited and waited, denying the fact that this is what you were doing. I told myself even after seeing proof that you would stop, it meant nothing to you, but you continued on and on. I know I wasn't there when you needed me, but was that a reason to cheat? Even after our divorce, I struggle with that, you didn't only cheat on me, but on our son, the time you spent messing around with someone else, you were robbing him of his time with you."
Jungkook reaches forward and pulls my hands into his; it felt different to have him hold onto them.
"I fucked up. There is no other way to say this than I fucked up. I was hurt, and I was angry, angry that you weren't talking, you weren't showing any emotions. It was as though you weren't hurting or taking any of this pain with me. I felt a lot Seokjin, it's the truth, but I was living life through my perception and my feelings. I couldn't understand your pain; you were grieving both your father and daughter; I was only grieving the death of my daughter, that's the pain I felt. I didn't know until now you felt guilty, and I am sorry you felt that way; you shouldn't have to feel that way. You didn't intentionally cause harm to her.
When I started grief counseling, I started with the purpose of healing, and that's what I should've stuck to, but I fucked up big time, and I am sorry. I know I broke a lot of trust between us, destroyed our marriage, and if I could take it back, I would. I knew what I was doing, and I kept on doing it, you didn't deserve that, and I am sorry, our son didn't deserve it either.
I am not here asking you to be my best friend or my partner again; all I am asking for you to do if you can is accept my sincerest apologies. I am sorry I hurt you, I am sorry if I made you feel insecure at any point in our marriage-"
"I am sorry I cheated too." I cut him off as my voice broke. I was feeling overly emotional listening to him talk as all the memories and feelings came running back.
"I personally think for us to be the best parent we can be to our kids, we should consider going to counseling. I think we have caused one another a lot of pain, and working through that might help us." Jungkook suggests, leaning forward and wiping my tears.
I nod my head in agreement. He was right; there was a lot I had kept in, that I think I must let go of it all, especially if I want to try us again.