help me forget that this world is so cold.
~~~
(Flashbacks are in bold and italics)
~~~
10 years...
10 long fucking years, he'd been away from Pakistan.
Suppressing the flood of emotions threatening to spill, he maintained his tall brooding composure.
Islamabad airport, here he was again, not too different from when he was 17 –still alone. Although the new Ghasaan's story was not too different from his 17 year old version, there was one prominent difference, he was no longer weak –he was now a man who had the ability to crush people under his heavy, demanding gaze.
As he settled into the comfortable seats of the car, one of the family's many chauffeurs began to drive the long journey to their village, without even so much as a Salam directed at Ghasaan. He let out a sarcastic laugh, almost taunting, as the driver's head bowed down, presumably in shame –of course, even after 10 years, Dada jaan's orders remained unchanged.
Ghasaan remained unfazed by the scent of leather, cigar smoke and luxury, as he always had been.
Just as the sun loomed over the mountains, engulfing the sky into a lamp's shade of colours, the car halted before a tall haveli, erect between tall trees of pine, dark and thick with secrets and shadows.
Each step, out of the car and towards the haveli was laced with unwavering confidence and power. When he approached the towering door, looming over his frame –almost accusatorily, he attempted to gulp down the lump lodged in between his throat, and fisted his palms to stop them from shaking uncontrollably, all in vain.
The door was soon opened and Ghasaan walked into the foyer, his gaze trailing over the interior of the house, pastel Victorian wallpapers, mahogany furniture and large crystal centerpieces adorned with arrangements of flowers –seemingly perfect, almost idealistic, and unchanged.
Stepping further into the house, his eyes glazed over when he saw the grand staircase, polished and proud.
The sound of laughter and chatter disrupted his train of thoughts as a spark of hope ignited within his being, and Ghasaan made his way to the living room where the evening chai was being enjoyed.
He held his breath and stopped in the door frame, and as his presence became known, sudden thick silence blanketed the room and a frown appeared on Dada jaan's features as he stood; The sound of Ghasaan's shoes on the wooden flooring resonated through the walls of the room as he approached the old man, with his head bowed, he stopped, leaning forward, using his eyes to silently ask his grandfather to place his hand on Ghasaan's head. Time stretched longer than usual as his heart beat wildly, the anticipation wringing his bones, as he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the old man had had a change of heart.
It only took a moment for Dada jaan's features to crumple in disgust, before he raised his walking stick, to go around the man's frame, walking out of the room, with the rest of the family's members trailing after the old man.
He was back, in this house after all these years, but he knew he was still not welcome here. That he had been called back, only to show the world, that he was part of this happy, idealistic family, where everyone was warm hearted and kind.
Ghasaan's eyes were still trained on the hardwood floor, the feeling of hope now replaced with emotional void and familiar numbness, as he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Humayun Lashari pulled his son into a tight embrace, and although he had visited him just last year, Ghasaan noticed his father looked physically and emotionally weaker and drained. The hug lasted a few seconds before Ghasaan pulled away, desiring to retire to his bedroom to rest after the long journey.
No words were exchanged about the encounter that had just taken place and Ghasaan's exterior was back to its strong and unwavering state, his chin tilted upwards in pride and his stride resonating power.
As he walked out of the drawing room, on his way down the hall, his dark black eyes did not miss the soft brown doe eyes -squinted slightly, the plump lips caught in between her teeth at the corner, as she tried to regain sight of him.
It took no longer than a moment for her to realize she had been caught as she gasped, sharply turning, seeking refuge behind the wall to shelter her from his gaze -almost darker than the sky outside; clenching her eyes shut, she fisted her dupatta tightly in both her hands, wanting to disappear from the situation.
Ghasaan turned back around, a slight smirk adorning his features as his steps echoed once again and she leaned forward, unable to help herself, head tilted slightly, watching his mysterious, brooding frame retreat to his room without a second look back –at the girl with the doe eyes.
~~~~~
"Maha api..." Aaina trailed off, causing her sister to turn around in her bed, facing her and waiting for her to continue
"Ghasaan bhai challay kyoon gaye thay?"
[why did Ghasaan leave?]
Maha sighed defeatedly, no matter how many times she explained to Aaina, the girl wouldn't stop asking these questions.
"Mujhe nahi pata Aaina, Aur kisi se dobara puchna bhi Mat, don't you remember what happened last time? I've told you, Curiosity kills the cat"
[i don't know Aaina, and don't ask anyone else again...]
Aaina pouted in defeat, remembering the one night years ago, when she had asked where Ghasaan had gone during dinner time, after which Dada jaan hadn't spoken to her for a whole week. The entire family knew the subject was one that could not be ventured in the household, so it had been buried; but Aaina was not one to move on without answers.
"And I've told you, the complete phrase is, Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back," she laid emphasis on the last part of the sentence, before continuing,
"Anyways, did you see the way dada jaan and everyone treated him today?"
"Haan, I know what you mean, kaafi odd tha"
[yeah, I know what you mean, it was quite odd]
"Hmm"
Aaina continued to ponder the mysterious series of events into the deep hours of the night, and when she closed her eyes, she found that everytime she tried to sleep, she saw a pair of hurricane eyes looking back at her, with fierce intensity, making her jolt, alas keeping her awake.
~~~
"Sheraz aap ko nahi lagta Uss bachay ke saath ghalat ho raha hay, iss sab May Uss ka kya kasoor?" Sanam Lashari -the wife of the second of three Lashari brothers- broke the silence between the two.
[sheraz don't you think this is injustice to that child, what was his fault in all of this?]
"Sanam mainay tumhay kitni Baar Samjhaya hay, aisi baatain Mat kiya Karo, baba jaan ko pasand nahi." Sheraz Lashari coaxed
[sanam I've told you many times, don't speak of this topic, dad doesn't like it]
"Par-"
[but-]
"Bus. So jao ab" this time his tone was stern, and held warning
[thats it, sleep now]
The two turned on separate sides of the bed, lodged deep in thoughts. Sheraz could not help but think back to the events that took place in the house years ago, and how tragic the course of life really is.
~
"Kashaf...mujhe aik bohot buri feeling arahi hay," Shehzad Lashari tossed over in bed, addressing his wife -the two of them, unable to sleep.
[Kashaf...I'm getting a really bad feeling]
With a sharp intake of breath, Kashaf voiced her concerns,
"Itna sab Kuch ho gaya shehzad, bus Allah karay iss ghar ko mazeed Aur koi dukh na millay,"
[So much has happened shehzad, I just hope we don't get any more sorrow]
Humming in agreement, shehzad replied,
"Bus meri Beti ki shaadi sukoon say guzar jaye, inn bachon ka iss sab May Kya kasoor"
[i just want my daughters wedding to go by in peace, the kids have no fault in all this]
"Mujhe bhi sirf Maha ki fikar hay," Kashaf paused to raise her hands in prayer, hoping that her daughters marriage would go as smoothly as planned
[i'm also worried about maha]
~
Alina laid awake, the mattress bearing the weight of her thoughts in the soundless atmosphere as she tried to think back to the last night she had seen Ghasaan.
Perched up in his bed, Azlaan clicked through the pictures on his laptop, pictures of the cousins -the 4 of them at birthdays, tea parties and at home, huddled up together.
In some pictures however, it was all 5 of them, from better times, where they shared laughter, and carefree moments, shielded from the rest of the world.
Azlaan's eyes began to water as he stared at the photo taken by the driver chacha many decades ago, when the men of the house were out on a factory visit. All five of the cousins sat on dada jaan's vintage car, eight, nine, ten years old; the girls wrapped in Chachi's branded scarf and covered in lipstick, and Ghasaan, his face shining bright in happiness, with an arm around Azlaan who was caught in laughter, as they sat on the hood of the car.
~
In their respective rooms, Dada jaan and Humayun Lashari mourned, drenched in regret, and unleashing demons of the past, that resided in a closeted part of their being, for the first time in many, many years.
In the room at the end of the hall, the room that had remained empty for a decade, Ghasaan nestled his weight onto the mattress, staring blankly, unable to sleep. For a moment, he could not stop thinking about the glimpses he had caught, of the people who were his family. Azlaan, whom he considered his brother, and the three young girls he shared a childhood with.
His right arm folded under his head, the left resting on his abdomen, Ghasaan closed his eyes, in an attempt to get sleep, only to be faced with a glimpse of large kohl lined eyes, of brown that resembled melting pools of sun. And just like that, all traces of sleep left him once again, as he opened his eyes, wondering which one of his three cousins it had been.
When he realised he could potentially be thinking of his little cousin, whom he was here to attend the marriage of, he shook his head in self-disapproval, as a frown appeared on his features.
Then, with a soft aching sensation in his chest, he remembered; every grain of turmoil, every speckle of hurt, every bead that had ever rolled down his cheeks -when all he wanted was to forget. So he did the expected, he rolled out of bed and towards his luggage, with shaking hands he opened the prescription box and swallowed the pills, allowing himself to fall back in bed and breathe the long seconds, waiting to succumb to the darkness.
Every night, the sun set over the Haveli, layering coats of black in the night sky -to conceal the gray clouds of sorrow and gloom that loomed over the estate, and the crickets' chirping masked the whispers of secrets that danced in the hallways, keeping sleep far from members of the Lashari family.
But tonight, the whispers of tales and gossip coming from the halls were louder, there was laughter too -sardonic; the clouds were heavy with the weight of pain, which the setting sun or crickets could no longer hide -and no one in the household slept a wink.
~~~~~
Ghasaan stepped into the hallway, closing the heavy mahogany door shut. Freshly showered, smelling of aftershave and musk, hair slicked back and sleeves rolled up to his elbow, he descended the staircase, his blazer hanging off his right arm and a briefcase clutched in his left hand. Passing by the dining room, he stopped for a glass of water, causing chatter over the breakfast table to holt.
Unfazed, Ghasaan gulped down the glass of water, before turning to head out.
"Allahhafiz," his manly voice echoed in the hall, and he was acknowledged by his father as he stepped forward to leave the dining hall,
"Bhai? Breakfast kar lain," Alina spoke out, earning a sharp glare from the elders of the house, to which Ghasaan smiled almost sarcastically,
"Nahi bacha, I'm getting late," he offered her a genuine smile before leaving.
Aaina's eyes were trained on his frame as he stepped out of her sight, and her gaze lingered on the doorframe before a loud bang on the table made her flinch, and Dada jaan stood up before leaving the room, Humayun Lashari's head bowed low as Sanam Lashari pinched her daughter's arm under the table.
~~~
Stepping out of the car, after a long afternoon of making changes at the office, Ghasaan -the new CFO of his dads company- breathed out a sigh as he walked to the gazebo at the end of the garden, wanting to catch a fresh breath of air, yet still shielded from vines and plants, from anyone who could catch sight of him.
Unfortunately for him, someones gaze had already been trained on the entrance for quite some time now, and as she saw him settle in the secluded area of the large garden, Aaina raised her hands to send a quick prayer of thanks above.
"Wah Allah ta'alah, bari quick service thi, thank you thank you thank you"
[wow, God, such fast service...]
Quickly, but cautious of her surroundings, Aaina approached the mysterious man and walked into the gazebo, acting as if she wasn't already aware of the fact that he was present in the far corner.
Clearing his throat, causing Aaina to gasp in feigned surprise, Ghasaan raised an eyebrow at her seemingly startled expression,
Doe eyes
Clutching her dupata close to her chest and dramatically fiddling with it, Aaina began her filmy act,
"Wo mujhe pata nahi tha ke aap yahan hain. I'll just go-"
[I didn't know you were here...]
'Chal Jhooti,' the voice inside Aaina's head taunted as she turned to leave,
[what a liar]
Ghasaan shook his head,
"It's okay, you can stay."
A bright, excited smile appeared on Aaina's face, making Ghasaan's heart tremble in a weird way.
"Hain? Thank God, I wasn't going to leave anyway," Aaina chirped as she plopped onto the seat next to him, continuing,
[really?...]
"You remember who I am right? Maha..."
"Of course I remember you," Ghasaan evidently lied, internally cringing at his previous thoughts about his cousin -who was all set to be married
Just then, the girl, who proved to be more mischievous than she looked, threw her head back in amused laughter, recovering before she enlightened him with an important fact,
"I'm just joking, it's Aaina,"
He looked at her intensely, and she could've sworn that for the slightest of a second, she saw his lips twitch upwards in what seemed to be a smile, before he looked away,
Quiet, as always.
"How have you been?," she inquired, breaking the silence and making him look at her once again.
Which, was a terrible idea, because once he looked, he couldn't look away, she sure had grown to be beautiful -everything a man like him would desire.
"Hellooo? English hi boli hay koi Pashto nahi," Aaina reminded him to answer her question, making him clear his throat and look away
[hello? I've spoken in English only not Persian]
"Good, what about you?" He wanted to leave this situation as soon as possible without making things awkward
"Theek, just always remembered our last night before you left-,"
Aaina's curiosity kicked in once again as she treaded dangerous waters, testing the topic once again,
Ghasaan fisted his hands, nails digging into his palms, almost causing them to bleed.
"- the last birthday tradition with the five of us..."
His eyes clouded over, head pulsating, he was dazed red in rage at her words as he stood, towering over her still seated form, a finger pointed in her direction, he held back every nerve of his body from acting out in rage
"Stay away from me Aaina. Stay the fuck away from me."
He spat out every word, emphasising them so she would understand
With fast paced angry strides and heavy pants, Ghasaan walked away from the garden and into the estate, leaving behind an extremely confused Aaina.
As he walked into the house, he stopped before ascending the grand staircase, falling short of breath, as the scene unfolded before his eyes -almost like a film, when watched too many times.
"Is ko meray ghar say kahin door le jao Humayun, Ye meray ghar ke bachon par bura asar hay, may tum say akhri baar keh raha hoon. Warna may kuch aisa kar dounga jo tum me say koi soch bhi nahi sakta"
[take him somewhere far away from my house Humayun, he is a bad influence on the kids of my house, I'm telling you this for the last time. Otherwise I will do something so bad, none of you can even imagine]
"Dada ja-'' Ghasaan choked out, tears trailing down his face and clogging his throat
The old man stepped onto the last step of the staircase, where Ghasaan stood, and with eyes brimming of resentment; he gripped the young boy's face in his hands as Ghasaan gasped in pain, more so at the words uttered by his grandfather,
"Kitni baar samjhaya hai, mujhe ghar par Dada mat bullaya karo. Mai tumhara Dada nahi hoon,'' with a rough push at the end of his sentence, Dada jaan turned around to leave.
[How many times have I explained, do not call me your grandfather at home. I'm not your grandfather]
Ghasaan was now on the floor, curled up and crying, 'weak' in his dada's eyes. The clock struck 12, and so came the end of Ghasaan's 17th birthday, as his father scrambled to pick him up and lead him to his room –to pack.
~~~~
Hiya!
You guys I just wanted to say thank you so so much for all your kind comments!
So here it is, the second update for Asraar, we're just starting to dive into the Lashari family's story, so buckle up ;) cause it's gonna be a rocky ride...
Let me know how you like this chapter, and if you have any questions so far, I'd be happy to answer :)
Hope you're all safe and taking care...
Until next time Xx ❤️