Chord
Dean Campbell is a fucking asshole. He thinks he can walk in on me playing, looking all smug like that, and talk to me about my dad? He doesn't know shit about my dad, he can fuck off. I've seen him play, and he isn't half the drummer my dad is. I think their career choices speak for themselves, right? My dad is the most successfully drummer on the planet, and Shaun Campbell teaches. That old saying 'those who can't do, teach' springs to mind, and I actually relax a little as I burst out of the exit of the Music Building and into the parking lot.
That incident was four days ago now, and I'm still pissed about it. So much so that I actually went into the Music Building just now with intentions of spray painting some graffiti on the walls. But that's lame, I'm not a little kid, and I don't have any spray paint. So obviously I didn't do it. I think I came over here in hopes of bumping into Dean Campbell so that I could glare at him or trip him over or something. Whatever, moment of madness over, I'm out of here.
I wanna smoke, and I wouldn't mind a drink either. Why the fuck didn't I drive over here? Walking is a waste of time. Time that could be spent getting fucked up.
I sigh to myself as I walk down the stone steps outside the Music Building, because I know what's really gotten me so frustrated these past few days, and it has nothing to do with Dean Campbell. It's her. What the fuck was I thinking last Sunday!? When all I planned on doing was going to the Art Building to look at her painting of my tattoo sleeve again. I didn't plan on seeing her or talking to her, and I sure as fuck did not plan on playing the drums for her. The hell was I thinking!? I shake my head violently as I storm across the quad, destined for the dorms. It's a quick walk, but I'm impatient. I need to relax. I need some weed.
"Yo! Logan!" I turn my head around and see Drake driving out of the parking lot with some of the guys from the basketball team. He's rolled his window down to talk to me, so I approach the car.
"School at this time of night? You feeling okay, dude?" Drake's teammate Tristan asks me from the passenger seat. The guys all laugh and I roll my eyes at his comment. It is after 6, I have no good reason for being here.
"I could say the same for you guys." I come back, even though I know they were over here practising. They're all wearing their gym clothes.
"Seriously, dude, what are you doing here?" Drake asks me lightly. It is unlike me to spend more time on campus than necessary. I run a hand through my hair, desperately trying to come up with some explanation for why I'm here. Then it hits me.
"Weed guy." I say, and the guys all nod their understanding. I don't have a weed guy in North Bridge, because luckily for me Penn was happy enough to let me buy weed from him. He always tries to reject my money, actually, but I don't let him. I have more than enough money to pay for my own weed, I don't need a free ride. I know Penn isn't exactly looking for the money of course, but pride and all.
"Cool. You coming for a smoke right now?" Drake asks casually, raising his eyebrows at me. I'm not in the best of moods, I kinda wanted to smoke on my own but fuck it, these guys are cool. I accept the offer.
Riding out to the Estate with Drake and his friends was actually a really good idea. Tristan sparked up a joint in the car and passed it around, Drake turned his music up and we all joked around a little. That five minute ride was pretty much exactly what I needed, and as I walk into Thornton House behind Drake and the guys, I feel ten times better than I did a half hour ago. I feel mellow, and pretty much completely back to my usual self.
"You wanna play some ball with us, Logan?" Tristan asks while wiggling his eyebrows at me and shooting a basketball out to me from his chest. I catch it on reflex and he laughs, impressed. He didn't expect me to catch it. I toss it right back to him and decline. I cannot shoot hoops worth a damn when I'm wearing jeans, and I'm far too chilled out for that now anyway.
The guys head out back to play, and I pull my phone out as I wonder off in the direction of the small sitting room. If Penn's here, I assume that's where he'll be.
"Hey." I say without looking up from my phone as I push into the sitting room. Penn is here, he's watching a Star Wars movie. For a change. "You never get bored of watching fucking Star Wars all the time?"
"Didn't know you were coming over." He drawls, and I raise my eyes from my phone screen, taking in the room. I can barely even see him or the TV through the thick layer of smoke hazed throughout the room. He's laying back on the couch nearest the TV with his feet up on the coffee table in front of him. He's high as a fucking jet.
"I wasn't, I ran into Drake. He's out back playing basketball with some other Panthers." I inform as I drop down on to the couch opposite Penn's. He doesn't say anything, he just continues squinting at the TV like he can barely see it. I laugh to myself as I return my attention to my phone.
Tam, 16:54pm: Dinner tonight? We can talk about that 'party' I attended last weekend. We haven't had a proper catch up since? I need to check in with you, Logan.
I sigh. Jason had already filled Tam in on the true nature of the party scene over here, and I'm fine with that. I just didn't want Tam seeing it for himself. He knows I drink, he knows I smoke, he knows I fuck, but he doesn't need to be around it. I'd prefer for him to stay blissfully ignorant to my weekend behaviour. Well, and weeknight sometimes. Often. Just depends.
Me, 18:27pm: I'm at Penn's, we can talk when I get back to the dorms. Don't know how late I'll be. You're gonna see a lot of me tomorrow anyway, remember?
I shove my phone into my pocket violently, refusing to engage in any more texting with Tam. I will be seeing a fucking lot of him tomorrow, like I just said. We'll talk then. I light up my joint and sit back before looking over at Penn again.
He's looking at me in that way of his. When he's trying to decide if he wants to say something or not. I'm usually exceptionally patient with him when he does this, but I've had a frustrating week so far and I'm not in the mood to tip toe around him right now. Besides, he's my boy. He should know he can talk to me about anything he wants to by now.
"Spit it out, dude." I say, my eyes still on the TV. "Say what you're gonna say, or stop staring."
I look around at him and find him frowning at me. He didn't like that? Tough, he's my brother. I shouldn't need to walk on eggshells with him anymore. He has something he wants to say to me, he should know that he can just say it.
"Fine." He practically growls as he stretches his arms out in front of him and straightens up his posture on the sofa. I straighten up too, giving him my full attention, and he actually surprising me by picking up the television remote and pausing the movie.
"Wow, this shit must be serious." I say jokingly, but the pained expression on his face tells me that it really is serious. Damn.
"I have a weird question." He says, his eyes boring a hole in the coffee table. "I don't wanna ask you this, but it's bugging me. So, fuck it."
I wait as he shakes his head quickly while opening his cigarette tin. Like he isn't high enough as it is. Whatever, if more weed will help him ask me his difficult question, fine. He sparks up the joint and takes a long drag, exhaling every last whisper of smoke towards the ceiling before pinning me with a hard look and asking me the last thing I was expecting him to ask.
"Do you talk when you fuck?"
"What?" I say on reflex as my brows pinch together. I don't get it. He sighs sharply while looking away from me. He's shutting off. Shit.
"It doesn't matter." He mumbles before taking another long hit.
"No, I think I get it." I say quickly, but coolly. I don't wanna scare him off more than I already have. "You just kinda caught me off guard with that. Um, you're asking if I say stuff...during sex? Like, dirty talk?"
"No." He replies quickly, worry in his eyes now. Okay, I have no fucking idea what he's getting at then.
"You've lost me then, dude." I admit while sitting back into the couch. If he wants to kill this conversation now, no problem. I don't know what the hell he's talking about anyway.
"I mean, like -" He pauses, inhaling generously again. "You're not just quiet the whole time, right? You say things to the girl. Like, for example..."
He trails off, and I wanna laugh so bad but he's being dead serious so I can't. My eyes have widened though, in anticipation of the example he's about to give me.
"...if you want her to do something or you wanna know if she wants something. You get what I'm saying?" He looks at me expectantly and I nod my head. I get it now. He's not referring to dirty talk as such, more just actual conversation about what's going on during sex. I really wanna know where he's going with this, so I decide to give him some encouragement.
"Yeah, I'll tell a girl if I like something she does or I'll ask her if she wants me to do something." He's listening to every word, so I take it up a notch. "I guess I always respond to certain things."
"Like what?" He asks quickly, captivated by what I'm saying. This is so fucking weird but fuck me I am gonna find out why he's asking me this.
"Well..." I shift uncomfortably, because this is more than I'd care to share. But that's how Penn works with this stuff. I have no hope in hell of him getting personal unless I go there first. I swallow, here fucking goes.
"Um, if a girl tells me she likes something. Let's say, for example -" I use his words before I get far too fucking specific, clever, this might make him get specific too "- kissing her neck. I'll stop doing it then ask her if she wants it."
I clear my throat and tear my gaze off of his. This is far too fucking awkward. What are we, fucking girls? Why the hell are we talking about this?!
"It works!" I add in quickly in an attempt to save face. "Trust me. They make noises, they want it again. You know..."
Nah, fuck this. I wanna know why he's asking about this stuff but it's too fucking weird. That is quite enough of that.
"Right." He screws his face up. I guess what I just said isn't quite answering the question he hasn't really asked me.
I cough again while picking up and lighting a new joint of my own. I don't wanna stand up and leave the fucking room, but I need to do something. Such an awkward moment.
"What about... Like, calling the girl a name?" He asks, his voice quiet. I raise my eyebrows as I exhale. Okay, now we're getting somewhere.
"Penn, what did you do?" I ask with a laugh, and he rolls his eyes at me while sinking back into the couch. I'm just imagining what happened here. Did he call some girl a dirty whore in the heat of the moment? Did he call a girl his mommy or something creepy like that? There's loads of things he could have said to cause offence to someone, and I wanna know what it is. Things just went from awkward to super fucking interesting.
"It's not like that." He says, his gaze hard again. I try to stop laughing, and when I do I can't stop smiling. This is priceless.
"I'm sorry!" I say lightly. "Come on, you can tell me. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."
He ruffles his hands through his hair and drags them down his face and stubble before finally coming out with it.
"You ever call a girl baby?"
The second the words leave his mouth, he's on his feet and walking over to the door quickly, muttering things like fucking forget it, and complete fucking bullshit. I laugh out loud before calling out to him, hoping to salvage this.
"Yeah, I call girls baby all the time." I say, and he pauses with his hand on the door knob. He turns to face me and shoots me a sharp glare. I hold my hands up in mock surrender. "I do! I swear! Every guy does. Baby? Come on, that's tame."
"Tame?" He asks like he's unsure. I nod my head.
"Yeah, come on, dude. Drake calls girls baby before he's even got them upstairs. We all do it." I laugh again, letting him know that this isn't weird. He pauses for a beat before walking back over to the seat he just vacated. Good save, Chord.
"You wanna tell me what happened?" I encourage him as I stub my joint out. Unsurprisingly, he lights up another one before he continues.
"I was... You know. Doing stuff with a girl." He starts, his eyes anywhere but on mine. "One thing didn't lead to another, she left me hanging. She said she didn't like me calling her baby."
"That's fucking weird." I say on reflex. "In my experience, girls love that shit."
"Right?" His eyes finally meet mine and I think I have successfully put his mind at ease.
"She left you hanging? That's unusual for you." I add with a smirk. He laughs and shakes his head.
"I know, she wasn't the easiest in the first place. Guess she had second thoughts." He mutters quietly.
"Well, whatever made her rethink fucking you, it definitely wasn't because you called her baby. That sounds like an excuse to me." I say confidently. Why on earth would a girl stop fooling around with a guy because of that? He nods his head as he smokes, and my work here is done.
"So, you're going to that concert in South Bridge tomorrow night, right? With Lyra?" He asks, effectively changing the subject.
"Yeah." I sigh as I rake a hand through my hair. As much as I didn't wanna go to my parents' show, I'm fucking going. Lyra has relentless attempted to convince me to go with her, and I've agreed. My mom keeps asking me about it too. She really wants me to be there, and honestly... I don't know what the fucks gotten into me, but I actually don't wanna let my mom down for once in my life. So yeah, I'm going.
"There's no party tomorrow night, so I won't miss much." I say with a grin. He shakes his head at me.
"Actually, there is. Drake and his teammates wanna let loose. They're gonna be training non-stop soon for the playoff game." Penn sounds uninterested. It's a party like any other to him, I guess. But I can't help but wonder...
"So Ryan will be there." I think out loud. Penn nods his head. Dash actually made things official with Ryan last night, so of course he'll be there. "And he'll probably take his friends, right? Jax. Scar."
"Probably." Penn mumbles. "You wanna drink? I'm in the mood for tequila."
He stands up and I decline. Tequila? Now? No fucking thank you. Penn leaves the room and I light up another joint. I haven't seen her since I stormed out of that drum classroom. She's been on my mind constantly since then though, I've been walking around like an asshole and frowning at fucking everything. Because in spite of myself, I've realised...
I like her.
I fucking like her.
I am officially no longer interested in fucking Scar Davis. Okay, no. Scratch that. Of course I am. I mean, it's not all I'm interested in anymore. I don't wanna like her, I don't wanna like any girl. Miller fucked me over and made me believe that girls are all good for nothing whores who can't be trusted. But Scar? I don't know. She's different. She's always been different. It's taken me this long to admit it to myself, but here I am.
The thought of her partying over here tomorrow night makes me uneasy, purely because I won't be here. She'll be drinking, wearing minimal clothing, dancing and grinding in the main living room, swaying her hips and licking her lips in front of all Drake's athletic basketball player friends...
Maybe I need to rethink my plans for tomorrow.