Taeyeon's POV
After what happened a few weeks ago the girls resumed their individual schedules and they also promised to visit the dorm often when they weren't busy. I'm currently getting ready to leave the dorm to visit Pany-ah, as usual no one was at the private cemetery, and I brought Pany-ah a bouquet of pink flowers. I sat down near her grave and just casually talked to her as usual.
"Hey Pany-ah, it's been almost two years since the company promoted us a group after what happened, and since our contracts are expiring next month we're all not sure if we should still continue, I'm not sure if I still want to resign, I mean I can never imagine hearing our song without your voice....it just feels so wrong. The girls and I talked about it a few times already, but we're still not sure...I mean I still want to sing and make people happy through my music but I also want to be free to it in my own way." I said as continue to tell Pany-ah about my thoughts.
"Maknae told me that she might not want to resign her contract and just focus on her acting career as well as Sooyoung and I can understand that but still...SNSD is a nine member group, when Sica left a few years ago things changed and now you're gone and those two are planning to leave too, and I don't think I can listen to any song we produce without hearing your voice in it." I said as I lay down on the ground, to be honest I don't know what to do, I'm lost and confused.
After about 3 hours of just talking with Pany-ah I decided it was time to leave, "Hmmm, it's getting dark, okay so it's time for me to leave now Pany-ah, sorry for making your ears bleed listening to e rambling and talking hahah, and thank you for listening. I'll go now okay? I'll be back tomorrow or the day after that. I love you Pany-ah" I say as I slowly make my way to my car.
The drive home was peaceful, I feel a bit better now after talking to Pany-ah, when I arrived home Sunkyu is sitting on the couch watching TV "Ah! Taeng a letter came in for you today; I put it in your room. I also prepared diner, I put yours in the fridge just heat it up when you feel hungry, I have to leave later since one of the staffs of the radio station decided to throw a birthday party." She said, "Okay, thanks for the food and be careful later, don't drink too much!" I yelled as I made my way home, I heard a loud "Ne~ Omma!" from her in return.
Apparently the letter is from the orphanage that Pany-ah always goes to with Sica. The letter is from one of the sisters who is taking care of the children at the orphanage, apparently Pany-ah decided to donate the organs that weren't really affected by the cancer and it seemed that one of the children at the orphanage was a recipient.
I think Pany-ah, mentioned donating some of her organs to help other people, even when you're not here anymore you're still helping others I thought, so the letter stated that the child who was the recipient of Pany-ah's eyes wanted to specifically to talk to me, it didn't state why though. I decided to accept the offer and visit the orphanage to talk to the child, a part of me is excited to see the child since she has Pany-ah's eyes and in whatever circumstances it's still Pany-ah's eyes.
I informed the Sister who sent the letter that I'll be at the orphanage a few days from now since I don't really have any schedule at the moment. After reading the letter and letting the orphanage know I quickly washed off and changed into my pajamas, when I came out of my room to eat dinner I found Sunkyu's note at the fridge 'I'm going now! Take care! Eat dinner and be a good kid! HAHAHA –Love Sunny :P' I laughed at her note. I reheated the dinner Sunkyu prepared and quietly ate my dinner, after washing the dishes I went to Pany-ah's room and laid on her bed, I inhaled her sweet scent and clutched the necklace she gave me, I never once took it off since the day I got it. I slowly slipped off into dreamland after a few minutes.
Next few days.....
So today I'm heading out to the orphanage and visit. When I arrived Sister Anne was there to greet me "Hello, good morning I'm Sister Anne you must be Taeyeon?" she asked in English since didn't really surprise me since it was an American operated orphanage and the letter was in English, good thing Pany-ah drilled the language in my head for the last 13 years. "Yes, I am it's nice to meet you Sister Anne." I replied "Should we head on inside? Jamie is in the courtyard and she's excited to see you." She said, I smiled and nodded my head.
"You know Tiff told me a lot of stories about you, it seems you two are really close friends." she said, I just nodded my head, she told me stories about the times Pany-ah would visit the kids here and spend time with them and how the children loved her like a big sister. When we arrived at the courtyard Sister Anne pointed me at the direction a bench where Jamie was then left us alone so we could talk in private.
I slowly made my way to where Jamie was and when she saw me she smiled, "You must be Teayeon Unnie?" she said in English "I am, HI! So Jamie what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I say as I sat down next to her and she smiled.
When I was close enough to see her eyes, I was shocked to see Pany-ah's eyes, and what surprised me more is the fact that she also had the same eye-smile as Pany-ah. I was frozen for a while but managed to compose myself. "As you might have heard I have Tiff Unnie's eye and I'm really thankful for her, for giving me the chance to see the world." She said, I was touched at what she said.
"After the successful operation and I was able to see I started having dreams about Tiff Unnie, we would always talk in my dream, she would tell me stories about her life and adventures with her 8 sisters. But she would always end up crying, especially when she talks about you Taeyeon Unnie, she told me how worried she is about you guys, how she misses all of you. Tiff Unnie has a really beautiful voice, she would often sing to me in my dreams. It's been almost 2 years and a few days ago Tiff Unnie wanted me to tell you something Taeyeon Unnie....she told me to tell you that she misses all of you, that she loves you so much. She said 'thank you for always visiting me whenever you have the chance, for loving me, for being the best girlfriend even if our time together was short and bittersweet. Please don't worry too much about me here Taetae, even though I'm not there and whenever you feel alone just remember that I'll always be there for all of you to look after you, I'll be your guardian angel.' She also told me to tell you that you shouldn't worry too much about what you're gonna do in the future, you should follow your heart, the girls will and I will always support your decision no matter what. Last night Tiif Unnie told me that it was the last night that she was gonna visit me, she said she had to go now, she also told me to tell you that inside her closet there is a box in the corner which is colored blue and she said it's for you." Jamie said.
While I was sitting there listening to Jamie I could feel tears on my cheeks, I guess you really are watching over us Pany-ah I thought as I listen to Jamie, then all of a sudden Jamie looked behind me with a smile on her face, "She's here now, she's standing right behind you." She suddenly said which caught me off guard. My eyes widened and the tears just kept coming I can feel something warm behind me and warm breeze hit us, "You can talk to her." Jamie said, I smiled and closed my eyes as tears kept flowing down "Hey~ I miss you....thank you for everything, you're still looking out for me even until now, I'm sorry for making you worry too much Pany-ah...I love you." I say trying hard not to choke at my own tears, then I felt a warm feeling surrounding me, "She said she loves you so much too and that she will always be with you." Jamie said with tears in her eyes as well. I pulled Jamie close and hugged her, we stayed like that for a while.
"She really loves you, I can see it in her eyes whenever she talks about you, she said the only regret she had in this world was leaving you too soon." Jamie said, we both cried and hugged each other for a while. "Thank you Jamie for telling me this, it means a lot to me, it really does." I say as I hug her tighter.
After all the crying we talked more then we both Jamie and Sister Anne walked me to my car, I thanked them both again and then I made my way home feeling more peaceful like a huge weight was lifted from my chest.
When I arrived back at the dorm I feel emotionally exhausted and just laid on Pany-ah's bed, then I remembered what Jamie said and I quickly got up and looked for the blue box inside Pany-ah's cabinet.
After a while I finally found it, was a medium sized box, it had Pany-ah's hand writing on it 'To Taetae' I smiled and set the box on the bed, I slowly opened the box and inside were 13 things with blue ribbons tied on to it, each item had a number written on it.
'Hmm I can't believe Pany-ah had the time to do these things for us even though we were so busy and barely had enough time to rest.' I thought to myself as I remember the things that Pany-ah left for us. I touched the necklace she gave me and smiled. Before I started to take out the things inside the box I made sure to close the door and lock it since I have a feeling it's gonna be a long night.
I slowly took out the first item which had the #1 on it, it was a card with and inside it is the first ever picture Pany-ah and I ever took and there was something written on the back. 'Right from the start you were always there for me, even with our cultural differences you still managed to understand me and stood by my side.' I remember the photo and how hard she convinced me to take it. I had to smile at seeing our baby faces; it's kinda hard to believe it's been so long already. I put the picture aside and proceeded to open the next one.
The #2 item was a covered with a wrapper and based on what I can feel I think it's some type of cloth or a shirt, when I unwrapped it I was kinda shocked to see my old jacket which I thought I lost, today's the first day I saw it again after almost 13 years. It was the jacket i gave Pany-ah when she had a little accident during our trainee years, inside the jacket was a letter 'Remember this? And no, you didn't lose it, I actually called your Mom and asked her if she still kept it, since I never once saw you wear it again after let me borrow it... Thank you for always protecting me.' Now that I think about it, I never really knew where I put it after she gave it back to me, I guess when I took it home I forgot to take it back with me to the dorm and Omma might have kept it in my drawer after all these years.
I put the jacket on and it felt warm, and I'm shocked it still fits after all those years. #3 was her old notebook, I flipped through the pages, it was mostly filled with music scores and notes from our classes and training sessions, one particular page was marked so I tuned to it, it was full of drawings and doodles, on the next pages was a beautiful sketch of her and my signature on it, 'I remember how focused you looked that time, I actually didn't know you drew this I saw this while I was cleaning up, that time you were so bored and sleepy so you took my notebook and started scribbling on it....Thank you for this Taetae.' I laughed while remembering this memory, I was practically dying of boredom sand she was so focused on listening so I took the notebook form her and doodled random stuff but then I saw how beautiful she was when she's focused so I decided to draw her.
The #4 was the heart pillow that we used during the filming of kissing you, 'When you took this heart pillow from me I think you also took my heart, hahah i love you boo~' I took the pillow and hugged it, it smelled like Pany-ah I closed my eyes and imagined hugging her, I can slowly feel tears coming in my eyes and I know I'll be crying my eyes out soon.
The #5 item was her dukong, it was the pair of my own dukong, 'Three peas in a pod, three words I wanna say to you... I. Love. You...' at that point tears fell down my cheeks, I couldn't take it anymore I miss her so much. I was crying my eyes out when suddenly a knock on the door interrupted m sobs, "Taeng? Are you there? Are you okay?" I heard Yul ask behind the door, "I quickly put back the items inside the box and put them under the bed, i wiped the tears and opened the door "Hey, I'm fine Yul." I say as I wipe the remaining tears, I know she knows I was crying earlier so she just looked worriedly at me and gave me a hug.
I was a bit shocked at her sudden action then she said "It's okay to cry you know, we know how you feel, I can't imagine how broken you're feeling. Stay strong Taeng, we're all here for you if you ever need us." When she said that I felt the tears came rushing back. I cried in Yul's arms that night.
No One's POV
The girls contracts were finally coming to an end, the girls are currently discussing what they plan to do or if they are renewing their contract. In the end SM and the girls agreed that they will not disband the name SNSD even if some won't renew their contracts to the company, they all agreed that they will be on hiatus for a while and the remaining members will focus more on individual activities.
In the end it was a very emotional day for all of them, the remaining members that will remain in SM and renew their contacts were Sunny, Hyo, Yoona, and Yuri. The 4 remaining members will keep the name SNSD alive and will continue to promote the group individually. The members who decided to not renew their contracts were Seohyun who together with Sooyoung will focus on acting and Taeyeon who will take a break for a while. They all agreed to keep in touch and the company didn't forbid them to see each other in public.
When the news broke out about members leaving a lot of fans were devastated, but still they respected their decisions and will continue to support them as a group and individually.
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...Few years later..
The girls fulfilled their dreams, Hyoyeon was still under SM and is now a successful solo act and one of the best dancers of SM, Yuri and Yoona made it big in their acting careers as well as being one of the most sought out CF models, and Sunny is now a DJ and part of the board of directors of the company, although since the announcement of members leaving they haven't had a comeback but they still kept the name SNSD and would promote the group. The girls all still keep in contact with each other and were seen multiple times with members that left the company.
Seohyun and Sooyoung were in different companies and are one of the best actresses in Korea, Seohyun also continued doing Musicals and Sooyoung is now a famous songwriter with numerous hit songs under her name.
As for Taeyeon, a few weeks after leaving the company she decided to leave Korea for a while, she studied abroad and pursued arts. She hasn't been back in Korea for a few years now and today she's finally coming home.
Taeyeon's POV
'I'm finally back, Pany-ah~ I'm back! I'm sorry for taking too long.'
When I arrived at the airport I immediately went straight to my brother's car and we made our way to the cemetery, the ride was quiet since it's been a while since we last saw each other as well but after a few minutes we finally broke the ice and we started goofing off like we usually do, when we arrived at the cemetery my brother waited in the car and I made my way to Pany-ah's grave.
"Hey~ I missed you, I'm sorry for being gone for so long, I admit the first few weeks when I left was hell, I cried myself to sleep every night and whenever I see your picture I would always break down 'cause I miss you so much....how have you been? I hope the kids haven't caused too much trouble...thank you for always watching over us Pany-ah...By the way I still haven't finished opening the blue box you gave me, apparently when I left Omma forgot to pack it so she left it my room back in Jenju, I'll open it all when I get back home okay? Forgive me okay Pany-ah? I love you. I think I have to go my brother's getting really grumpy, if I don't he's gonna wake up everyone here with all the honking he's doing. I'll visit soon okay? I love you...forever and always Boo." I say as I slowly went back to the car.