Jason Madison
"Hey, Dae do you think I made a mistake. Sleeping with him that is?" I turned to my best friend.
Odette was a pretty, short, down to earth dark-skinned girl. Her parents had named her Odette before moving from Russia because they wanted her to not feel 'left out'. Odette and I had been best friends since high school she knew everything about me and me vice versa. Sometimes a little too well.
"You know, I never liked him. Not just for you but for Mason too. He always seemed a little clingy and obsessive. That's never a good sign Jay." Odette said looking at me with sincerity before turning to face the ceiling with her hair smushed into the pillow.
"Yeah, but he was the only one who never thought I was stand of ish or rude after meeting me," I said turning in the double bed to face the ceiling too.
"You know why that happens." She said voice chastising.
"I can't change my personality Dae you know that," I said covering my eyes with my forearm.
"You are a butch tall guy Jay. And you have that whole selective talking thing on lock. So, of course, people are going to be intimidated." She used a hand to part my hair like I was a sad two-year-old.
"Darius was not put off by it," I replied turning again to face her.
"Darius wants one thing from you." She replied facing me.
"He does?" I asked actually surprised to hear this.
" Look Jay I know you really like this guy but as your best friend, I don't think this guy is here for the long run as you are hoping. Just be cautious about him, he might just want sex and it seems you want more than that. So be careful about your feelings. Okay? I would say leave him but you have this habit of doing the opposite of what I say." She said using her hand to fix my hair.
"I meant when we first met. Not now. Like when he was not put off by my personality." I said looking at her face as she fixed my hair and let out an understanding oh.
"So you think I made a mistake sleeping with him?" I asked biting my lip in concern.
"Yes, I believe so."
"Even if he was really good at it and I really wanted to?" I asked again hoping for a different answer.
"Yes, Jay. It was a bad idea. Your feelings are too deep for you to be messing with them like that." She said hitting the top of my head with an amused look on her face.
"Why did you do it anyway." She asked confused.
"Because I love him and even though he didn't do anything special he always took care of me. And he always did the tiny things to show me he was thinking of me. And I have loved him for so long I can't remember a time I didn't. Does that make me a bad person? Loving my brother's boyfriend for that long."
"No, it doesn't. It makes you human. As human as all of us normal and abnormal people. Plus and I say this with love, your brother is dead it's not like you did anything when he was alive." She said smiling sadly still playing with my hair.
"Too soon Dae. I said pushing her hand away and facing the ceiling again." then after a long silent pause, I spoke again "I thought about it though...seducing my brother's boyfriend. Not my finest hour."
"The important thing is you did not act on your thoughts. I kill people in my head all the time. But the thing that makes me a semi-normal person is I don't act on it." She said hugging me awkwardly. "So I don't mean to rub salt on your wounds or kick you when you are down but I have to ask."
"Mmhh"
"Do you think it was guilt that made him sleep with you or it was the fact that you are Mason's, Identical twin?"
My gut knotted at that thought because then I never really had him did I "Nope... I mean I hope not. Because then he is never coming back to me."
I turned around and hugged her so that my chin was resting on the top of her hair and my tears would just flow into the pillow unnoticed.
"Jay?"
"Mmhh?"
"I love you but you better not be crying in my hair. You know black peoples hair shrinks and I worked hard on these twist outs." She said without moving or letting go.
"I know. I helped you remove them remember? And you look great." I said trying to distract her from the whole crying thing.
"Hey..." She said softly, "I know it seems horrible now but it will be fine if he doesn't love you the way you want you are better off finding someone else."
"Yeah probably, I just don't want someone else. So how about you and Brad?"
"I would much rather talk about your relationship woes than talk about me and Brad." She said hugging me closer trying to get her arms to connect.
"Why trouble in paradise?" I asked confused.
"No. But no one wants to talk about my steady relationship where nothing new happens and Brad and I have Fahita Tuesdays every week. Or how we make jokes about JJ and Spencer, from criminal minds? Anyway, the fact that the show made them love interests for a brief second, makes their relationship feel incestuous." She said summarising what she thought was important.
"I came here for you Jay. When are you going to start coming back to Varsity? Lectures suck without you there to man-splain everything to me."
"I took a grieving year Dae, you know that," I said hugging her closer.
"I know I was hoping to change your mind. Even your parents were hoping I would change your mind." She said squeezing me tightly. Or as tight as her short arms could go.