Benny anxiously paced back and forth, nervously writhing his hands together as he inwardly contemplated on what he would say to Cree. He was currently standing outside her fourth period class impatiently waiting for the bell to ring so he could see her.
It's been a week since their abrupt breakup and every day that passed, Benny began to feel more and more consumed with guilt. She was right; he did handle the situation poorly at her expanse and he fully intended on informing her that he was now aware of his wrongdoings. He just hopes that she would actually talk to him this time. When he approached her the other day, she was seated in her usual spot underneath the big tree, drawing in her book.
When he stood in front of her, wearily expressing his feelings and vocalizing his deepest regrets, Cree wouldn't even glance up from her sketchbook to look at him. She just sat there in complete silence and ignoring him while he pleaded his sorrows. Benny felt his heart ache in pain, he knew that she was upset with him but he didn't know the broadened scale of her anger towards him.
Alas, Benny however didn't allow that from preventing him from trying again. He'd try a million times, if he had to for her to understand how sorry he was. Cree was the first girl — the first person he'd cared so deeply about. She was the most attentive, caring, understanding person that he knew. He wasn't afraid to be open and vulnerable with her which prior to them meeting, he never had in his life before.
She meant so much to Benny and the simple thought of not having her in his life because of something stupid like him placating a facade just because he didn't want them to know that they were dating, made him shake his head in dismay.
Glancing at his wrist watch, Benny notices that it's one minute until the class ends. Timorously running a shaky hand over his hair, Benny steps aside and leans his body against the wall near the doorway so he could see when Cree walked out of the room. The minute passed by in a haste and soon, the erratic timbre of the bell is ricocheting over the loud speakers informing everyone that fourth period was now dismissed.
Benny waited patiently while students hurriedly flocked out of the classroom and loitered into the halls so that they could converse with their friends. Benny began to lose hope for a brief moment. He waited and waited as each individual student egressed from the classroom but he had yet to see Cree anywhere. He began to think that maybe she decided to skip school today.
It wasn't until he heard the sound of her sotto voce that he obtained a new profound beckon of hope again. "Thanks again, Mr. Sterling." He heard her says to her teacher, the sound of her voice ascends nearer.
Benny feels his heart thrashing nervously against his ribcage while he waited for Cree. He exhaled a shaky breath and mustered up any courage he could shower when he finally saw her departing from the classroom. Her head was down, attention was averted to the book she was currently buried in. He didn't want to interrupt her while she was reading; but they needed to talk. He had to do something.
Harrumphing softly, Benny steps forward and taps a finger on Cree's shoulder. At the sudden contact, Cree yelps in surprise and jumps, frightened by the unknown presence. Her book nearly tumbled out of her hands.
"Hey, hey it's okay. It's just me." Benny reassures her, keeping the tenor of his voice at a soothing octave as he didn't want to inadvertently scare her even more.
Upon realizing that it was Benny, Cree prolonged a deep sigh as she turned around to face him. "What the hell were you trying to do, give me a heart attack?" She asks, placing a hand steadily over her heart, still trying to subside the erratic thudding of it's beating.
"Wh—no! No, I was just trying to get your attention." Benny deflated in which Cree's narrowed glare of trepidation that she was giving him, only deepened.
"Well you have it so what do you want?" She laments somberly, her voice lacking any semblance of avidity.
Benny took a preemptive step towards her, inching closer to her proximity. "I just wanted to apologize again for what I said. I didn't mean any of it." He expressed, his face wans an regretful countenance. He needed her to know his remorse for the events that occurred last week, that of course he didn't simply think of their relationship as something staunched just because she didn't have friends.
He liked her, truly. He wasn't placating a facade of pretending his feelings for her. Everything he said and felt for her was real.
"I was stupid and worried about my friends finding out, but now? I don't care about that. I want people to know that we're dating. Well—dated." He huffs nervously, shrugging his shoulder as his hand rubbed at the back of his neck while he stood there trying to gauge her reaction.
Cree stood there, contemplating his words. While she only knew him for a short duration of time, she did however know that Benny would never intentionally say anything so callus such as that to hurt her. He was a kind boy, there wasn't a mean bone in his body. "Okay. I forgive you." She stated after a moment.
And Benny feels all the pent up tension that was seething is in shoulders suddenly soothe in ease. He smiles in relief, eyes crinkled in mirth as he takes another step towards her to embrace her into a hug. His worries began to arise again when she stepped away from him and shook her head in refute at his advance.
Cree glanced down at the ground as she says, "I forgive you but I don't think we should date again."
Benny was perplexed, "Why? I thought you said that you forgive me?" He didn't understand what was going on. He though that he could apologize and that they would immediately pick back up where they left off. Cree however had other intentions.
"I do, but that doesn't mean I want to get back together with you. I mean let's be honest, we were never going to work out anyway." She says and Benny feels his entire face drop in despair at her words.
"Why? What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, but Cree only stared at him in solemnity, shaking her head before turning on her feet and walking away.
Benny ran after her, his hand reaching for her wrist. "Please!"
She tugged her arm out of his grasp. "Just let it go, Benny. Let me go." That was all she said before hastily scurrying off down the hallway to her next class, leaving Benny standing there dumbfounded yet again as he tried to comprehend what exactly just happened.
Attempting to proceed through the duration of the school day was quite a challenge; he obtained no interest whatsoever in anything his teachers were saying. His mind couldn't think of anything else other than Cree's words. What did she mean they were never going to work out? Before the incident, it seemed as if they were inseparable and that everything between them was going good. He didn't understand how one mistake of words suddenly made her reluctant about their relationship.
The school day have finally come to an end. Benny was sullenly walking down the street, heading in the direction of his house when he heard his friends suddenly approaching. He sighs deeply, not really feeling up to dealing with them right now.
"Hey, we're going to the arcade then we're gonna play a few games at the sandlot afterwards, you comin'?" DeNunez asks, slugging an arm around Benny's shoulder as he walks in tandem with him.
"Nah, I'm busy." He simply answers, to which Ham scoffs in disbelief.
"Busy with what?" Tommy asks, sniding a sideways glare at his younger brother who mimicked him.
"Busy minding my business that's what. Sorry guys, I'm just not feeling up for it today." They murmured their disappointments, shaking their head in aghast that he declined on joining them for the arcade and baseball — it was blasphemous. Benny never declined an opportunity to play baseball.
"Alright, we'll see you later then Ben." Bertram quips, bidding his friend a goodbye wave before departing down the street along with Ham, Squints, Tommy, Timmy and Yeah-Yeah. DeNunez and Smalls stayed behind.
"You okay, Ben? You seem a little—"
"Down." DeNunez finishes, removing his slugged arm from around Benny's shoulder. "What's going on, man?" Albeit they were all friends, Benny was closer to DeNunez and Smalls over everyone else in their group. With them being older by a few months, their maturity was more heightened that the rest of the guys'. Benny felt like he could talk to them about this stuff than opposed to the other guys who would probably chastised him for being so whipped over a girl in the first place.
"It's Cree." He begins, exhaling a deep breath as he continues. "We were actually dating." He says, pausing momentarily to gauge his friend's reactions.
DeNunez stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth slanted agape nearly hanging to the floor. "I knew it!" He accuses, pointing a finger at Benny. He had noticed the changes in Benny's behavior; how upbeat and happy he seemed. He didn't exactly know what was the cause of his friend's shift in behavior until now. Smalls however looked completely surprised.
"Wait," Smalls says, noticing that his friend was using the status of his relationship in past tense instead of present. "You said you were dating..."
Benny nods his head somberly. "Yeah. That's because she broke up with me." He admits, his head lowering in shame. He maintained a relationship for one solid month before getting dumped, that had to be some kind of record.
"What? Why?" DeNunez asks, frowning in confusion.
DeNunez and Smalls attentively listened while Benny divulged into the breadth of the downfall of his and Cree's relationship; how they both made a covenant to keep their dating discreet from their friends and family. He then told them about how he'd inadvertently offended her with his words while trying to maintain their discreet facade.
When he finally finished telling the guys what happened, they both looked at him with sympathy.
"Fuck, Benny." DeNunez sighs, feeling bad for his friend and the fact that he assumed that he had to hide his relationship just because he thought that they wouldn't understand. "You could've told me and Smalls, at least. Had we known, we could have gotten the guys to ease up on you about not hanging no more."
"Yeah, I mean that's why I only thought you two were friends. I assumed that you would have told us if you were dating someone." Smalls intercepts. They weren't mad that Benny hadn't told them, they were just surprised.
"We wanted to keep it a secret. But that doesn't matter anymore because she doesn't want to get back together anymore," Benny admits much to his dismay.
"Why not?" Smalls curiously inquired.
Benny shrugged his shoulders, "She said something about how we were never going to work out. I don't even know what that means."
Smalls and DeNunez felt for their friend. It was blatantly obvious that Benny adored Cree deeply, and that he still felt guilty for what he said. They didn't know what to say that would help steer him out of his funk.