Chapter 73: Star-crossed Lovers
Caution: heavy drama dead ahead :D
* * *
It is a travesty when two hearts, at different intervals in life, find each other, and although they would be perfect for each other, they can't be together, for the timing isn't right
* * *
The light buzz of chatter was the first thing Sage became wind of upon entering his homeroom, and that made him paranoid. The first time something like this took place was an occurrence Sage would never forget, for that was the day Carlos exposed his diary and pressured Xander into punch Sage in the face. It was different this time though, for everyone huddled in their respective corners and peering at their phone screens collectively, too caught up in the recent gossip to pay much attention to him.
Thank God.
At the sound of the lunch bell, Sage scrambled out of class and hurried down the halls until he entered the library, where he found Randall surrounded by piles of books, and company. A German boy in the same grade as him, junior year, possessing messy raven hair that fell over his eyes, piercing dark brown eyes and facial features heavily caked in makeup, or other cosmetics.
Ben Meier, a boy that albeit looking very much masculine, acted like a girl - which was very ironic, considering Sage's dilemma of looking like a girl yet wishing he was much more masculine and bigger. Felt introduced Ben to them by Felt, who so tried setting him up with Sage; just because they were both gay. They didn't have much in common besides having negative experiences with Carlos, and so Felt's attempts fell flat, for soon after the boy found himself drawn to Randall, much to Carter's disapproval. From the get-go, Carter and Ben never liked each other.
Upon seeing his friend, Randall's eyes left Ben's and sprinted across the space to lock with Sage. Without missing a beat, he waved at him, signaling that he would only be a minute. Sage waved back and at Ben, but he was never acknowledged, only sent a contemptuous look in response. Sliding off the table, Ben gathered his books and sashayed away, after blowing a kiss at Randall and issuing one last warning look at Sage's way.
Yikes.
"S-sorry I took so long," Sage began disclosing as soon as Randall gathered his things and made it close enough. "T-the teacher called me back to ask if I could tutor someone."
The news caused Randall's lips to curve downwards. "But you're my tutor," he petulantly whined, causing Sage to shove him playfully. "You're not going to ditch me, are you?"
"N-never." And that was the truth. After months of friendship and being the only person who cared to look past Sage's label as the 'faggot sophomore, Sage valued their friendship above everything. He wouldn't trade it for the world, and although he'd gotten distant in the last few months, Sage made it a point of duty to let Randall know exactly how he felt about him from time to time. He vocalized his thoughts. "You're my best friend, Randall," then shyly, "Thank you."
Hands found their way below Sage's chin, tilting his head up. Normally, Sage would flinch and inch away from contact, but at that moment, led to look in the iridescent pools of Randall's queer, amethyst eyes, Sage found himself unable to look away, just like the very first time they locked eyes. A blush wound its way up Sage's neck, coloring his ears when Randall flashed him a charming, reassuring smile. "You don't get to thank me, Sage. I should be the one thanking you."
"Wha...?" Sage sputtered, confused. "Why?"
Randall dropped his hand and looked at his flustered friend for a while, as though Sage was to magically pick up on what he meant. "You're a great person, Sage. No, amazing. I'm lucky to have you in my life."
"I-is that so?"
Hot tears pooled in Sage's eyes at the mere sound of the words, and Randall sniggered at the sight. "Yes, that is so. I love you, man," he responded with a slight shrug as if it was no big deal. He squared his shoulders and took a stiff step before Sage, curling his hand over his head before lowering it to his stomach, then bowing. "So then, may I escort you to class?"
Sage couldn't help the smile that manipulated his stiff facial features at the ridiculous, yet comical gesture. Often he'd get so caught up in his life that he didn't see the beauty right before his eyes, his friends that loved him; Randall, Nyx, Vera, Axel, Felt, and last but not least, Carter. Though the latter wasn't a friend of Sage's per se, and was very chivalrous, he was a good person, one that convinced Sage that he could come chill at the bookstore or supermarket whenever. He was kind enough to bring Sage home from having ice-cream, even though he was alerted that they wouldn't be getting in a relationship anytime soon.
"Okay," Sage murmured. His gaze lingering by his hands, which stuck to his side. He mentally prepared himself for making contact with someone - not just someone, Randall Kuusisto, the boy that had been there for him through thick and thin.
Lifting his hand felt like a task, even after reciting in his mind that it was normal; nothing violent, nothing triggering, just a small act that once was so normal but seemed like something that could turn into a fidgety ordeal in the blink of an eye.
It's okay, Sage.
Sage fumbled with the extended sleeves of his sweater, pulling them back to reveal his shaking, sweaty hand beneath. Another deep breath and a quick take of his surroundings, then he took the leap by lifting his hand, fitting it in Randall's soft, mildly bigger ones.
The contact was odd.
Oddly gentle and reassuring, recanting Sage's previous fears and thoughts that it would set him off somehow. Sage silently exhaled through his nose and adjusted his hand in time with Randall as the taller boy grinned at him and webbed their fingers for old time's sake.
"R-Randall?"
"Huh? What is it?"
"I love you, t-too." Sage was able to mumble, barely able to keep his eyes locked with Randall's. His lips quirked into a small, timid grin, one the junior returned with no qualm.
"It's settled then. We're in love."
Sage jabbed him in the side.
Randall didn't appreciate that at all, but before he could react, Sage had already moved off first, towing him along. Albeit being shy whilst having eyes glance their way and whispers being thrown around so loosely, Sage didn't relent. It wasn't the first time they pranced the halls acting like a couple, and the sense of securityascertained as they padded down the halls was second to none. Besides, the contact started feeling familiar and comfortable, reminding Sage that it was in fact okay.
"How are you, Sage?" Randall suddenly asked, pulling Sage to a stop. His eyes darted across Sage's face in concern, although he kept his gaze down. They made eye-contact for a split second before Sage's head ducked again, lifting his free hand to press again the lips he frequently chewed on.
"Better," Sage responded alas. And it was true. Some days were harder than others, but Cecilia's new behavior felt like an unexpected twist in everything, and even though it didn't help with his torrid sleep patterns, nightmares and wildly vivid, yet short flashbacks of the incident, her support helped him out a great deal. From finding the appetite to eat again and wanting to go home and rest, he felt something close to being fine - whatever that was, he didn't even know anymore.
They didn't talk about boys, church, homosexuality, sins, nor did they even mention Xander's name. It was like all that never happened, and because of that, Sage could somewhat confidently say he was okay, for the time being.
Randall patted Sage's shoulder, comfortingly. "You do. You look a lot better than before," he noted as his eyes passed over Sage's thin, fragile features. "If you ever want to talk about it, just know I'm here, okay? You know it makes me pissed, but I'm here for you anyway."
"I-I know," Sage replied, heart clenching at the weight of the enormous secret keeping his lips sewn, unable to tell Randall or anyone. They continued walking.
Often, it climbed up Sage's throat and sat on the apex of his tongue, wanting to spill everything to his best friend and admit that he was not okay, but then he would recall the feel of a cold blade pressed against his neck.
The blond shook the thought of and glanced around, still noting the weird behavior of the surrounding students. "W-what happened, Randall? Today, I mean. Everyone's..." he trailed off, gesturing around them to prove his point. In response, Randall shrugged. As part of his motto, he didn't meddle in the business of other people or paid heed to gossip, for he claimed that it was never productive or interesting in the slightest.
"I dunno. Ignore them," Randall told him. They stopped at the closest boy's restroom, and that's when they became separated. Bathrooms weren't a great place for Sage anymore, for he could always remember that night, stumbling into the adjourned bathroom, sobbing, putting his hand back there to see blood smearing his fingertips.
Sage cleared his throat, pushing hair back behind his ears before entwining his fingers around one another. Randall said, "I'll be right back. I'm just going to take a quick shit."
"H-how obnoxious," he responded, clearing his throat one last time to rectify the slight wobble in his voice.
Randall cackled at the horrified expression that crossed Sage's face, and even though he was really going inside to pee, he didn't correct himself, for he preferred to relish in Sage's avid reactions than seeing him pensive, depressed or plain nervous. He'd been like that for a while, a supposed dark period in Sage's life, one he never told Randall about, but he was slowly coming around to look like the Sage he once knew.
When the junior vanished behind the restroom door, Sage walked off to his locker, punching his code on and popping it open. He was amid the task of retrieving his geometry books and stuffing them into his bag when he became cognizant of a few students around him, gossiping loudly.
"She dumped him because he bought her some alligator skin handbag, but guess what? She's allergic!" a girl exclaimed to her friend, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "And alligators are endangered. It's not very nice that he did that."
Another girl was quick to shoot her down. "That's dumb. I heard that he broke her heart by sleeping with another girl. He's cute and all, but that doesn't give him the right to cheat. It's cruel and unforgivable!"
"I heard he's horrible in bed too."
A-are they talking about-
"Her story is more believable," the third girl affirmed, jabbing her finger at the second girl. "Guys like him break hearts like it's a sport or something. He probably hooked up with thirteen other girls while dating Maria."
....
...oh.
Despite how his heart ached at the mention of Maria, he listened in some more as the girls went off about Xander, painting him as an inhumane, sick human being. Most of the things they sprouted were lies, but who was Sage to butt in and recant them or even growing upset at them for talking smack about Xander? He and Xander were nothing but strangers. This hypothesis was even further proved to be true at the fact that not a single person mentioned Sage's name, not even once.
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm sticking with my story." the first girl argued back as the trio began walking off. "I wonder if I can get a chance with him now that he's on the market again? I'll admit he looked much better with hair, but I'd tap that any day." she fantasized, giggling like the pubescent teen she was.
"Didn't you hear what Ria just said? He's a heart breakerand is terrible in bed!" the third girl fired back. "And besides, nobody dates any of Maria's exes. That's basically social suicide!"
"Oh, please. This isn't Mean Girls, Ria."
The girls laughed amidst themselves before they went out of earshot; not before marveling about how hot Xander was, though.
Sage stood there for a while longer, his face almost buried inside his locker as he tried fitting the pieces of the puzzle together while remaining inconspicuous. Why would Maria break up with Xander, of all people? As everyone else said, they were perfect together, and after witnessing them flaunting their romance on numerous occasions, Sage fell into the pool of people who thought so, too. Maybe they just fell out of love?
It was either that, or Xander was just putting on a show. After all, he was a great actor.
Insecurity and self-deprecating thoughts crashed into Sage like a tide, knocking every ounce of happiness he previously held and filling him instead with anxiety, dread and a feeling of being physically unwell.
If Xander and Maria broke up, then what did that say about Sage? Someone like him stood no chance with Xander from the get-go, even if Xander was gay or remotely interested in men.
Xander was way out of his league, and he knew it. He accepted the fact.
Then, why did it hurt? After everything that went down between them, from getting a punch in the face, played and told that he didn't mean anything to Xander, why did it still feel as if his heart was being ripped from his chest and tossed into a breaking wheel lined with needles?
As though his legs no longer received the memo to head back to the bathroom in search of Randall, he stood there by himself, struggling to find a self-soothing pattern to quell the heartache. He tilted his head up, silently willing the tears to be re-absorbed by his eyes as he quenched them shut. Crying in the halls was a definite no-go, and just when the whole situation couldn't get any worse, a familiar voice sounded down the halls, coming closer.
"You're an inspiration, Maria. You didn't let it get to you, and I'm not gonnalie, but that's impressive."
Maria swiped her hand underneath the layers of curly blonde hair that fell over her slender shoulders, tossing them behind her afterward. A pretty smile made its way on her face as she stopped to face the girls that tailed after her. She analyzed all their faces, holding back the urge to sarcastically scoff at them. The only reason why they followed her around was because they envied her, as most other girls did. The fact was highly flattering to the highest degree; being a motivating, empowering icon for girls and the object of adoration for boys, all while outshining her the wannabes.
She resumed her condiment strut down the halls, but her steps faltered soon after.
Sage's heart stopped.
She stopped right behind him.
"It's a lesson, girls." she declared whirling to face the green-eyed snakes. "Never let some boy get you down, or cut your progress. They're all replaceable, no matter how cute they are."
The entourage cheered, circling her as though she stood on a podium and fought for women's rights. "What inspired the change of hairstyle then? You're radiant, by the way!"
"I've always wanted to change my style, but Xander didn't like the idea of me cutting my hair. I told him that it was just hair and it would grow back, but he insisted,"
That was a lie.
Xander couldn't care less.
Maria abruptly stopped speaking, letting a long moment of rueful silence drag by before she spoke again. "He just held me back from doing what I wanted, you know? I never thought that being with someone like him could turn out so ugly, but..." her words veered off on the tiniest sob, and at once, the paparazzi grew enraged, bombarding her with even more queries, words of comfort and hugs.
"Oh my gosh, girl! Did he abuse you, like, physically?"
"Don't hold it in. You're already so strong for walking away from someone so toxic, and dealing with it so maturely, too." another girl said, rubbing Maria's shoulder.
Sage spun on his heels and made off, as discretely as possible. Not only did he feel like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but also, Maria's words made him sick. All her lies, the 'nice ' show she put on, everything. He wanted nothing to do with the drama or being dragged into it, but that intent didn't come to pass, for his fear was the one thing that came to pass.
"Hey, blondie!"
"Hey, you! Maria's talking to you!"
Sage didn't know why he didn't run. Maybe because it would make him look even more pathetic? Furthermore, they had nothing on him anymore. After robbing him of his self-worth, innocence, social status and the one person he came to love, what more could they do to hurt him?
Holding that thought in mind, Sage's steps faltered.
Fake it until you make it.
"Oh, it's just a boy."
Maria's frown stayed intact. "Yeah, the guy who would do anything to get Xander to fück him."
Heat pooled in Sage's cheeks, fueled even more at the resurrection of comments he'd rather not hear anymore. All eyes in the corridor suddenly snapped to him, as if he abruptly stumbled onstage without a script and had the spotlight shine on him. Feeling trapped, he stayed there, frozen in place, even as Maria detached herself from the crowd and closed the distance between them.
Terrified, Sage cowered back.
N-not here.
Clutching his chest, he forced himself to take deep breaths.
One of the girls spoke up in an almost jeering tone, "As if, Maria! What does he have to do with anything?"
"Nothing, really. We just need to catch up a bit," she said over her shoulder. "I'll see you guys in cheerleading."
At her command, the majority of the girls dissipated, leaving only a few students lingering in the halls around them. Maria ignored their surroundings after that, feeling everything flee once she made eye-contact with the pretty blond boy cowering before her. Her eyes were still wet with tears, but there wasn't an ounce of warmth, sadness nor remorse on her face, only an almost maliciously cruel sneer that wound its way on her face, manipulating her lips and words. Sage knew he should have made his retreat right then and there, but Maria's eyes ensnared him like a million combat knives, trapping him to the wall with no means of escape.
She latched onto his arm, keeping him grounded permanently.
She leaned in a bit too close, her glossy pink lips peeling back to form a nasty snarl. "You had something to do with this, didn't you?" she seethed, lowly, venomously. "You said something to him. To Xander."
"I-I didn't." Sage rejected the notion, wrenching his hands in her ice-cold grip. That only caused it to tighten.
"Don't make a scene," she warned him. "And don't lie to me, either. You know what you'll get if you don't."
"I-I haven't," he lowly told her, making eye-contact despite how terrifying the situation was. How had he gone from holding hands with Randall just a few minutes ago to being wrapped in the saga of Maria and Xander's breakup? It didn't make sense, and he didn't want any part of it. Not one. "I didn't do anything." he tried to reason with her, still struggling under her grip.
Maria chortled prettily, eyeing his efforts in disgust. "Oh, is that right?" she said, coming even closer, backing Sage to the lockers in the process under her menacing, dominating glare. She tightened her grip on his hand as she leaned in, lowly whispering. "Give. Him. Back."
She repeated that a few times, each time growing angrier and angrier. At some point, Sage closed his eyes to fight against the rise of something on his chest, something that ringed with familiarity. He anticipated that it was either probably vomit or panic, but it twinged with something else he couldn't place, a ripping, piercing, penetrating combination of everything he'd held down all at once. From all the encounters with Maria, being the unlucky victim of her vitriolic words, verbal blows, threats.
A part of Sage was done, and while most of him submerged into fear at locking eyes with her, seeing the familiarities between her and Carlos, the unfamiliar sensation rose, skyrocketing.
Irritation? Anger? Panic?
He still couldn't decipher it.
All he knew was that he did everything they asked of him. He kept his distance from Xander as promised, so then, why did he deserve all the trials and tribulations tossed his way? Because of something he had nothing to do with? Just because he liked a boy?
Was it fair? Was he the pathetic one, for keeping his word, as opposed to a manipulative, snobbish, lying snake that took out her anger on everything around her?
It was pathetic. All of it.
It was like Sage was in a dream. The sounds of lockers slamming, teenagers chatting around them and Maria's voice, everything was a little louder than usual. It almost felt like his world was spinning, and he just wanted to crawl in a corner and let it all fade eventually, but the boiling sensation embedded in his system said otherwise.
"Stop!"
His voice escaped louder than he'd anticipated, bouncing the walls of the lockers and alerting the attention of everyone within a 50-mile radius. The embarrassment of the outburst didn't register in his head immediately, but rather the need to flee before he lost control-
A panic attack.
Maria clearly had other plans. Chocolate eyes narrowing into thin slits, she spat, "Excuse me?"
The last thing Sage recalled was wrenching out of her grip before shoving her, so hard that she almost slammed into one of the lockers behind. After that, he was lost.
"You say I'm the pathetic one, but am I really? Or are you, Maria? You go around spreading rumors just because someone doesn't like you? I-isn't that the same thing you told me? To walk away and stop making a fool of myself?" he stepped back, shaking his head as his hands instinctively rolled into tight balls at his side. He grew angrier."I'm s-sick of this! Stop blaming me for your problems!"
Everything came pouring out of him like rushing water after that, as though he magically became a radio solely for the sake of bashing loud, profanity-stringed insults and lyrics. It was overwhelming; it was ferocious and acidic, piling out of him all at once, like a beast ready to tear through his chest if he as much as missed a single second of letting it all out. He vaguely recalled himself blurring something about Maria being the pathetic one, multiple times. The only words he could recall were the last, because by then, all the rage drained and his vision cleared, letting him see everything clearly once again.
He took a deep breath before letting his gaze slide up to meet Maria's one last time. "And don't put your hands on me e-ever again. Just leave me the hell alone!"
It was silent after that. No more buzz of chatter whirling around him, no more insults or feelings wanting to overwhelm him. Everything dimmed to a silent hush in his head too, all at once, and before him, all he could see was Maria's wide eyes, parted lips, balanced face.
Soon, and very soon, the momentary high fled, causing Sage to come crashing back to reality; fully recognizing the extent of what he'd done.
He's publicly ridiculed Maria García, Carlos's sister, before everyone in the halls, everyone from nearby classes and surrounding areas.
...
Eventually, the activities around them resumed, save for Sage and Maria, who were still webbed up in the midst of everything. Sage's hands relaxed by his sides, and they shot up to cradle himself instinctively afterward.
Suddenly, one of Maria's troops stormed forward, hindering Sage's intent to escape.
"How dare you talk to Maria like that!"
"I-I'm-" he was what?
Sorry?
He wasn't.
Truth was, he could barely feel anything anymore. Another feeling filled the empty void in his heart, yanking him back into the disconnect between his mind, body and the present; his new reality. His mind didn't recognize his trembling lips nor tears cascading down his cheeks either, confirming his suspicions and barring his ability to respond, or even move; it was if his body had finally caught up to his mind, where everything was still numb and facing a delayed response. The feeling tackled him all at once, rendering him speechless, shocked, feet rejecting the direct orders from his brain to get the hell out of there.
His reflexes kicked in and he closed his eyes, the last thing he recalled seeing was the girl flinging her hand back.
He braced for the hit, but the harsh impact never came.
Someone stepped between them and blocked the attack.
"Touch him and I'll fücking snap you in two." came an aggressive growl.
Cracking his eyelid open, his vision took a few seconds to adjust to the sight before him, which, as far as the eye could see, was a tall boy with low-cut black hair.
However, the culprit didn't possess spiky, gelled black hair, amethyst eyes or wore a simple attire of regular T-shirt and jeans. Before him was a boy dressed the exact opposite, from dark, ripped jeans to wearing the football blazer, and possessing wild, light blue eyes, bordering on the hinges of grey: iridescent, and undeniably beautiful.
This person was not Randall Kuusisto.
Standing before Sage then and there was an almost bald, very serious and very, very pissed Xander Love.
"It's Xander!" a random girl barked, garnering multiple squeals from all the girls who still had a thing for him despite the situation with Maria.
As expected, that chalked up to be most of the girls.
People had flipped out their phones by then.
Xander ignored the attention as he turned to Sage, his eyes flickering over the smaller boy's form in appraisal. "You a'right?" he asked, first checking in with his snowflake. His voice was oddly calm and soothing, contrary to his facial expression and the situation overall.
Sage wished he could respond.
He couldn't.
His mind had lodged checked out of the conversation this time, leaving him to only stare, wide-eyed, mouth ajar, brain desperately scrambling to make sense of everything; the fact that he stood up to Maria, cursed, and now, that Xander was standing before him, staring down at him with blue eyes effusing so much intensity.
Defending and speaking to him -- before the whole school.
I don't...
Xander's eyes snapped away, back to the more pressing issue.
I don't understand.
Holy donuts, one might even say.
"We need to talk," he directed to Maria, who had snapped out of whatever trance she previously stuck in. Right before his eyes, she slipped right back into character; the 'real' Maria fading right back into the drafted character of an innocent, pitiful girl who broke off the union with her 'abusive' boyfriend.
"I have nothing left to say to you, Xander. I told you we're over!"
A derisive snort sounded from Xander. How much more pitiful could this girl be?
He reached for her hand, but as expected she yanked it away, shrieking, calling even more attention to the trio and painting Xander and Sage as the villains, out to get her. By playing the victim, it was her way of garnering sympathy and luring everyone under her control, but not Xander, not Sage. Not then, never again.
By then, some girls had swooped in to rescue Maria's, sending glares and petty threats about calling the teacher. During it all, Maria sobbed openly, ruining her makeup to pull off her guise so immaculately, to the point where she had to be comforted.
He hated having to stoop to her level, but there was no other way.
He was done playing games.
And so, Xander whipped out his smartphone. He expertly navigated across his phone until he found exactly what he was looking for, clicking the volume button at the sides as soon as the voice of their idol, the perfect Goddess Maria, came blasting out.
"Who gives you the right to break up with me, Xander? Do you know that you were nothing before me? You'll just go back to that after! You see this," frantic shuffling sounds came through the speakers as she aggressively ruffled through her bag. "This? All these followers? All this hype over you? It's all me. And after all this, you think you can break up with me, you fücking piece of trash-"
Xander hit the pause button. That was enough.
Sure, it came out in a mix of English and Portuguese for the most part, but the idea was clearly portrayed to everyone. Xander could have played out the entire recording of their breakup, but it was already done. His point had already come across - or he hoped it had - so he stopped the recording there.
Maria gasped too, backing away into the mass of girls who's gradually began pulling away from her, faces all marred in disbelief and betrayal. "That's not me," she pointed out, sniffling pathetically. She jabbed a finger in Xander's direction, accusatory. "He faked all of it! I can't believe you're ready to take his word over mine!"
When none of the girls budged, Maria fully dropped her act and swerved to face Xander, locking their eyes and encoding their conversation in Portuguese.
"Did you have to take it this far, Xander?"
And so, it was Xander's fault again. He didn't back down this time. "Did you?"
Maria clicked her tongue in annoyance, crossing her arms and tilting her head to stare at him better. Dead in the eye. "What do you want?"
"I want this bullshit to stop. Look, I'm fine with you letting everyone think you broke up with me, but leave him out of this, yeah? Or else." he cocked his head towards his phone, making his point crystal clear in silence.
Maria didn't like that. At all.
The fear was almost palpable as it cut through her facial features, giving her the look of a vulnerable, pretty, innocent girl. Suppressing her surprise enough to mask it, she straightened her broad shoulders and recollected herself and asked, "Are you ... threatening me?" she said, stressing on each word so they sounded like a threat all on their own. Meeting her challenging gaze with one of his own, Xander's lips set in a firm line.
"Not a threat, Maria. It's a choice, and you have options."
"You're afückingcoward, and your haircut sucks." She selfishly spat.
Immune to Maria's vitriolic words and insults at that point, one of Xander's eyebrows rose in disinterest.
After long, and very vivid evidence of the cogs whirling in Maria's head, she dropped her crossed arms and continued glaring at her ex-boyfriend. "Fine."
Good.
Xander then faced Sage, who was yet to move. The small boy pressed his thin lips together and dropped his head and gaze, hugging himself tighter, stepping back in the process. The senior's gaze trailed back to the onlookers after that, and without giving it much thought, he slammed his hands on the locker to get everyone's attention.
"From here on out, touch him and I'll fück you over, a'right?"
Sage still didn't understand.
He didn't get anything that just happened, how he ended up there, and certainly not how or when Xander reached down to take his limp, clammy hand, webbing their fingers.
In front of the whole school.
The entire Oak Ridge High.
Maria's abnormally high-pitched voice trail led at them as they strode down the hall, as though she was a banshee warding off some unidentified peasants. "You're making a mistake!"
Throngs of students scampered out of the way as Xander towered Sage along through the crowd - because considering Xander's rather notorious reputation, no one wanted to be on the receiving end of a smite for uttering the wrong word, or even stepping in his way. For the longest while, Sage struggled to match his pace; stupidly following like a ragdoll, or puppet under Xander's control. He didn't resist or complain, for his mind and body were still jammed from the previous activities, almost separated from each other, but when they made it outside, delving into the fresh air and open space near the parking lot, everything lodged back in place and Sage snapped back into reality.
He yanked his hand back, ignoring all the tingles and jolts of electricity that tingles up the length of his arm from the simple contact. Xander stopped a little further up ahead, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his Terrors blazer and looked back at Sage, gazing down at him with an unreadable expression.
"W-what ... why d-did you do that?"
Forking his long fingers through what was left of his hair, Xander did a brief take of their surroundings, ensuring that the coast was clear of any eavesdroppers before blowing out the collection of air in his lungs. After that, his angry expression fled for the most part, leaving that blank, almost nonchalant look settled on his face.
"I ..." Xander's statement veered off into a shrug that gave off the vibe that he didn't care. "I thought you needed help." he wanted to punch himself right then and there because it wasn't the time to act like he didn't give a shit about Sage or anything else. That sentiment was proven even further at the crestfallen expression that flitted through Sage's features, closely followed by what looked to be a minute flash anger.
"Thank you, but I-I didn't need your help." Sage blurted, snaking his hands to cradle his frail form. Xander wanted to hug him. The urge was potent, and Xander channeled his gaze elsewhere to prevent himself from doing it, as well as to avoid the angry, confused look in Sage's eyes.
"I know," he said. "I just ... wanted to say I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry"?
That's all? After everything?
Sage expected Xander to say something more, but the senior merely stared back at him, as though he was waiting for Sage to just get the idea and stop being confused. When he didn't, Xander opened his mouth to sputter out an explanation, but by then Sage had gotten frustrated again and cut Xander off by raising his hand and backing away.
"I-I don't want to hear it," Sage said, his tone wobbly but ringing with finality. No matter what Xander said, three facts would always remain: one, he broke up with Sage so cruelly, two, Xander was straight and the most popular boy in school, and three, Carlos...
Sage became so whirled up in everything from almost recalling the assault to very vividly remembering Carlos's threat that nothing else mattered at that moment.
"You stay the fück away from Blaze and we won't have to see each other again. Do you understand?"
And now, Xander had gone and done that risky, something that would put them both in danger. Sage's bangs flopped into his face as he wildly shook his head, silently fighting back the tears that would surely accompany the shortness of breath that resulted in him taking more erratic breaths.
How had everything gone downhill and confusing so fast? After having a good morning and recovering this far, all this threw him back to square one; where everything started, with Xander.
The same person who told Sage to fück off and leave him alone.
The same person who rejected Sage time and time again, to date a dazzling girl - one Sage still had no chance of competing with.
And now?
Why was Xander standing in front of Sage, looking at him like that?
Why did he defend him?
Why?
The abrupt onslaught of questions took Sage's mind by storm, and it made matters worse for him in his already delusional state of mind. He frantically shook his head as panic and confusion made his chest constrict, outing words trapped in his chest for so long.
"Y-you told me to 'fuck off', Xander. And now you do this and ... what am I supposed to think?"
"I didn't mean that," Xander firmly cut the idea down. "You know I'd never willingly try to hurt you."
That sentiment was met with a small scoff from Sage.
"I-I don't, actually. I don't know you at all, Xander," Sage said, blinking back tears as a lump rose in his throat at those words, a flood of memories soon to follow; from that punch in the halls to their first hangout, first kiss, 'breakup' and now the situation that would put Sage in harm's way again. He forced the thoughts back as he sucked in a shaky breath, a single tear spilling from his eye and carving a slivery path down his cheek to his chin. "I thought I did."
"Sage-"
"No," Sage sharply said, more to himself than anyone else, for he knew that if he to a word Xander said, he would fall apart completely. After weeks of drilling it into his head that he meant nothing to Xander, which was the least he could do for his already brittle self-esteem, self-worth, and mental wellness. His mind drove a wedge into the situation, conjuring a one-dimensional view of the two at the moment, labeling Xander as the popular kid while Sage was the outcast of the school. Xander was a straight jock, Sage was a gay nerd; they didn't know each other, they didn't have anything in common. They didn't mix, they never did.
Blinking back the tears, Sage pulled in another long, pained breath as he unsuccessfully tried to wrap his mind around everything at once, losing the battle as his brain began to shut down, numbing him to everything. "No, Xander," he repeated, the last of his heartache fleeing as he kept his head down. "I-I don't care. Not anymore."
The pained expression that flitted through Xander's features meant nothing to Sage. Absolutely nothing.
Xander's next statement came in a weakened voice, tinged with the ounce of desperation, anger, and frustration he felt towards himself and the bitter situation. "I care about you, Sage. I really do," he took another step as he struggled to find the right words. "I lo—"
Sage moved back, meeting Xander's eye with the last string of courage in his veins. "I-is that so? Okay then, if I ever meant anything to you, you'll do us both a favour and stay out of my life, for good this time." he didn't smile, he didn't waver or mince words, and he certainly didn't listen to the voice at the back of his head screaming at him, wanting to run into Xander's arms (or launch his fist in his face, rather).
Ignoring the fact that they still had classes, and the inevitable awaiting him, Sage momentarily threw everything in the bin as he disregarded Xander's call and swiftly pivoted on his heels. Tears poured down his cheeks in buckets as he ran towards his bicycle, hopping on and riding away from everything as quickly as his legs would take him;
Away from his fears, his anxiety, his heartache, the bout of unpleasant memories,
away from Xander.
For both of their sakes.
* * *
If you're familiar with the 'INFJ door slam', that's exactly what Xander got. (basically, it's cutting someone out of their lives to protect themselves from further hurt, and trust me, Sage has been through a lot.)
If you're familiar with the ISTP personality, you'll know that they're the WORST at opening up or expressing themselves, and being under pressure to do so in the devil's spawn. I'd say both Sage and Xander are toxic for each other at the moment (Sage may be sweet and cuddly, but everyone has a breaking point. Xander's not the only one with a 'dark side', ta-da!)
On the other hand, I think this is a heavy, sad chapter even though we had two major achievements: 1, Sage stood up for himself (so did Xander), and Xander ended Maria's whole career before the whole school, as badass/smart as possible, and 3, Xander acknowledges that he loves Sage (he just can't express it)
Are you celebrating or groveling?
Is this the end of Sage and Xander? Did you expect Sage to react like that?
And will Carlos strike again?
Let's find out 👌