"Your hairs grown a little longer, your arms look a little stronger. Your eyes, just as I remember, your smiles just a little softer.
And I never prepared, for a moment like that, in a second it all came back, it all came back.
Cuz after all these years, I still feel everything when you are near. And it was just a quick 'hello' and you had to go and you probably will never know, you're still the one I'm after, all these years."
•
"Remembering is so much more of a psychotic activity than not forgetting."
•
Karma Word Count - 1412 UNEDITED
TWO YEARS LATER
Stepping off the plane, the wind blows through my hair, which is now at shoulders length.
I cut it a few months into the army.
I ended up staying for 2 years. It was the best decision I had ever made.
I hadn't spoke to anyone.
And I mean, anyone. Not Amelia, Derek, Alex, Lexi, or Meredith.
Especially not Jackson.
I turn around, looking at the private jet.
"KLINE"
Is what the side of the jet read.
"Come on, Riggs!! We got places to be and people to see!" I yelled out.
Nathan Riggs, he was a cardio thoracic surgeon.
The second I landed in Iraq, Nathan and I became very close friends.
When I told him that I was returning back to the states, he was devastated.
The bond me and Nathan developed was similar to the relationship I had with Alex or Lexi.
So, I brought him with me.
"Gheez, don't get your panties in a bunch," his accent was very satisfying.
I laughed before getting into car.
"You okay? You've been quiet the whole flight?"
I gave him a tight lipped smile, "I'm alright. I'm just nervous, I didn't really give them any warning, I left right after the shooting. I just...I just don't know how to flip the switch? Out in Iraq...it's different. They won't understand." I said.
He rubbed my shoulders.
"If they love you like you say they do, they'll understand. I'll be there the whole time, yeah? You'll be fine, Lightning." He brung up my nickname from the arm.
Out there they called me Lightning from how fast I'd jump from patient to patient.
In Iraq, I was a legend. All they'd read were my medical journals. I pushed everyone to be better, and they did the same to me.
It felt like we were at the hospital in no time.
We were still in our army uniforms, I insisted on stopping by my house first so we could change, by Nathan knew I was just trying to buy more time.
He knew me too well.
"Ready?" He asked me while opening my door.
"I would say no, but I have to face my fears somehow, right?"
•••
It was...different.
I managed to walk in without anyone seeing my face.
I stood outside Webber's office door.
I felt like I was frozen.
My heart rate accelerated and my hands began to get clammy.
Nathan turned me around to face him, "What did we talk about?" He said to me.
"We- we said that I would be, be confident. That I wouldn't let anyone judge me for leaving and doing what they couldn't do, get better." I said, out of breath.
He grabbed my hand and put in on top of his heart.
My breathing slowed down.
"That's it. That's it, Kar, match me. Feel my heart. Breathe. Breathe, Karminia." He said calmly.
"Thank you, I'm fine now."
I turned around and looked at the door again, I didn't bother knocking.
Opening the door, I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect anyone but Webber to be in there.
"Karma?" Jackson said, shocked.
"Surprise?" I said nervously.
"We-We thought you were dead. Damn you, Karminia." Lexi said while pulling me in for a hug.
Getting teary eyed, I hugged her back.
I looked over her shoulder and Jackson smiled at me.
"Oh um, this is Nathan Riggs," I said while grabbing Nathan's arm.
"We we're together in Iraq...he's...he's my best friend." I said, trying to find the right words.
I look up at Jackson, his jaw was shut tight and his arms were cross.
That smile was long gone.
"Webber, my father told me he spoke to you already?" I said in confirmation.
"Yes he did. I'm glad you're back, Dr. Kline as for you, Dr. Riggs, welcome to the team. Here are your pagers." He said while handing them to us.
I looked at Nathan and smiled.
"Where's everyone?" I questioned.
"They're doing in surgery." Jackson spat out, glancing at Nathan.
"This must be him." Nathan whispered in my ear, which caused me to giggle.
"Alright well, we're going to get changed-"
911 Trauma
Before anyone could even read the page, Nathan and I sprinted out of the room, dropping the pagers in the process.
•••
Jackson
"She's different." I said, watching her sprint out of the room with the man she came back home with.
"How can you tell?" Lexi asked.
"She talks...different. And her eyes...she's seen a lot over there."
"I read that when people come back to the army it's hard for them to flip the switch. Out there it's...it's no joke. I can't tell you how many nights I wondered about her."
You and me both Lexie, you and me both.
Losing her wasn't just a bad breakup, it was a heartache I would never get over. I tried to fill the void with April.
Nothing was wrong with her, she just wasn't Karminia.
So when I ruined April's wedding and confessed my 'love' for her and got married to April out of impulse, I felt guilty.
I was going to divorce April sooner and then she got pregnant.
It was hard once we lost the baby, it was my child, but it didn't make me love her.
So I divorced her. And I don't regret it.
And now, when I'm at my lowest, Karminia comes back in my life.
I was scared to move on because that meant I'd be accepting our fate as strangers. I'd rather be heartbroken than forget her.
A FEW HOURS LATER
"Hey, can we talk?" Karma asked me.
I was at lunch. I'd been hiding between here and the pit all day. I'm not sure how she found me.
"Yeah." I mumbled.
We ended up in a supply closet.
"Hey." She whispered.
"Hey."
"I love you," she blurted out.
"I love you. And I can't stop. I-I love you," she laughed a bit.
"After all these years, I- I still love you. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. For that, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry Jackson." She said while stepping closer to me.
I cleared my throat.
"I got married," I said slowly watching her facial expression. I couldn't read her anymore, and I didn't like that.
"To April,"
"It didn't work out. I divorced her. I married her as a distraction to forget about you. She didn't deserve that."
"I don't want us to be ants." She said.
I missed her corny metaphors.
I laughed at the thought of our first date when she said that.
"We don't have to be ants, Mina,"
"I missed you so much...why did you never call? All of us were worried sick. You're dad had my ass on a platter, he thought I was hiding you from him or something."
"Honestly? I didn't feel like I could. I had left with no warning, I did even give most of you all a proper goodbye. I just- I needed to forget."
"How long are you staying?" I asked her.
Her face nervously shifted around the room.
"You have got to be kidding me," I mumbled under my breath.
"You're not staying...are you?"
"No!" She blurted out.
I took a few steps back.
"No! I didn't mean no like that. I meant yes. I am staying. But, I'm not going to say I won't go back. Jackson, out there...it's so different. It's like a feeling of euphoria all the time. I can't describe it." She stumbled out.
"And what am I suppose to do? When you just randomly leave? How am I going to get over you, Karminia? I can't just keep waiting on you."
"Trust me, Jackson Avery. For a girl like me, you will."