Hosuh held his hands out in front of him, unsteadily flexing his fingers onto his palm. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember the next movement, but his mind had drawn a blank – everything else had been distracting him.
Jay was sat cross-legged in front of him, patiently waiting with a large booklet in his hands. His eyes momentarily glanced down at it before staring back at him, unblinking.
Hosuh let out a huff of frustration, letting his hands land on his thighs. He shook his head, twisting the hem of his shirt.
It had been a few days since Hosuh had been taken away from the hospital. A week since he went deaf. Things, instead of getting better like the doctor said they would, were getting worse for him. He should've grown used to the silence surrounding him now but he just couldn't; the constant jumping at people's touch was getting on his nerves, and he was worried it was hurting the other's feelings. It wasn't their fault – he couldn't hear them approach.
For the past few days he had been trying to learn the basics of sign language. He could say most letters but that was about it – by the time he spelt out a few words, he couldn't remember what he was trying to say. It was easier to him if he just didn't try and communicate, only giving nods or shakes of his head when needed.
That behaviour was probably why Stephen and Dan decided that Jay was going to try to teach him (and himself) a few signs – unlike them, he was resilient, not letting Hosuh scurry away. So now he was locked in his bedroom, a collection of furniture (even his own bed) were pushed up against the door. He had been with Jay for several hours, at least, and his legs were starting to go numb again.
Jay's fingers waved in front of his face – out of all of his friends, Jay was the only one that seemed to understand that Hosuh preferred that way to get his attention. Hosuh reluctantly looked up at his friend, sighing silently.
"Test me", Jay sighed slowly, his fingers stumbling over the letters. Hosuh tilted his head, confused, but took the sheet from his waiting hand.
He scanned over the diagrams, looking up at Jay as he tried to form a word.
"You have..." Jay hesitated, waving his hands in the air for a few seconds. Hosuh smiled lightly at his bizarre antics. "Clothes. You have clothes."
Hosuh clapped his hands, gazing down at the sheet. He looked up at Jay again, who was obviously expecting something: his lips were twitching into a smile, his eyebrow raised. Hosuh watched as he spelt out something, pretending to be furious.
"Rude!"
An answer. He wanted an answer.
Hosuh let go of the sheet, holding out his hands again. His mind was a little more focused, and the silence wasn't as overwhelming when he wasn't concentrating on it.
"Well done." Hosuh signed back. Jay raised his eyebrow further, not satisfied. "You have clothes too. Mine are nicer."
Hosuh felt a small smile creep on his face as Jay applauded in an exaggerated manner, snatching up the sheet.
"That's wrong! I have bad clothes –" Hosuh laughed at Jay's mistake, and he saw Jay's lips form a curse, and he flipped through the book.
Hosuh, felt some tension leave him, and he closed his eyes, counting in his head. Something had sparked in him at the small conversation they had – it wasn't happiness, maybe a little hope? He still missed Jay's real voice, his real laugh, but he pushed the thoughts aside, opening his eyes again.
"You. Are. Hurt?" Jay hesitantly signed. Hosuh weaved his fingers together, raking his brain for any suitable answer. It felt like he was in school, trying to string up a few words in Spanish. Nothing came to mind, and his mood quickly fell, and he let his hands flop to his sides again. Something caught his wrist before they touched the carpet, and Hosuh looked up to find Jay staring at him. His hand was holding Hosuh's wrist.
"You can do it." His hands were confident, eyes shining. Hosuh nodded uncertainly. He held out his hands, thinking.
"I...I am hurt." Hosuh didn't look up at Jay. "In my...heart."
Jay moves closer to him so their shoulders were touching.
"Why?" He signed back. Hosuh sighed, spelling out some words he didn't know.
"Too silent. Hate it. I can't hear laugh or birds or anything and I'm so lost most of the time." Hosuh fiddled with the hem of his shirt – a habit that he had picked up over the last week.
"We get through this together." Jay signed back simply. He gave Hosuh a small smile, closing the book. He said something that Hosuh couldn't catch, and moved to the door. The silver-haired watched as he moved the clutter of furniture away from the door.
"Food time." Jay signed, grinning, and Hosuh had to admire how quick he picked up some sign language – or maybe he learnt the words most common to him like "food", "lets go" or "kill".
Hosuh rose, stepping through the mess of furniture surrounding the door and out into the hallway. As suspected, he could feel his legs slowly waking up after the long sit, pins and needles erupting from his toes.
He and Jay moved to the living room, and Hosuh saw that Stephen was watching the television. His eyes weren't focused on the picture, however. They were staring into space, deep in thought.
Hosuh watched the soundless images as Jay talked to Stephen. He remembered the show well. In almost a trace he watched the cartoon's mouth's move, wondering what they were saying.
There was a flicker at the bottom of the screen and suddenly the subtitles were on. Hosuh blinked, turning around to Stephen, who was pointing the remote at the screen.
"Watch with us." Stephen signed slowly, his hands getting muddled. Hosuh shrugged and sat down, drawing in his knees. The cartoon just wasn't the same; the lack of sound was painfully known when a particularly animated character moved or talked, their mouth moving faster by the minute.
He didn't realise someone was trying to get his attention until someone waved their finger in front of him, moving it to the direction he needed to look. Stephen pointed at the doorway, where Dan was posing with a few bowls of something steaming.
Hosuh gave a small smile, accepting his bowl gratefully. It was some macaroni and cheese, with some kind of herb on top.
The cartoon continued as Dan sandwiched himself in the sofa crack. Hosuh pushed the food around with his fork, not particularly hungry. He could feel his friend's stares as he played with his food, ignoring them.
His mood had quickly dropped from when he was in the room with Jay – though the doctor said he would have mixed feelings as he was learning to cope, he still didn't like it, and his friends didn't either.
Dan tapped his shoulder gently, and Hosuh looked over. He was pointing to the food, his eyes shining with concern.
"Eat." Hosuh sighed, stabbing a pasta piece with his fork. He watched Dan try and sign as he ate a bit; the green-haired was having to spell most the words out, and Hosuh could only just register his movements.
"We thought we could go out to the park today." Dan signed. Hosuh shook his head before Dan had even finished, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. Daniel was persistent, trying to finish before Hosuh stopped looking. "Not many people are there at this time and you can't keep staying here fore –"
Hosuh turned his head away, meaning to look at the television again, but Stephen and Jay were standing in front of it, frowning.
"Please" Jay signed. Hosuh shook his head again.
"I don't want to." Hosuh had learnt that phrase first, knowing he would need it a lot. He watched as Stephen said something to Dan and Jay before he held out his hands as they began to grab coats.
"I know it's shit." Stephen's phrase caught Hosuh's attention. "But we'll be there. We won't let anyone sneak up on you...we won't..." Out of all of his friends, Stephen had made an almost dangerous effort to learn sign language, and it showed as Hosuh couldn't understand the last part of what he was saying. Stephen seemed to read his mind, because he smiled sheepishly, spelling it out.
"We. Won't. Leave. You."
Hosuh stared at Stephen. He stared back, slowly holding out his hand. Hosuh stared at the hand a few seconds before taking it nervously.
Stephen gave his hand a squeeze, gently pulling him towards the doorway. Jay and Dan were waiting, coats under their arms. The door opened and his friends surrounded him like a protective ring, and Hosuh gave a small smile.
The world was intimidating and quiet, but Hosuh felt at ease for the first time that week, his smile growing as his friends all looked at him, grinning.
In that moment, everything was fine. Not good, not bad.
But fine.