n. a conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening, simply overlaying disconnected words like a game of Scrabble, with each player borrowing bits of other anecdotes as a way to increase their own score, until we all run out of things to say.
* * *
Despite the success of Paombong and Goyo's promotion from a major to lieutenant colonel, it didn't stop him from continuing with his promise to himself—that he's going to do everything within his power to free not only his province but the entire Philippines. But like any large scale, he starts small; going from one town of Bulacan and then to another, in hopes to say that his province is a land of freemen. Apparently, we continue from one town and then another; Spanish soldiers didn't stop him. As well as the growing number that are starting to follow him, despite the fact that Koronel Vicente Enriquez is a rank ahead of him.
Goyo continue to serve as their de facto leader. They look up to him. In strategy and protection. And somehow, I am glad that it didn't drill too much honor for himself. He didn't parade through one town to let everyone know that he's the leader; he keeps himself quiet. Like a leader that deemed himself a follower.
However, Isidro warned me, a few weeks later after Paombong. "Bantayan mong maigi si Goyong," he said. "Pwedeng magbago bigla ang ihip ng hangin kapag hindi ka nakatingin."
I don't understand what he means by that. But I am praying that it will not mean something that will change my view towards Goyo. That it will not mean that the day will come that he'll like be any leaders, who are once on the top, will do everything in their power not to see themselves stumble. That will do everything to keep their position, that glorified persona, even if it means having their hands dirty. I pray that that day will not come.
The moment that we leave Paombong, I'll be honest, as well, that I seldom notice Goyo. To the point that it will take days before he talks to me, just to call me 'Pendejo' and say, 'Mag-ayos ka nga ng damit' or 'Mas mukha ka pang lalaki kaysa sa akin' or 'Mas mukha ka pang matanda kaysa kay kuya' or anything else just to make fun of me. Most of the time, I'll be seeing him talking to a group of young women. And I'll catch them speaking in whispers, exchanging words that I can't hear or help imagining. In the end, I let him.
After all, what else can young ladies help on his strategy? Those ladies were part of the Cruz Roja, too. If it will be a strategy and tactic with some battle, he'll depend on to his closest friends. Those whom he can really depend on to. I started believing since he let me come with them during the raid of Paombong that he is starting to see me dependable as well. But when we reach Pasong Balite, and Spanish forces barricaded themselves on the other side of the field, it seems that he remains wary if I am worthy of his trust.
"Gusto kong lumaban," I tell him, against his order for me to head to where the members of the Cruz Roja are as the battle ensues.
He looks at me, conflicted, as if I am trying to make a joke this time. "Anong pinagsasabi mo? Pendejo! Nung huli nga, wala kang ginawa kung hindi magtago sa putok ng mga baril!"
"P-Pero!" I defend as I hold on to his arm, causing him to freeze for a second.
"Tsk... Pendejo..." He pulls his arm away, holding then his newly stolen Mauser rifle with both hands. "'Wag ngayon." And there he goes. Straight to the frontlines of the battlefield.
I'd like to tell him that I have a history with the sound of gunfire, but how about him? Do I even know his history? How can he and all other soldiers withstand the sound of it? Wasn't it the reason that he lost his childhood friend? One of his chosen musketeers? Wasn't it the same reason that scraped him on the forehead and almost killed him back then in Kakarong?
But then... Paano nga ba natin makakamit ang kapayapaan sa panahong ito kung hindi sa pamamagitan ng paglaban?
In the end, I head to where the rest of the members of the Cruz Roja are. And focus with the work on hand, of trying to help and aid wounded soldiers that are being brought for us to look after. Surprisingly, I am starting to get use with this; starting to gain knowledge of medicine at this period of our history. And I wasn't able to reck back at the sound of every gunfire that echoes to be heard from our position.
But, also, I can't help wondering. How is he? Not only him, but also Isidro? His brother Julian? His friend Koronel Enriquez? The other members of his musketeers? How are they faring in the battlefield? Are they injured? Are they winning? Are they about to be part of the sacrifices for independence?
I don't know, and all I can do is to pray as always to guide them. To keep them safe. For us to win this one. Just as it had been in Paombong.
# # #
I lose track of time. If you're busy, you start to lose track of it. I don't know if it had just been minutes, or hours, or whatever. But the sound of ending fire, and the familiar cheers of the soldiers, and the chanting for the Philippines had been imminent amidst the silence that staggered after the last fire. The resounding voices of laughter and triumph replaced the deafening battlefield.
And there, comes running, none other than but Goyo. He is filled in dirt, but completely alive. No hint of injury in him, but he appears exhausted, and yet, he is smiling. Smiling widely, confidently, and truly. His eyes search for the wounded soldiers and the members of Cruz Roja. His eyes, I don't know if he'd skipped mine, but settled onto the same group of ladies I've seen him talking for about a month already since Paombong. He crosses the distance to reach them, and one of the ladies didn't waste a moment to hand him a neatly folded cloth.
Koronel Enriquez comes rushing to where Goyo is, having a long wooden stick with him. The two are laughing and talking amongst themselves as they unfold the cloth, tying its corners against the bamboo. A tricolor flag with a blue triangle at the hoist, a red stripe at the top and a black stripe at the bottom, waves from where its corners had been tied at the top portion of the stick.
"Gaya ng bandila ng mga Cubano," Goyo's voice resonates as he holds the bamboo along with Koronel Enriquez. Soldiers gather, halting from their cheers for a second. Everyone listens to him as he speaks, other's in the middle of placing shakles on the captured Spaniards or others in the middle of looking at everything that can be salvaged from the fallen enemies or identifying our fallen comrades. "Pula, para sa Katipunan. Asul, kagaya ng kalayaan ng langit na nais nating makamit."
"Bigyan mo ako ng dalawang kulay. Kailangan babagay sa pula."
"Sa tingin mo, babagay ang kulay asul sa pula, ano?"
"Eh di yung pinaka-ayaw mong kulay na lang."
"At itim," Goyo continues as his eyes search the group, falling for a second to meet mine. "Nakakalungkot ang kulay. Pero... ito'y para sa ating mga kababayan na nagsakripisyo ng kanilang buhay. Para tayong mga nabubuhay ngayon ay magawang saksihan ang isang malayang Pilipinas."
Someone from the back cheers, "Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!"
In seconds, the cheer had been a chorus. Despite the exhaustion, everyone is celebrating the success of Pasong Balite. It warms my heart that even those who've been injured managed to cheer and smile.
But for some reason, when I turn to look at Goyo, I see the smile he has. A longing one. Sad. Alone.
And somehow, he seems to feel that I am watching him that he turns to look at me. After a moment, he turns away, leaving Koronel Enriquez in hoisting his flag and the cheers of the army.
No one notices him leaving. Except for me.
# # #
Another month passed, and surprisingly, there haven't been any more battles to be fought. It appears that Spain is having its own problems than to deal with the revolution going on. But, Goyo, immediately decides that it is best to head to Biak-na-Bato. It so happens that he receives a letter from Aguinaldo that is telling him to head there. Upon reaching Biak-na-Bato, leaders of the revolutionary army established their own government, and immediately ratified the so-called Biak-na-Bato Constitution. Goyo, with all the success of his feats in battle, starts to slowly catch Aguinaldo's interest, and allows him to be one of the signatories of the recently ratified Constitution.
Days passed and I am left to do things on my own accord. Just a month later on, we hear words that the Spaniards are trying to reach Aguinaldo. Some sort of treaty they are proposing. I don't get the bigger picture of that, but I understand that it will have its corresponding conditions for both parties.
It's about that time as well that Isidro finally approaches me to talk about things not related about our daily commands. When we're all alone, somewhere hidden, he hands something to me. On top of his hand is a ripe mango.
And I look at him, puzzled.
He smiles. "Para sa pagiging magandang ehemplo kay Goyo."
I almost laugh. "Ehemplo?"
Isidro chuckles, flushing a little. "Sabihin na natin na... pwede ka na tumigil sa parte na ito ng laro. Na kapag umalis ka, hindi mo na kailangan ulitin ang lahat."
"Ah... parang 'stage complete'."
"Kung iyon yung tawag doon, ayun nga."
The two of us laugh and he offers the mango again to me.
"Nakikipag-ugnayan na si Heneral Aguinaldo sa mga Kastila. Panigurado ay magkakaroon ng tigil-putukan. Isang malaking hakbang upang makamtan ng Pilipinas ang kalayaan. At ngayong unti-unting nagiging malapit si Goyong kay Heneral..." he stammers in the end.
I bite my lower lip and take the mango from him, nodding. "Naiintindihan ko. Kung ano man ang mangyari o mapagkasunduan, sasama at sasama si Goyo kay Heneral Aguinaldo. Kaya, sinasabi mo, na pwede ako umalis. Dahil, may gagabay naman sa kanya."
Isidro sighs heavily. "(Y/N), sana maintindihan mo na hindi ko ito ninanais. Pero, ito yung nakasaad na dapat kong gawin."
I nod again. "Naiintindihan ko, Isidro." I smile softly. "'Di mo kailangan magpaliwanag sa akin. Pero... pwede ba na manatili muna ako dito hanggang..." I blush a little. "Hanggang nais ko? Siguro hanggang masigurado ko na talaga na hindi na ako kailangan ni Goyo rito."
He smiles warmly at me, as if understanding something behind the words I've just said. "Naiintindihan ko, (Y/N)."
* * *
A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)
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