I walked to the sofa, bummed out that I have to eat once Yamada gets back. I sat on the sofa with my legs crossed and my head resting on my fist as I waited for him to come back. I closed my eyes, hoping that I'd be able to get a little nap in.
"Hey," said Aizawa, making me open my eyes and look to him. "would you rather want to eat something else?"
"Hmm? No, it's fine. I haven't had it before, so I don't know if I'll like it...I hope I do...but I'll like the salmon though; I love salmon." I responded, hiding the fact that I didn't want to eat.
"I'm sure you'll like it." he responded before he yawned.
I closed my eyes again, hoping that I'd be able to fall asleep faster since some time was wasted. Just as I was about to fall asleep again, I had to open my eyes.
"Hey," said Aizawa again.
"Yeah?" I responded.
"Zashi said that you apologize a lot." he said with a smirk.
I sighed, "Yeah...I took notice not to long ago." I mumbled to myself quietly, "I should apologize again when he gets back."
He must have heard me, "Why should you have to apologize when he gets back?"
"Didn't he tell you?" I said with a mortified feeling that he was now going to be mad too.
"Yeah." he said calmly.
The hurt feeling that I had of hurting those who take care of me so well grew. "Th-then you know why I should." I said nervously.
"Yeah, but why though? You guys made up I thought." he said.
"Yeah but..." I started but then trailed off.
"You were angry at him for waking you so much; it's understandable." He said, trying to help but the crushing feeling got worse instead. "He also said about this fear that you have?"
I turned to look to the wall so I wasn't facing him. "Mmm-yeah?"
"I didn't know you worried about us like that when we're out later than what we usually do." he finally said.
"Yamada said something like that too." I paused, "So?"
"It's not a bad thing, it's just that we weren't expecting you to worry over someone like us." he responded.
I scoffed before I said, "You guys treat me like family. How am I not supposed to be like that? Before I moved in with you guys, I never really worried about anyone cause no one took care of me like you do; except for Toshi though, but he wasn't over all the time like how it is now. So ever since I moved in, I've learned things about myself on what aspects of my life that have been...that have been pretty much ruined since I was alone for so long." I turned from the wall to look at him just to see that he was staring at me blankly. I turned away to say, "I know I'm an idiot but you don't have to look at me like it."
"Sorry, I was thinking; and you're not an idiot." he responded. I just hummed. "You know, it's supposed to be our job to worry."
I raised an eyebrow, "Is it now?"
"Yes, so you put that feeling of worry aside and concentrate that on something else." he said before asking, "So, how did you know where to find me?"
"I had this gut feeling that felt just horrible. The last time that I felt it I had to save someone from committing suicide...Anyway, that feeling woke me up, so without thinking I woke Yamada up, then teleported us to the warehouse that you were being held in. Then it all went from there." I explained. Just then I realized that I had killed people. I tried to hide the expression of realization, but I failed that like all of the other things that I failed at.
"What is it?" Aizawa asked
Instead of explaining what I realized, I asked, "Did Yamada tell you what went down at the warehouse when we saved you?"
He thought about it before answering, "No...no he didn't actually."
Just then my heart sank, realizing that I now have to explain the deeds that I have done. I was hesitant to speak, but eventually I did. "You remember in that vision I shown you how there was this huge dude that hit you?" He nodded his head. "Well..." I struggled to put my thoughts into words, so I settled with an idea. "Would you be okay if I were to show you from my point of view? So it'd be a vision like the other one that I showed you. The only downside is that you'll feel my emotions from that time."
"If you feel like that would be better than explaining it, then by all means. I'm fine with it, so it's up to you." he said in an understanding tone.
I stood up and walked towards him with shame in each step that I took. When I was close enough, I put my hand up. "Are you ready?" I asked, he just nodded his head. I brought my hand up a little higher, but then lowered it to the first position that I had. "Please don't be mad. I know I'm a horrible person."
He shook his head, "I won't be, I know that for a fact. So get on with it already before Hizashi get's back."
"Okay." I said quietly.
I brought my hand up and concentrated on sending my memories of the fight to him. His head fell so that his chin was touching his chest. He was like that for a few minutes until the memory was over. He raised his head as he kept a troubled look on his face. I grew nervous as my heart began to beat faster and faster, to the point that my chest began to hurt. I waited a minute or two before I spoke.
"So..." I said in a quiet nervous tone.
He didn't reply for a few more seconds. "I didn't know someone could harbor so much rage...not to mention the power of being able to kill someone instantly with just lifting a single finger...I mean, and those were people larger than All Might and you were able to lift them with just one hand..."
I walked back to the sofa as he spoke. I then sat there with my head down. "I know, I'm a horrible person. I've killed people, I've scared people shit less, I'm inconsiderate of how people feel, I'm self-centered, I'm-"
Aizawa cut me off, "You aren't any of those things. I'm just...surprised."
"How can you be just surprised? I've done such horrible things!" I said with disappointment in my voice.
"Those were horrible people, but that's besides the point. I'm surprised that you got so angry that you used a quirk that you never want to use." he paused, "How many times have you used that quirk before?"
"This was the second time." I responded quietly.
"What was the scenario for the first time?" He asked.
I didn't want to say, so I was silent for a few seconds. "I don't want to talk about that time. I don't regret many things, but that takes the cake of the few things that I do regret."
"I'm sorry." He apologized since he realized in my tone that I really meant it that I didn't want to speak of that time.
"It's fine..." I said understandingly.
Five minutes later of silence, Yamada walked in with a tray of our food. He sat the tray on a table as he said in his normal cheery tone, "Sorry it took so long, it was super busy." He took Aizawa's plate off the tray and put it on the table with wheels, then pushed it so that he'd be able to reach it with ease. "Here you go." He said with a smile as he pushed the little table closer to Aizawa.
"Thank you." Aizawa said as he picked up his chopsticks.
Yamada then picked up his food, sat it on the table next to the chair he was sitting in before, then brought the tray that held the two plates of my food and sat it on the table next to the sofa.
"Thank you." I said as I tried to bring up a smile of gratitude. He just smiled back and responded with a nod.
I picked up the plate and chopsticks and began to eat. As I ate, I began to think that they both hated me now. Actually I don't think that they hate me, I mean I know that they hate me. Everything started getting to my head so much that I wanted to throw up. I knew that I was a horrible person, but now someone knows how I felt during that fight, and he even said that he was surprised that a person could harbor so much anger. I then thought about trying to kill myself by going to that remote island again and figuring out something there. I mean, it wouldn't be that bad if they worked together and killed me. I wouldn't mind if it was from anyone that I had trust in. The word 'trust' then rang in my head as I stared at the floor with my chopsticks by my mouth as I chewed slower and slower until I eventually stopped.
'Trust...since when do I trust someone?'
"You alright, Y/N?" Aizawa asked.
I blinked a few times and finished chewing the food that was in my mouth before answering, "Yeah...yeah, I was just thinking."
"Of what?" Yamada asked.
I took a piece off of the salmon fillet as I replied, "It's nothing...nothing of importance."
"Well, if you need to talk to anyone, we're all ears." Yamada stated, but I just replied with a nod as I brought the fish up to my lips.
When we finished eating, Yamada suggested that him and I should head back to the apartment once we brought our stuff back to the cafeteria.
"Aren't you coming back with us?" I asked Aizawa.
He shook his head, "The doctor will be visiting me tomorrow, so he can discharge me then. I'm not going to pull an Y/N and leave even though I feel like I'm in great shape."
"Oh." I said as Yamada laughed.
Once he finished laughing he asked as he stood up, "Well, let's get going."
"Okay." I said as I stood up, then turned to pick up my dishes before I brought them to the tray that held their dishes.
Before we left, Yamada said to Aizawa, "Since you have your phone, text me when you're able to come back home."
"Alright, now leave so I can sleep." Aizawa said as he waved his hand to get us going.
Yamada chuckled as he said, "Good thing you haven't changed."
We then walked down to the cafeteria in silence. I didn't want to talk since I was still so deep in thought. The word 'trust' was still ringing in my head. I was dumbfounded that I actually trust someone. After we dropped off the tray of dishes, we then walked outside. Once we left the building we realized that I teleported us around instead of taking the car. I put my hand on his shoulder and teleported us into the main area of the apartment. Once we got back I went to my room so I could feed Melody. When I got to my room, she sat up on the sofa and looked at me with her one eye squinting cause she was so tired.
"You want food?" I asked.
She was then wide awake. She jumped off of the sofa and ran to me. I walked to get her food as she went to her bowls to wait. I then gave her her food and watched her eat with a little smile on my face since she seemed to brighten my mood. I went to the sofa and stared out at the outside world through the sheer curtains. I began to wonder why I was so deep in thought still about trusting someone and me being fine if they were to do me in. I walked down to the kitchen to get something to drink, hoping that it will clear my head a little. Just before I was able to make it back to my room after my drink, I was stopped in my tracks by an intense feeling of wanting to talk, cause what if talking about it may help ease the thoughts? I stood there as I fought with myself, debating whether I should talk about it or not. I'm so used to talking to Aizawa, but not to Yamada about things. I mean, he said that both of them would be there to listen, so I'm sure he'd be fine with listening to my useless thoughts; right? I looked to the sofa and saw him sitting there, nodding his head as he fought back sleep.
'I should let him sleep.'
You woke Aizawa before so you could blabble, so it doesn't matter.
'You do kind of have a point...'
I tiptoed to the sofa and sat in the chair closest to the side that he was sitting at.
"Hey...Yamada?" I said quietly, "Hey..."
He heard me the second time. He brought his head up and opened his eyes tiredly as he quickly put on a tired smile, "What's up?
I stood up as I said nervously, "I-I'm sorry to wake you. You need sleep, I should have seen that and let you sleep."
He waved his hand, "It's fine, I'm awake now. So, what is it you needed?"
I sat down slowly before I asked, "I was wondering if you could lend me an ear?"
He laughed, "Well, my hearing isn't the best, so I'm not sure if you want my ears." I couldn't help but laugh a little too. Once it settled down he asked with a comforting smile, "So, what is it you need to get off of your chest?"
"Well..." I paused.
What, you said only one word and you already need to take a break? How weak are you?
"I've been lost in thought recently. So... where should I start?...So you remember that one time that I was scared of you? Aizawa told you to leave? I was acting weirder than normal?" I started.
He thought about it, then remembered what I was talking about. "Oh, yeah, now I do."
"Did Aizawa ever tell you what I told him?" I asked. He just shook his head. I sighed, "Well...to sum it up, you-" I cut myself off and took a moment to try again since I lost my voice. I then had a sense of deja vu before I started again. "In the end of the dream you killed me. More went on in the dream but that's the main part that you need to know. Anyways, last night I had another dream that both..."
'God dammit! Why is it so hard to speak!'
"...both of you hated me. You guys were beating me up and hollering at me...at one point I was told that both of you were going to kill me. In the end you killed me again, and the same exact way as the first time. I then began thinking that you guys hate me for being such a nuisance...so now that's what I think. It's been bothering me for a while now and I can't think of anything else. I then began to think, 'It'd be fine if I were to die by the hands of those I trust'. I then got lost in the thought that I trust you guys enough to do that. That I actually have trust in someone." I put my hand to my forehead. "I'm sorry for bothering you with the useless thoughts of mine. I'm sorry for everything that I have hurt or angered you with. Please, if you can, forgive me." I finished with a bow.
"Oh sit back down, there's no need to apologize. If I were mad at you for speaking about what's on your mind, what kind of person would I be? Hmm? I'd be the world's worst person, that's who I'd be. Now, to get it straight, Sho and I do not hate you, we do not dislike you or anything like that in any way. I have no idea how you would have came to that conclusion." he responded.
"I got that from the dreams and thinking about all the things that I've pulled that made you guys angry or something like that." I said ashamed.
He shook his head with a comforting smile, "You and your dreams are wrong about that. You're just overthinking it, that's all."
I sighed as I felt a wave of relief rush over me even though it was coming from one of the two people that I felt hated me. "You're right, I am just overthinking things."
He then asked cautiously, "What was the rest of that first dream about? I'm not forcing you to say it or anything, it's just that I'm curious."
"It's fine." I said before I began describing the first dream that had me all shook up the best I could. "I was woken up by a strange, disembodied voice. I followed it out of my room and down stairs. It led me to your guys's room. The first thing that I found inside was Aizawa. He was..." I paused as I tried to think on how to put it. "...he was gone. He had a bruise around his neck as if it was caused by a rope while his arms were covered in vertical cuts. I then fell and saw you. You too were...gone." I shuddered at the image that I remembered so vividly for some reason. "You were a mess; I mean, you were torn up pretty bad...it haunts me as if it was a real memory...Anyway, after I got back up, there was a loud bang and a sharp shooting pain in my back that I could feel all the way into my chest. I fell to the ground again and saw that it was you, who was in my dream from last night. I then woke up in real life and I could still feel that shooting pain in my back and chest." I finished as I put my hand up to my chest. He looked at me with a concerned and confused look and didn't say anything. "What?" I asked as I let my hand fall to my lap.
"It's just that..." I could tell that he was hesitant to speak of the subject he was going to bring up. "that was the state how I found Sho in the time he tried to..." he then whispered, "How did you know?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Well, you have some other power that lets you see in the past so I don't know why I'm so shocked. But yeah, he was like that. It turned out that the rope he tried to use broke after like, ten seconds, then he tried to bleed to death." He then quickly covered his mouth before removing his hand and saying quickly, "Don't tell Sho that I said that. He knows about your dream, but-"
"I won't." I said. He just nodded his head. I then stood up and said with a bow, "Thank you very much for listening to my ramblings. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders."
"No problem. I'm always here to listen; same thing with Sho." he said with a smile. I tried to smile too as I started to walk to my room. Before I could take another step I was stopped. "Hey." I hummed. "Are all of the nightmares that you have that dark?"
"Nightmares? Those are regular dreams. You wouldn't want to know what nightmares are to me." I responded.
"That is truly terrifying." he said.
I nodded my head, "Yeah, now as I look back on the ones that I remember, I wonder how I'm still this sane."
I then walked to my room and sat on the sofa. Once I sat down, Melody moved onto my lap since she was on the sofa originally. I then fell asleep once I got warm and comfy. I knew it was still early in the day, but I was still tired since I wasn't able to take a nap at the hospital.