Where does it all go? Why did I like waking up as a kid? Why did I want to go outside? Meet new kids? Love the spaghetti my dad made me? Enjoyed the leaves that fell down the tree? Where exited for my birthday? Get hyped over visiting my friends? Where did it all go?
There is only one thing I'm looking forward to now. That is peace. I don't care if this is accomplished through me being alone in my room and not being eaten by my thoughts or through death. I just want peace. I hope all that joy I had as a kid is now someone else's joy. I don't want it to vanish. I'm not saying I had no problems as a kid. But I still had joy as a kid. Now I still have problems. But mostly no joy.
When a kid cries over his ice cream falling down or losing the leave they liked it's because that's one of the worst things that ever happened to them in their whole life. And when they can't stop laughing over a silly joke it's because that's the funniest they've ever heard in their lives.
Me one the other hand. I cry over things where I don't even know what they are. And When I laugh then always with the thought in the back of my head that there will come a big down after I finish laughing. Where did it all go?