14: Sleeping Tonics of Uselessness
When Teagan comes back to life she realizes voices, that aren't in her head for once, are being raised. Someone was very angry, one was very scared, and someone sounds very, very exhausted.
"We cannot keep her here. She's a danger to every student here, and worse if I'm correct, which I'm sure I am, that girl is meant for things we cannot undo. Blast all of this." Core sounds horribly angry and terrified at the same time.
Teagan can't open her eye right now but she feels the weak metal frame underneath her body. She's in the infirmary still, and her professors are discussing something on the other side of the curtain she was resting behind.
"We cannot be so rash Michel." This was Ink, and Teagan's childishly surprised at the use of Cores first name. She didn't know he had one. "Headmistress fears that if we let her go unguided . . . Things would get worse faster."
"They'll get worse anyway. You've read the times Matilda. There's no escaping this. We've tried. By stars we've tried, for generation's but-" The man's voice shakes. "But we were never prepared. Not really."
"Perhaps if we don't say anything. Perhaps we can lock it behind a seal so she doesn't suffer too much." Gripes sounds anxiously. Bless his soul. Teagan feels like an exhibit, just there for everyone to look at and speak about.
"You know that won't work. She's already gotten it rooted inside. Her aura is fractured. She got to that amulet and none of us even suspected." Core sounded ready to throw something in his anger frustration.
Teagan suddenly feels guilty.
"Headmistress knew of course. She just didn't want to frighten the girl. No average Mage could break this lock charm." Ink says with a voice that sounds like she's been tired for a million years.
Unable to break that lock charm? But she had. . .
How? She hadn't stopped to wonder how she was able to do such high level spell. She just assumed she was a talented Monicroff, now she's beginning to realize there's something wrong with that too.
She suddenly realizes the teachers have gone silent.
She doesn't move an inch, she wants to understand, she's screaming at them inside her mind to make her understand. What's wrong with me? Why is Core so adamant to get rid of her. What has she done, who is she? Why. . . Why was everything so hard?
"I say we keep her here, safe, keep an eye on her. I'll provide her with a powerful sleeping tonic so she won't have any nightly excursions. I'll enlist her friend's assistance to watch her as well. It's the best we can do for now."
"We can't just-"
Teagan feels Ink's hand go up to silence the indignant man.
"This is what we must do Michel. Headmistress asks us to. We're supposed to be prepared for this, not try to run. For better or for worse, she is in our care regardless of who she is. And we will protect her as we would any other student. End of discussion."
Gripes grunts in agreement.
Core remains silent and Teagan feels his unrest from behind her curtain.
After a moment the two men leave and Ink approaches the curtain, drawing it back to peer in on the young girl lying behind it.
Teagan decides now as good a time as any to stir. She moans softly and her eyelids open slowly, they feel like lead curtains over her eyes.
"Awake I see." Ink sounds less than impressed. "Come now, up you are. On your feet girl."
Teagan decides that Professor Ink's bedside manner could use a lot of work. She sits up, her head spinning as Ink takes her by the arm and almost drags her to her feet.
"You're not well Ms. Monicroff. Maria said that you don't get enough rest." Ink starts as she leads the young Mage in raining towards the door. "So she has this for you."
Teagan eyes the blue liquid in the bottle suspiciously. "What is it?"
"A sleeping tonic to help you rest easier. Take two drops in water nightly. You should be fine in a few days." Ink says, her voice losing a bit of its harsh edge to it now.
Teagan wonders this will help but she takes the blue liquid, thanks the professor and tries not to fall or as she makes her way to her room. Classes are over for today, and the sunset is bright whenever she glimpses orange and reds through the castle windows as she walks.
Teagan ignores the evident whispers of students that have noticed her missing since this afternoon. Everyone wants to know what's wrong with the Great Monicroff name barer and nobody dares to ask.
Except her friends.
Who she wouldn't tell anyway.
Not after what they did especially. She finds the feeling of betrayal coming back with strength as she remembers what Ink had told her. Lila and Thad had told on her. They'd found something was wrong and had told on her. She didn't want any professors to know anything. And if they did what did they just tell her directly? Instead of going behind her back like this.
She recalls the conversation between her professors. They now have evidence that something is wrong and by the sound of it. . . . Something is horribly wrong. But they made it seem as if it was long time coming. She doesn't understand why. Her brain is muddled with words she can't understand and meanings she can't decipher.
Her head hurts from thinking, her heart hurts from betrayal, and she physically hurts from exhaustion.
Teagan threads her fingers through her unruly red hair and almost wobbles to her room. Once there she thought was herself on her bed and wishes the world would just disappear. Taking her with it.
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Teagan purposely doesn't make eyes contact with Lila at breakfast the next morning. The sleeping tonic she took helped ease her restlessness and Teagan is starting to think that perhaps it won't be so bad to take it.
She still feels a tired though.
But she won't speak to Lila or Thad. Mostly because now she's paranoid of them too. What if she had to tell them something really important, how could she trust them now after they told on her for this?
They weren't loyal to her after all. And it hurts to think that Teagan wanted to trust them. Also knowing that they were now under instructions to watch her. Without telling her they were. That makes her even more uneasy.
So she doesn't sit near Lila at breakfast. She avoids Thad in the halls and ducks into classrooms late so Lila won't speak to her. Charm's class was more difficult since they were partner, but Teagan managed to appear study oriented and in front Lila's furtive questioning glances.
She has nothing to explain to them. They on the other hand have much to uncover to her. Which they won't. And Teagan doesn't want to deal with that hurt on top of everything else.
She's just made up her mind to avoid Lila at dinner by going to hide into the library.
When Thad and Lila stop her.
"Alright, Teagan. What's going on?" Thad says, crossing his arms.
Teagan's anger rise suddenly at his almost accusing tone. How dare he, he was the one who she should be demanding answers from.
"Yah, you've been avoiding us all day. What happened? I heard you passed out in the infirmary yesterday. Why won't you speak to me today?" Lila has the audacity to look sad.
Teagan almost scoffs in her face "Nothing. I'm fine. But you wouldn't believe me anyway. "
Thad's eyebrows raise. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Teagan scoffs this time and pushes her mess of red out of her face. "As if you don't know. I know Ink's put you on my tail. And I know it was you two that switched on me without my say so."
Lila looks stricken. As if Teagan has slapped her. Her lower lip wobbles. "We - we were worried about you Teagan." She whispers sadly.
Teagan refuses to feel the pang of guilt gnawing at her. She crosses her arms defiantly. She's not about to. Admit defeat. Admit she needs help.
Thad suddenly scowls at her. "Are you saying you're mad at us because we told the professor you needed help?"
It shouldn't sound meaningless after Thad says it. But it does. Teagan remains angry anyway. "I didn't ask you to help me did I."
"You were sleepwalking!" Thad suddenly blurts, anger seeping into his tone, as if he can't believe the girl in front of him.
Lila nods, tears trickling down her fair face. "At night Teagan. I- I wouldn't sleep sometimes. And I'd here you-" she swallows thickly, twisting her fingers together as she lifts her eyes and meets Teagan's confused ones.
"I'd hear you whispering things. Things I didn't understand Teagan. But they scared me. And sometimes," She shudders visibly. Teagan suddenly wonders what kind of monster she's become. "Sometimes you'd get up and whisper these things and you'd leave the room. I - I'd follow you. You always tried to get somewhere, but then you'd start screaming at random moments."
Teagans' heart picks up as she realizes that Lila might have seen her enact her nightmares.
Thad puts a hand on his cousins shoulder and nods grimly." And I'd find you in the library. Passed out on tomes. Old tomes I've never seen before Teagan." He looks directly at her as he speaks. No hint of guilt in his eyes. "Tomes written in an old dead language. The only reason I know is because I showed Mrs. Kringle one. And she was surprised I had it. These books are studied by graduate mages. . . Nobody can read them unless they study for it which takes years. But you-"
Teagan's insides shiver as she tightens her crossed arms around herself more.
"You were reading them; I'd find you muttering them in your sleep. And it doesn't sound like anything good."
Teagan's head spins. "I never - I haven't been to the library in weeks." She can't remember ever going there since everything started. She can't remember. Why can't she remember?! She feels as if her lungs can't expand enough. She wants to disappear. She doesn't want them to be right. She just wanted to be a Mage a Monicroff could be proud off.
Your scaring us." Lila says suddenly. "We're supposed to be best friends Tea, why won't you let us help you."
But they, they didn't understand - they never will.
Teagan lets out a harsh breath and levels her eyes with theirs. "I didn't ask for help. I don't need it." But she does doesn't she? "And I don't need you to act like you can give it to me."
Lila gasps, and Thad's face goes hard.
"Fine then. We won't." He says flatly. Lila shakes her head, lips tight together, she looks wounded.
But Teagan doesn't care, she doesn't want to care. She won't. She's alone, she has been from the beginning and she will be until the end. She doesn't need them. She doesn't need anyone.
She nods firmly and turns away, Lila's sniffles doing nothing to deter her from her decision.
Her heart breaks when she closes the doors to the library and she wants nothing more than to go back and tell them she's sorry.
But she can't.
She can't trust them.
And they don't trust her.
They aren't friends.
She doesn't have any.
And maybe - she ever did.