My mom finally stops talking. I called her a few hours after I texted my brother I got home safely. She had the habit of saying goodbye but then going off on another tangent.
Someone knocks on the door. I jump up because no one should be at the door this early in the AMs. And I'm alone. Defensless. Without electricity from the storm. Without the skills of a ninja to stealthily escape or fight back. I'm not expecting anyone. It's pouring. Unless it's my parents? Surprising me? I try peeping through the curtains. My front light is off so I can't see them too well. They knock again and I go down the window for a better view. I'm relieved to see it's Jasper. I quickly go to the door.
"Hey. Sorry. I thought you were an axe murderer that followed us home from the woods" He's soaked and I brainlessly reach for him and pull him in. But I'm an idiot and don't get out of the way. I stumble into him. He's empty of expression until he looks down at me cracking a bit of amusement. I mumble an apology and let him go.
"What're you doing here? You could've texted me. Or brought an umbrella"
"Phones dead. Too windy for an umbrella" He looks around and notices the candles, "Candles?"
They're Christmas Cookies and Sparkling Snow scented, but I don't say that out loud, "Doesn't your dad put on candles too?"
"He's not home"
"Oh. Where is he? Traveling too?"
"At his girlfriend's"
"You're by yourself then"
"I came to check if you were okay"
My guts feel like they've knotted themselves when he says that, "I'm okay. Thank you"
"Since you're afraid of the weather"
"I'm not that afraid!" I'm lying. This sucks, being alone, but if that means he's going to make fun of me: I'll suffer, "You can just go home. I'm perfectly fine. You're wasting your time"
He crosses his arms and shifts his weight. He's looking me up and down. I'm in shorts, a tank top and have a small blanket over my shoulders. I grip the blanket around me suddenly feeling embarrassed and much more like an adolescent. He goes to the door, "If you need anything I'll be awake for awhile"
He just leaves. I want to say to myself that I won't need him. I'm not scared. The dark isn't scary. Thunder storms aren't scary. And these candles are totally normal. But then the outside booms and all that pride goes away. It wasn't storms themselves but the idea of chaos happening in the dark that frightened me.
I feel bad. He came over to see me. Wet. And I shooed him away. Even if we argued earlier. I look at the kitchen. I made a pan of white rice and my mom made some mole for me to eat while they're gone. She didn't have to. I could've done it myself but my mom likes to overdo it when she knows she'll be away from me for awhile.
I could make and bring over enmoladas. He might be hungry. Thunder boomed again and I scurried to the kitchen to get on it. I put the food in one tote bag and candles in another along with some hygiene products.
I try for an umbrella but the wind blows it hard enough that it inverts itself. I quickly pull back and decide to just run next door. They at least have a full porch.
Im holding my arms around my body and rock a little in place from how cold I am. It's late at night and raining worse then it was 5 minutes ago. The water on my exposed feet makes me uncomfortable. I knock on my neighbors door and curse myself for having to inconvenience because I...am a wimp.
Jasper opens up.
"You hungry?"
I get started the second I'm in to light candles around the house and turn up the heat. It looked like an abyss in here. And it's freezing. He disappears while I open the containers.
He comes back and touches my arm with a pile of clothes, "Change"
I look down at what I'm wearing again. Im cold from the wetness of my clothes and they doing much in terms of warmth. I thank him under my breath and go to change. He gave me slippers, sweat pants and a hoodie. His track hoodie.
We eat in silence but not before he quietly thanks me. It makes me feel better about where we stand.
His expression is static. Its bored and empty even when he brings up: "What did you tell the lover boy?"
My face reddens and I shift uncomfortably. He stares at me intently and expectantly.
"I didn't really...think it was me he was talking about when he said he liked someone"
He sighs through his nose.
"But I-I said no! I don't like Holden. He's cool and all but...not for me" I make an effort to change the subject, "Hey. I just realized today's thanksgiving. It's kinda funny. Since...you know...we're eating"
It's awkward. Or I am.
He sits quietly. Doesn't say anything to reply. I almost think he might be angry. I go for another attempt. To change the subject. But he treats me like I'm invisible. He takes my empty plate and washes the dishes.
"Oh–you don't have to" I start but once again he disregards my existence, "I was...Uh, thanks"
He finishes cleaning up the kitchen. He always has that cool, unconcerned face but always did little things like this to recompense. I check the hour on my phone and see how late it is. I should be sleeping. But it's dark and he's starting to walk down the hall. I'm afraid he's going to leave me alone in the living room.
"Ah, Jasper, wait. Can I stay here?"
He pauses his steps like he's thinking but then gives me this look like what I said was obvious.
"Like over? To sleep. If that's cool"
Jasper shakes his head and makes a sign for me to walk behind him. I follow like a scared puppy.
I'm in his room. I haven't been in here in awhile. In a long while. It's simple as always. There's a few tapes, vinyl, and CDs stacked in one corner of the room by his desk. Some probably from his dads. He has a small stack of fliers I can't make out what of. Besides that just lots of bland grey walls.
"Sleep here" The bed's neatly made and he goes to exit but I grab his bicep.
"Uh, wait" He can't just leave me here.
"Toothbrush?"
I shyly shake my head no, "Aren't you... gonna sleep here?"
"Why?"
"Well. It's your room. You should sleep here too. Unless, you're uncomfortable with that, then I get it. But it's not like we haven't shared a bed before"
He stares at me suspiciously. Analyzing my face. It only makes me more anxious about his answer. I bite my bottom lip massaging it between my teeth.
"Okay"
The bed creaks softly when we sit on it, like it's not used to being used by more than one person. Jasper doesn't invite people over, he's the one that gets invited. He strips in front of me and puts the clothes into a basket next to him.
"This 'cause you're afraid of the dark?"
Of course he knows. He knows even when I don't think he knows anything, "I'm not afraid. It's just being in the dark somewhere I'm not used to makes me paranoid"
"You weren't scared when we were in the woods"
"Yeah but that's because" My cheeks warm up under the mix of his semi-naked intensity and embarrassment. I look around the room, getting the words to come out my throat. I feel like I'm six all over again, "...you were there. And stuff"
"Didnt know if you wanted some space. From me" He explains. He's talking about our car incident. It's hard to make out his face in the lack of light in the room but I know he's thinking again. Him thinking was dangerous. For me. The man was diabolical in his own way. He gets on his feet and ruffles my hair. Like he used to. He chuckles, "You're a cute kid. Guess your brother wasn't wrong about the cuddling"
"I'm not gonna cuddle you! And you invited me on your bed"
"I took pity on a toddler" I roll my eyes at him because it reminds me of our argument and he says, "This is the equivalent of letting your dog sleep on the bed"
"I'm not a toddler. Or a dog"
I try sleeping. I do. I turn left and right. I try switching directions, flipping the pillow, without the pillow and nothing. I curl up, lay on my stomach, on my side, with the covers and try without. Wide awake I lean my forehead experimentally on Jasper's back.
"Move around again and I'll tie you to the bed frame" He mumbles coldly taking more of the blanket in his direction. I flinch pulling my head away and apologize.
I exaggeratedly take back some of the blanket and rest on my backside again, "You wouldn't"
He makes no hesitation to sit up, reach under his bed and pull out rope. The kind of rope to tie things in the back of trucks to keep them from moving. He hovers above me holding the it up. I cower under the blankets. Jasper once taped Benicio's legs to a chair at a team sleep over when he was stuck in a sleeping bag in front of a recliner my brother was knocked out on. He kicks in his sleep like a pissy horse and Jasper was right in the hit zone. Jasper would tape me to the ceiling if he wanted to.
He tosses the rope on top of the drawer and stands up, "Come on"
Jasper puts a movie on in the living room.
"Is Bene rubbing off on you?" I ask when I see him play 'Next' starring Nic Cage. It's about a magician who can see into the future.
"Thought you'd want something to comfort you. Even if it's by reminding you of your brother's questionable attraction to Nicholas Cage" He lays long ways on the couch.
I laugh but I appreciate the sentiment nevertheless. I pat his shoulder to get him to move so I can sit too. He sits up and when I take his spot he lays his head in my lap. He doesn't even look at me for consideration. He stares at the tv. Obviously sleepy. Unlike me. I feel bad again. There he goes: helping me. Me who's wide awake and hyper aware of him. My eyes zone in on Cage's continent sized hairline while I casually rest my arm over his chest.
I swallow some of my spit and casually put my left hand by his hair. I wanted to comb my hand through it. I really want to. By the time we're at the part where Nic saves some FBI agent chasing him from dying, Jasper's sound asleep with my fingers raked in his locks.
And that manages to be enough comfort for me to sleep to.