Relations between Seb and Christian were strained to say the least and by the time we arrived Singapore rumours were rife that Seb was looking to leave the team. We could only blame the reliability problems he'd encountered during the season and his struggle to get to grips with his RB10 for the rumours that had gathered pace since the summer break and seemed to have reached fever pitch now, for we knew that the team were sworn to secrecy and anyone found to be leaking to the press would be promptly fired and find themselves unable to get another job in the sport. Unsurprisingly my appearance at the event on Thursday had been shelved, as had Seb's, due to our incident making the press here and poor Britta had had her work cut out filtering out the people who were only after gossip from those who wanted to actually talk about the race weekend. Not only that, but she was also dealing with the rumours of him quitting the team and fending off reporters who were firing personal questions at him wherever he went. So far it was proving to be a stressful weekend and for me it was a frustrating one; I was only six weeks pregnant and morning sickness had hit already. It meant I'd spent chunks of time on the flight over throwing up in the cramped toilet and then I'd pretty much been confined to our hotel suite since we landed with Seb putting my absence from the garages down to a stomach bug so as not to raise suspicion. It would work for now, but we couldn't keep using that as an excuse, with five races still to go I'd have to try and work around it somehow, at least until we got to Austin at the end of October when we would have hopefully had a twelve week scan before getting there. Then we'd have to make the decision as whether we went public with our news. Now it was Sunday, although what time it was I hadn't got a clue and I was hugging the toilet bowl, clinging on to it for dear life. Staying in European time while being in Singapore time was seriously fucking with my body clock and I'd been feeling like I'd been throwing up at all hours, not just in the mornings or afternoons or whatever they were. But halfway through yesterday I had been beginning to feel relatively normal and I was hoping that today was going to be the same. I was determined to go to the circuit with Seb today, even if I just sat in hospitality anything would be better than staring at the four walls of this hotel room. I heard the bathroom door open behind me.
"You ok there mumma?" Seb chuckled and patted me on the back, I responded by giving him the finger as I threw up once more.
"What do you want?" I asked as I sat up on my heels and wiped my mouth with some toilet paper. I turned my head to look at him, he was shuffling from foot to foot.
"I need to pee." He replied.
"Can't you wait?" I could feel my stomach getting ready for round ninety-nine.
"You've kind of been in here for nearly an hour. I'm desperate." He pulled a pained looking expression so to put him out of his misery I reached up and flushed the loo before shuffling along the floor enough to make space for him. I felt so fucking sick that I daren't move more than a few inches away and so I was given the treat of listening to him groan with relief while he pissed with me sitting next to his left leg like a dog who won't leave his owner. There's always that one pet who follows you into the bathroom, isn't there? Who said romance was dead? The poor bloke was only just finished when my head appeared beneath him once more, making him stagger back a few steps. "You could at least let me flush the toilet Harper." He said as I wretched and gagged.
"Fuck you." I muttered, in between bouts as he washed his hands.
"I did, that's how babies are made." He shot back, I heard him laugh at his own joke.
"Not funny Vettel, not funny." I sat up again and flushed the toilet once more, there wasn't anything coming up now, I was just dry heaving.
"Seriously Harps, I think you should stay here today." He squatted down to my level. "You look....."
"Like shit, yeah I know." I cut him off.
"I was going to say tired." He smiled. "You need to rest."
"I'm kind of done with the resting thing, it's all I've done all weekend. I'll probably feel ok by lunch time."
"And if you don't?"
"Then I'll have to quarantine myself in your changing room." I flipped the lid down on the toilet seat and sat up on it.
"Then you'll have Emma fussing over you and you know what she's like, she'll get suspicious." There was a knock at the door and he stood up. "That'll be room service with breakfast."
"You're not going down to eat with the team?" I asked, not really wanting to smell any food. Just the thought of it made another wave of nausea sweep over me.
"I don't want to leave you, not until I really have to. I'll eat lunch with them at the track this afternoon." He smiled and left to answer the door while I literally fell off the toilet in my haste to throw up.
Nearly an hour later and after making it into the shower to wash my hair and rid myself of the stench of vomit, I emerged from the bathroom to find Britta perched on the edge of the bed next to Seb with her diary open. They both looked up, smiling as they saw me. Has Seb told her? I sincerely fucking hope not! Grateful that I'd decided to wrap a towel around my body before I left the bathroom, I rummaged through the wardrobe and pulled out my uniform.
"Feeling better today?" Britta asked.
"Yeah, loads, thanks." I replied, lying, as I got some clean underwear from the draw beside the bed.
"You're not going back to work." Seb said, noticing my uniform on the bed.
"If I'm going to be around the garage, then I'll have to wear my logos, won't I?" I replied as I gathered it up. "I can't just stroll in and not wear it."
"If you're coming with me today, I don't want you working." He got up and followed me to the bathroom door.
"I doubt I'll be working, I don't know what's planned until I get there, but if there is something planned then I'm well enough to work. Please, I know what I'm doing, I'm a big girl now, I can look after myself." I stroked his cheek, smiling as he melted under my touch. "I'll just get dressed."
"In those?" He pointed to my clothes. I raised a brow at him, he was going to make Britta suspicious.
"It's a navy blue skirt with a vest top, it's hardly a bikini or the catsuit, is it." I stood on tip toes and kissed his cheek. "I'll be right back." I entered the bathroom and closed the door on him.
"Are you sure you're ok?" Britta asked as we scanned in at the paddock gates. "We heard you being sick, if you're not over this bug then you shouldn't be here."
"I'm fine Britta really, I think that was the last of it. I feel much better now." I glanced at Seb as we walked, he gave me a look as if to say 'told you'. As I'd kind of expected, the photographers were all over us, this was my first appearance since the incident at Monza. Hopefully after today they'll back off, it's old news as far as me and Seb are concerned. However, what isn't old news is the unfinished business with Christian and I was nervous, but keen, to see how relations were between him and Seb after they'd spent a few days around each other. As we left the photographers behind, Seb took my hand, only letting go to sign autographs and have his photo taken with fans and eventually we arrived at Red Bull's hospitality suite. I saw Emma straight away, sitting next to Antti at a table in the corner, she leapt up from her seat when she saw me and rushed over to me.
"Still alive then?" She grinned before throwing her arms around me, forcing Seb to let go of my hand. "Boy am I glad to see you!"
"Why? She's not here to work." Seb cut in before I had a chance to reply.
"Oh, I thought that you were back, like properly back." She replied, stepping back and looking to me for reassurance. We obviously had guests or something lined up then.
"Ignore him, yes I'm back." I nodded while shooting Seb a warning look. He gave me one right back and Emma was quick to notice.
"You are ok, aren't you? Only I'm getting the impression that there's something you're not telling me." She asked, looking worried.
"I'm fine really, he's just being over protective, aren't you Seb?" I took his hand and to my relief he smiled.
"You've been so sick, I just want you to be careful." He kissed my forehead.
"I'll take care of her, don't worry." Emma took my other hand. "Now can I steal her away from you and brief her on the day?"
"I guess so." He pouted and kissed my forehead once more and I looked at his sulky expression as Emma led me away.
"So..." She began as she took me through the back to a little office section. "....now I've got you on your own, you are fit to work, right? Only we've got big wigs from Total here today and we've got to accompany them on the grid and go to Parc Fermè if we get a podium."
"Yes, I'm fine." I replied, putting my hand on my stomach as it churned. After the weekend I'd had so far, not only were my boobs aching due to my hormones but my ribs and muscles ached from all the wretching and my throat felt a little sore, I really didn't want to be sick again, at least until tomorrow when it would all undoubtedly start again.
"Are you sure, you do look a bit peaky?" She asked again. I nodded, I needed today to take my mind off of how I was feeling. "Can I ask you something?" She suddenly asked. Oh god, she knows, she can spot it a mile off, I'll have to come clean.
"Sure." I plastered on a smile.
"What's happened with Seb and Christian? Only Antti's not very forthcoming with details."
"Oh...." I breathed out, she hadn't sussed. "Well if Antti can't tell you, then I can't either really." I was quite surprised that Antti was having to remain so tight lipped.
"I know they've had some kind of falling out, that much is obvious. Is Seb going to leave?" Her question took me by surprise but I managed to hide it and answered her cheerfully.
"Oh no, he's going no where."
"It's just that the atmosphere when they're both in the same space has been awful and I'm not the only one who's noticed it." She went on. I was going to have to tell her something.
"They disagreed over his behaviour with Bastiano, that's all. They'd didn't share the same opinions on what had happened." I replied, hoping that would be enough.
"Ok." She nodded, looking thoughtful. "It's just that with all these rumours going around and the two of them not getting on, it just made sense and I'm not daft enough to not realise that if Seb goes, you'll go too."
"He's under contract for another year, remember?" I pointed out.
"Yeah, yeah you're right." She nodded again, seeming satisfied with my answer, and then looked at her watch. "Right, our guests will be here soon. We're taking them around the garages when they arrive, then they're meeting the boys and having a few photos taken before they have lunch in the Paddock Club Lounge and after that they'll return to us when we'll take them out on to the grid."
"Where are they watching the race?" I rummaged in my bag for my face powder and bronzer, imagining that I'd need to put a little colour back into my cheeks.
"Seb's garage." She watched as I started to freshen up my makeup and apply a little bronzer. "It's so good to have you back, you know. I was so worried when you was in hospital."
"Well I'm back now." I smiled and pulled out my lip gloss from my bag, all of a sudden I was feeling better and brighter in myself and felt glad that I'd come back today. "Right, let's get this party started shall we?" I swiped some gloss to my lips, dropped it back into my bag and we headed for the door.
The day couldn't have gone much better. After an exciting race for the team came an even better result, a double podium. It wasn't a one-two win but second and third was still a nice shot in the arm for team morale and looked good in front of our guests who were from one of our main sponsors. Standing in Parc Fermè looking up and watching Seb and Daniel get their well deserved trophies had been a highlight of year so far for me, both professionally and personally and I'm sure I was one of the loudest cheering for Seb amongst his crew. His eyes meeting mine while the national anthems were being played, the knowing look we exchanged and the way he kissed his trophy and pointed at me were moments I'll never forget. I was so proud of this man, it was beyond words and I couldn't wait to see him as soon as he was done with his media commitments. Getting back to the garage the music was already on, loudly playing tracks from Seb's iPod and the champagne was flowing as if we'd won....ah, this could cause me a problem, because I can no longer drink alcohol. Outside there was several photographers and tv cameras and I busied myself talking to one of our guests for as long as I could so as to avoid having a glass or bottle thrust at me. After about twenty minutes the trophies began doing the rounds and I posed happily with Seb's and Dan's trophies, along with out guests. For them, todays podium was the end to a good day, the whole day had gone without hitch and I could see they'd enjoyed themselves. Even Christian was grinning from ear to ear and I hoped that today might start to repair the fractured relationship he had with Seb.
"Come on, you're the only one who's not had some." Emma thrust Seb's nearly empty champagne magnum into my hand and took the trophy to pass on to someone else. I looked at the bottle, I couldn't drink it and I knew I'd have to come up with some feasible excuse as to why I was turning down alcohol. "Come on!"
She urged. "You're the Red Bull Party Girl, you've got to have some!"
"Harper, can I just have a quick word?" I was saved by Christian and I nodded my head before turning to Emma.
"You can have my share." I gave her the bottle back. "I won't be long." I followed Christian through to Seb's cool down room at the back of the garage and he closed the door behind us.
"I just wanted to make sure you're ok after what happened back in Keynes." He stood with his hands in his pockets. "Only I've not seen you since."
"I'm ok, it soon passed." I replied. "I'm more concerned about your relationship with Seb, people have noticed the atmosphere between you two."
"Yeah...." He sighed. "Things have been difficult, I'm still kind of hurt that he told me the way he did. This team gave him his big break in the sport, we helped to make him a multiple world champion...."
"It was a heat of the moment thing, he never wanted to tell you the way he did. He wanted to do it properly." I needed him to know that Seb regretted how it had come out.
"He's making it official at the next race." He looked down to the floor. "I was hoping to maybe talk him round." He then looked up at me, was he hoping that I could help persuade Seb to stay?
"Is that what he's told you?" This was news to me.
"Yes, he told me this morning so I'm hoping to offer him a new deal before then to see if I can make him stay."
"You won't Christian. It's all signed and sealed and it's his dream to drive for Ferrari."
"Are you going to leave us too?" He asked. I couldn't lie to him, not about this, it just wouldn't be fair.
"I won't be staying on for next season." I replied quietly. "You can't tell Emma yet, I need to do that myself."
"Of course."
"Please, just try and make things right between you two, I'd hate for Seb to leave under a cloud." Seb had always had a great relationship with his team boss. This whole team had been built around him, he was the golden child, the man who'd always got what he wanted here, he was loved here and Christian had been almost like a father figure to him. I was desperate for Seb leave on good terms and with no bad feelings.
"I'll do my best." He nodded and opened the door for me and I stepped back out with him following behind me. When I got back into noise of the garage there was loud cheers coming from both sides as the the drivers returned. Seb grinned at me and was about to come over when he was engulfed in hugs from his pit crew. Christian was right, he was loved here. These guys were like his second family, after all he spent more time with them than he did his own family back home in Germany. Then he found himself face to face with Christian, the two of them looked at each for a moment before Christian spoke first and shook his hand. Whatever he'd said to Seb had some sort of effect as Seb smiled warmly at him and pulled Christian in for a hug. I felt an enormous sense of relief as I watched them embrace and then say something else to each other before embracing again. It was such a lovely scene that I couldn't help but shed a happy tear, now Seb could really enjoy the rest of his last season with Red Bull and I was proud of both men for putting their fall out to one side.
"Here! Come on, drink up!" Emma thrust the bottle into my hand once more. One sip wouldn't hurt would it? I looked at the bottle before raising it to my lips.
"No!" Seb shouted loud enough for the whole garage to hear. "What do you think you're doing?!" Emma looked at me, her eyes flickered down to my stomach and then back up again.
"Oh. My. God....." She said slowly.