It felt like eternity. This physical touch, which was beyond just being physical now. The time, the moment froze for both of them. The slight brush of his lips against hers made her grasp her breath and she in turn, tightened her hold on his. Her fingers clutching hard the collar of his shirt. His hands now on her waist to steady her, to bring her closer. Her touch spelt comfort, it was like home coming for him.
"I am so sorry, sweetheart..." he murmured, his lips never leaving hers.
Was it his apology or the emotions in his voice, that triggered the flow of tears. Drop by drop they rolled down her cheeks. The frustrations, the guilt, the loneliness of the all these months, the haunted memories, flowing down, and she couldn't control her sobs.
She sobbed against his lips.
Raman could feel her wet cheeks. His eyes closed as he gently kissed her. But he wouldn't stop. What a fool he was when he thought it was not easy. Yes, he had been a fool all these months. He was searching for relief, for peace while all the time he had been shunning the person who would give him these. Being with Ishita was relief, was peace. He should have done this earlier.... held her close and kissed her when he had found out about Adi.
He was not alone... She lost her son too. And she bore the shame, the guilt all alone.. without any complaints.
"I'm sorry Ishita...." he again murmured as the his tears mingled with hers.
It was not just a physical encounter. It was their souls finding each other, melting into the pain and finding comfort in each other.
She should break apart this kiss. Her mind screamed. But the illogical heart spelt otherwise. Yes, she needed him. He was her safe haven. All these months she had wanted this. To be held close and tight by him, so that she could cry her eyes out. Share with him her grief and in turn take his.
"Why now, Raman?" Her heart shouted. "Why you came so late? When this grief had almost become unbearable? Why do you always do this? Shun me every-time." She wanted to scream but the words didn't come out. They couldn't.
But today it seemed he could understand all that stayed unspoken all these months.
"I know Ishita, I am sorry...." Comforting words that were not spoken but his touch made her feel today. Yes, it made her feel wanted.
If not for the knock and the sniffling of the throat, they would have stayed like this forever.
The sudden sound breaking them apart.
Ishita, too consumed by her emotions, her back facing the door, couldn't look at the door right away. Her head rested on Raman's shoulder, as he gently held her and looked at the disturbance in their perfect moment.
The sight again fumed him up.
"You should have knocked first and then entered... and not the other way round." He snapped at the intruder.
"I am sorry... but I was told that you are with a patient. And I have something very important to discuss." It was Mr. Avdesh, speaking while looking at Ishita, completely ignoring Raman, which did not go well with him.
Before Raman could snap further at him, Ishita who had by this time, composed herself, freed herself from hug and walked towards Mr. Avdesh.
"Believe me Ishita, what I have to discuss is important." He clarified.
"Yes, Mr. Avdesh, please say..." she prompted.
"I just had a word with my manager. He said we can arrange for accommodation near the hospital. Not very far.... just 15 minute drive time from hospital.." Ishita tried to interject here, when he added... "The flat is well furnished, there'll be a cook, a caretaker and a car and driver at your disposal."
"Mr. Avdesh, Thank you for taking care of everything, but I still need some time to think..."
Raman gave him a smirked look, not missed by Mr. Avdesh.
"Yes, Yes....I completely understand..." but not wanting to loose a point against her so called husband, he added, " Ms. Ishita, think about it. It'll be a good move for you and your children. I know its not easy, to shift base to Jaipur... But I'll try and make things smooth for you...I am not pressurising you. Just give it a serious thought, Even then if you wish not to move, perfectly okay... As I said, we'll work out something here. I don't think so I would give up on you so easily. I cannot let you go without trying this time."
Avdesh spoke the last lines, with a lingering look, that Raman did not miss and could relate to, a look that confused Ishita.
"But I don't understand Mr. Avdesh. There are so many better qualified doctors... why do you insist so much?" She asked.
"There might be many but none like you... Think with an open mind, Ishita. You will get a staff of junior doctors to train, deal with accident and trauma cases, devote your time in research and the paediatric ward of the hospital is excellent. And now that I have found you, I am not going to let you go so easily. As I said I need to try and trying I am and try I will. I am not going to loose this time."
Hesitance still evident in her demeanour, Mr Avdesh gave his last shot, "Come on Ishita, go and see for yourself once. It'll help you decide."
"But Roshini...."
"Don't worry about Roshini. I'll arrange for a caretaker for her. I have well trained staff and nurses to deal with pregnant ladies. Their meals, medications, emergencies everything. I'll even provide for her security if that'll ease your kind." This last line he said with a look on Raman, as if he was a probable threat.
"No, Mr. Avdesh, I don't fear for her security. I mean who'll try to harm her. Yes, her caretaking is the only thing that concerns me. She is her last trimester. I just don't want to take any chances." Ishita highlighted her concerns.
"Then more so the need for urgency. No point in delaying. You can travel to Jaipur right away. I mean like now. I can arrange for a car and a driver..."
"No... not today.. i need to pack and all..." she clarified.
"Ok, tomorrow then..." he was adamant.
"Yes, tomorrow will be fine. I'll be back in a day or two and if we need to shift base, it'll happen by the end of this week. Can't take chances after that. And if possible, book a flight to jaipur. I can return day after."
"Yes, I'll arrange and send the tickets. And return when you say. There'll be pick up from Jaipur airport. Alright."
"Yes, that'll do." Ishita replied.
"Very well, I'll get back to you in some time with tickets and everything. And thanks Ishita. Thanks for agreeing." Mr. Avdesh said, as he shook her hand. "Thanks again."
And in a moment he left the room.
Ishita, saw him leave, walked to her table, picked up the file, and started flipping the papers, pretending to read them, her back towards Raman, completely ignoring him.
Raman who could not take this silence any longer, walked towards her, grabbed her by her shoulder, so that they were now standing face to face.
"So eager to leave Delhi... le leave me... everything behind. Moving to a new city. Running away again. What'll you achieve with all this?" His voice furious.
"I am not running away and eager I am, because This concerns Roshini. I can't take chances given her condition. And what'll I achieve? Tell me, what have I achieved all these years by staying here. Or even by returning here everytime. Nothing.... Absolutely nothing.... But today I am not thinking about anyone. I am just thinking about myself. It's a good career move for me. It'll help me grow professionally. The research I am not able to carry here, and papers that I submit as an independent authority will have the backing of a team. It helps Raman. It does. I'll not run this time. I'll tell inform everyone. Ruhi and Pihu... they too will have a choice. To move it with me, or stay here with you... when I shift.... when we...." the sentence remained unspoken, when he interjected.
"When we....." he repeated.
Ishita squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, yes she required a lot of courage to utter that word, to face his wrath... "I am speaking of divorce Raman. We Both need to move on. You, I.. from this hurt, this guilt. Let's settle for a amicable separation. No ugly fights, no custody battles. Ruhi is an adult, Pihu would have a choice. She can stay with either and the other one will get visitation rights."
It was like a thousand lightenings flashing for Raman. The one word, divorce, from her mouth, shattered him. His world stilled. Senses went numb. Separation... Custody....Visitation Rights... some incoherent words fell on his otherwise deaf ears. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. What would he?
Wasn't he the one responsible for all this?
To push her to her extremes that she was ready for divorce.
She who fought for him, even fought with him, when he wanted to take a divorce.
No Ishita, no.. his mind shouted while the voice was mute.
A gentle touch on his shoulder, her touch, brought him to his senses. He looked at her dumbstruck as she continued, "After a lot of thinking, after witnessing everything yesterday, I have arrived at this solution. Seems like this is the only way we have... We both need to move on. I, from your toxicity, and you from random relationships...."
"No Ishita, its not like that. Tanya...."
but Ishita cut him short, " No Raman, don't explain anything. I just don't need that now. I want you to move on. Don't look for casual relationships. Find someone who'll give you stability and security. No hook ups. Find someone worth your time and feelings. Act responsibly. Think about the impact this makes on our girls Raman. Ruhi is an adult, she understands everything and Pihu'll in few years. Be their role model Raman...."
Yes it needed a lot of courage.. not just to speak but even to think of him being with someone else. Random hook ups or any stable relationship. Either scenario would tear her apart. But it was the need of the hour. It was good for him. She would sail through it. How? She didn't know... but she would figure out. But today at this moment, for him, for their family, she had to stay strong.
"No Ishita, nothing happened last night. She was just to make you jealous, just to hurt you, to make you cry, the way I do every night, without you... I swear all these years, after you, there has never been another, not in my thoughts, not my deeds. I have never been with anyone except you. Never wish to be with anyone other than you. Believe me, pleaseeee..." he voice was almost pleading.
"It's okay Raman. I trust you. I know nothing happened. But for how long Raman? Yesterday it was her..." her voice almost choking, "... tomorrow it might be someone else. What if you get duped, or sedated.... and something happens..." she verbalised as she gulped the lump in her throat. "It won't do good to anyone. I want you to move on. And this divorce will help you, infact both of us to move on."
"No Ishita, no... I'll never agree for this divorce. Its not right. How can you be so selfish? Don't you have given a thought as to how it'll impact our girls? But you seem to be thinking all about yourself." Raman shouted angrily, Ishita's talk about divorce, irking his senses.
"Not right... just because you don't want it and I can't really get it why you don't want it?? For all these years, Raman it has always been what you want and what you think is right. Well, if its your way, its right... everything else is wrong. And yes, today I am being selfish. I am just thinking about myself. Because this concerns only me. Not you, not Ruhi and Pihu and not even Roshini. Yes, Roshini is my responsibility, which Aditya.... Just for him... but now I am tired Raman, with everything, with everyone's baggage. I love my kids, but I have realised my love for them will not lessen if I start thinking about myself too. My moving out will be good for them too." She replied in one go, not open for any further argument.
"Think with a cool mind Raman. Its the best solution."
"No Ishita, we can work upon our differences, just listen to me once. There is so much to confess. Last night...." he wanted to tell about Aditya when another knock cut him off.
It was her receptionist this time.
"Ma'am, its almost time for your next patient. They are here." She informed casually.
"Yes please do send them in."
She needed to stop this discussion. Another word from him and she knew she would relent, would agree for a talk. She needed to be strong. And so she needed this break, a distraction, that would send him off.
"Please Raman, my patients are waiting. I need to finish off my appointments today, get back home and plan for tomorrow. Please...." she almost pleaded.
Raman too overwhelmed with emotions and her claims, needed to think of ways to get back to her.
"Alright Ishita, I'll go as for now, but we don't need a divorce. We need to talk. I'll never agree to this."
Raman left, as Ishita readied herself for examining her patient, her mind constantly flickering between Raman's words and Mr. Avdesh's offer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That evening back home, Roshini took the news of Ishita going to Jaipur very cheerfully. "Off course you should consider it Ishimaa. Jaipur is a good place. I have heard about it a lot. All royalty and grace. I am so excited." She chimed.
"Well nothing is finalised, I am just going to see if I like it there." She corrected.
"Yes, but I am getting very positive vibes about all this. Something good is about to happen. Don't worry about me here, I'll be alright and take good care of myself." Roshini added when she saw concern in her Ishimaa's face.
"Are you sure?"
"See, the nurse is already here. You have been instructing her since then. And also the driver, the cook all are here. So everything is set here. And above all I'll also take care of myself. I promise... You just go... please Ishimaa.. relaxxx..."
"Ok! Ok!ok! I'll go and pack. I've an early morning flight. Meanwhile, you arrange for a cab to drive me to airport tomorrow. Call and make the arrangements. Okay."
"Ishimaa, you can take the driver and car which Mr. Avdesh left here. You can use it."
"No, that car is not for me but for your convenience and what if you too need the car at the same time. Arrange for the cab." Ishita explained, clearly not wanting to use it.
Roshini understood that any arguing further might make her cancel her plan. She wanted her to take a break from her routine. To spend a little time away from tensions here. It would be like a mini holiday for her... the much needed one. She dialled the cab driver's no as Ishita headed to her room to pack her stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next morning, 4:30am
Ishita had a last minute look at her stuff, a mini suitcase that enclosed her outfits for a day or two, and some toiletries and a handbag.
"Are you sure you have packed everything?" Roshini asked.
"I'm just going for a day or two. And its Jaipur. Everything necessary will be easily available. And you know, Its always better to travel light. You promise you'll take care..."
"Yes, Ishima... I promise." Roshini's answer cutting words in between.
"And..."
Again her sentence stopped in midway as Roshini continued,
"Yes, I'll call you if anything happens."
Ishita smiled, hugged her...as she picked up her bag and suitcase, sat in the waiting cab, all set for a new journey, a new life, a new beginning.
..........
Her cab hustled through the quiet lanes of Delhi. Something had been nagging in her mind since last night. Some instinct, a little restlessness... something is going to happen... this journey is not that simple. She put her juggling thoughts to a little rest, her head reclining on the window, as she closed her eyes, moving so that her cab drop her to the airport for her flight, unmindful of the car that had been following her cab.
..........
Raman's mind had become a battlefield right from the moment he had heard the word 'divorce' from Ishita'a mouth.
Was she really serious?
Something about her demeanour told him, yes she was.
But no he could not let this happen.
Not when he has realised his mistake, when he had understood the situation, understood her action and reaction.
He was sorry for all the hurt that he had caused her, had always caused her everytime something adverse happened in their lives, right from Ruhi's kidnapping to Ananya's death and now his own Adi.
He felt sorry for all the wrongs he had done. Wanting to make them right.
Was it really possible now?
His soul torn into two. One advised him to set her free. He can only harm her, hurt her. The other one advising otherwise, suggesting him to fight for her, to prove himself worthy of her.
On one thought, he considered setting her free. ..... 'Give her the divorce.
His mind visualising every prospect.
Let her have a fresh start to her life. Settle in a new place. Better prospects for her profession. Find someone else... like that Mr. Avdesh....'
And with the name is question, his heart flinched. To think of her being with someone else was one thing... but to see that someone else in flesh and blood, directing warm smiles, eyeing her lady love....
No, it was too much to bear...
Like someone twisting a knife slowly and slowly in his heart.
'I cannot not let you go without trying...
I'll fight for you...'
That is what Mr. Avdesh has said, as he remembered.
That is what he has never done..
Fight for her. Fight for her to stay in her life.
Blaming her, yes....
Accusing her... yes...
Throwing her out of his life... everytime....
But never for once, fight for her to stay. And that is what he needed to amend today. Fight for her to stay, for their happily ever after.
This time it'll not be for ruhi, or adi, or pihu, hell any family member, buy for each other.
Yes, he needed her all for himself. This time if they were to be together it would be for each other, as each other pillars of support, as each other's love interest.
And so he needed to be on his tracks, making plans for them to be together.
Well, it should start with an apology. But he knew his Jhansi ki Rani will never settle for a simple and straightforward sorry.
He loved that she was as feisty as he has been. She was her equal match.
And she wanted to start all over, so let it be her way. Start all over then.
Ohh! He could not just sit there and make plans all evening.
He was a man of action.
And he knew Ishita would be headed off for Jaipur next morning.
So another reason to get into action.
With all his heart and soul, he was on road to do one thing he had never done in their relationship.
Seriously, earnestly, desirously pursue her.
And pursue her he would. At all costs.
————————
Ishita seemed to be jolted out of her slumber as her took a visual tour of the surroundings.
"Have we reached?" She murmured, realising she was on her way to airport.
"No Ma'am. We are struck on the way. The cab broke down in the middle. Don't you worry I have already rung for help. It should arrive anytime." The cab driver replied, while standing outside her window.
"When did that happen? And how? Why didn't you wake me up?" She panicked.
"Just few minutes ago. Ma'am I called you, but you seemed to be in deep sleep. So i thought better not to disturb. The situation is perfectly under control." The cab driver tried to assure her.
"Damn it." Ishita proceeded to check the time.
6:00am.
By this time, she should've reached the airport for baggage clearance and other security check.
"I should be at the airport right now. My flight is at 8:00am. Do you know that?" She shouted.
"Yes ma'am, I know, but some problem with the car, I tried a lot, but then I called for help. My friend will reach here in few minutes with his cab, and you can go with him." The driver apologised earnestly.
That pacified Ishita for a while, thereby dropping the thought of calling Mr Avdesh for help.
"Ma'am the security guard on duty is my friend. He'll let you in. Be assured." The driver shouted from behind the bonnet.
Another 15 minuted waiting and Ishita seemed to lose her control.
She immediately came outside the cab shouting, "When will your car come?"
The driver's in some time look failed to assure her this time.
"Get my suitcase. I don't need your cab, and I am going to complain. You don't understand the situation. I'll miss my flight." She was super irritated.
The driver pleading and apologising profusely awoke the sympathetic sentiment, but she knew she was struck in the middle with no where to go.
It was pointless calling Mr Avdesh. May be she should wait and pray.
Seemed like she received an immediate response to her prayers, when she saw headlights of an approaching car.
She hurriedly stood in the middle of the road, waving for the car to stop.
The brakes made a screeching sound with sudden reaction, and the car jerked stopped an inch away from her, making her fall of the bonnet.
But she was quick to regain balance and promptly approached the driver, her voice adrift with desperation,
"Please help me reach the Airport. My cab broke down in the middle. I have flight at 8:00am and its already 6:30am. Please please..."
Seeing the helpless gaze of the driver, she realised she needs to speak to the person sitting behind driver's seat.
"Please Sir. Will you?" She pleaded.
That is when the person on the other hand, turned his head back, looking straight in her eyes,
"Like seriously???"