"This body will never be safe from harm
Still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal
Touch my skin to keep me whole"
Dear Jeff,
Sometimes I wish I could tell you a lie. I don't miss you. And maybe I don't need you anymore. But the truth is that everything I say it's a lie. God, I miss you. I love you. I need you.
I just wonder if somehow you know that now.
The house is awake at night when the silence keeps hunting me like a little innocent prey and sometimes, I swear, I can almost hear your voice calling me by my name. Saying "baby are you alright?".
No, I am not.
But how could I? If I lost you.
At the middle of the night this empty bed makes me cold and sick to my bones. Since you are not here I can't feel safe anymore.... When I close my eyes I just pray to the Gods above me I can get the chance to see you one more time in my dreams far away from here and this painful reality I live in. I always hated this city but without you by my side there is no way in this world I can paint this black and white night, driving around the places we used to see. I remember you laughing. The way it echoed through the silence of the night. The way you used to smile and talk. And sing. I miss your voice... I miss your presence, Jeff.
Yesterday I heard our favorite song by The Smiths and there was a sweet irony in the lyrics. "Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me". Well, last night I dreamt you were still loving me, just to wake up again lonely with the feeling of another false (and sad) alarm.
Closing my eyes I can almost feel your touch against my skin. Your gentle touch always so soft and loving. But this body will never be safe if you are not here to touch my skin to keep me whole...
I miss you Jeff.
I think I will always miss you... Until the end of times.
'"If only you'd come back to me
If you laid at my side
Wouldn't need no mojo pin
To keep me satisfied"