Look I drew Alana and it didn't get shredded in the process due to my temper ^^
This entire week has felt like one long Monday.
I get to bed on time and I'm still exhausted.
And school just makes everything worse. Allow me to explain.
A while back, I did a chapter on expectations. Well, my whole 'expectations' problem has gotten worse. So I need to rant a while.
Before we start, let's get something straight. I get all A's. All the time. I'm in the Gifted and Talented program. Overall, despite my idiotic moments, I'm pretty smart. But everything I say here doesn't mean I'm calling anyone dumb. I'm just being honest and nobody should be offended by anything in here.
On with the show
My teachers think I'm perfect.
Okay, once upon a time in kindergarten through 5th grade, the classes in my school were divided by academic level, to make learning way easier for a while. And honestly, that's what kept me from meeting a lot of people in my grade. It was always this group of smart, nerdy kids I was with. Then sixth grade comes.
That wasn't too bad- really- because I still had Gifted and Talented English. But even the GAT program was sketchy- they lowered the testing standards. It used to be in this state test, you had to get a 98%+ to get in. Now it was 95%+. Which meant more students would be joining. It used to just be me, another girl, and a boy in there. Just us. Now the class was getting way bigger.
Now, back to the normal classes. Yeah. Now we weren't grouped based on academic level. I got my first taste of the people who don't do their work, who are disruptive and obnoxious, people with different standards than my own. I met a lot of new people in sixth grade.
Seventh was the worst. They took away GAT English, so we only had gifted reading class. Now I took English with everyone else, too.
We learned things from my fourth grade GAT English classes. And we still do.
So I'm ahead in English. There's one teacher who thinks I can do no wrong. I'm in a class with those who don't do their work, so we spend ages on the simplest topics. I'm wasting my time there, I'm not learning crap.
Now to algebra, the source of evil in middle school.
Okay, algebra is a freshman subject, but I (and some others) skipped seventh grade math, so we're a year ahead. And my teacher is awful at teaching. Everyone else agrees. Simple as that.
I've had to ask for help on my homework lately.
I never do that, guys, ever.
It happened once last year, for pre-algebra, because the problem was literally impossible- the answer was 'no solution', and I only needed help because we hadn't gone over the fact that there could be a no solution answer yet.
So I self-teach myself, and am somehow the best in the class, I have a higher score than the high schoolers! (99.36% in the class). Now this teacher thinks she's doing a good job. -_-
To science!
This teacher needs to teach preschool. We color in our journals and tape and glue and holy crap it's so dumb. And she's not the best teacher either.
Let's not even get started on American history because I'm the one who remembered about the William Penn dude because of Dragon Booster
But anyways: my teachers think I'm great. I couldn't even talk about art, I really don't like art anymore, because everyone expects me to be incredible at it. To be the best.
No pressure, huh?
But that's what I've begun to need- to be not the best, but perfect. I'm already the best at a lot of my classes. But I feel like I can't be satisfied until I'm perfect.
Same goes for softball.
I'm expected to be a prodigy player, who could play in college. (Which I don't plan on doing.)
How the Hades did they get this idea?!?!?! Seriously! Do I just have the worst luck in the world?!
The same even goes for my friends!
Oh, Cyan's good at algebra, she must be the only one we can ask for homework help even late at night when we know she has her own stuff going on
I just hate school. And I'm starting to dislike softball. Add that to my anxiety and depression and I'm just the perfect role model, yeah?
At least, that's what I see. Everyone else sees the nerdy artist with all A's and many, many cats.
It just ticks me off, I don't connect with people, you know?
I mean (and I try not to talk about stuff like this, but I gotta throw it in here) the one guy I've ever really liked- like, since third grade when we were put in the gifted class together- doesn't like me. Not even close.
I know it's way too early to be dating, but it doesn't feel good :D
But every day I have a million thoughts and emotions going through my head. And I'm always angry at something or another. Like, I'd make an excellent firebender, I'm so ticked off all the time
I haven't even touched this next chapter of The New Shane, I haven't had time. I'll go see if I can work on that
Cyan out!