My reputation returned by the end of the day. People don't mess with me. I've decided to not wear the makeup anymore, and just wear my normal clothes.
I'm in the garage in black spandex and a white sports bra when the garage door opens and Ryan, Lucy, and Carter walk in.
I stop hitting. "Why are you guys here?" I ask.
"Who's bike?" Carter asks.
"Mine." I mutter.
"Is all this yours?" Ryan asks.
"Yes."
"Awesome." He says.
"Why are you guys here?" I repeat.
"Well..." Lucy sighs. "We were thinking of going to Los Angeles to the mall."
How the fuck can she hang out with them. They're holding hands.
"Are you two dating?" I ask.
They look at me like I'm stupid. "Um...we are meant to be." Lucy says. "You two aren't dating?"
"No." I say.
"Why?" Lucy asks.
"Because she doesn't like me." Carter says, admiring my bike.
"What?" Lucy asks. "You don't like him?"
I start hitting the punching bag again. They all watch me in silence.
"Are you coming or not?
"Fine. Let me shower."
"You're not taking your death contraption." Lucy says.
"Yes I am." I reply. I walk into the house and go upstairs. I take a shower and dress in white shorts and a red loose tank top. I put my hair up in a ponytail and I put on white vans and I roll on deodorant and I go downstairs.
I explain to my parents that I'm gong out.
"Is Carter going?" Mom asks.
"Yes. Why?"
"Nothing." She smiles.
_______
I'm in a really good mood because I rode my bike. Lucy ran off with Ryan and me and Carter are at the food court because we hit every store we wanted to go to.
"Can I ask you something?" I mumble. If we're supposed to fall in love...I just want some answers.
"Okay." He says.
"Which me is more attractive?"
"Both." He says.
"Which one do you favor?" I ask.
"Both."
I take a deep, annoyed breath.
"There isn't one you like a bit more? I want to know." I look into his eyes and he closes his mouth and stares back.
"I like this one." He says. "I like the real you."
"Okay." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and we fall back into an awkward silence.
"Why do you hate me?" He blurts.
I look at him and sigh loudly. "Does it matter?"
"Yes. It matters to me. It matters a lot."
I'm quiet for a long time, deciding whether or not I want to answer him.
"I just...my parents don't like the real me. I was really out of control. When I did what I did to that girl, they were going to threaten to send me off to military school. I faked being a nerd. That's why I faked it. I dislike you because you have everything I want."
He's quiet for a very long time. "So you're jealous?"
"I was." I say. "But now I have what I want, so I am not that jealous anymore."
He nods slowly. "I uh...we um...we're supposed to fall in love. I feel like that's never going to happen."
"Me too." I mutter, crossing my arms.
He sighs. "This is so fucking awkward."
"Have you ever kissed someone?"
"Yes."
"Are you a virgin?"
"Yes. Have you ever kissed someone?"
"Yes."
"Are you a virgin?"
"Yes."
I'm quiet for a long time and he studies me, trying to figure out what I'm thinking.
"I mean...love is a strong word. I feel like I'm never going to get to use it to you..." I hesitate. "When you kissed her, did you make out with her?"
He nods.
"Did you grope?"
He nods again.
"Same." I mumble. "I am asking because...we know what a kisses feels like. It just feels like...your lips are touching. Right?"
He nods.
"It feels almost uncomfortable. When you make out...it doesn't feel like...it feels like your missing a dead person."
He nods.
"So...if we're supposed to fall in love...why don't we..." I take a sip of my mint milkshake. "Why don't we kiss?"
He quirks an eyebrow at me. "You want to kiss so we can see if it feels different?"
I shrug. He frowns.
"What if it doesn't?"
I shrug again. "Then we're going to have a problem."
I move so I am sitting next to him.
"Here? You want our first kiss to be here?"
"It's just a kiss. I honestly think it's going to feel the same. Don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then just kiss me."
He stares into my eyes for a long time, and it's like they're reaching into my soul. Slowly, he starts leaning closer.
"Hey guys!" Lucy says happily. He shuts his eyes and sighs quietly.
Really Lucy? Really?
"Did I just interrupt a moment?" She asks.
"Yes." I grumble. I finish off my milkshake.
I wanted to kiss him!
Wait, I did?
Yes. I wanted to because I may hate him, but he's the person in supposed to marry.
He's the father of my children...
I blink two times at the thought.
Wow. That's intense.
"Well it's going to rain." She says. "In a half hour it's supposed to hit. Let's get home before, yes?"
We all nod and head off.
I get on my bike and Lucy gets on the back and then Ryan gets on the back of Carter's bike. I rev the engine before taking off.
_______
Right when we pull into my garage, it starts to sprinkle.
"I'm heading home before it gets bad." Lucy hugs me goodbye and her and Ryan leave.
Mom comes into the garage.
"You kids have fun?"
"Yes." I smile. "We're going upstairs."
"Okay..." She shoots me a 'I know he's the one but stay a virgin!' look.
I roll my eyes and go in the side door. Carter follows me upstairs to my room. Is shut the door.
He looks around, liking it. The walls are a bluish green. My bed is a king and it's got a black comforter on it. The floor is hardwood and I have a TV on the wall and an egg chair and it's just awesome. I have my desk which doesn't have any school stuff on it, but instead it has my desktop computer. My laptop is in a tub under my bed, my dresser is cluttered in shit, but other than that, it's nice. My closet isn't a walk in and I don't have a bathroom in my room but I like my bedroom.
"It's very..." He frowns. "You. Or at least I think it is. I don't really know you all the well."
I plop down on my bed and lay back against the pillows. He sits next to me.
"I'll tell you what." I say. "If the kiss feels different from a normal kiss, I will tell you anything you want to know."
"Deal." He says. "No lying." He adds.
"No lying." I confirm.
The kiss isn't going to feel different. I just know it. I sit up, and he slowly starts to lean forward. I lean forward too, and he closes the space between us.
His lips brush mine and I gasp, jerking away, startled. His eyes are huge.
"What the fuck." I whisper. "How the hell did that happen?"
"I don't...know." He touches his lips. My fingers are on my lips, and we're both stunned into silence.
Right when his lips brushed mine, heat spread through my whole body. My body wants more, and I look at his lips.
They look so soft...
I lean forward and kiss him again. The feeling happens again. He kisses my back, and the heat starts to turn into tingles.
Holy shit, he's a really good kisser. I pull away and force myself to stop.
He's watching me. "Well it seems, Cinnamon, that the kiss does not feel the same." He says. "And quite frankly, I want to keep kissing you, so good job for pulling away. As of the questions, I plan on asking a lot."
I sigh. "Fine." I mutter, messing with my tank top.
"How long have you known Lucy?"
"Birth."
"Her parents are friends with your parents?"
"Yes."
"Are you close with Kyle?"
"Not really...I mean...we can talk to each other but we're not all that close."
"How old are you?"
"I will be eighteen in three weeks."
"I am eighteen." He says. "My birthday is November twentieth." I nod.
"March eighth."
"What is your favorite color?"
I arch my eyebrows. "Is that even relevant?"
"It is to me. I want to know everything. You said-"
"I know what I said." I snap. "It's this." I show him my phone case, the same color as the ring and the sweater I wore the day I met him, which was yesterday.
He nods slowly. "I like aquamarine." He says.
I nod, not possibly caring.
He keeps asking me random irrelevant questions, and then he finally leaves at eight fifty.
_______________
I'm so fucking tired because brilliant me decided to stay awake until three in the morning last night.
I take a shower and brush my hair and it's just a bad hair day. I put it up in a messy bun, not giving a shit that I look horrible.
This is my day to wear my gray sweater. I put on black leans, gray vans, and then my gray sweater that I tried to wear the day I met Carter.
I love it because it says:
Reasons I don't look good today:
1. I don't care
2. I have no one to impress
3. I'm really lazy
I brush my teeth and roll on deodorant, grab my bag and go trudging downstairs. It's raining outside.
"Are you going to eat?" Mom asks.
I shake my head, rubbing my eyes. "Bye." I mumble, walking out the front door. I'm walking today. I head in the rain down the sidewalk, my phone clutched in my hand. When I walk into the school, everyone stares at me. Carter is taking with Lucy and Ryan. The halls get silent and I stop walking. "I'm in a bad mood, motherfuckers! Keep going about your business! For fucks sake!" I snap.
Everyone immediately goes back to what they were doing. I go storming down the hall, not saying hi to Lucy or Carter or Ryan. I go to my locker and open it viciously.
"What crawled in your cereal and died this morning?" Carter asks. Lucy gives me a hug.
"My fucking alarm clock." I mutter.
"What time did you go to bed last night?" he asks.
"Does it fucking matter?"
He raises his eyebrows and puts his hands up in defense.
"God." He mutters. "I'm googling if my heart is wrong."
He shakes his head and goes storming off. Ryan hesitates, and then follows him. Lucy, Carter, and Ryan are probably the only people in this school that aren't afraid of talking to me.
"You're not being very nice." she says.
"I don't give two fucks."
"He's the one. There's not way around it."
"I'm never going to love him." I mutter. "It's not going to happen. Would you just drop it?"
She purses her lips. "Fine, I'll drop it, but I'm leaving you with a warning. You're strong, but you are not strong enough to win a war with fate. Nobody is." She's making no attempt to be quiet. Everyone is gaping at her like she's a fucking idiot. "Stop trying to make him hate you." She snaps. "It's never going to work. You two are inevitably going to fall in love. Get the fuck over it." Her voice is rising slightly, and Carter and Ryan down the hall can hear it. "Now why don't you stop being a bitch and actually try to care?"
I suck my tongue against the roof of my mouth so much that it hurts. I would hit her, but she's like my sister. She's the only person in this school that I'll never hit, unless she hits me first...or if we're joking around.
"You don't know what your talking about." I snap.
"I think you know I'm right. I think everyone knows I'm fucking right."
With that, she turns away, making sure her hair hits me in the face, and her nude colored heels against the tile are the only sound as she walks off to first period without a glance over her shoulder.
I stare after her until I realize everyone is staring at me, shocked. I snap out of it.
"Move on!" I snap. Everyone does. I get anything I might need and then slam my locker closed.
I go storming off to first period.
______________
I'm seriously considering skipping. Mom and Dad aren't home anyways and Kyle is at school. He's in sophomore year but he never walks with me.
I give in and go to fourth period. I sit down at my seat in the back and some girl walks in and fucking sits next to me.
No bitch.
"I love your sweater." She smiles. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Have a bad day, wear no makeup, have your hair up in a messy bun and still look good doing it?"
I roll my eyes. "I just..." I shrug. "I don't know. I didn't think I looked good."
"You always look good."
"Thanks..."