For as long as I could remember I had been just one of hundreds of kids stuck in the foster system. Unlike most of the kids i had met, I didn't remember anything other than being in care. My parents had died when I was young and I didn't even remember them. What I did remember was the numerous foster homes and the families I had lived with. Unfortunately I had been one of the victims of the system and I had a run of bad luck that meant none of the placements ever worked out. I learnt from an early age to be wary of everyone and to look out for myself. I had grown up too quick and had to be self sufficient and a fighter. The homes i had been placed in had not been good homes. Although, there had been one, once. The majority of homes came with alcoholic moms who needed the foster money, abusive dad's who took pleasure in backhanding a child and in reveling in their power and children that took delight in tormenting foster kids. There had been one placement that had given me hope. Lizzie had been awesome. She had genuinely cared and had wanted to adopt me. She had been beautiful and smart and funny. And for a few months I had really thought that I had found an actual home and someone who cared about me. That hadn't lasted long though. I was happy for the first time in forever and was even doing better at school. And then I'd been called to the principles office and it had all fallen down around me. Lizzie had been in an accident they said. Even then I still had hope. A little bit of time to recover and we could be back to that happy state. And then they broke all my hopes and dreams when they told me Lizzie hadn't made it. I was numb and couldn't take it all in. I was alone again and now I didn't even have hope to keep me going. I was 12 years old and I had another 6 years before I could escape the system. I just had to keep my head down and make it through and not let myself get too attached.
I was taken to another foster home. This one had more kids and I suppose they thought I would prefer it to have other kids around I didn't. There were 4 of us in all. Alice was about the same age as me and was quiet, always walking around with her head bent and acting like she didn't exist. Kim was the oldest at 17 and she was loud and brash and always getting in to trouble though nobody seemed to care. Then there was Theo. He was 15 and was handsome to look at. He had the bad boy vibe going on and was always dressed in jeans and a black top. But it was his eyes that stood out. They were mesmerising and i couldn't help but stare at them. Theo didn't seem to like me much and he hadn't spoken more than a few words to me since i had been there. From the outside it seemed to be a nice home but i could feel the atmosphere and the wariness that suggested something else. Kim was forever acting out and nobody said a word, it made me wonder just what she was acting out against. Alice continued to walk around the house like a wraith and it disturbed Becca to see someone acting like a ghost. The mom appeared happy and caring on the outside but other times she was so quiet and withdrawn and a shadow of her former self. It was only a couple of weeks before the truth started to show. It started with an accidental brush of fingers to my ass as i walked by and then a deliberate grope and then came the lewd comments when i was alone. The dad was the worst one in that house and i realised that he was the lowest of the low, the kind that got fixated on the young girls and maybe even did more. I started to feel uncomfortable in the house and started to see Alice and Kim's behaviour in a different light. I was genuinely afraid to be alone with him and I had nobody to turn to. I would lie in bed at night and cry myself to sleep at night thinking of Lizzie and wishing that she was here with me even as I flinched at the slightest sound, afraid that tonight he would come for me. It was when I was going to the bathroom one night that I heard a noise coming from Alice's room. The door was slightly ajar and through it I could see Alice laid prone in her bed with glazed eyes while the dad laid on top of her. His grunts filled the silence and I could only stare wide eyed while revulsion swept through me. Then abruptly the dad turned his head and saw me. He didn't stop. Instead he focused on me with those glittering eyes as he continued. I felt sick to my stomach and I didn't know what to do. Did I wake the mom up? Did I call the police? What did I do? Before I could decide another door nearby opened and Kim stepped out. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the bathroom. "Keep your mouth shut," were her parting words. I didn't know what to say. Surely she couldn't be serious. She turned to walk away and the dad appeared behind her. He offered a smile that didn't reach his cold eyes and a finger stroked her cheek. When the eyes lifted to me again I swallowed nervously and stepped back in to the bathroom. Closing the door firmly I made sure the lock was in place before collapsing next to the toilet and throwing up. Afterwards I could only sit on the bathroom floor and stare in to space. What the hell was I meant to do? I was disgusted, both with what I had witnessed and with myself for not doing anything. He'd abused Alice and I had just stood there and watched it happen. I wasn't sure how long I sat there with my arms wrapped around myself while I shivered with the memory and the disgust that swept through me. I only stirred when a knock sounded at the door and I gasped as my eyes went wide. Oh god, he was here for me. He was going to hurt me.
"Hurry up in there," said a voice and I breathed a sigh of relief as I recognised Theo. Stumbling to my feet I wrapped my arms around myself and unlocked the door. Theo frowned as I cautiously stepped past him and when I would have walked by he suddenly grasped my wrist to stall me. I couldn't help the involuntary flinch.
"What happened?" He demanded and I shook my head indicating that I didn't want to talk about it. My golden blonde hair slipped down to cover my face and I felt Theo's gentle touch as he tucked it behind my ear.
"What's wrong?" He asked more gently and I'm not sure whether I would have told him, but at that moment the dad stepped out of his room and his gaze fell on the two of us. Automatically I snatched my arm back as though I was doing something wrong and I crossed my arms across my stomach as though that would somehow protect me. Theo followed my gaze and his eyes narrowed upon the dad even as I stumbled away from him.
"Night," I said softly as I practically ran back to my room. I closed the door firmly behind me and leaned heavily against it. I had suffered some awful homes before and suffered abuse at many hands but I didn't remember ever feeling this afraid. I didn't move for the rest of the night but nobody tried to come in and I must have dozed off eventually for I awoke suddenly to the sounds of the house coming alive and realised I had a crick in my neck from where I'd been laid funny.
It didn't take me long to dress and I made sure I was fully covered up with a pair of jeans and a turtleneck. I headed downstairs and was about to head straight out when I was grabbed and shoved in to the empty living room. I turned to find Alice stood there with an angry look on her face. Guilt assailed me as memories slipped in but I was shocked when Alice poked me in the chest with her finger. This was the most animated I had seen her since I had been here.
"Don't you fucking way a word," she spat at me and I stared at her in shock. Was she serious?
"But what he's doing is wrong," I hissed and she glared at me and poked me again, so hard that I was sure it would leave a bruise.
"It's none of your damn business so keep your nose out and your mouth shut."
With that Alice turned and stormed off and I could only stare after her in confusion. Why didn't she want me to say something? Surely she must want rescuing. I just didn't know what to do. I turned to leave and gave a startled squeak as I bumped in to the dad. I abruptly moved back and tried to hide the fear in my eyes.
"Sleep well sweetheart?" He asked and I fought the shiver of revulsion.
"I slept fine," I said softly. My skin was crawling just being around him and I was scared to move.
"You look tired," he said taking a step closer. I took a step back and found the wall at my back preventing any further movement away from him.
"I'm fine," I repeated. He took another step closer and I had nowhere to go.
"Maybe you need someone to comfort you," he suggested and I felt sick to my stomach again. Was he suggesting what I thought he was? I was saved from answering by the sudden appearance of Theo and I couldn't help my relief from showing.
"We have that early class to get to," he reminded me. I didn't remember an early class but I was grateful all the same. The dad didn't move as I slowly stepped around him and his eyes remained on me the entire time. I didn't breathe again until I'd left the house behind and was halfway down the street with Theo silently walking next to me.
I thought maybe Theo would say something. Ask me what was wrong again or maybe offer some advice or comfort. I was disappointed when instead he stayed silent beside me until we reached school and then disappeared without even a goodbye. I immersed myself in schoolwork all day and tried to forget what I had seen but I couldn't. I was living in a house of lies and nobody seemed to care that the dad was abusing the kids. Surely the mom must know? And yet nobody was doing anything to stop it. I was sure it would be just a matter of time before it was my turn.
I dreaded going back to the house and instead went to the library in an effort to avoid going home. I couldn't stay there forever though and eventually they kicked me out. When I got home the mom was furiously ranting and seemed angry that I hadn't been home on time. She said she had made dinner and even though I said I wasn't hungry she still made me sit down for it. I could only pick at the meal and though I forced some down under her watchful eye, I disposed of the rest in my backpack when she wasn't looking. She seemed calmer after I had eaten and insisted i get a shower and go to bed as I looked tired. She was right, I was exhausted and suddenly a wave of tiredness hit me hard. I didn't want to go to bed, was scared to. Yet I could barely keep my eyes open. A quick shower and a change in to my pyjamas and I had no choice but to go to bed or collapse from exhaustion. I took the time to push a bookcase in front of the door and though it took longer than it should have, i felt safer after. I fell asleep almost immediately.
I wasn't sure what woke me but my eyes drifted open and my brain struggled to make sense of things. It felt like I was wading my way through treacle in order to form any thoughts at all. When I became aware of a presence on my bed and heavy breathing I couldn't even summon fear. It was like my brain wasn't registering it at all and I could only watch in detachment as a hand groped my breast. I was dimly aware of pain as he squeezed hard enough to bruise but I couldn't speak.
"Good girl, you like that don't you?" He rasped in my ear and I couldn't say a word.
The covers were pushed down until they displayed my teenage figure in my long pyjamas and I saw his eyes light up as he surveyed me. Yet despite the cold numbness that had me in its grip, I was starting to feel something. First it was just a bit of revulsion then fear but finally anger kicked in. My brain started to make sense again and the fog began to lift.
"You want this," he said as his fingers fondled my waistband.
"NO!" I shouted but it wasn't very loud and my throat felt raw. I tried to push him away from me but my hands weren't completely obeying me and all I managed to do was give a gentle shove that didn't deter him.
"Fucking behave yourself," he growled. Then the dad leaned closer and grabbed my chin as he tried to force me to kiss him. I struggled but to no avail. I bit down hard and felt warm liquid fill my mouth as he yanked away with a hiss of pain.
"Fucking Bitch!" He hissed and I tried to cry out when he slammed his fist in to the side of my head so hard that I saw stars. I tried to fight him off but I couldn't and it wasn't long before he had me subdued with one hand clamped firmly over my mouth and his body pinning me to the bed. His fingers scraped along my stomach and I clenched my eyes tightly shut as a tear leaked out. He was going to rape me and there Was nothing I could do about it.
Then suddenly the weight lifted off me and I opened my eyes to find Theo stood there with the dad laid out on the floor. Relief swept through me and then horror as the dad climbed back to his feet and punched Theo. Though he fought back the dad was stronger and I could only watch in dismay as Theo got a beating and as I saw blood pour from his nose an anger like nothing I had ever known swept through me. I staggered to my feet and somehow managed to slam my lamp down on the dad's head before collapsing beside his now unconscious body. The noise was loud but I didn't care. I lay on my floor unable to move and was grateful when Theo moved closer to cradle me to his chest. That was how the Mom found us. Me cradled in Theo's lap and her husband out cold on the floor.
I jerked awake abruptly and only just made it to the bathroom before I was violently sick. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stared in to my reflection that looked paler than normal. It had been a long time since I had dreamed about that time of my life and I wasn't sure why I was dreaming about it now. I thought I had mostly blocked the memory out. Especially what had come after, the accusations of the dad and the ignorance of the mother. Nobody had believed me and nobody had cared. Who the hell ever believed the foster kid over the seemingly nice foster parents who had opened up their homes to us troublemakers? Theo had been arrested and the mom had insisted that she didn't want a liar like me living there so I had been moved too. It wasn't a loss to be moved away from that horrible place but I could see the jealous streak in her eyes that told me she knew what her husband had tried to do and she wanted rid of me because she was jealous. It was a completely fucked up situation and I wanted no part of it. I'd been glad to go but had been terrified of what would happen to my saviour.
Leaning my head back against the cool tiles of the bathroom I let out a long suffering sigh. I hated when the dreams came. They used to come all the time and I used to have flashbacks to that man and every time I would wake up with fear filling me completely. I'd thought I was past all that but even now at the age of 25 I could feel the emotions filling me again. It felt like a horrible premonition and I struggled to shrug it off.
A shower helped somewhat and I felt almost human again by the time I stepped out. There were lingering feelings but they weren't as strong. I took care to blow dry my long golden blonde hair and applied my makeup with a steady hand. It took only moments to dress and I observed myself in the mirror sceptically. I didn't look that bad, and though nobody would accuse me of being beautiful I was vain enough to admit that I was attractive. I had a slim frame, though I could stand to lose a few pounds, with an ass that was slightly too big and breasts that were slightly too mall. My breasts were enhanced tonight by the push up bra and low cut black shirt I wore. It was paired with a tiny pair of black shorts that barely covered my ass and the look was completed with some knee high boots that were comfier than they looked. It was the usual outfit I wore to my job tending bar at the local bar. It wasn't the most taxing job in the world but it kept a roof over my head and kept me busy.
I left my flat and took a leisurely walk towards work. It was the tail end of a gorgeous summer day and I tilted my head up to the sun with my eyes closed as I enjoyed the last rays of sunshine. The warm sun seemed to help chase away the lingering effects of the dream and I could almost forget it and push it to the back of my mind once again. Almost. The walk to work was refreshing and the fresh air pushed the cobwebs away and helped me to focus my mind. I lived in a small town where the neighbours were friendly and outsiders were frowned upon. Based in the middle of nowhere we didn't get many visitors and it was one of the reasons I had chosen it. When people moved here it was usually to escape their past and make a new life for themselves. This place believed in second chances and though it had taken me the best part of two years, the locals finally seemed to have accepted me.
The bar was packed when I arrived and the evening was busy. There were two of us working the bar and me and Luke worked side by side ensuring the drinks were served and the night ran smoothly. I let my mind focus only on the task at hand and before I knew it the shift was already winding down. It might seem like my life was boring and headed nowhere but that was how I wanted it, I was done with drama and feeling like I was running. I wanted a simple life, and yeah maybe sometimes it could be a bit repetitive but that only gave me chance to decide what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe, I would take a class and choose a more challenging career, or maybe I would settle down and have a family. A touch of guilt assailed me at that and I pushed it down as I instead focused on clearing up. Luke had to leave early and I said I was fine closing up, it wasn't like I hadn't done it before. The task didn't take long and soon I was locking up. It was dark out and I suppressed a shiver. I hadn't been a fan of the dark in a long time and it made me feel slightly uneasy, especially with nobody out at this time. Three AM in a small town usually meant that most people were safely tucked up in bed. I began the short walk home and was immersed in my own thoughts when the sound of an engine raised my attention. My head lifted with a frown and next thing I knew a car was headed right for me. It jumped the curb and my eyes widened in alarm as I realised the car was aiming for me. I tried to jump out the way and managed to miss the brunt of the car though I still felt myself bounce off it and my head cracked off the pavement as I fell. Pain immediately bloomed and I forced my suddenly heavy eyes open long enough to see the car do a turn. My final thought was that this was going to be the moment I would die and I couldn't even summon enough energy to fight for life. Then my eyes drifted shut and I sank in to the darkness that consumed me.