"Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence." Hal Borland
----
Chapter IV – Persistence
Shea wasn't lying. He was making it no secret that I was the subject of his attention.
Every guy in school had stopped staring at me and I knew that Shea had something to do with it. I received no more curious looks, no more lustful gazes, not even a side glance. The only guy who looked at me was Shea.
I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to accept it. I wanted to leap into his arms and do something entirely inappropriate for a school hallway. But still, every fibre of my being, well, at least the sensible, coherent fibres were keeping me from doing that.
I shouldn't feel this way about Shea. He shouldn't excite me the way he did. He shouldn't suck me in the way he was. It was like I was in his orbit, he was a black hole and it was only so long before I disappeared inside him.
That thought frightened me. Disappearing inside of a relationship just seemed insane to the logical part of my brain. Especially since I had only met him the day before. This connection I felt was unnatural.
And I really had no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to my mom about it. She would probably freak out and call Shea's mom to tell him to leave me alone. I couldn't talk to Cece. Shea was her brother after all. Aside from that, there weren't really any people that I even knew in Providence, let alone people I could confide in.
Cece was just as nice as ever, though. We quietly chatted through Spanish about normal, teenager things. It turned out there was a football game on Friday night. Cece and her friends were on the cheerleading squad. After the game there was a party at the Eckhart's. I recalled the name from the scoreboard donation mention but hadn't made the connection that it had been Zoey Eckhart. Apparently, they were one of the richest families in town, and owned a ridiculous mansion on the beach, perfect for parties. Zoey's parents were always out of town anyway.
"Would Zoey even want me there?" I asked, concerned. Zoey was still glaring daggers at me. She had made a point to hang out near my locker this morning for the purpose of wishing me dead with her eyes.
Cece rolled her eyes. "Zoey will get over it," she assured me. "She's had a thing for my brother for years, but Shea was never serious about her."
I frowned. I mean, Zoey wasn't exactly the nicest person that I'd encountered but she didn't deserve to be treated like crap by Shea.
It got me thinking. Was this how it happened? Did he reel girls in with his good looks and charm, screw them, screw them over, and then move onto the next new face that wanders into his circle?
Would I be like Zoey in a few months, or even weeks?
Thinking about the possibility of Shea's dishonesty physically hurt. Considering that he didn't really like me, that he only wanted me for one thing, it felt like ... betrayal.
Betrayal! I was in way too deep.
"Do you want to hang out after school today?" Cece asked in the midst of my internal panic. "A bunch of us are going to go down the beach. I think Shea is coming," she hinted.
Oddly, that didn't encourage me. "Can't, sorry," I apologised. "I have my trial shift at Sally's after school."
"Oh, right. Shea mentioned something about that. You'll love Sally. She's so sweet. She's been really good to us." Cece didn't elaborate as Señora Gomez began to set the homework.
I made it to lunch without running into Shea in the hallways again. But of course, I couldn't avoid him in the cafeteria. Cece hadn't waited for me today. She was already at their table, sitting on Jamie's lap, and eating what looked like carbonara.
I looked for Shea, but I couldn't see him sitting with his friends. Zoey was there, glaring at me like usual. I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. Relief that I wouldn't be feeling any overwhelming emotion, and disappointment for exactly the same reason.
"Looking for me?"
I jumped. I hadn't realised that he had been waiting near the cafeteria door. I looked up at Shea and stopped breathing. Was it possible for him to be even more good looking than this morning? His hair was damp, as though he had showered after Gym. He had styled it away from his face, leaving every gorgeous inch of it on show.
What was even more embarrassing was that Shea knew exactly how he affected me. He knew I had a big old crush on him.
"No, Cece," I lied. "She's over there." I pointed to their table.
Shea grinned, seeing through my farce. "How's your day been so far?" He led me over to the food line. He grabbed a tray for me and then a tray for himself.
Every event from the day so far suddenly left my head. I was blank. "I have Spanish homework," I replied, remembering something incredibly dull.
"Sounds interesting," he joked, nodding along.
No matter how confused Shea made me feel, the one thing he didn't make me feel was embarrassed for my gaffe the night before. He was genuinely interested in me, me, for some unknown reason.
"Now listen, I know you have plans this weekend, but does that include Friday night?"
We were both served a plate of carbonara for lunch. Shea paid for us both.
Would this be about the football game? I suddenly got the urge to ask him about Zoey, but I held my tongue. "Why?" was all I said.
"There's a football game on this Friday night. We're playing Newtown High –"
"Do you play?" I suddenly asked. Of course, he had to. He was built like a tank. Footballers looked like him, didn't they?
Shea chuckled nervously. "Uh, no. I don't play. But I like the sport. And there's a party after, at Zoey's. You should come. I'll introduce you to a few people."
We stood at the end of the lunch line with our trays as I stared up at him. Emotions crossed his face quite quickly, almost too quick for me to determine what they were.
He'll introduce me to a few people? I wasn't sure what I didn't like about that invitation, but it reminded me of a damn pimp searching for clients.
"Zoey won't want me there," I replied, instantly cursing myself. I should have just said I was busy.
"She'll be fine," Shea insisted. "Zoey's just being dramatic. I'll get her to be nicer. She'll do whatever I tell her to do."
I was taken aback by that. Did he seriously just say that? I wasn't Zoey's number one fan, but he was really treating her like crap. No matter how Shea made me feel, I couldn't excuse a guy that behaved disrespectfully.
"I can't go," I said firmly, staring up at him with all the confidence I could muster. "And you are the one who ought to be nicer to Zoey. I've heard it from a couple of people now. You don't treat her very nicely and she obviously has feelings for you. You can't tell her what to do any more than you can tell me what to do." With that, I turned on my heel and took my lunch outside into the sunshine.
Shea wisely didn't follow me.
And he wisely didn't try to speak to me for the rest of the day.
I managed to make it to the final bell having a reasonably normal time. I felt empowered, as though I had done the right thing. I wasn't going to allow myself to forget the things I cared about, or the values that I held deep in my heart, for a cute guy.
I expected to be treated a certain way. No amount of flattery would change my mind.
I drove to Sally's straight after school. I was excited to be working, to be earning my own money. I really hoped that Sally liked me enough to keep me on, and not just as a favour to Shea.
As soon as I walked in the diner, Sally greeted me with a warm smile. She beckoned me behind the counter and brought me into the back room with her. It was a small store room that housed metal shelving containing coffee and non-perishables that didn't need refrigeration. There were two hooks behind the door. One held a dark leather purse, and the other, a small blue uniform on a hanger. She had already made me a nametag!
"You can leave your things in here, Sara. I'll give you a moment to get changed and then I'll show you around the diner and let you know how things work."
Sally left me. I quickly stripped off my jeans and t-shirt and slipped into the blue dress. I buttoned the buttons and straightened my nametag. I hoped Sally didn't mind that I was wearing Converse sneakers with her uniform. I would have to find a store to buy some practical work shoes.
My shoes from my restaurant days were in a box somewhere.
I left the store room and looked over the diner from behind the counter. There was a mixture of different sized tables with an eclectic collection of chairs. There were two groups in the diner enjoying coffee, and Sally was serving one of them.
She looked delightful and friendly as she stood there chatting with her coffee pot in hand. Once finished, she made her way back to the counter to meet me.
"Okay, so welcome to Sally's." She laughed, clapping her hands together. "I bought this diner with my husband twenty years ago. It's my baby, and I like to treat my customers like family. I will expect the same from you."
I nodded obediently.
Sally showed me how to work the coffee machine, the cash register, and then showed me where everything I might need or be asked for was stored.
After my tour, she sighed, and said, "Gosh, you look so like your mother."
"Did you know her?" I realised if Sally's had been here for twenty years, she would have crossed over with my mom's time in Providence.
Sally nodded. "Oh, yes. She was a frequent visitor in my early days. Lived on coffee that girl, helped her get through her studies." I noticed that she didn't speak of my mother in the tender way that Cherie and Glenda had the day before at school. She had a tone, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
Had my mom been rude? Maybe she was cranky while studying?
"Did you know my dad, too?" I asked curiously.
I didn't know much about my dad. Only that he died when I was two, and that he had been a few years older than my mom. Truthfully, I didn't even know what he looked like. Mom never displayed pictures of him, and I wasn't even sure if she had any. She never spoke about him, and I didn't want to upset her by asking.
I could make informed guesses. I mean, if I had lived here until I was two, he had to have lived here as well. Maybe I could find out some more about him now that we were here.
"No, I didn't," was all Sally said in reply.
Oh, there went that plan.
"Your first customer. Grab the pot and go and take the order," Sally encouraged, directing me towards the tables.
When I registered who had walked in and taken a seat at one of the empty tables, I frowned. What was Zoey doing here? Cece gave me the impression that they were all going to the beach after school.
Nonetheless, I walked over with the coffee pot, turned over one of the cups on her table, and filled it.
Zoey was very intimidatingly beautiful. She gave off the impression that she knew she was attractive, as well. Her blonde hair was perfectly highlighted, makeup was effortlessly applied to her well-proportioned face, and she had changed into clothes that looked designer.
"Can I get you anything?" I asked politely.
Zoey looked at me grimly, as though she was in pain. It was ... weird.
"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch," she apologised forcefully. "You're welcome to come to my party on Friday night."
She didn't sound sincere at all.
I dropped down into the seat opposite her. "Did Shea put you up to this, Zoey?" I asked quietly.
Her blue eyes narrowed. "You don't get it, do you?" she snapped. "You've won. Claim your prize. He's yours for the taking!" she exclaimed.
No, I didn't get it. Zoey did not seem like the person to just do as she was told. So why would she do what Shea told her to do? And why would she put up with Shea treating her like crap?
I needed to open my mouth. "Why do you let Shea treat you like this, Zoey? Don't you think you deserve better?"
Zoey laughed. "Don't pass judgement over something you clearly know nothing about," she retorted. "Shea and I were never serious, that doesn't mean I don't get to be pissed when he finds his –" She stopped herself and rethought her sentence.
"Finds his what?" I pressed.
Zoey glared at me. "Come to the party or don't, I don't care. But you're stupid if you deny your feelings for Shea. Everyone knows already." She hurriedly pulled some cash out of her wallet and left it on the table next to her untouched coffee.
As soon as Zoey had left the diner, Sally flitted over and collected the bill she had left behind. "Eighty per cent tip. Well done, Sara," she commented cheerfully. "Nice girl, that Zoey. Good family."
Well, I wouldn't exactly label Zoey nice, but she had certainly given me food for thought. Had I misunderstood the situation?
I mean, it was 2019, after all. Girls could enjoy casual relationships, too. Maybe I had been a bit quick to judge. Maybe the only issue was Zoey was jealous of me. Maybe, in his own weirdly worded way, Shea was only trying to do the right thing.
I found my thoughts drifting to Shea throughout my shift. There were still so many question marks there. I really didn't know him that well, after all. But I couldn't dismiss him altogether based on my own ill-informed presumptions. He deserved a chance.
The girly, giddy, pathetic part of me was suddenly ecstatic that I had given in.
When I took a quick bathroom break, I took my phone in with me. I put the seat down on the toilet and sat on top of it, opening my Facebook app and clicking on my conversation with Shea from the previous night.
I finish at 7, I typed. Will you meet me at the diner then?
Almost instantly his reply popped up on my screen. I rolled my eyes.
It's a date ;)
I was a mixture of nerves and excitement as the minutes of my shift ticked away. The work wasn't hard, and it was nice getting to know my customers. Almost all of them recognised me as Amanda Bryant's daughter. I didn't ask anyone again if they knew my dad. I realised that my mom was bound to come into the diner and meet these people around town and I didn't want it getting back to her that I was asking questions about him.
Sally paid me for my shift at seven and then gave me my share of tips.
"Now, I did tell you I wouldn't have many hours," she started seriously. For a moment I thought she was firing me. "But you seem very popular with my customers. They haven't tipped this well in a long time!" she remarked. "How about we start with six hours a week, two after school shifts? Six seventy-five an hour plus your tips?" she proposed.
Hours were hours. "Yes, thanks so much, Sally. I'm so grateful for you giving me a chance." I accepted my pay and left the diner, telling Sally that I would see her after school on Thursday.
No sooner had I crossed the threshold, I noticed Shea leaning against my Jeep. I nearly coughed up my tongue.
He had changed after school. Perhaps a better word to use would be undressed after school. He stood there only in a pair of board shorts. His large, toned arms were folded across his taut chest, giving me full view of his sculpted, tanned abs. He didn't look real. Only men on the covers of my mom's romance novels looked like him.
I felt my cheeks blushing, much to my humiliation. And to make things worse, he seemed to be enjoying my reaction.
When I regained a little composure I managed to snipe, "You know, steroids are bad for your health. The make things ... small." Why did I say that? It only made me feel more embarrassed.
Shea burst out laughing. "Well, lucky for me hard work and a good metabolism keeps me in shape. As to the other issue, well, you can check to see if everything's alright, if you want."
I knew he was teasing me. I slapped his arm as I unlocked my Jeep to put my things inside. God, he was firm.
"Zoey came by," I murmured.
"Was she nice?" he asked.
"In her own way," I replied. "She was really cryptic about you. There are things that I'm not so sure about, things that seem strange to me. But Zoey told me not to pass judgement over something that I know nothing about. And she's right. I have been judging. All I know for sure is that something is going on here that I can't describe."
Shea smiled, warmly this time. "I hope things will make sense for you in time. But for now, if it helps, something is going on for me as well. You're in my head, Sara. I'd like to know you better, if that's okay." He sounded so sincere, like he really cared.
Maybe he was just as confused about me, too. It was a comfort to know I wasn't the only one going insane.
"Do you want to walk down the beach?" he asked hopefully.
"Is everybody else still down there?" Truthfully, I was too shy to parade myself around with Shea so soon after meeting him. And after Zoey's dig about everyone already knowing, it made it all the more embarrassing.
"No, it will be just us," Shea replied, shaking his head.
I nodded. "Sure." Shea didn't offer me his hand, which I was glad about. It was too soon, too new. Instead, we walked side by side.
Shea matched his pace with mine. My legs were much shorter than his, and so I knew he would be able to march on ahead, but I was grateful for this small gesture. We crossed the main street and walked down onto the beach. As soon as I hit sand, I stopped to take off my Converses. Shea immediately took them from me and carried them for me.
"Are you a gentleman?"
"Just trying to impress you," he replied honestly, grinning.
I kept my eyes on the sand in front of me. If I let my eyes wander, I knew they would find his taut chest and I didn't need a second round of embarrassment. I had had enough for today.
"Tell me about New York," Shea began as we walked. "What was your life like there?"
"I didn't live in the city," I replied. "We lived upstate in the suburbs. But we would venture down into Manhattan frequently for weekends away. If there was a new show opening, or I got a good grade, my mom liked to take me into the city. Even if it was just for a sundae at Serendipity." I smiled nostalgically. I would miss the rhythm of the city. The noise to most was distracting and annoying. To me, the city just felt alive. So many people going so many places. New York City reminded me of most airport departure terminals. I hoped we would still visit, even though we were farther away now.
"I'd love to go," Shea commented. "I've never left Providence. This town is the only place I know."
"You should," I encouraged. "Maybe it could be a graduation gift from your parents next year?"
Shea's face softened. "I won't be leaving town any time soon," he said quietly.
"Not even for college?" I frowned.
He shook his head. "Not even for college. I might take some classes locally, but I can't leave."
"Why?" I demanded to know, then quickly realised my tone sounded forceful. "Sorry, it's none of my business."
"No, no, it's okay," he assured me. He sighed. "My dad died," he said bluntly. "Really unexpectedly. He had a heart attack three years ago surfing with Cece and me. We got him to the hospital as quickly as we could but there was nothing they could do. He was gone."
I felt goose bumps cover my body. Oh my God, that was absolutely awful! What a thing for a young brother and sister to go through! "Oh, Shea, I'm so sorry," I said tenderly.
"Thanks." He smiled down at me sadly. "I'm okay, but I'm not. When people say they had the greatest dad, they never met mine. My dad was a good, strong man, who did anything and everything for his family. He loved Cece and me fiercely, and we weren't prepared to be without him. Cece and I have learned to cope. Mom hasn't. She barely functions. She won't ever get over it."
That was so sad. The way he talked about his father was so admirable. Shea respected and loved his father deeply. But his mother? To still be so unreachable after three years?
"Mom needs me to take care of her. Cece needs me. I can't leave her alone with Mom if I go off to college. Cece has Jamie, thankfully, but I still can't leave her in that house alone during her senior year. Besides, I have to run the ... family business."
Shea wasn't talking like the cheeky, teasing eighteen-year-old he was at school. He was a young man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. What burdens he had at such a young age? To have so few options?
"Has your mom thought about seeing a therapist?" I asked quietly.
"Nobody can help her. The only thing that could would be to have my dad back and that's impossible," Shea said, defeated.
I wish I knew what to say. I knew what it was like to be without a dad, but I suppose I was fortunate in never having to grieve for him.
"I think you were very lucky to have such a wonderful father, even if you were only allowed such a short amount of time with him." I hoped my words could offer him comfort. It hurt my heart to know that he had experienced, and was still experiencing, a level of pain I did not understand.
"I know, I was," he agreed. "What about your dad?" he asked, turning the conversation back onto me. "You've mentioned your mom but not your dad."
"Oh, well, my dad passed away, too," I confessed. Shea had a look of shock and sympathy about him. "A long time ago. I don't remember him. I was actually born in Providence. My parents met here, got married young, had me. But he died in a car accident when I was two. I suppose my mom didn't want to be here anymore, so we packed up and left for New York. And now it's fifteen years later."
We had been walking for a while, so long that we had now come to the pier that harboured the dozen or so boats belonging to Providence residents. Shea made the move to sit down in the sand by the pier and I sat next to him.
The sand was warm from the sun. I buried my toes in it.
"What was it like?" Shea asked. "Growing up without your dad."
I pondered the notion for a moment. "I suppose I don't know any different," I replied honestly. "It's always just been Mom and me. I think I noticed that I didn't have something that other kids had on Father's Day. Mom would always try to distract me, but I didn't have anyone to make a card for. I often wonder what it would have been like to have a dad around. I often wonder what my dad was like. I know nothing about him." That was what happened when you had a mother who never spoke about him and a daughter who was too worried about stepping on eggshells to ask.
"Your mom never talks about him?" Shea asked in disbelief.
I shook my head. "Never. I mean, she doesn't have any pictures. She doesn't talk about him. I think, maybe like with your mom, it's too hard for her. Maybe this is how she's learned to cope."
Shea didn't say anything for a minute. He just looked ahead at the ocean. The tide was coming in and was almost touching our toes. We would need to move soon.
"These types of behaviours don't make sense to me. But then, I don't know what I would do if I ever lost my soulmate," Shea finally said. "Maybe I would be the same way." He turned his head to look down at me. His eyes looked almost hazel in the sunset, and I could see the honest truth in them.
I wasn't sure I believed in soulmates, but that definition could almost certainly be a possibility for the feelings I was experiencing. "I think we need to learn from our parents and endeavour not to repeat their mistakes," I offered quietly.
"That's a good way of putting it." Shea smiled slightly. "Come on, I better get you home." Shea jumped up to his feel and then helped me to mine. His large hand enveloped mine, and I was reluctant to let it go. "I enjoyed our date," Shea said, without letting go of my hand.
"That was a date, was it?" I asked vulnerably.
Shea leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek, lingering for a moment. I felt my pulse quicken as I held my breath. "Doesn't it feel like one?" he whispered. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. I shivered.
Oh, yes it did.
Shea walked me back to my car and opened my door for me. I climbed into the driver's seat and Shea leant on the door. "Can I have your phone number?" he asked hopefully.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to him. "Put your number in and I'll text you, so you have mine, too."
He smiled devilishly. "Or maybe I'll text myself, so you don't chicken out."
"Hey!" I snapped.
Shea laughed as he typed in his phone number. I could see by the screen that he had indeed gone and texted himself. "Can I call you later?"
What would my mom say if she knew a boy, a senior boy, was calling me late at night? Would she put a stop to it? Would she make me stop whatever this was? I felt like I was too far in to stop.
"I'll call you," I decided. It would be safe to call once Mom had gone to bed.
"Do you promise?"
I offered him my pinkie finger. "Pinkie swear." I smiled as he linked his finger with mine.
Shea then closed my door and let me pull out of the parking space. I noticed my car was the only one parked for a while. Looking at the clock on the dash I could see it was nearly eight-thirty, so the majority of businesses were shut. I wondered if Shea lived near me, near enough to walk home.
As I drove, I thought about what Shea would be going home to. I felt so sorry for his mom. To still be in such a deep depression after the loss of her husband was devastating. What was even worse was that Shea felt it was up to him to hold up the rafters of his home. It was his responsibility to look after his mom, as well as Cece. He couldn't go away to college because he felt that his home couldn't function without him. And by the sounds of it, he was right.
How was that fair?
One thing I knew for sure, Shea had honour. He respected and loved his family more than himself.
Zoey was right. I shuddered at that thought. I was too quick to judge Shea.
I was looking forward to our phone call.
---
Hope you're enjoying thus far!!
I'm about to head out but couldn't resist giving you the next part.
I'll post again in the morning!!
Vote and comment xxx