You stood, staring at the closed door in front of you, shifting the small bag hanging from your shoulder uneasily. You gulped, heart slightly racing as you held your hand up to knock, frozen in midair due to frayed nerves and second thoughts.
There was no giant monster chasing you this time. No unspeakable horror rattling the floorboards as you ran blindly in the dark. You weren't in danger, well, at least not yet. Even so, for some odd reason, you couldn't shake the sinking feeling pooling in your stomach. You supposed it was because, as Black Hat's employee, you took your job very seriously. You had a new task at hand, directly ordered by your gruesome and malevolent boss himself, and you were determined to do it well.
It surprised you very much when you had woken up on the morning of that fateful day, lying tucked in your bed with not the faintest clue as to how you got there. Last you remembered, you had stumbled into Black Hat's room, ranted about sheep and indigestion, then fallen asleep on his floor. The whole event was extremely embarrassing, and you had made very important plans to completely push it from your mind and forget about it completely. Unfortunately, when you had sat up in your bed that morning, you happened to find an envelope perched neatly on your bedside table. You wouldn't call it an invitation, even if you had wanted to flatter yourself. It was more like an order, a command, a task. One could even go so far as to perhaps call it a thinly veiled threat.
Then again, when dealing with Black Hat, everything was a threat, veiled or not.
The letter was made of stiff parchment, crisp and official, complete with a red wax stamp carrying Black Hat's logo. You opened it reverently, hands slightly shaking from anticipation and a smidge of fear. The words were in black ink, long swooping letters giving the message a regal and important urgency to it. The intensity your boss constantly gave off seemed to have leaked from his quill into his penmanship.
It read as follows.
Dearest Blundering Dolt,
I know you have the long-term memory of a goldfish, but I am sure you remember the course of events that occurred last night. I have heavily deliberated your offer to come and visit me, and I have come to a verdict.
Whenever you find free time in your miserable, insignificant little life, you are allowed to accompany me in my bedroom at night. I rest assured that you will successfully abate my "boredom" you spoke so heavily on, and I hope you will not disappoint.
For my sake, and yours.
Your Fetchingly Charming Superior,
Black Hat
The aforementioned letter you had received was now located in the very bottom drawer of your dresser, safely secured in a wooden box. Ahem, not that it was very important to you, getting a handwritten letter from your boss, asking for you to visit him at night. No, not interesting or exciting or exhilarating at all. Deciding to treasure it forever and never let it go had nothing to do with your feelings towards Black Hat. Ha, of course not.
You were just a very, very avid fan of stationary.
You wretched your thoughts out of the past and into the present moment, shaking your head slightly as you gathered your courage to knock on Black Hat's door. With your other hand, you checked your pocket watch for the time. The gold little trinket glistened in the faint light, dutifully letting you know by its spindly clock hands that it was five past one in the morning. It was as good a time as any to visit, you thought to yourself. You were being silly, childish even. Just knock. He had requested you come, so here you were. It was nothing more, nothing less. Knock and get it over with. You took a deep breath and moved your hand to do just that.
"Will you ever knock, or am I going to have to wait another ten minutes as you stand outside my door before your two brain cells finally rub together, allowing you to perform a complete action?" came a gruff, annoyed voice from the bedroom, distinct and unmistakably your ill-intended, dastardly boss, Black Hat.
You fumbled, losing your wits in one fatal swoop as you felt your face heat up. At the present moment, you were thoroughly debating whether being eaten by Little Jack was a better fate than this.
Clearing your throat with whatever sense of prestige and dignity you could muster, you knocked lightly on his door.
A loud sigh could be heard from the other side.
"Come in."
The door creaked in an obnoxiously loud manner as you entered slowly, awkwardly stepping inside as you rubbed the back of your neck.
"Ah, how did you know I was waiting outside?" you asked meekly, shuffling your feet as you gave the eldritch horror sitting in front of you at his desk a lopsided, uneasy smile.
"You've seen me shape-shift into unimaginable images of horror, bend the laws of physics and the natural order, and tear literal gashes through the very fabric of reality, yet you ask me how I knew you were loitering in front of my bedroom entrance. Is that correct?" he questioned with a tone of exasperation, shifting in his chair to get a better view of your slumped figure.
This was starting out just superbly, you thought to yourself bitterly.
"Ahem, yes," you stated in the most matter-of-fact voice you could muster, "Yes, that is my question, sir."
"I'm a being of immeasurable power; of course I could sense you standing there."
"Really? I was kinda wondering more about the specifics as to how you realized I was there. Like, uh, do you have super-hearing or maybe an all-seeing eye you hide under the hat? Whoa, could you smell me or someth-"
"I saw your shoes pacing around from under the crack in the doorframe, and you aren't as quiet as you think you are. I heard you mutter something about stationary. Remind me not to assign you to any stealth missions," Black Hat admitted with an air of defeat, already second-guessing his choice of allowing you to come visit him.
"Oh, oh that's cool..." you replied with an awkward laugh, "I'm really glad it wasn't the smelling thing I was talking about. Don't tell anyone, but I forgot deodorant this morning."
Black Had responded with a blank stare.
You contemplated whistling for Little Jack.
"Let me restart. I'm sorry; I really wanted to make a good entrance," you said softly, adjusting the bag at your side and fixing your posture, smoothing down the wrinkles of your clothes.
"I saw your letter, and I just want to let you know that I won't disappoint you in my performance. It's an honor to keep you company, and I promise to make sure you aren't bored for the rest of the night," you confessed sincerely, meaning every word with the purest of sentiments.
"Do you realize that when you put it like that you sound like a very eager prostitute?" asked Black Hat from his seat, deadpan.
"Wait... This isn't that, right?" you replied in horror, taking a few steps back and mentally recounting every step and choice in your life that led to this unfortunate meeting with your boss.
"No, of course this isn't that you absolute moron," he almost shouted, finally losing his cool as he stood up and pointed to a corner of the room, the lights flickering ominously due to his anger. "Just sit there and be quiet for a few moments, won't you?"
"Roger that," you replied meekly, quickly shuffling to the area he had pointed to, plopping down on the floor with an audible, defeated thump.
You watched as Black Hat grumbled, straightening out his tie and taking a deep breath before gracefully sitting back down, foot tapping lightly under his desk as he gave you a sideways glance before resuming whatever paperwork he had previously been attending to.
You took this time to regroup yourself. Everything was going downhill rather fast, you quickly determined after thinking back on the last five minutes of interaction with your boss. If you had learned anything from your time here at the Black Hat Organization, it was that to come prepared was essential in any task you wished to succeed in. Well, that, and to never touch one of Demencia's teen magazines. You shivered as a most unsatisfactory flashback played in your mind. Never again.
Luckily for you, you had stocked up on the information and tools you needed to make this night a success. Using the intel you found in the self-help book you read, titled How to Act Like You Know What's Going On, Even Though You Don't Know Shit, (a lengthy title, yes, but critics highly praised it) you realized that at this moment the best thing to do was to break the tension in the air and start some small talk. This would give the appearance that you were totally unfazed by what had just occurred. You needed to ooze confidence, secrete dominance, and sweat maturity if you were to impress your boss. You decided on picking something that would transition best from what you both had previously been talking about. Something you could incorporate from your discussion a few moments ago. Something that would sound natural, smooth. You thought back on what that might be.
"So..." you began, plastering a cocky smirk on your face that you had seen on a magazine cover promising to help people further their assertive body language, ready to lay waste to Black Hat's less-than-satisfactory impression of you through deep, philosophical conversation.
"Prostitutes... am I right?"
"If you are trying to start a discussion with me about prostitutes, I'm going to have to light you on fire," Black Hat responded, not even looking up from his paperwork.
"Prostitutes? No, no, I ah, I didn't say that. I said... prostates!"
"I'm not talking to you about prostates, either. And don't ever exclaim 'prostates' in my presence ever again."
"Ah... yes... of course... Would you like to hear about the evil thing I did today, then?" you asked softly, grasping for straws and hoping, begging that this would finally catch his fancy.
Black Hat inhaled deeply, shifting in his chair to face you, leaning forward to catch your eyes as he rested his chin in his palm. He stared at you with a detached sort of expression, but there was a faint glimmer of interest in his menacing eye. A sort of fondness, even, if you dared to go that far. He radiated malice, coldness, danger everywhere he went, but he always seemed to soften, if only a little, for you.
He would disagree, of course. He had neither the time nor the capacity to feel any sort of silly fondness for someone other than himself. He was simply humoring you because the way you floundered like a fish in front of him was amusing. He only invited you because yes, he'd admit, the nights were growing rather long and rather dull, and he didn't mind having someone to threat and embarrass when the sun went down.
"Fine, please do tell what nefarious deed you did today. I'm on the very edge of my seat," he replied in his gravely, grating voice, words dripping with sarcasm and also, a bit alarmingly, green drool.
You perked up instantly, jumping at the chance to impress Mr. Black Hat, the man, or more accurately, the monster you had pledged your allegiance to.
"Well," you started, peering up at him excitedly from your place on the floor, "if you didn't know, Dr. Flug had the audacity to eat the last slice of pizza yesterday evening, around 6:30 if my memory is correct. I had explicitly told him that that pizza, was in fact, my property since I called dibs on it way before his cruddy bag-face ever laid sight on it. So, today, I exacted my revenge in the most gruesome, heart-wrenching way I thought possible."
You stopped for a beat, gauging his reaction. You were surprised to see that Black Hat was listening attentively, leaning forward even more as he tilted his head in a contemplative gesture, absently flickering his tongue in interest.
"An act forged in the kiln of vengeance... I'm intrigued. Continue," he prompted you gruffly, eyes narrowing with a twisted sort of glee.
Emboldened, you sprung to your feet, knowing full-well that Black Hat had a flair for the dramatic and that he appreciated liveliness and showmanship in even the most mundane of tasks, whether that be selling illegal arms to millions or simply recalling the events of the day.
You raised your voice, adding a sort of rushed urgency and confidence in your speech, pairing this with hand movements to accentuate certain parts of your story.
"So, to exact my revenge, this morning I snuck into the kitchen before everyone woke up. Now, being the very astute and observant person that I am, I had come to notice in the last few weeks that my said target, Dr. Flug, has a certain weakness. Every morning, he goes to the mixed nuts container, and he grabs a handful for breakfast. After much research, I came to the conclusion that Dr. Flug most favors, thus most enjoys, the cashews from the mixed nuts container. So, while he thought he was safe in bed, not a care in the world, I ate every single cashew in that god-forsaken mixed nuts container. Each and every one."
"Mr. Black Hat, sir. Please, ask me what was the worst part of my actions, if you would," you stated grievously, voice heavy and solemn.
"What was the worst part?" Black Hat complied, giving you a rather odd expression as he steepled his fingers together, deep in thought.
"I don't even like cashews."
You both exchanged a reverent sort of silence, a certain look that surpassed words.
"An hour later," you continued with the story, "Dr. Flug walked into the kitchen. I had already hidden any evidence of my actions prior, and I sat comfortably at the kitchen table. I watched as Dr. Flug searched for fifteen whole minutes for one, solely one, cashew in that container. His actions were in vain, of course, but I stayed silent. At one point, he had dumped everything on the counter, cursing and muttering under his breath for that cashew. By the end of it, I think he cried. He came and asked me about it, and I told him Demencia did it. Later today I learned that she kicked his ass because he confronted her about it."
"Ah, so that's why he was whining about a dislocated arm socket earlier..." Black Hat mused, leaning back in his chair in heavy contemplation.
He closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing your story and recalling each step. He opened his eyes and stared straight at you.
"Hm, I have a few notes, but overall, you did a... commendable job on causing misery towards our dear doctor. I would have, of course, done a much better job, but we all start somewhere. I enjoyed the subtlety in it, the gentle way you went about it by picking something mundane, something Flug never even thought to protect... Blaming it on Demencia and turning your fellow employees against each other was another stroke of artistic flair I can appreciate," he stated, business-like and curt.
He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether to say what was on the tip of his ancient tongue.
"...Well done."
You reached for his hand without even thinking, squeezing it lightly as you leaned forward and beamed.
"Wait, you really think so?" you tried to say cooly, failing miserably as your voice raised in pitch.
Black Hat noted how cute you looked when you were excited. He noted how warm your hand was, how soft it felt curled around his own colder, calloused one. He took into account the way your nose scrunched and eyes crinkled when you were happy. He methodically stored this moment in his wicked, twisted brain.
Then he pulled his hand away from yours and shooed you back, grumbling about tearing you from limb to limb or something of that sort.
"Yes, yes, shut up now or I'll take it back, you grimy street urchin," he scoffed, wiping his hands together, as if you had filthied them.
You sat back down at your corner, unfazed by this actions and still content with his words. You really couldn't help but continue smiling, glad you had one at least one small victory during the turmoil of the night.
Currently, Black Hat was deliberating whether he wanted to slap that same smile straight off of your face, or whether he wanted to preserve it until the end of time. It was quite the troubling predicament, to say the least.
You, realizing that you had the upper hand at the moment due to the good mood he was currently in, decide to seize the moment for all it was worth and try another tactic to keep him occupied.
"Would you like to play Uno, maybe?" you asked hopefully, pulling out the heavily worn (or as you'd like to call it, heavily loved) deck of multicolored cards from your little bag in your corner of the room.
"Uno? I've never heard of it," he replied lazily, still gazing at your expression before giving the cards a once-over, "Is this game from this century, or the last?"
"Pretty sure it came out within the century, sir," you stated politely, slightly freaked out at the way he saw time. Imagine, counting by centuries instead of years.
"You've really never heard of Uno, though?" you prodded.
"I have no time to keep up with all these fanciful new parlor games you overrated monkeys have come up with throughout the years. I'm a very busy businessman," he responded, almost defensively, pulling at his gloves and letting out a small huff.
"It's Uno, though. You gotta know it. It's a card game. You match the numbers or colors in the stack? Ya know, Uno. It means 'one' in Spanish, to-"
"I know what it means in Spanish, you dolt," Black Hat exclaimed with a hiss, snatching the pack of cards roughly out of your hands, causing them to spontaneously combust in his grasp, his amiable mood doing a 180 as he suddenly lost his patience.
You both stared as the ashes of your dearly-departed deck of Uno cards fluttered out of his hand and all around the room, dissipating as if they were never there to begin with.
"I- I was just making sure you knew..." you responded quietly, sullenly, sending up a silent prayer that your beloved cards might rest in peace.
"I was a Spanish conquistador who went on many, many conquests during a time you only remember from history books. I've been a part of the Mexican cartel for longer than you've been tying your damn shoes. I've started an uncountable number of revolts and wars in too many Latin countries to even name, and I've been speaking the language since it was bloody invented. But, you, you ask me if I know what 'uno' means."
"Ha, yes, well... I took both Spanish I and Spanish II in high school so, who's really the most qualified one here?" you responded jokingly, giving the manifestation of pure evil who just threw a fit and destroyed your favorite card game a wink and a thumbs up.
Black Hat calmly stood up from his chair, brushed off his pants, and walked urgently towards you, grabbing you from under the arms and lifting you up like he was simply fetching the mail.
"Hey- hey now, what are you doing?" you asked nervously, afraid maybe you had pushed the metaphorical envelope too far. The literal one was still tucked away in your dresser, of course.
"I'm throwing you out. Well, I haven't decided on either throwing you out of my room or out the window, but I've always been known to make up my mind rather quickly," Black Hat hissed, grin literally splitting his face in half, teeth flashing with menace.
"Wait! Wait, why don't... why don't we-" you fumbled, searching around the room for some sort of lifeline. Instead, your gaze settled on an old, dusty chess set tucked against the far wall.
"If you don't like Uno, why don't we play chess?" you asked, well, rather shouted, voice cracking a bit in fear.
Black Hat slowed, then stopped. He lifted your dangling body to his eye level, giving you a dangerous look.
"You won't win against me, you know," he told you slowly, placing you to the floor with more care than he ever had before. It seemed that you had hit a chord within him.
The Lord of All Chaos and Destruction peered down at you and crossed his arms, inspecting you like something he had hit with a fly-swatter, splayed and splattered for his eyes to see.
"Well, I'm not playing to win," you responded simply, really just glad that he had decided not to throw you out of a window.
Black Hat hummed quizzically, snapping his fingers without warning, causing the chess set to form neatly on a table he just conjured, compete with two chairs on either side.
"Then what are you playing for, if not to win?" he asked, gesturing you towards a chair, going so far as to pull it out from under the table for you, then tuck it back in when you sat down.
Black Hat. Ever the abomination, ever the gentleman.
"Oh, well, I guess I'm playing for the satisfaction of playing. I'm playing to further my skills, to practice," you said, pulling each word straight from your ass, hoping you sounded mature.
Black Hat settled himself down at the other side of the table, adjusting the pieces, inspecting a black pawn with absent interest.
"I think that's the first reasonable thing you've said all night. I can respect the search for improvement, for pleasure," your boss answered, eyebrows slightly raised in surprise.
"Really?" you asked with a giggle, "I was totally lying through my teeth. That's not why I'm playing," you confessed, fiddling with your white king chess piece.
Black Hat growled lowly, slamming his pawn onto its correct position on the board, gazing at you intently.
"Then why?"
"Beat me at this game, and I'll tell you."
"I could easily pry the answer from your lips, if I wanted. I could torture you until you're merely a husk of once was. You forget your place," the eldritch being stated lowly, speaking clearly, not making any moves toward you. No menacing glares or cruel gestures.
You both knew that there was no need for them; he was terrifying solely as is.
"Do you want to? Hurt me, that is," you questioned, never looking up from the chess piece growing warm in your grasp.
"You'll never cease to continue coming up with ridiculous questions, won't you?" he answered your question tactfully with another question, a skill only a creature in the business world for such a long time would be able to execute perfectly. He would have liked to have said that he simply didn't want to give you the satisfaction of an answer, but truth be told, he wasn't quite sure if he had an answer.
"I guess not," you answered with a shrug, soft smile disappearing from your face as you glanced up at him, "But just humor me, just this once? It'll be fun, having to wait until you beat me. I've always thought that you must be pretty bored getting everything you want, just like that." You punctuated your last sentence with a snap of your fingers.
"I mean, I can't even imagine playing any game I want, knowing beforehand that I'll win. It's like going to an arcade and getting the jackpot each time. Where's the excitement, the thrill? How much worth does the giant teddy bear worth a million tickets have if it's simply given to you when you show up? Failure gives success its worth, after all," you told him earnestly, placing your king piece in its proper place on the board, folding your hands together.
Black Hat clicked his nails against the table, the gentle rapping noise both soothing and threatening at the same time.
What right did you have, to lecture him? He was a thousand times your senior. He has seen, experienced things you couldn't even imagine. He was cunning, vicious, intelligent. He was all-powerful, destructive, and very, very tired of never having a challenge. He always won, and he always got what he wanted.
Just as you had said, he had lost the value of success.
"Yes, yes you're oh-so-very wise for your years, now aren't you. Just make your first move, idiot," Black Hat finally responded sarcastically, gesturing towards the board.
He did not demand you to tell him your answer, you noted with a small smirk.
You nodded, deciding not to push your luck any farther as you moved a piece on the board, understanding that you had no chance of winning this game, but trying your best anyway.
"You say how failure only enhances victory, and you've indubitably failed several times tonight. What is it that you want to win from me, anyway?" Black Hat questioned, barely putting any thought in his turn, moving languidly, confidently.
Your attention. Your approval. Your lov-
You were being silly, and you knew it. You couldn't actually say any of those things. Especially not that last one.
That last one was dangerous.
"I don't want you to forget me, remember?" you answered shakily, taking your turn with much less assurance than he did.
"Hmm... I see," he responded, flexing his long fingers before making another move.
You both played in silence for a few moments, the amount of chess pieces lost on your side piling up at an alarmingly fast rate. You stifled a yawn, trying to focus as time ticked on. Your eyelids felt heavy, weighed down from a day full of work and a night full of awkward conversation with your boss.
"Checkmate."
You jumped a little in your seat, shaken fully awake from Black Hat's gravelly voice cutting through the quiet.
"Oh, good job!" you exclaimed, words a bit slurred, not one bit surprised at the outcome of the match.
"Why did you want to play?" asked Black Hat, quickly cutting to the chase, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat.
You hesitated, embarrassed by the real answer. If you told him the truth, he'd probably kill you. Because I love you. How sappy. How stupid. How totally opposite of everything that Black Hat stood for. A pang of something unsettling, something cold and dark, coursed through you. Why did you want to play? You knew he would never reciprocate your feelings. What was the point?
"If it was because 'you don't want me to forget you,' then you can stop worrying about that," Black Hat continued, scoffing at your silence.
"What?" you asked, a bit shocked, not understanding what he was getting at.
"How could I ever forget a blundering fool like yourself? Honestly, you fret over nothing. In a hundred years, a thousand, in the time it takes for humanity to finally consume itself, destroy itself, I'll most probably still be around. And I'll still be thinking, thinking about how foolish and unpredictable and entertaining you are," the living nightmare in front of you stated, still rapping his fingers against the wooden table.
"I won't forget you."
You could feel your cheeks redden, such a simple phrase carrying enough impact to momentarily overwhelm you. You weren't expecting this, that was certain. Sure, he had called you dumb a few times in his little speech, but it was still the nicest thing he had ever said to you. It still put you at ease, a gentle sort of calm running through you, followed by a fluttering in your chest.
"Oh, thank you, Mr. Black Hat," you answered simply, giving him the softest, kindest smile he had ever seen in his life.
What business did you have, no, what right did you have to look so completely at ease in front of him? Didn't you know that he could end you in an instant? Black Hat thought that he had made that little fact perfectly clear. You were in the lions' den, beaming from ear to ear in the very maw of the most horrible lion out there. Didn't you fear him, wasn't he scary? Why did he feel so strange around you?
"Yes, well, be grateful," he gruffly mumbled back, straightening his tie before standing up, "I think it would be best if you return to your bedroom. It's rather late, and I don't really feel like carrying you back to your room after you pass out again."
You stood up too, albeit a bit less gracefully and a bit more awkwardly than your boss.
"You carried me to my room last night?" you questioned, face turning even redder as you quickly grabbed your bag before walking to the door.
Black Hat followed you closely behind, ruffling your hair a bit roughly before opening the door for you.
"Yes, that's what I said, now isn't it? What did I say about stupid questions," he hissed lightly, ushering you out in an indignant manner.
"Right, sorry."
"You never did tell me exactly why you wanted to play. Not going through with your side of an agreement is a big faux pas in the business world, if you weren't aware."
"Beat me at chess tomorrow, and I'll tell you," you told him softly, feet shuffling on the cold tile of the dark hallway.
The eldritch horror stared blankly at you for a few moments. You wondered absently if he was planning on killing you or something of that sort.
Then he laughed.
It wasn't a cruel laugh, a sinister one pointed towards the despair of someone else. It wasn't biting or mocking or derogatory in any way. It was genuine, pleasant sounding, even. It made your heart swell.
"Goodnight, idiot. I look forward to tomorrow," Black Hat stated, shutting his door right after he uttered the phrase.
You stared at the dark oak for a moment, deciding not to linger too long since you didn't want another mishap like earlier to happen. You headed toward your bedroom, but for some odd reason you didn't think you would get much sleep that night.
Your heart was beating wildly, your eyes were wide open.