Sayora
Looking at my mother drives me wild. She no longer looks like herself. Her cat eyes sunk and her pores grew larger. The things drugs can do to a person is unbelievable.
"I want to go home." I pleaded.
"I know baby, but you're sick right now and you need time to get better." She said while sweeping away the hair feel onto my face.
I rolled my eyes and turned my body to the opposite side. She's knows damn well that day is nowhere near. I've spent 2 years here already and there's many years to come.
St. Ann Morris Children's ward. Where all the Children 10-18 go to "get better and grow" that's there slogan but it's bullshit. This place was specifically for those who made violent choices and are given a second chance due to their illness or is dangerous to be apart of everyday life but being here has made me crazier. I didn't ever know I was "crazy" before I got here.
I remember the day I came here like it was yesterday only because I do the same thing here day by day. Be awake by 9am, breakfast at 9:30am, take my 10am medications, and so on. It's tiring.
2 years ago.... flashback
"Okay! This is your new room. I know, it's small but you're allowed to decorate it anyway you would like." The assistant nurse said to me in a bubbly voice.
I had nothing to say to here so I just stared.
After a short moment of silence she spoke again.
"Alright.... well I'll just look through your suitcase and make sure you've packed appropriately"
She then proceeded to unzip my suitcase case a removed the strings from my hoodies.
"Aht Aht! Whatchu doing there ma'am?" I yelled
"Sorry it's apart of the rules here. Anything that can be used as a tool to harm yourself has to be confiscated."
I raised my eyebrows and shrugged my shoulders so she can continue to ruin my shit.
Next she was digging in my jewelry box. Which didn't have any jewelry in it. She looked at me disgusted when she opened the box and huffed.
"Now you know damn well that I'm going to have to throw this out right?" She said as she showed me the box.
"Can't you just leave one?"
"I'd loose my job if I let you keep this" she explained as she tossed my box into the trash.
Next she went to my "snacks". Bad idea.
She raised her brow at me and I had to think quick.
"Those are just brownies"
"Yeah. Weed brownies" she then proceeded to throw away my edibles too.
Just as she finished she was about to say something but another assistant nurse called her and she stepped out the room.
Right before she could come back I dug in the bag and took back what was rightfully mine.
•••
I was writing in my journal keeping to my self when my mother left a message
Mama Bear
Hey! How is it so far?
11:01am
I laughed to myself. I refuse to speak to her. I cannot stand her.
Flashback over....
I began to hum the sounds of one of my favorite songs. Star shopping-Lil peep while walking to the lunchroom of the hospital. The chattering of 500 other people filled my ears.
I immediately went to get my food and sat at the nearest empty table around. Luckily I found one where nobody was at.
I was eating my food until a girl with dyed blonde curls came to my table she was beautiful but looked unhealthy.
"Hi." She said while sitting uninvited.
I looked at her without saying anything.
"I'm Ashley. Ashley Lovelace. She said smiling weakly"
I smiled back a nodded slowly. I finished eating my food and realized she wasn't touching hers. Oh, it makes since.
"E.D?" I asked.
"E-? Oh yeah anorexia" as answer as she showed her almost meatless arms.
"Can you eat these for me and when nurse Calvin comes by tell him I ate it?"
"Sorry I ca-" I was cut off by Ashley when she slipped me baggie with a few pills.
"It's Xanax. Want it?" She asked with a smirk.
Hell yeah I wanted it but it's too big of a risk if I get caught with it. No patient in the wards should carry medication on them to prevent overdosing so I don't know where she got them but I do know that I want it.
"Alright give me the food." I said annoyed and then watched her slide me the pills and her lunch.
"How do you get away with this?" I laugh while chewing on the food she was supposed to eat.
"The pills or ya know?" She asked me.
"Both"
"Well I don't usually share my secrets..... but— for you I'll let you know," she said bluffing.
"when you're being given the meds keep them in your palms and act like you took them and when it's time to be weighed I just wear heavy things or put rocks in my pockets" she explained in detail.
"Oh" was all I could say.
The 10:10am recreation bell rang meaning we all get 1 1/2hours to do what ever but it must be outside. It's basically recess but we're not in school.
Ashley and I walked outside and continued our conversation.
"Why are you here?" She asked me.
I shrugged my shoulders "Suicide attempts."
"Nice," Ashley said "w- well not 'nice' but ya know- I- nevermind."
I looked her dead in her face without any expressions and then bursted out laughing.
"You're funny. I like that."
"Watch out!" Ashley yelled while yanking my arm hard as hell to block a basketball that was about to give me the knot of my life."
For a girl who's bones can barely support her she carries some weight.
"My fault" some guy said and he walked near us to pick up the ball that flew past me.
ℰ𝓃𝒹 ℴ𝒻 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉ℯ𝓇 𝒪𝓃ℯ
𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎: 𝙾𝚔𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚝. 𝙰𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏.