Gabby and Jan made a date for the following week to see a number of apartments on Jan's day off. This felt like a positive step – new year, new residence, maybe a new outlook on her situation and regaining some of her independence. Gabby had always been a fearless warrior, and now she was a quivering, frightened mess. In a way, she was able to relate to what Micky had said to her the night she had had her breakdown. She wasn't weak and it wasn't a moral issue; sometimes something awful happens in your life and it brings you to your knees. Maybe she wasn't responsible for turning Micky into a weak, hang-up laden mess like she had become convinced of in her dissociative fugue.
Gabby did some grocery shopping after work and noticed there was a sale on paper products, so she loaded up and decided to stop by Dawn and Peter's place to drop them off. As she let herself in with her key, she was brought up abruptly by the sound of girlish screams of delight, and the sight of Charlotte streaking through the house naked as the day she was born and dripping wet, running from the bathroom and clutching brown bear, who was a sodden mess. Then Gabby heard a familiar voice cry out in plaintive despair "Awww, Charlotte, look what you did to brown bear, you got him all wet and you know he's allergic to water! Now what are we gonna do with him? He's gonna have to go dry out, and let me tell you, I've done it and it stinks!"
Micky emerged from the bathroom, drenched from head to waist in water, with a poof of bubbles perched on his head. His eyes were trained at the level of three feet off the ground, where he expected to spot Charlotte, so he didn't notice Gabby right away. Charlotte saw Gabby and threw herself into her arms, then hid behind her legs and demanded "Aunt Gabby, Uncle Micky says brown bear doesn't get to take a bath with me. That's not fair, is it?"
Now aware of Gabby's presence, Micky froze and looked frightened. He began to back away from her and retreat to the bathroom, but Gabby stopped him. "It's okay, Uncle Micky. Come get Charlotte and I'll take brown bear to the laundry room and start rehabbing him." She gave a small smile and he realized she had heard his self-deprecating joke and allowed himself an embarrassed smile in return. Micky led Charlotte back to the bathroom and Gabby took a deep breath, checking her mental vital signs to see how she felt about this situation. Her first instinct was to ascertain who else was in the house, to make sure she was safe.
She checked the nursery and found Dawn feeding Sebastian. Dawn began to stand up with surprise but Gabby motioned for her to stay seated. Dawn looked bewildered. "Gabby, what are you doing here? You always call first."
"Yeah, I know. I just decided to spontaneously drop by because there was a big sale at the store on the stuff you guys are always running out of, like toilet paper, napkins, paper towels. I have a bunch of it in my car for you, but I can..."
Dawn said "If you want to make a quick getaway, I'll call for Peter to help you real quick, or you can just hang on to it and peel out of here like a bat out of hell." She surveyed Gabby's face, which was still in a state of shock and a bit of fear. "But Gabby, how about if you bring the stuff in and stick around for a bit? You can just hang around in here with me. Just listen and observe how he is with Charlotte. He's real good with her, Gabby."
"What's he doing here? How did he end up here?"
Dawn inhaled and prepared to 'fess up. "He came over to me and Pete on the night of the birthday party and asked how we were doing, and I told him about what happened with the depression and how it had been really tough on us. I explained about how you had moved in for a while and were helping us out, and that Wendy was paying for us to have a helper, and he insisted on being part of the bucket brigade. So I let him. He needs to feel of use and to be given some trust, Gabby, or he'll never regain his confidence or become a productive member of society again. I never leave him completely alone with the kids, I'm always here. He mostly does errands and he's been a huge help fixing stuff around the house that we have no clue how to deal with and haven't wanted to spend the money on. But he's loved spending time with the kids and I wouldn't deny him that. And frankly, if you're gonna stiff him in the kid department, being an uncle will help salve that wound when the time comes for you to break the news to him."
Gabby took in everything Dawn was saying and nodded along as she spoke it. Then she rendered her verdict. "I think it's just what he needs, Dawn. He needs to be of help to others, to make amends to each and every member of the family, and to feel needed. Thanks for taking a flyer on him and giving him this chance."
The two women sat in the nursery, and when Sebastian was done feeding, Gabby took him as was her usual practice and burped him, then enjoyed cradling him. Micky passed by the door and peeked in, saw Gabby with the baby, and his expression turned to one of anguish. He turned away and abruptly called over his shoulder "Dawn, I think I had better get going. I'll be back to take care of that busted porch light later in the week. Want to walk me out and we can figure out what day works best for you?"
Dawn stood up and held a hand out to forestall Gabby from freaking out. Then she followed him out. A few minutes later, she returned.
"Sorry, Gabby. He asked me to tell you he was sorry he didn't say goodbye, but he didn't want to upset you, and he's a bit upset himself. He doesn't know what sort of footing he's on with you. He knows you're scared of him, but he also knows that when your life and sanity were in the balance, he's the one you wanted by your side. I think it might be time to try and at least communicate it to him in some way how you feel about all that. Maybe a letter if you can't manage a face-to-face."
Gabby nodded and wrung her hands. "That's not all he said, was it? It was more than that. I saw that look on his face."
Dawn sighed and sat back down. "Yeah, it was seeing you with the baby that really got him. He knows he's blown it. I didn't tell him right out, but we had a chat about you the night of your breakdown, and I told him a few hard cold facts and how to try to get back on the right track with you, and I also told him that your conditions of being back together with him might have changed and he should be prepared for it. He asked me what that meant, but I wouldn't tell him. But he's probably figured it out that you don't want to have his baby anymore. Or maybe it was just him seeing you with the baby and knowing that had he not gone off on his bender, that baby could have been his by now. But eventually you're gonna have to spill that to him, too. It's only fair. I told him that if the things you are willing to give don't match his expectations, he may want to move on and not bother trying to reconcile."
Gabby looked conflicted. She was both pissed off at Dawn's presumptuousness in speaking for her but also grateful for her being willing to cut through the bullshit and tell Micky what he needed to hear. "You know, Dawn, sometimes I don't know whether to strangle you or pin a medal on you. I guess this is like when Micky and I first started going out. You spilled the beans on me then, but it worked out for the best."
Dawn laughed. "That's exactly what Micky said! He reminded me about that conversation we had and he thanked me for it. And that didn't turn out so bad, did it, girlie? You two need a helping hand, that's for sure. The look of sheer terror and agony on his face tells me a lot. He has no intention of hurting you. He's afraid of disappointing you, and he's weirded about by the fear you hold based on your assumptions of who you think he might be. I think it's time to let him start re-introducing himself to you and proving to you who he actually is. I told him he'd have to do that to regain your trust. So Gabby, if you're going to do this, get going. As your mom always says, shit or get off the pot. You need to take the bull by the horns and just do it. You're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. You've forgotten all about that Gabby even existing. It's like you've reverted to the insecure, scaredy cat mess I met when you first started bunking up with me. You've got to get a grip on yourself. For both of your sakes. Even if you don't want to take him back, at least try to help him redeem himself and move on with his life."
Gabby nodded "I hear you, Dawn. It scares the hell out of me, but you're right. I can't keep living this double life, where I'm this kick-ass feminist during the day at my job and then I go home and turn into a frightened abuse survivor who's practically living in the witness protection program. How can I do it without having to be alone with him? Would you maybe ask Micky for suggestions? Or can we meet up here and take care of the kids together, or maybe I can bring dinner over and Micky can be here? I think maybe I could handle that if both you and Peter were here."
"Definitely. I'll call him about that porch light and tell him you want to start the process and see what he thinks. I think this house is a good place to rebuild Micky's self-esteem. Whether it's the place to rebuild your romance, I don't know. But let's not worry about that. I'll tell you what I told him that night all those years ago at Dodger Stadium – be his friend first and then if you're meant to be lovers, it will follow. Okay?"
Gabby hugged Sebastian tightly to her and took a deep breath. "Okay. Please set something up and I'll be there, whatever it is. I'm ready to do this." She kissed the baby on his fuzzy little head and asked herself if she was sad that she and Micky would never have one of their own. She answered herself in the negative. She didn't regret her decision to plan on telling Micky she would not have his children, and she thanked God she had not gotten pregnant in the time they had been trying. She hoped that more babies would be born into the Monkees family so that Micky could get some vicarious bliss, but she felt as sure that she would not be the one to grant him that one last wish as she did that she and Davy would never be anything more than friends as long as she remained married to Micky. She had made up her mind and she had her values set and that was that. She saw the folly of having allowed herself to deviate from those values in order to make Micky happy, and she felt she had had a narrow escape and saved some unborn child a lifetime of misery.