Entry 1 (Stephanie)
i can't believe they found me. i was so close, and they pulled me away from the edge. don't they see that i hate it here? with all the lies and cheats, and douche bags and bitches. why can't they see that? im also not good enough to be alive, to have these amazing friends, to smile and laugh. that is why I was going to jump. every time my dad hit me he was correct to do so. he was just punishing me for fucking up, which I do a lot. i deserved it, im a mess up, i make too many mistakes. i am not good enough to live here on this earth with all these damn successful people, and people who aren't mistakes. i hate seeing people who are genuinely happy, not because I hate happy people, but because it reminds me that if i didn't fuck up all the time, i would be that happy person. i don't know how my friends deal with me all the time, honestly i don't. i can't even handle myself, how do they? anyway, i was going to jump to save my friends from my fuck ups. but then they found the note too soon, and here i am now, eight hours later, sitting on a couch, waiting for luke, ashton, isabella, and avery to show up. cal is making me explain everything to them. wish me luck, journal.
stephanie xx
"Hey, Steph. What are you writing?" Mike asks.
"Oh, it's nothing." I say, with a shy smile.
"You wouldn't be hiding it if it was nothing."
"It is, I promise."
"Okay, whatever."
"What happened? Calum just called me saying something about Stephanie, and to meet here immediately. Is she okay?" Isabella asks, walking into the flat, with Ashton, Luke, and Ave trailing behind.
"Uh, I'm right here." I quietly say. They all rush towards me and hug me.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Ave asks.
You mean besides the suicidal thoughts?
"Um, yeah, I'm okay."
"What happened?"
"It's kind of a long story."
"We have time." All seven of them sit down with unanswered questions.
"So, basically I'm suicidal. I am a fuck up, I hate it here. I was going to jump off this building, but they found my suicide note before they were supposed to, and just as I was going to jump, they pulled me back."
"Oh, my gosh." Ave says.
"Please give us more details than that. All of it."
"Okay, fine. I was work and I made a mistake and my boss got upset. He rose a hand, but he only brought it up to his head. I thought he was going to hit me, and when he didn't, I thought it would be better that he should. I would be taught a lesson. And I thought right then, "I fuck up a lot. My father was right. I am a burden." So I decided to kill myself so everyone wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. I came home and wrote my note, then I went to the roof to jump. Apparently, during this time, Luna came home with Calum and Mike, and they found my note. I set foot over the edge, and Cal pulled me back."
"Steph, I can tell you this. You are not a fuck up. You are wonderful, amazing, beautiful, and one of the best and nicest people I've ever met. Everyone makes mistakes, but that's what friendship is. We forgive each other and at the end of the day, we still love one another. You deal with with my mistakes, and I deal with Michaels, he deals with Luna's, who deals with Avery's, and she deals with Calum's. Calum deals with Ashton's fuck ups, and he deals with Luke's, who deals with yours. It's all friendship, we deal with one another's shit, and we all have plenty of shits. We love you and you are not a fuck up." Isabella says.
"Did you really need to mention who deals who whom's shits?" Ash asks.
"Great example! You all just dealt with a fuck up of mine! Because you're my friends and you love me."
"Okay, whatever, Izzy." I chuckle.
"Um, and we read your note?" Luke quietly asks and I nod.
"Remember Luke, according to Izzy, this is just another fuck up that we all have that you have to deal with." I say before handing him the note.
"But this wasn't a fuck up."
"So I can go jump off the building?"
"No!" Everyone yells.
"All this was was a bad decision. We'll help you through it." Calum says.
"Because you're my friends and you love me."
"Shut up." Izzy nudges me and I laugh.
"Steph..." Luke whispers and I give him a shy smile.
"Read it out loud." Luna says.
"By time you're reading this, I will probably be laying somewhere around the building dead. I jumped. I know none of you knew I was suicidal, but I was. I am a major fuck up. I hate this world. And, once again, I'm a major fuck up. I am so so sorry, but it had to be done. I love every single one of you.
Whomever found my body, I apologize since that was probably terrifying. And whomever found my letter, I apologize, again. I realize that finding a letter that your best friend has jumped off a building - I'm assuming Luna finds this, since I live with her - is horrible news. If you found both my letter and body, then I give you permission to hate me for the rest your life.
Anyway, Luna, I leave to you my part of the flat. Luke, you have my blue guitar, and Michael, you can have my white one. Avery, you get my diamond earrings you love so much. Ashton, you can have all of my music collection. Isabella, you can have my closet. And Cal, you get all the songs I've ever written.
I love every single one of with all of my heart. You guys are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you are most definitely the best friends I've ever had. I'm sorry I did this, and feel free to blame me for anything that happens to you emotionally after this. I can't express how much I love you. Think of it this way, I love you guys so much that I am killing myself so you would no longer have the burden of me. I wish you all the best of luck with the rest of your lives. I know you'll do great.
Goodbye, guys.
Stephanie xx."
"Steph." They all cried out. I was attacked by seven bodies all trying to hug me at once and I hugged them all at once. They were all sobbing, and I just looked at the ground in shame. I let a single tear slip out of my eye.
I made my seven best friends cry. Yet again, another fuck up.
"Oh, Steph, that broke my heart." Calum says.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. You must understand, I don't want to be like this."
"So just stop."
"Oh, yeah, thanks, buddy. I'm not depressed anymore, all my problems are solved!" I say sarcastically.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"I'm not taking antidepressants."
"We're not asking you to."
"We want you to try to smile, to look at the brighter things in life, to stop thinking you're a fuck up."
"We want you to get better."
A/N: hi my lovelies.
My name is Bailey and I severely hope you love my stories as much as I love you. 😊
It would be super duperly awesome if you read all other stories.
Find Love- Niall Horan (1D) Completed
Best Friends- Zayn Malik (1D) Completed
Photo Shoot- Louis Tomlinson (1D) Completed
Faded Scars and Multiple Bruises- Liam Payne (1D) Completed
Like An Angel- Harry Styles (1D) Completed
Savior- Michael Clifford (I won't put the band for this one because you're probs reading Calum's story cause you love them.) Ongoing
100 Reasons Why- Ashton Irwin Ongoing
And now this one. I have a Luke one coming, but that's not now. TBA
I'll do 10 facts bout be.
1. My name is Bailey.
2. I have three sisters, no brothers.
3. I live in a small town in Pennsylvania, USA
4. I play track and softball
5. I love Ed Sheeran, One Direction, MKTO, 5sos, Hunter Hayes. The 1975 and Fall Out Boy are cool too but I'm not a fan.
6. I am 5'4"
7. My parents are not divorced. yay.
8. My birthday is August 25.
9. My fave 5sos song is prob Tomorrow Never Dies, What I Like About You, or Social Casualty.
10. The Philadelphia Phillies are ma baseball team, although they suck. :/ Chase Utley is my fave. I call him Utz. Like the brand of pretzels.
UPDATE! I love you.
Hope you enjoyed! See you next update!
Bailey xx