Zayn's POV
- 2 months later -
Okay, so it's been two months since I've been with Perrie and yeah she's amazing and lively but I really made the biggest mistake of my life and I can't change it because the girl I want has every guy literally chasing after her. Like on TMZ they spotted Selena leaving the bar with some guy like a week ago and do you know how heart breaking that is to see the most perfect girl of your life in the arms of another man? Because if you don't well your lucky because it sucks so much. Like literally sucks and every time I try to call her it always goes to voicemail.
"Hey babe" her voice shook the shit out of me. I turn around and see Perrie smiling widely and sits down next to me.
"Hi" I kiss her forehead but I didn't want her around because then she'll ask questions and right now I want to think about Selena.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked and I rolled my eyes. Great now she wants to talk about something, I just knew it.
"Uh, family..." I lie but she doesn't seem to notice since I'm never really showing much emotion towards her anymore.
"Well speaking of family...do you think we'll ever start one?" She asked and I stared at her confusingly. The only baby mama I would want is Selena.
"Uh, I'm not really cut out to be a dad" I say hastily.
"Oh come one Zayn you'll be a great dad" she squealed and smiled. I don't know why she's so hype we haven't had sex ever since we started dating again.
"No Perrie I don't want a child period!" I snapped and got up from off the chair and walked outside.
I heard her footsteps behind me and I let out a frustrating sigh, "Did I do something wrong?" She asked sadly.
I shook my head. "No Perrie I did" I say before walking towards my car getting inside and driving off to god knows where.
I want her. I need her. She's like a drug and I'm truly addicted. All I can think about is those chocolate brown eyes that would engulf me into a whole another world. I miss her smile...the one that brighten up everyone's mood. I miss her lips, so soft, pink, plump, small, adorable...those cheeks that you can kiss forever and ever and now I can't do that because I'm the biggest dick in the world. I miss her small frame, her sexy curves, her small yet fat ass, her perfect sized breast. The way her hand fit in mine when we would hold them. When she laughs, that alone just makes my day because I know at that time she's happy. I really need her! I really want her! But sadly I can't have her...Why am I so stupid I thought I loved Perrie but her love is a come and go...Selena is a forever love and I lost her. Yeah, she put up with my bullshit for everything that happened but I always thought we were just meant to be friends. I try to be happy with Perrie but Selena is the only girl who can make me show real emotion and I lost her...why am I so stupid. Maybe I should just kill myself because I don't think I'll be wanted or missed at the moment. My feelings for Perrie faded but the ones for Selena grew stronger. Give me a sign and tell me Selena is the one for me. Please just give me one.
As I kept driving I kept thinking about her and every time I thought about it my hand gripped the the wheel and I pressed down on the gas pedal making the adrenalin in my body pumped up.
She'll never forgive you. My thoughts told me but I tried to block it out but it wasn't going away. She's better without you Zayn your a time bomb ready to go off. I kept saying hurtful things and felt myself going crazy.
"I need to see her" I cry out. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the salty tear touch my lips.
"Please, I just need Selena" I stop at the hill and get out of the car an sit on the edge of the hill that's outside of town and just stare at the scenery lonesome. I wish I could cuddle up with her. I wouldn't mind her soft skin against mines, please just give me a sign that me and Selena are meant for each other.
"Zayn?"
I turned around and saw her. The girl I'm madly head over heals for. Her brown hair blew with the wind, she had on sweat pants, with a tank top, and a sweaters, and she wore her Uggs. She had no makeup on and that's just what I liked about her. Her natural beauty.
"Selena" I say standing on my own two feet and walking towards her.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
I shook my head 'no' because how on earth could I be okay when I feel shit for losing my dream girl. "I'm fine. How'd you find me?" I asked staring at her.
"Oh, um, I was actually here before you...I saw your car and came to check on you" she smiled sadly.
"Oh" was all I could say because what is there really to say.
"Zayn are you sure your okay?" She asked as I approached her.
I nod and stare into her blankly. Why did I ever let this beautiful face girl. The way she smiled makes me happy but yet when I don't have her not even a smile can make me feel good.
"Zayn? What's wrong?" She asked and I finally looked at her eye to eye.
"Everything! You and me! I love you and I hurt you and yet you don't want to be with me because I hurt you. I've been so miserable without you and seeing you leave the the club with that guy broke me because I know I can't have you. I just want you back! I miss everything about us. Why can't you see that I miss you?"
"Because Zayn you promised you'll be back for me and yet your still with Perrie! So don't come at me telling me your miserable. This is all your fault you caused this on yourself Zayn" she said.
"But I'm sorry" I whisper looking at the ground now.
"Yeah I thought you would" she folding her arms over her chest and just stared at me.
"Can you forgive me?" I asked "Can we be together again?"
"I'm sorry Zayn I can't and I won't. I want to be happy and all you did was cause pain..." She paused and put her hands on my face me to make eye contact with her. "Zayn I need to see what's out there" she finished and I just stared at her. It felt like she just took all the happiness and the joy I had in my body.
"Bu-"
"Zayn move on I am and I rather be with someone who keeps my heart whole instead of breaking my heart every time he got the chance" she said.
"You don't get it Selena! Yea I know I made a mistake and yes I'm the biggest douche bag in the world but I'm never giving up on you even if your giving up on me" I said running my hands threw my hair and tugging on the ends because I'm getting frustrated.
"Look..."
"No you look," I spat even though I was yelling and shouting it was because of my heart it was sinking just as fast and deep as titanic and I know I'm letting my anger out on the girl I love but I'm not going to lose a fight like this...I'm just not. "You might say you want to move on but you really don't and neither am I so can we please get back together" I begged.
She opened her mouth to say nothing but quickly closed it. "Zayn I-I have a boyfriend and I'm happy with him" she finally said.
Wow! did not see that coming. "Oh."
"I'm sorry if I hurt you but I thought it would be best...you know to forget about you," she said. "He was there to fix my broken heart and he kinda just stayed" she smiled but I didn't smile back. I couldn't smile back it's annoying hearing your lover say 'I'm in a relationship with someone else.'
See Zayn your nobody to her, she doesn't need you anymore she found her happiness now when are you going to find yours? My thoughts are really getting annoying, but hey Selena is my happiness I just ruined it. But you wouldn't have ruined it if you weren't happy? Was my mind telling me one thing while my heart pounded so hard in my chest that you can hear it telling me another? Why is my life so complicated.
"Zayn?" Her soft voice broke my concentration.
"Huh?"
"You should get going before you lose your state of mind" she smiled weakly.
"I already did" I murmur and nod and walk to towards my car and drove off.
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Okay so in this chapter you get to see how Zayn is coping with this and apparently he's not taking it well. I mean who would but I tried to make it seem like his thoughts was telling him one thing while his heart was telling him to get Selena fight for her and stuff like that. I took your guys advice on Selena finding a new man and stuff she looks much healthier...while Zayn looks terrible. This chapter could've been longer if Wattpad never half deleted my first version but I hope you liked it and enjoyed. Spelling errors will be fixed later...chapters to come Zayn will still be miserable so yeah...just a little hint of how Zayn is going to act in the couple chapters to come and then something bad happens and then....more stuff but for now read. live. laugh. love.
*Bre💜💙